Category Archives: Tiny Threads

Unwieldy lettuce is the bane of any salad. Do not be afraid to chop it up. 

#TinyThreads

Not you finally responding after I call you out on not texting me back, and then getting mad when I don’t immediately reply. 

Nope. No time for that sort of fuckery. Gaslight somebody else – I’m burned out.

PS – Is it funny or sad that a number of people in my life are going to think this is about them? Today I think it’s sad, but maybe that’s just because I’m feeling sad. 

#TinyThreads

If a recipe calls for folding whipped cream into some kind of pudding mix at any point, I already love it. 

Your kids will love it too.

#TinyThreads

Career Goals… no, Retirement Goals: luxuriating in bed until a day/afternoon of lounging begins.

Also, making up words that offer new ways of being lazy.

#TinyThreads

The older I get, the more fake-smiling I seem to be doing.

It really should be going in the opposite direction.

#TinyThreads

Ever since Suzie espoused the glories of the duck umbrella, I’ve been a quacking convert.

#TinyThreads

Only a few socks are worth darning.

Most aren’t.

(And I’ve never darned a sock in my life, darn it.)

#TinyThreads

It can be awfully tiresome being the squeaky wheel.

Still, no one squeaks more beautifully than me. 

#TinyThreads

The most beautiful glass isn’t entirely clear.

#TinyThreads

If only I’d spent my younger years learning the basics of HTML coding or something to do with computers instead of memorizing the lyrics to ‘Cats’ I might be a semi-rich man, instead of struggling to make ends meet while screaming, “The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast!” 

#TinyThreads

Why do I have such trouble cutting in a straight line?

Is it because I’m gay?

#TinyThreads

Not gonna lie: there have been moments of desperation when I have made that chocolate cake in a mug and microwaved it because there was no time to wait. 

#TinyThreads

Apple Pay is way too dangerously easy.

Reminds me of my 20’s.

#TinyThreads

We are the worst fucking sign of the Zodiac…

#TinyThreads