Category Archives: Tiny Threads

I like selfies as much as, if not more than, the next person, but if your Instagram is ALL selfies from the same exact angle over and over and over again, there’s no incentive to follow.

#TinyThreads

Fancily-attired offices might find some people asking, ‘Is that Calvin Klein?’  or ‘Is that Michael Kors?’ In my office I have to ask, ‘Is that Uniform Village?’

#TinyThreads

Have you ever opened two bags of, say, Trader Joe’s sweet and savory trail mix, and convinced yourself you’ve only had one serving because you only took one serving of each? That might have just happened here.

(Those servings are ridiculous anyway. Sixteen in a small bag? Who can manage that?)

#TinyThreads

The clothing we wear is like a shell.

Here’s the trick to shells, because it’s not about how pretty or porcelain-like they appear: their most important feature is also their most overlooked. A shell is hollow. Its hollowness is what makes it a shell.

It only lives when it is filled. 

#TinyThreads

When you’re slaving over the paper towel dispenser in the office restroom, really pumping and pumping the handle because you feel it’s making traction, and nothing is happening… then all of a sudden it lets loose with an exploding accordion of fresh paper towels: that’s glorious.

#TinyThreads

To be considered good, a melon must not only be sweet, but also smooth. I do not look for crunchiness in a cantaloupe or honeydew. Crunchy is for granola.

#TinyThreads

I simply cannot wait for the new Madonna album.

That’s all. 

#TinyThreads

After years of confusion, anger, and disappointment, I’ve finally come to the realization that I’m one of those unfortunate people with whom the universe just wants to fuck. Four out of five times that I go to Starbucks, the half-and-half container is empty when I get to it.

#TinyThreads

In my mind, adding a small piece of melon to a pound of prosciutto makes it a healthy snack.

#BeHealthy

#TinyThreads

People who whistle at work don’t have enough work to do.

#TinyThreads

Why is it so difficult to find a simple salad dressing container that doesn’t leak?

#TinyThreads

Is announcing the length of the next commercial the new thing? I’ve seen on several channels now an announcement of exactly how many seconds are left until the show returns. I find it helpful, but also surprising. I never knew how much I could get done in 90 seconds – piss-pot stop, hand-washing, pouring a cup of tea, slicing an apple, and running upstairs to find a coat for work the next day – all in a single commercial break. The 30-second ones are slightly more limiting…

#TinyThreads

Every letter matters, even the skinny ones.

Sending me a document wherein you leave out the ‘L’ in the word ‘public’ is problematic in a work setting.

#TinyThreads

‘Spring is in the air’ is just another way of saying ‘Love is in the air.’

I’m not sorry that it is so.

#TinyThreads

Spouses who work together: how? Why?

#TinyThreads