Yesterday I watched the New England Patriots tear up the turf against the Buffalo Bills. At first I wasn’t all that enthralled, especially when it seemed like it was just one long series of commercials. After a while, though, and a big glass of beer on ice (at which Andy laughed hysterically – apparently drinking beer on ice is not the traditional manner to drink it) I started to get into it. Early on, the Bills were ahead, and I thought my usual curse of watching and having my team of choice lose was back in effect [See Red Sox circa 1986], but then they turned it around, Tom Brady ran a touchdown himself, and the excitement of being on the side of the winning team was suddenly contagious. I finally got be part of a football game that other people were talking about on FaceBook and Twitter, and even though I knew little to nothing of what was happening, a few rules of play crept back from my Marching Rams days, and it began to make some sense. I may succumb to Sunday Football after all. (The beer’s going to take a little more time.)
Category Archives: Sports
October
2012
October
2012
A Gay Soccer Player
My friend Rob alerted me to the story of gay soccer player David Testo, who came out in November of last year, but hasn’t played since. In a candid and compelling interview, he tells some behind-the-scenes stories of what it’s like being gay as a professional soccer player, and, on a larger scale, what it’s like to be gay in the sports world.
One day we will reach a place where coming out won’t even be an issue. It likely won’t happen in my lifetime, and that will always make me a little sad, but it’s heartening to see us inch toward that. My admiration goes out to guys like David who take those first brave steps in a vocation where it has traditionally been – and to this day remains – something kept silent and secret.
September
2012
The Gronk Nude
While one of Rob Gronkowski’s naked shots was already posted here, it’s Sunday Football time again, with an AFC Championship Rematch that finds the Patriots facing off against the Ravens. The Pats go in with one loss, and haven’t lost two in a row in quite some time… that’s about all I got from the ride home with my brother – more on that later. For now, enjoy this bit of uncharacteristic sports talk and footballer nudity.
September
2012
Football Locker Room Shots
These were taken in the varsity locker room during my younger years as a starter clean-up pitcher for the Boston Bruins. I kid – I was way better than varsity. In honor of Sunday/Monday football (and I’m told Thursday too in the early days of the season), I offer you a few ridiculous football-themed shots. The paraphernalia involved in this sport is insane, and what I have on across my chest is probably the thong of some 300-pound he-man. Oh well, sometimes you just have to pour yourself into tights, lace it all up, and hope for the best. Wait, are the Bruins even in the American League West?
September
2012
Who’s Hotter: Mark Sanchez or Tim Tebow?
Both of these guys is playing football today, though I couldn’t tell you where or when or what team they might be on. I don’t even know if it’s the National or American League. The point of this post is to make a determination as to which player is hotter. (This is where important decisions get decided.) Personally, it’s a tough call – they’re equally unremarkable – but I’d have to give the slight edge to Mark Sanchez. Especially when he gets the GQ treatment. He just cleans up better.
I’m not saying my decision is final – and we all know I’m someone who changes his tastes as time goes on. To be honest, a year or two ago my position would have been the opposite. It took a while for Mr. Sanchez to grow on me, and a little Tebow-overexposure-exhaustion to set in. Then there’s the hair – soft curls trump gel spikes any day.
September
2012
Ben Cohen: Beefcake Calendar
This is purportedly the cover for the new Ben Cohen calendar for 2013. That is all.
September
2012
A Shirtless Football Player
In honor of the opening weekend of the NFL season (that’s football for those of us who don’t know – I looked it up), here are a few shots of a shirtless, and bulging, Steve Weatherford. He was recently in the news for a possible hazing event, and he plays for the Giants. That’s all I could be bothered reading.
I was recently talking with Skip, my go-to straight guy for sports-related advice and info, and he mentioned that football trumps baseball when it comes to prominence. I was going to go all-out for a big World Series, well, series of posts, but he said the Super Bowl was a much bigger event. I’m still planning a few baseball posts for the end of the season, but otherwise our next big sporting event will be the Super Bowl. It will be hard to top last year’s event, but I’ll do my best. In the meantime, Mr. Weatherford in all his shirtless glory.
September
2012
That Lusty Cockmonster Letter
At times like this, it pays to pay attention to football. Apparently football player Brendon Ayanbadejo, the Baltimore Ravens linebacker (don’t ask, I can’t tell what that is) recently vocalized his support for gay marriage. In response, Maryland state delegate Emmett  C. Burns Jr. wrote to the owner of the Ravens and asked that he ‘inhibit such expressions from your employee’. In true sportsman-like fashion, Chris Kluwe of the Minnesota Vikings penned this magnificent retort, in language so pure and succinct I can only hope to one day achieve something as powerful:
Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,
I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland’s state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):
1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should “inhibit such expressions from your employees,” more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person’s right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.
2. “Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement.” Holy fucking shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who’s “deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland”? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you’re going to say that political views have “no place in a sport”? I can’t even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for “beautiful oppressionism”).
3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you’ll start thinking about penis? “Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!” Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)
I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won’t come into your house and steal your children. They won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won’t even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?
In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth clusterfuck you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in. Best of luck in the next election; I’m fairly certain you might need it.
Sincerely,
Chris Kluwe
P.S. I’ve also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your “I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing” and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. Asshole.
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[Editor’s Note: Thank you Brendon Ayanbadejo and Chris Kluwe, for being such brave straight allies, and such decent human beings. The world will get better because of people like you.]September
2012
The Gay Divers
Way back in 1995, I was just beginning to come out as a gay man. I wasn’t even old enough to drink, and in that tenderness of youth I had no idea what I was doing. I devoured any remotely gay book I could find, starting with the Greg Louganis autobiography, ‘Breaking the Surface’.
He had just come out as an HIV positive gay man, and his story was a riveting one. I might not have been able to relate much to the discipline of becoming an Olympic Gold Medalist, but I could totally understand the coming out portion, especially at that particular moment in my life.
To read about someone as respected and accomplished as Mr. Louganis, and to know that he had gone through something similar, was incredibly moving and powerful. Whenever anyone questions the relevance and reasons of public figures coming out, I think back to that time, and how reading about other gay men absolutely galvanized me.
Now I see that Matthew Mitcham has an autobiography coming out at the end of the year, entitled appropriately enough ‘Twists & Turns’. As another gay Olympic Gold Medalist, he’s an inspiration for those just coming out today. I may be at a different point in my life, but I can’t wait to read it.
September
2012
Gay Sports, And How to Top a Jockstrap
This shot of Rob Gronkowski chasing Tom Brady reminded me of all the fun we had during Superbowl Sunday this year (remember when I thought Tebowing was some fancy version of Teabagging?), and puts me in the mood for creating a similar celebration for the World Series. (Yes, I realize they are two different sports.) Being that I’ve already donned a jockstrap for that fateful day, I’m not sure how much more I can up the ante. At least we’ve got better props with which to work – wooden bats, more manageable balls, and catcher’s mitts.
September
2012
Tom Daley Selling His Stuff in a Speedo
While this probably wouldn’t be my first choice of attire in selling my first autobiography, I suppose you work your strongest assets when you’re hawking a book. In this case, Tom Daley is working that Speedo like a bitch in heat. (This gratuitous post is a reminder of our Summer Olympics – the posts of which I’ll try to repopulate if ever I find a spare minute.)
July
2012
Rob Gronkowski Naked, As Promised
As promised, the Gronk, starkers. Not sure that ESPN was the ideal magazine cover to make (do straight sports-lovers really want to see their players naked? I’m asking…) Regardless, hats off (literally) to Mr. Gronkowski for having the balls to do this.
February
2012
February
2012
A Pigskin Ball, A Helmut, A Jockstrap, & A Marabou Robe
Let me be frank: there are only a few balls that I’m adept at handling, and none of them are made of pigskin.
I’m much better suited to donning a marabou-accented red velvet robe and making silly faces.
Stay tuned for more Superbowl madness – coming up next are the promised jockstrap shots. The things I do when Madonna is in the game…
February
2012
Tebowing
Tim Tebow will be playing in today’s Superbowl game. I knew little to nothing about him, including this particular pose, for which he is apparently renowned. My brother taught me how to do it yesterday, so here’s my virgin Tebowing effort. PS – Turns out it’s nothing like Teabagging.
