Category Archives: Tiny Threads

Shake out your freshly-cut bagels before putting them in the toaster for fewer burnt crumbs later. #FuckingVirgos

#TinyThreads

The middle-of-the-day lull in a single post.

…

#TinyThreads

Why yes, I have stopped traffic!

Usually it’s in a crosswalk, but still.

#TinyThreads

Me to a co-worker: You’re not good with numbers. Or letters.

#TinyThreads

Something that I love in small doses, at someone else’s house: cuckoo clocks.

See also Children.

#TinyThreads

Whenever I get annoyed at the stupidity of people, I think back to the day in 7^thgrade when my friend Tim was trying to console me about being annoyed with the stupidity of people. We were talking about someone who made some stupid statement, and he simply and succinctly said, “He’s surprised to see the sun come up in the morning.” It still makes me chuckle and takes away some of the annoyance.

#TinyThreads

Where are we on the evolutionary timeline that no one can make a salad dressing container that doesn’t leak?

#TinyThreads

There’s a hidden idiotic frat boy in me that insists on coming out sometimes.

Like when I’m washing cucumbers.

#TinyThreads

What needs to be done to bring about a proper honoring of the siesta in this country? We are all too run-down to function effectively.

#TinyThreads

Dress for the job you want, not the one you have.

[Cut to me lounging in a velvet robe with an ostrich feather collar, languidly lifting a martini to my lips.]

#TinyThreads

At the first sign of rain, or the slightest dip in temperature, I instantly want a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup.

#TinyThreads

It’s not enough that people add an unnecessary ‘L’ to my name, or switch out the second ‘A’ for an ‘E’ – now I have to put up with this. 

#TinyThreads

If a restaurant review ends, “I would eat hear again” I would not trust it.

#TinyThreads