Category Archives: Madonna

The Madonna Timeline: Song #80 – ‘Runaway Lover’ – Fall 2000

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

You lost your reputation on a woman
You didn’t understand or care to know
You get your education from your lovers
But now there’s just no place for you to go
It doesn’t pay
To be a runaway lover
It doesn’t pay
To give away what you lack
You’ll never get your money back

One of the throwaway filler tracks on 2000’s ‘Music’ album, ‘Runaway Lover’ is one of the lesser songs on that eclectic opus. It seems as if producer William Orbit felt a bit of the heat from fellow producer Mirwais and tried to do a little too much, only to end up with a racing song that throbs and chugs full speed ahead, but never really gets anywhere.

The blips and beeps sound too silly to convey the admonishing tone of the song, and the lyrics are rather a jumble of tired cliches. That’s all there is to say about it.

You’re set adrift with no direction
Just like a ship that’s lost at sea
You don’t care where you drop your anchor
Make sure it doesn’t land on me
It doesn’t pay
To be a runaway lover
It doesn’t pay
To give away what you lack
You’ll never get your money back
Walking around on a cloud
Cause every girl you meet just trips on you
Saying your name out loud
I guess you met your match
Now what will you do
It doesn’t pay
To be a runaway lover
It doesn’t pay
To give away what you lack
You’ll never get your money back
Song #80: ‘Runaway Lover’ – Fall 2000
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Three Decades of Madonna

Thirty years into her career, Madonna remains a potent force, selling out stadiums faster than the biggest stars of the moment – something she’s been able to do at every step of her journey. Her MDNA Tour is no exception, and tonight I’ll be able to revisit it at Madison Square Garden with one of my best friends in the world, Suzie. At this point (our fifth Madonna show together) it’s more of a comfort and less of a once-in-a-lifetime event, but there’s still something undeniably special about a Madonna concert that even the most amazing performers can’t seem to muster. There is never a dull moment, never a lull in the action, and even when she disappears for a costume change or five, there is so much going on that you won’t want to take a bathroom break. It takes a pretty remarkable force to command such fascination over a span of three decades, even more so when there are no visible signs of slowing down. Whenever anyone rolls their eyes at me for my love of Madonna, I take it with a grain of salt and move on. When they’ve mastered the world for thirty years, then they can talk to me. Most of them, myself included, haven’t even started.

Being that this is my ninth time seeing Madonna, some have wondered why I’m getting so excited all over again. It’s because every time with Madonna feels like the very first time.

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The Madonna Timeline’s Greatest Hits

In honor of her Madgesty’s return to New York, this is an Immaculate Collection of what I feel are some of the stronger Madonna Timeline entries. (Please disregard some of the formatting of the older ones – I haven’t yet had the opportunity to revamp absolutely everything on the site, but it will happen, I promise…) We’ll go in rough chronological order of their appearance on this site, so it will be as random as the timeline itself.

The Madonna Timeline #14: ‘Frozen’ ~ Winter 1998: In which our protagonist falls for a chef in the cruel winter of Rochester, NY, and our heroine implores him to open his heart. The lesson learned here? Never fall for a one-night-stand (and never lead one on…)

The Madonna Timeline #40: ‘You Must Love Me’ ~ Fall 1996: I’m taking this one out of order already, because it’s sort of the first of a two-parter, so to avoid further confusion, here it is. In which our heroine shows a softer side, and our protagonist goes ape-shit bonkers over a boy in his Comparative Literature class, and embarrasses himself over and over and over again.

The Madonna Timeline #17: ‘Don’t Cry For Me Argentina’ ~ Nov./Dec. 1996: In which the continuation and emotionally-bloody aftermath of a doomed relationship that never was comes to a sad (some might say pathetic) conclusion.

The Madonna Timeline #26: ‘Music’ ~ September 2000: A happier entry in which our protagonist meets his future husband and Madonna goes old-shool by way of the future. Hey, Mr. DJ.

The Madonna Timeline #39: ‘Erotica’ ~ October 1992: In which our heroine teaches our protagonist a few things about art, and paves the way for The Projects. Oh, and takes her knickers off to piss off the collective universe. Brilliance all around.

The Madonna Timeline #48: ‘You’ll See’ ~ Fall 1995: In which Brandeis and Boston form the backdrop to a spectacularly dismal first attempt at love. The lesson learned here may be not to fall in love with a realtor. It’s their job to sell, and they’ll do it well.

The Madonna Timeline #55: ‘Drowned World/Substitute for Love’ ~ March 1998: In which our heroine stages her greatest comeback (and releases her greatest album) and our protagonist tumbles once again into the messy world of love, coming to some sort of acceptance of that glorious, infuriating, life-altering force.

The Madonna Timeline #75: ‘Oh Father’ ~ Fall 1991: In which we confront the hurt and the hope of childhood, the failings and forgiveness required in growing up, and the ache and regret that comes of letting it all go. It’s never easy being a child, and it may be even harder to be a parent.

The Madonna Timeline #79: ‘Give Me All Your Luvin” ~ November 2011: Because it’s about one year since this all happened, and I’m back in New York City about to see Madonna in the MDNA Tour, and this song is one of the highlights. No more, no less.

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The Madonna Timeline: Song #79 ~ ‘Give Me All Your Luvin’ – Fall 2011/Winter 2012

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

L.U.V. Madonna!
Y.O.U. You wanna?

The lead-off single from Madonna’s latest album ‘MDNA’, ‘Give Me All Your Luvin’ actually leaked as far back as November of last year (which is when I first heard it and the first memories of the song were etched into my mind) and it’s now fittingly almost an exact year to that date. I was packing for a trip to New York, and managed to put it into the iPhone for the train ride. I’d been wondering why the song had been on my mind of late, and then I remembered. Aside from fragrance, music is one of the most powerful memory -triggers for me.

Walking down W. 35th Street to meet up with Chris and his new girlfriend Darcey, I pull my coat tightly around me. Though the night is warm for this time of the year, it’s breezy. Dried leaves swirl around my feet, and the smell of Fall carries on the wind. The Empire State Building rises and glows behind me. It is a New York night in November, where anything can happen.

I see you coming and I don’t want to know your name
I see you coming and you’re gonna have to change your game
Would you like to try?
Give me a reason why
Give me all that you got
Maybe you’ll do fine
As long as you don’t lie to me
And pretend to be what you’re not…

Strangers in the night, in the city that never sleeps, walk down the street beside me. The chance encounter, the happy moment, the way we humans connect to one another, all in the name of love – err, L.U.V. After having lunch with Suzie, and now dinner with Chris – two of my favorite people in the world – I am emboldened and glad to be exactly where I am. I don’t always feel that way about New York, but tonight there is no more perfect place. The fact that a new Madonna song is ringing in my ear only adds to that sparkle.

Don’t play the stupid game cause I’m a different kind of girl
Every record sounds the same, You gotta step into my world
Give me all your love, and give me your love
Give me all your love today
Give me all your love, yeah, give me your love
Let’s forget about time and dance our lives away…

The start of the holiday season was just underway. The lights were going up at Macy’s, the shopping scene was gearing up, and the initial thrill of a coming Christmas added to the anticipation at hand. The song, though, faded in my mind after the pre-release giddiness. I kept it as a signifier of that visit to New York, a happy reminder of an entertaining evening, no more, no less. The holidays came and went, and my head and heart were filled with other concerns (another song from the album had come out by then – ‘Masterpiece’ – and it haunted me more deeply than GMAYL.) Yet Luvin’ hadn’t had its way with me yet, and it returned in January with a surprising vengeance.

Keep trying, don’t give up, that’s if you want it bad enough
It’s right in front of you, Now tell me what you’re thinking of
In another place, at a different time you could be my lucky star
We can drink some wine, burgundy is fine, Let’s drink a bottle, every drop…

The video is one of Madonna’s more entertaining and compulsively watchable works in quite a while. Cheeky, fun, and filled with football references, it also featured a supporting cast of M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj. Favorite bits include the Burberry coat at the start, and the vintage Marilyn Monroe blonde bombshell throwback. Just as much of a nod to the past as it was a look to the future.

Don’t play the stupid game cause I’m a different kind of girl
Every record sounds the same, You gotta step into my world
Give me all your love, and give me your love
Give me all your love today
Give me all your love, yeah, give me your love
Let’s forget about time and dance our lives away…

When the single properly premiered, it was already Super Bowl time. The excitement of the game had infiltrated itself into my life for the first time (due mostly to Madonna, let’s be frank), but I was finding things of interest in the Patriots too, like Tom Brady and the Gronk, as well as learning the intricacies of Tebowing in a borrowed helmet from my brother. This game had a way of bringing people together, and if Madonna was the conduit to making these new connections, well, it wouldn’t be the first time.

The song itself has grown on me. As a lead-off single, at the time I felt it was rather weak. Too bubble-gum-throw-away, as catchy and fun as it was, and with all the hype and promotional opportunities presented with the Super Bowl, I think Madonna could have given a stronger song a better shot (‘Girl Gone Wild’ or ‘Turn Up the Radio’) – yet as an entire year has passed, it’s actually fared quite well. Unlike something along the lines of ‘4 Minutes’ which was forgettable and unlistenable a day or two after its initial fiery blaze, GMAYL is a song I still enjoy hearing. It brings back happy memories.

It had its first live performance at that memorable Super Bowl, and since that’s always worth a revisit, here it is. Brilliant. Epic. Genius.

Song #79: ‘Give Me All Your Luvin’ – Fall 2011/Winter 2012

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The Madonna Timeline: Song #78~ ‘Dance 2Night’ – Spring/Summer 2008

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

 You don’t have to be beautiful
To be understood
You don’t have to be rich and famous
To be good
You just gotta give more more more
Than you ever have before
And you gotta move fast fast fast
If you want this good thing to last…

A somewhat lack-luster cut from 2008’s ‘Hard Candy album’, ‘Dance 2night’ featured Justin Timberlake, and wouldn’t have sounded out of place on one of his albums. On a Madonna album though, she makes it her own, and it’s got enough spice and a vaguely-70’s retro groove to use for a backing track when setting up for a night out. Being a duet, however, it dilutes the Madonna-centric focus to which we’re all accustomed. I have yet to be impressed by one of her collaborative efforts.

That’s really all there is to say about it, so I’ll include a shot of Mr. Timberlake popping a squat and posing with his posterior to make up for what’s otherwise lacking.

On second-spin, this is a decent-enough track from the percolating jam that was ‘Hard Candy’ – and the chorus is fine, fine, super-fine. It’s rather perfect for preparing for an evening on the town, when you don’t want to cut too loose, but you still need some inspiration. 

Song #78: ‘Dance 2night’ – Spring/Summer 2008

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Sexual Evolution

This weekend marked the 20th anniversary of Madonna’s ‘Erotica‘ album and ‘Sex‘ book, and the October of 1992 is one I remember quite well. Being that I’ve already done a number of ‘Erotica‘ album timeline tracks (‘Erotica‘, ‘Fever‘, ‘Bad Girl‘, ‘Thief of Hearts‘, ‘Words‘ and ‘Rain‘), I won’t belabor this much more, but I will revisit two of the best magazine articles and photo shoots of Madonna’s career – the ones she did for ‘Vanity Fair’ and ‘Vogue’ in 1992 – where her collaborator of the moment, Steven Meisel, captured her in some stunning poses, and interviewers Maureen Orth and David Handelman got some choice sound-bites.

In these behind-the-scenes photos of Madonna and Mr. Meisel, we get to see the playful spirit that the otherwise-dark project inspired. A lot of the humor got lost in the shuffle of that season that launched her greatest backlash. I didn’t mind. If there’s one lesson learned in the aftermath and fall-out of ‘Sex’ and ‘Erotica’, it was that Madonna could take a licking and keep on ticking.

“I felt really free. It’s the most unpermissible thing. You’re not supposed to be out in public without your clothes on, and yet there wasn’t anything sexual about it – I couldn’t stop giggling, the looks on these people’s faces when they would drive by. I just had the best time.” ~ Madonna

“I think I’ve been terribly misunderstood because sex is the subject matter I so often deal with – people automatically dismiss a lot of what I do as something not important, not viable or something to be respected.” ~ Madonna

“I’m sorry, this is not a democracy.” ~ Madonna
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The Madonna Timeline: Song #7 ~ ‘Best Friend’ – Spring 2012

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

The Madonna Timeline is on an MDNA Deluxe kick, as the next selection veers from ‘I Fucked Up‘ to ‘Best Friend’. Another stellar bonus cut, this one details the dissolution of Madonna’s marriage to Guy Ritchie, rounding out that album’s anger with revelatory lyrics of wistful regret, jittery beats, and additional ambivalence. The pain and loss is fully evident here, the darkness of divorce looms over all, and it seems that she is willing to admit that it’s a bit of both their faults.

I miss your brain, the way you think.
But I don’t miss the way you used to drink.
I miss our talks – the Universal Law
You had a way of seeing through my flaws.
It’s so confusing – I thought I met my match 
An intellectual with talent – what a catch.
You always said we’d be better off as friends,
It was inevitable that it would end.

Driving along the highway in Massachusetts, I am racing to pick up my friend Kira. She has returned to the area from Florida after her own marriage faltered. Listening to the lyrics, I thought of what it took to bring her back all this way with her children, but without her husband. No matter how clear-cut or simple some things seem, a relationship is never one of them: we have no idea, even and especially when we think we do, what really happens behind closed doors.

Your picture’s off my wall, but I’m still waitin’ for your call,
And every man that walks through that door,
Will be compared to you for ever more.
Still, I have no regrets ’cause I’ve survived the biggest test.
I cannot lie and I won’t pretend but I feel like I lost my very best friend.

While Kira pretended to be strong, and maybe it wasn’t just pretend, part of me felt that there had to be more to it. Perhaps this was her way of dealing with it, by a mixture of denial, of anger, of frustration, of fear. In many ways she seemed fine – the same, sweet Kira I had first met at John Hancock fourteen years ago, when we were both in our early twenties, before and after several heartbreaks.

I miss the countryside where we used to lay,
The smell of roses on a lovely summer day.
You made me laugh, you had a clever wit.
I miss the good times, I don’t miss all of it.
You wrote me poetry, you had a way with words.
You said you wanted more than just a pretty girl.
Maybe I challenged you a little bit too much,
We couldn’t have two drivers on the clutch.

I had met her husband, and he seemed like a nice enough guy. Quiet, like Kira, but willing to smile, if one worked at it. I didn’t pry, and I didn’t want to know, but we owe our friends the offer of listening, so I did. As the weeks passed, I would see Kira rather regularly, as we planned for the big 40th birthday celebration of our friend JoAnn. Slowly, she seemed to regain her footing, to be okay with the way things had worked out. The Spring blossomed into Summer, and after the party I didn’t get to see her as much. It wasn’t until the very first weekend of Fall that we got back together.

Your picture’s off my wall, but I’m still waitin’ for your call,
And every man that walks through that door
Will be compared to you for ever more.
Still, I have no regrets ’cause I’ve survived the biggest test.
I cannot lie and I won’t pretend but I feel like I lost my very best friend.

We weren’t supposed to meet that weekend. I’d called ahead to see if she wanted to hang out on Saturday, but she was busy so I never gave it another thought until my Friday plans got changed, and I headed into town a day early. Figuring I’d just call to see how she was doing, I asked if she might be able to hang out on Friday instead, and we agreed to meet for dinner and drinks. Some friends are so close and attuned to your moods and spirit, that the sheer sight of them sets you at ease, makes you feel a little warmer and better about the world. Kira is one of those friends for me. No matter what has gone on – and sometimes it’s a lot – she never fails in making me smile. On this evening, we needed to see each other, but I didn’t know why until dinner, when she said the divorce papers had gone through and it had happened just a few short days ago.

I thought that she’d be happier about it. Not that divorce is ever something to be happy about, it still seemed like the final sense of closure she needed. I asked the question that some might have deemed too personal: had she secretly hoped that they would get back together? It was a reasonable wish, and after ten years as a couple, and parents to a little girl, how could it not be a possibility? She admitted that yes, over the last few months apart she had, somewhere in the back of her mind – and sometimes the forefront – wished and hoped that they might work it out, that he might move back and stay with her. The fact that he didn’t fight the papers, that he actually signed and set them into quick motion, was the last sign that it had come to an end. And Kira was, according to her own admittance, shocked that it had come through so soon.

I argued that maybe this was the best way for it to happen – the way it’s sometimes easier to just rip the band-aid off instead of slowly tearing it painfully away over a long, drawn-out period of time. Maybe enough time had passed. Maybe this was the universe making a dramatic move in order to jar her into awareness. Maybe she just needed to take a moment to mourn what happened – she never really allowed herself that sadness, had never even cried over what had been lost. I thought it had been strength, but that can last for just so long.

It’s so sad that it had to end. I lost my very best friend.
Not gonna candy-coat it and I don’t want to pretend.
I’ve put away your letters, saved the best ones that I had.
It wasn’t always perfect, but it wasn’t always bad.

We talked it over, and I offered what feeble advice I had to give, but that wasn’t why we needed each other. Sometimes you just have to see someone who understands, and who wants nothing but happiness for you. Sometimes the sharing of any pain lifts a bit from both of you, and you’re both better for it.

Still, I have no regrets ’cause I’ve survived the biggest test.
I cannot lie and I won’t pretend but I feel like I lost my very best friend.
Yet, I have no regrets, ’cause I’ve survived the biggest test.
I will not lie and I can’t pretend but I feel like I lost my very best friend.
It’s so sad that it had to end.

Song #77: ‘Best Friend’ – Spring 2012

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The Madonna Timeline: Song #76 ~ ‘I Fucked Up’ -Spring 2012

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

I fucked up,
I made a mistake,
Nobody does it better than myself.
I’m sorry, I’m not afraid to say
I wish I could take it back,
But I can’t…

There’s no more difficult task in the world than learning to say you’re sorry and asking for forgiveness. It’s probably the thing I do worst in life, finding it incredibly uncomfortable to put aside my pride and admit when I’ve been wrong. Though it doesn’t happen often to the practically-perfect-in-every-way, when it does I can now bring myself to say I’m sorry. It’s still not easy, but it’s the mark of a mature adult.

I fucked up,
I made a mistake,
Nobody does it better than myself.
I’m sorry, I’m not afraid to say
I wish I could take it back,
But I can’t…

Perhaps the most blunt title of any Madonna song, ‘I Fucked Up’ was on the Deluxe Version of her most recent album, MDNA. As one of the newer ones, it hasn’t had time to sink in and make a hugely significant impact on my life, though I do think it’s one of her stronger cuts of late – both musically and mentally powerful. It starts off as a slightly sing-songy ballad, one that lyrically finds Madonna owning up to past mistakes. For someone who claims to have no regrets, ‘I Fucked Up’ may be the closest she’ll ever come to truly saying she’s sorry, and the hurt and pain of the ending of her marriage to Guy Ritchie surely played a pivotal part in the emotional display on hand here.

I’m so ashamed, You’re in so much pain,
I blamed you when things didn’t go my way,
If I didn’t, you’d be here,
If I didn’t fight back, I’d have no fear,
If I took another path, things would be so different,
But they’re not…
I could’ve just kept my big mouth closed,
I could’ve just done what I was told,
Maybe I should’ve turned silver into gold,
But in front of you I was cold.
I fucked up, I made a mistake,
Nobody does it better than myself,
I’m sorry, I’m not afraid to say,
I wish I could take it back,
But I can’t…
I thought we had it all,
You brought out the best in me,
And somehow I destroyed the perfect dream,
I thought we were indestructible,
I never imagined we could fall
You wanna know how to make God laugh: Tell him your plans.

As the music speeds up and the track takes off, the story becomes even more wistful and filled with regret and longing. It’s a story that most of us have had the misfortune to play a part in at some point in our lives – the ambivalent heartache of a relationship that didn’t work out, and the little memories and details and hopes of what might-have-been that run rampant across the mind in the loneliest nights.

We could’ve bought a house with a swimming pool,
Filled it up with Warhols, it would be so cool,
Could’ve gone riding stallions in the country side,
With a pack of great danes, racing eye to eye,
We could’ve toured the world in a private jet,
Gotten naked on the beach, all soaking wet,
We could’ve climbed the mountains,
Seen the perfect sunrise,
Written our names across the sky…

Song #76: ‘I Fucked Up’ ~ Spring 2012

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The Madonna Timeline: Song #75 – ‘Oh Father’ – Fall 1991

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

It’s funny that way,
You can get used to the tears and the pain
What a child will believe
You never loved me…

A boy, who can’t be more than ten years old, is running around the house wearing five of his mother’s nightgowns, one on top of the other. Anything to lessen the sting, dull the impact. A silly child’s reasoning, whipped out of him soon enough – and a lesson that if you pretend enough that it hurts, it stops sooner. If you pretend the pain, it goes away. Sometimes, you don’t have to pretend. Sometimes the pain is only pretend because you no longer feel anything.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

The years fly. I am no longer quite a boy, but nowhere near a man. I’m a petulant, trapped teenager, and we’re a dime a dozen, but I’m also different, and I don’t know why. On the mirror of my bathroom, I leave a note, scrawled in bold black marker, before I depart for the school day:

I WILL LEAVE THIS PLACE AND NEVER COME BACK.

It is my only way of survival. The thought of going away. The head game. It works. It gets me through the day. I return to find it there, still taped to the mirror. No one has seen it. I rip it down, and crumple it up. My body follows suit, crumpling to the floor, and I cry.

You can’t hurt me now
I got away from you, I never thought I would
You can’t make me cry,
You once had the power
I never felt so good about myself.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

The day is dim. It must be November. The expanse of my parents’ backyard stretches out, running into a forest high with oak trees that have finally littered the ground with their brown mess. Piles of leaves dot the landscape, along with a scattering of filled bags like ghostly totems rising from the ground, but there is more to be done. I pause in my raking, surrounded by sudden silence in the descending darkness. I work alone. My brother is at some sports game or practice. I don’t play any sports. Looking up into the gray sky, I want to cry out. Under the burden of being a gay boy just coming of age, not knowing what the hell it was that I was feeling, what the hell might be wrong with me, I stand there in the darkening afternoon. The air feels like it might snow at any moment. My fingers grip the rake tighter. Anything to hold on.

What unnamed terrors lurked in the past to make me so weak? Maybe I was a sissy after all, maybe I was just a stupid faggot. When you’re a teenager, any of it might be true. All of it might be. You grasp whatever bits of flotsam float by in the most basic and desperate way of survival. You discard the rest, hoping you won’t need any of it later on in life. Who can foretell what kindness or cruelty will get you in the end, when all that matters is making it through the night?

Seems like yesterday
I lay down next to your boots and I prayed
For your anger to end
Oh Father I have sinned

Over the bathroom sink, my nose bleeds in torrents. Unstoppable blood flow, draining of strength, draining of worry, and some strange, sick comfort in the sight of all those bright red drops so vividly contrasting with the white ceramic sink. The taste metallic in my mouth, the liquid so ready to coalesce at the touch of air, yet not managing to clot on its own, on the inside, where I need it. I let it drip for a while, tired of trying to make it stop, leaning my cheek against the cold shiny veneer, and it runs down my face. I taste it again in the back of my mouth, gagging on the dissolving mess I have become. In the mirror, the watery, cracked vision of my face stares back, the eyes that will always look that haunted peer in on themselves.

You can’t hurt me now
I got away from you, I never thought I would
You can’t make me cry,
You once had the power
I never felt so good about myself.

It is strange the way we hurt each other, I think, the way that parents hurt their children, the way children hurt their parents, and how, if we’re extremely lucky, if we’re blessed enough to escape adolescence without serious harm or lifelong scars, we may find our way back to each other.

Oh Father
If you never wanted to live that way
If you never wanted to hurt me
Why am I running away?

There is so much pain in this world. How youth overcomes itself has always moved me. But in that time, at that moment, I couldn’t see that. The enormity of growing up is a burden that should never be placed on children. Such is childhood’s conundrum. It seems so unfair, and for a kid who never wanted to be a kid, doubly so.

Oh Father
If you never wanted to live that way
If you never wanted to hurt me
Why am I running away?

Some nights all you want is to be held and told that it’s going to be okay. That no matter how bad you’ve been, no matter what you’ve done, and no matter how little you might deserve it, that everyone will one day find their own happiness. Even if it never turns out to be true. But I didn’t have a voice to say all of that, or the ease of letting it out. I didn’t know how to put it into words, and boys didn’t say things like that anyway – especially if the boy is trying at any cost to hide who he might really be. From Father to Son we pass along the secret Code of Men. We don’t cry. We don’t talk about it. We don’t let anything bother us.

Maybe someday
When I look back I’ll be able to say
You didn’t mean to be cruel
Somebody hurt you too…

But there is secret sorrow then, hidden purging of tears in musty closets, in the woods behind the house, in the blanket-wrapped womb of night. Holding in that sort of angst, relentlessly pushing it back down inside, is a ruinous way to grow up. It eats you up. It hollows you out. It leaves you haunted.

You can’t hurt me now
I got away from you, I never thought I would
You can’t make me cry,
You once had the power
I never felt so good about myself.

I played this song over and over, daring my parents to listen, begging for someone to hear, to break through to me, to explain what was happening. I so desperately needed to be told that there was nothing wrong with me, but all I got – and all that I could give back – was silence. In the snowfall of that winter, when my best friend was halfway around the world, when I wasn’t speaking to my parents, a little bit of me died. I buried him beneath the frosty leaves, in the dark cold of the earth, where not even the worms nor the centipedes of centuries past dared to burrow. Sometimes, in the spring, beneath the snowdrops and the bloodroot flowers, I look for him there.

I have not found him yet.

The Madonna Timeline #75: ‘Oh Father’ ~ Fall 1991
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Tomorrow She Returns…

A very special Madonna Timeline… Coming tomorrow morning.

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A Sneak Preview

On this Thursday morning, the Madonna Timeline returns in a major way. From her epic album ‘Like A Prayer’, one of her most powerful songs… A song about childhood, a song about growing up, a song about learning to forgive, to forget, to lose, and to let go… A song about what it’s like to be a parent, and what it’s like to be a child.

 

If you never wanted to live that way,

If you never wanted to hurt me,

Why am I running away?

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Summer Highlights (Summer of the Speedo)

It was a summer of the hawks.

It was a summer that started with something that shook me to the core – something from which I never did fully bounce back – and so it was shaded a little more dimly than usual, even if the sun was at its hottest and most consistently spectacular. That something was my service as a juror – and the life-altering tale of my jury duty.

It was the summer that was almost saved by a Madonna song.

It was the summer of the Speedo – as the Olympics reigned and took my mind off other things. Thank you Tom Daley, Michael Phelps, Matthew Mitcham, Ryan Lochte, Sam Mikulak, Danell Leyva, and the wonderfully naked Epke Zonderland. (And let’s not forget that Olympic boner.)

It was the summer I left the Romaine Brooks Gallery after four years as Gallery manager.

It was the summer Prince Harry got shirtless – and then went completely starkers in Las Vegas.

It was the summer of a birthday weekend that began in Boston and ended in Provincetown, a summer that was somehow rescued by my very first whale watch.

It was the summer that found the first – and most major – phase of our website update.

It was the summer that Madonna gang-banged her way around the world with her MDNA Tour – bringing to mind my first piece of Madonna from 1990.

It was a summer that set us up perfectly for Fall – as they all seem to do – a summer that ended with the reflection on nine years of summers on this website. The end of summer is not the end of the world. There are good things to come.

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Madonna’s Hottest Dancer?

This is Adrien Galo, a back-up dancer on Madonna’s current MDNA Tour. While I’ve always found Madonna’s taste in men – including back-up dancers and video love-interests – somewhat questionable (about one in five is what I’d consider hot), there’s usually one or two per tour that merit special mention, and a shirtless post like this. Mr. Galo is certainly one of them. (And don’t let it sway your opinion that he was once a back-up dancer for Britney Spears. We all had to start somewhere.)

There was a time when I could tell you the names and stats of every back-up dancer on a Madonna tour, but while I still love her, I have other things to do. (Much to the current chagrin of Suzie, who needs confirmation that her daughter’s teacher played a part in Madonna’s MDNA Tour… does anyone know?) However, I do remember the ones who have meant the most to me over the years – see if you remember these guys.

On the left is ‘Slam’ from the epic Blonde Ambition tour in 1990. I liked him so much I grew my hair out (and it looked nothing like that.) To the right is the Girlie Show’s Luca Tommassini from 1993 – he’s the one she shouts ‘Luca!’ at in the ‘Everybody’ finale – something I only just put together last week.

It wasn’t until 2001 that I actually got to attend one of her tours myself, and that amazing christening came in the form of the Drowned World Tour. One of the bright spots of that gorgeously dark show was Jull Weber, seen below, who managed to make even a mohawk look hot. He also featured in her ‘Don’t Tell Me’ video as a sexy cowboy. Yee-haw indeed.

The first, and thus far only, dancer I’ve had the pleasure of meeting in person (on Boylston Street in the summer of the Confessions Tour) was Daniel ‘Cloud’ Campos. He was gracious and kind, offering to pose for a photo (which I’ll dig up another day) – as I imagine, and have heard, most are. It’s always nice to be noticed for the work you’re doing.

Cloud is on the left, and he was in her ‘Hung Up’ and ‘Sorry’ videos, as well as her Reinvention Tour in 2004. On the right is Paul Kirkland, who was also part of the Reinvention Tour, coming back a few years later for her 2008/2009 Sticky & Sweet Tour. I think all the dancers on the MDNA Tour are new – befitting a new Madonna era. I’ve always admired her self-proclaimed determination to hire the most spirited and charismatic characters for her show, even if they’re not the most technically proficient. These guys are proof of that.

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Madonna: The MDNA Tour Review

Even when it comes to Madonna, I’m somewhat hesitant to describe anything related to pop culture as a truly “spiritual experience”. Yet that is exactly the journey she takes us on for her current MDNA Tour. Watching from the sidelines of the TD Garden in Boston (and slightly behind the stage, thank you Ticketmaster), I felt the gradual upward trajectory of the show in a more fully realized manner than almost all of her previous tours. Say what you will about her singing or acting or on-and-off-again English accent, her power and command as a live performer have always been well-earned givens. The woman knows how to put on a show.

It opens hauntingly, with hooded monks in high-heels swinging an over-size incense holder while the Kalakan trio (whose soothing harmonies ground the show at integral points throughout the evening) intone an introductory chant. A convincing video backdrop of a Cathedral rises to the ceiling, a surprisingly effective use of technology that works wonders in filling the stage space with arresting visuals. To the bracing sound of shattered glass, a crowned and veiled Madonna takes aim at the audience with a rifle before blasting into ‘Girl Gone Wild’ with some slick and sick choreography. In some ways, it’s classic Madonna, cavorting in tight formation with shirtless dancers, as the briefest of references to ‘Material Girl’ and ‘Give It To Me’ give way again to the pounding beat of ‘Girl Gone Wild’. An ingenious set of platforms that rise and fall gives a powerful vertical element to the proceedings, (even if those of us behind the lights can still barely see).

The provocative gun-play of the set that has caused so much controversy thus far rears its head with ‘Revolver’ and ‘Gang Bang’, the former finding Madonna and her handkerchiefed band of girl friends brandishing fire-arms while her electronically-altered voice eerily rings out, “My love’s a revolver, my sex is a killer, Do you wanna die happy?” For ‘Gang Bang’ she hops atop a seedy hotel room scene, dispatching invading entrants with another gun and graphic splatters of blood on the video screens.

It’s an ultra-violent beginning that finds retribution in an all-too-brief snippet of ‘Papa Don’t Preach’, because when you go against patriarchal authority, the punishment is swift and inevitable – in this case, doled out by a set of frightening masked marauders who proceed to tie Madonna up and literally string her along a slack line, upon which she sings a disturbing version of ‘Hung Up’. She does a bit of perfunctory line-walking, barefooted and brazenly, because she gets her kicks when she’s walking the wire.

Closing out this gorgeously dark vignette is the defiant ‘I Don’t Give A’, in which Madonna boldly faces her audience head-on, a guitar strapped around her neck, and a middle-finger extended for all within sight. Nicki Minaj makes her first video-guest-appearance, decked out in religious garb, rapping and wrapping things up with the declarative, “There’s only one queen, and that’s Madonna.”

As the ominous chanting returns for its dramatic climax, Madonna rises slowly on a platform, as a cross glows crimson behind her. In a long career of successful visual-arrests, she captures yet another iconic image. The lights go dark for the briefest of moments (everyone knows Madonna shows just don’t stop) and the impact of this scene is stunningly powerful.

A rather dour interlude follows, with a mash-up of ‘Best Friend’ (an under-appreciated track from the deluxe edition of ‘MDNA’) and ‘Heartbeat’ (from 2008’s ‘Hard Candy’) to the accompaniment of graveyard scenes in moody black-and-white ~ a metaphorical death-knell for what came before, and a chance for Madonna to make the most drastic costume change of the evening, into a white and crimson majorette uniform. She marches up to center stage, leading a merry pep squad in front of cartoons of caricatured women subversively turned into images of power and humor. It’s a fun moment for fans old and new, echoing her triumphant Super Bowl performance and breathing new life into a classic song. She segues (ahem, seamlessly) into a quick snippet of Lady Gaga’s ‘Born This Way’ – not in an ungracious or unkind way at all, and even her final few lines of ‘She’s Not Me’ seem more tongue-in-cheek than antagonistic, a throwback to the cheeky minx who once wanted to ‘rule the world.’

A marching band descends from the rafters – no, really – for her latest Top Ten hit ‘Give Me All Your Luvin” and it’s a truly transformative version of the song, given extra pep and vigor – invigorating and effervescent – especially when delivered with all the energy and bombastic dance moves she pulls out of her too-fit-to-be-fair ass. The pom-pom popping routine she throws down at the apex of the runway brings the crowd to its first crescendo, a welcome relief and release from the serious beginning. The infectious energy continues with current single ‘Turn Up the Radio’.

While I initially thought this would be one of the more elaborately staged songs, she goes the opposite way, in a straight-forward  rendition sung from center stage, with nothing but a black outfit and guitar, and somehow it works, the music and the song taking flight, and the audience riding the crest of another colossal pop wave. Suddenly, I’m transported to catching a snippet of ‘The Virgin Tour’ on television some 25-plus years ago. I can still remember that Saturday afternoon, sitting in the wood-paneled family room and watching this dynamo of a woman singing and dancing with joyous abandon. I did a little dancing around the room that day too, and at each of my darkest moments of the past quarter of a century, there’s always been Madonna, imploring me to simply ‘Turn Up the Radio’ and promising the brief escape of a pop song, the momentary salvation of music.

The Basque vocalists of the Kalakan Trio resurface for a wonderfully re-imagined ‘Open Your Heart’, the 80s gem getting a sparkling, almost acoustic make-over. It grows into a rollicking highlight, building up to a rousing percussion-driven chance for the dancers (and her son Rocco) to step up their high-kicks a few more impressive notches. There is healing here, especially after that deliciously brutal start – healing and joy – and this turning point is one of almost spiritual transcendence. She traditionally pauses here, the first time she gets personal and talks, and it’s always a crap-shoot on what she’s going to say – gay rights, Pussy Riot, imprisonment – but tonight she keeps it on the light, and Boston-specific side.

“You guys are crazy!” she begins. “I’ve been coming to Boston every time I’ve been on tour,” she continues, extolling the virtues of freedom of expression, saying it’s okay to be gay and okay to be whomever you want to be, and that she hopes it will stay that way – a none-too-veiled reference to the upcoming Presidential election. She may not watch television, but the woman knows her current events. “Are you going to let crazy shit happen in this country” she asks, demanding a “Fuck No” response that we are all crazy enough to give her. “Are you going to let crazy shit happen in this country??!” Fuck No! “Except me!” she says with a devilish grin. A beautiful rendering of her Golden Globe-winning ballad ‘Masterpiece’ follows – and then a sexier, darker, cheekier, hotter-than-the-original version of ‘Justify My Love’ plays as a video interlude.

Photo by Kevin Mazur.

It’s a stylish intro for the Madonna of the now-almost-retro 90s, and no song opened that decade with a bigger bang than ‘Vogue’. It struts its stuff here in all its fashion-forward elegantly black and white glory, with Madonna updating her Gaultier bustier with a stiff leather cage-like structure, at once androgynous and fiercely feminine. A more-delicious-than-expected adult take on ‘Candy Shop’, featuring a few all-too-brief quotes from ‘Erotica’, continues the divine decadence, proof that Madonna’s live performance can lift her most mundane and melody-lacking songs, such as ‘Human Nature’. I understand that this is one of her ultimate non-victim fuck-off songs, but she does it much better when there’s a driving beat and actual melody (as in ‘Express Yourself’). 

One of the most hotly-debated performance pieces is her new take on ‘Like A Virgin’. Having done everything from lampooning it Cyndi Lauper style, masturbating on a red velvet bed, Dietriching it out in top hat and tails, and riding a virtual horse, there’s not much more to be done for the song, but Madonna strips it down literally and figuratively, turning it into a plaintive piano waltz, and crumbling to the floor before enacting a dramatic tightening of a corset around her waist. This may be what’s polarizing audiences for the MDNA Tour. Madonna is not interested in looking back and chirping the same songs in the same way, and her artistic integrity, and own personal truth, are such that she never could.

Those who hate this anything-but-shiny-and-new version are those who haven’t taken the time to delve into the deeper, complex glories of the MDNA album. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to hear your favorite Madonna classic performed in the style to which you’ve grown accustomed, there is little challenge in that for an artist like Madonna. ‘Like A Virgin’ is, at its heart, a wistful longing to be made whole again, to retrieve that innocence and freshness that time and life inevitably ebbs away, and, in this seering version, the realization that sometimes you simply cannot go back.

After this spell of darkness, and an equally moving/disturbing video montage for ‘Nobody Knows Me’, the power of the beat – and the dance music that brought so many of us to her in the first place – is a welcome rejoinder in ‘I’m Addicted’ , one of the top cuts off MDNA. Her Joan-of-Arc metallic costume of armor glistens in its Swarovski-crystal-studded magnificence, and her braided warrior-hairstyle is a brilliant match for the throbbing song.

Love has always been Madonna’s drug of choice, and as the lights swirl about the audience and the inevitable dance break explodes, love is not only a drug, but a battlefield as well – one that remains a dizzying fix for a woman who still seems to have a lot of fight left in her.

Hardcore Madonna fans like myself will love this tour because it’s so MDNA heavy (and that album is easily her best since 2005’s ‘Confessions on a Dance Floor’). Nothing exemplifies that more than the gleeful romp of ‘I’m A Sinner’, given an Indian slant as it morphs impossibly, yet perfectly, into a B-side (‘Cyberraga’) from the ‘Music’ sessions. That song was previously in the bottom-five of those I ever wanted to see done live, but here it works brilliantly with the backing of the Kalakan trio. Coupled with some breathtaking video backdrops, this is where the journey nears its completion, and we have indeed reached a new plane.

I can’t help but smile as Madonna shakes a tambourine along to the Kalakan Trio, and we ride that happiness into an absolutely magical moment of transport that soars with one of the greatest pop songs ever written.

“Life is a mystery, Everyone must stand alone,” she intones, yet we are all standing together. Giving a traditional and true reading of ‘Like A Prayer’, Madonna stages one of the grandest sing-a-longs of the night, touching us as if it was the very first time, made more powerfully poignant as it comes imbued with all of the ensuing years of hard-won wisdom. It brings together new and old fans alike, the entire arena standing and singing and basking in the joy of the moment. 

The night ends with ‘Celebration’, a cut from her 2009 Greatest Hits collection of the same name (for those keeping track, that would be her third Greatest Hits compilation). With its musical echoes of opener ‘Girl Gone Wild’, it brings us full-circle, and it certainly does feel as if a journey has been completed – an ever-engaging, always challenging, entertaining-as-hell journey – and no other pop star has ever commanded a stage in such scintillating fashion.

There are those with greater musical talent, those with sharper dance skills, and those with more current relevance, but there is only one Madonna – and there always will be.

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