Category Archives: Tiny Threads

We are a divided nation. Especially when it comes to candy corn and cilantro.

#TinyThreads

Is it really that difficult to produce an oven door that we might actually see through?

#TinyThreads

My current social media mindset: I’ll vet you later.

#TinyThreads

Lazy people who ask questions that Google can answer.

I am one of you.

And we are obnoxious as fuck.

We need to stop.

#TinyThreads

How could I be mad at a mosquito at this tender time of the year?

#TinyThreads

How do they gauge the winds of a hurricane? Are there planes in it? I’m serious. A bit stupid in this topic, perhaps, but serious.

#TinyThreads

Shake out your freshly-cut bagels before putting them in the toaster for fewer burnt crumbs later. #FuckingVirgos

#TinyThreads

The middle-of-the-day lull in a single post.

…

#TinyThreads

Why yes, I have stopped traffic!

Usually it’s in a crosswalk, but still.

#TinyThreads

Me to a co-worker: You’re not good with numbers. Or letters.

#TinyThreads

Something that I love in small doses, at someone else’s house: cuckoo clocks.

See also Children.

#TinyThreads

Whenever I get annoyed at the stupidity of people, I think back to the day in 7^thgrade when my friend Tim was trying to console me about being annoyed with the stupidity of people. We were talking about someone who made some stupid statement, and he simply and succinctly said, “He’s surprised to see the sun come up in the morning.” It still makes me chuckle and takes away some of the annoyance.

#TinyThreads

Where are we on the evolutionary timeline that no one can make a salad dressing container that doesn’t leak?

#TinyThreads

There’s a hidden idiotic frat boy in me that insists on coming out sometimes.

Like when I’m washing cucumbers.

#TinyThreads