Category Archives: Tiny Threads

Sadness is a pile of fallen peony petals you never got to smell.

#TinyThreads

Honey syrup cures many an ailment: bland tea, bitter cocktails, and/or not-quite-ripe fruit. Try some, you’ll like it.

#TinyThreads

Those days when you can’t decide if you have a real stomachache or if your pants are just squeezing your balls too tightly.

#TinyThreads

Co-worker: You don’t need a coat.

Me: Yes. I do. I’m dainty.

#TinyThreads

“Starting a podcast is the millennial version of let’s start a band.”

I don’t know who said it, but I love it.

#TinyThreads

A word or few on the bachelorette party: bane of the gay bar’s existence. While most view the bachelorette party with a weary, hateful eye, I usually think, ‘Oh, let them enjoy their day-long glory. They can go back to worshipping me the remaining 364 days of the year,’ and then it usually happens.

#TinyThreads

In my rapidly-advancing age I find it much easier to say a kind word instead of a mean one. There is less effort involved. And when it comes to criticism, a little goes a long way. (In the words of Norma Desmond, “I can say anything I want with my eyes!”)

There is something powerful in not saying anything out loud if you have nothing nice to say. A literally-unsaid sort of power.

#TinyThreads

My oboe teacher taught me a great many life lessons over the years, not the least of which was, “Don’t stick your butt out when you bow.”

It took some practice, but eventually I got it.

I got it good.

#TinyThreads

It’s ok to walk with a shadow.

Some days it’s the only thing that proves the sun is out.

#TinyThreads

Who dis? Same phone. Just don’t care.

#TinyThreads

The worst thing I could have done was learn how to use a shopping cart.

#TinyThreads

Happy Father’s Day, Mother-Fuckers!

(And I mean that literally.)

#TinyThreads

When the most exciting part of the day is when you discover a fresh urinal cake in the office restroom, it’s time to make the days more exciting.

#TinyThreads

Out of all the skills I’ve learned at the office, faking the reach to pretend I’m trying to hold the elevator is the greatest.

#TinyThreads