After years of confusion, anger, and disappointment, I’ve finally come to the realization that I’m one of those unfortunate people with whom the universe just wants to fuck. Four out of five times that I go to Starbucks, the half-and-half container is empty when I get to it.
Category Archives: Tiny Threads
March
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
In my mind, adding a small piece of melon to a pound of prosciutto makes it a healthy snack.
#BeHealthy
March
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
People who whistle at work don’t have enough work to do.
March
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
Why is it so difficult to find a simple salad dressing container that doesn’t leak?
March
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
Is announcing the length of the next commercial the new thing? I’ve seen on several channels now an announcement of exactly how many seconds are left until the show returns. I find it helpful, but also surprising. I never knew how much I could get done in 90 seconds – piss-pot stop, hand-washing, pouring a cup of tea, slicing an apple, and running upstairs to find a coat for work the next day – all in a single commercial break. The 30-second ones are slightly more limiting…
March
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
Every letter matters, even the skinny ones.
Sending me a document wherein you leave out the ‘L’ in the word ‘public’ is problematic in a work setting.
March
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
‘Spring is in the air’ is just another way of saying ‘Love is in the air.’
I’m not sorry that it is so.
March
2019
March
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
It always feels wrong to listen to ‘Manic Monday’ on any day other than Monday.
But every day is right to ‘Walk Like An Egyptian.’
[Cue the whistling part.]
Strike a pose on a Cadillac.
March
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
‘Be My Baby’ – used in more movie set-up montages than any other song in recent memory. Why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why… do fools fall in love with fools like you?
“We’ll make them turn their heads everywhere we go…â€
March
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
This may be an unpopular stance, but I am NOT here for a Britney Spears Broadway musical.
March
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
My PSA for the Day: if you’re an allergy-sufferer like myself, it’s almost time for the seasonal shift to begin wreaking its havoc. To give myself a fighting chance against the pollen storms, I start my allergy pill routine now, to build up as much resistance as I can before the big pile-on of allergens. Just a little hint that has worked out well in the past. If you wait until the first time you feel a sneeze attack coming on, it’s probably too late. Nothing worse than playing catch-up in the spring.
Call me fucking Heloise.
March
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
A fitting ornamental accompaniment to an itinerary for a trip to Savannah is a watercolor peach blossom. Georgia peaches, y’all.
March
2019