Category Archives: General

“Are you adamantly opposed to having male strippers at your Bachelor party?” I asked my straight friend Chris, who had rather foolishly and recklessly chosen me as his Best Man.

His one-word reply was filled with typical wariness and weariness: “Yes.”

“Fine,” I huffed, “but don’t blame me if no one has a good time.”

I was deep in the planning stages for his Bachelor party, as that is apparently one of the Best Man’s duties. I knew I’d make a bad best man – the only other time I acted as one was for my brothers wedding, and we know how that marriage turned out. For Chris, it was different. He’d been clear about the fact that we were older now, and wiser, and no longer in need of strippers and boozing. Tasked with those limitations, the field for Bachelor Party play narrowed considerably. I knew I had to do something more impressive than taking him to a fancy restaurant and giving some lame toast, so I went back – way back. Two decades back, to when he first met the crew you see assembled in these photos. The original group of College Ave. kids from Cornell. I secretly invited them to surprise Chris leading up to the hours of his Bachelor’s dinner. One by one they arrived at the door, all of them showing up (some of us from as far as upstate NY), as testament to our friend.

Twenty years is a long time to maintain anything – even, and sometimes especially, friendships. Yet here we all were, a little worn and torn from two decades of living and all that it entailed: births and deaths, weddings and break-ups, reunions and distance and moves and mayhem. All of the good and all of the bad, and still this group held it together, holding onto one another for support, finding out way back no matter how much time had passed.

There was so much to say, but we didn’t need to say it. As they gathered on the steps for a reunion photo, I was transported back to the day in Ithaca when I took a similar photo. It was 1997, and the last time I’d visit them when they were in college. It was an impromptu gathering on a day that had started off rainy but cleared for a brief peek of sun. We sat on the porch steps perched on the edge of the rest of our lives, not quite realizing that we were already there, that it had already begun. That this might have been happiness.

It seems strange to start a recap of a Bachelor Party with a baby, but such is the way Chris began the rollicking celebration of his final moments of Bachelorhood. In fairness to the questionable execution of my duties as Best Man, I did consult with him about what he wanted out of a party considering that we were one year shy of 40, and no longer in the mood or mindset for strip clubs and bar-hopping, and he claimed to be down for a quiet night of dinner. I was up for that, and happy to make the quick flight to Washington, DC to take him out for one final night on the town before the wedding.

Before the evening began, however, I had some free time in DC, so I walked down to the White House and had Thai for lunch. Suzie was flying in early in the afternoon, and by the time I returned to the hotel she was just getting in. After a confused cab driver drove by the house, we finally found our way to Chris and Darcey’s, where we got to met baby Simon.

This is why Bachelor Parties just aren’t as important as they may have been a few years ago. Life has a way of changing, and in this case it was most decidedly for the better.

As one of my last close friends to get married, and have a child, Chris used to be my partner in crime whenever we needed to get away from the grown-up responsibilities of relationships and family and just go back to a simpler, and often crazier, time. That hasn’t changed completely, but things are different in a sweeter way. As I was reminded of when Suzie and I got to meet Simon. He didn’t come easily into the world, and he waged quite the battle to make it, but he’s here now, and he’s a gift. Better than anything I could have conjured for a wedding present.

Still, I had some surprises up my sleeve for what Chris originally thought was a night out with me alone. Our last single friend was getting hitched. Respect had to be paid. It was my duty as Best Man…

{To be continued}

More on the wild and rambunctious Bachelor Party that I threw for my friend Chris two weeks ago in Washington, DC, but for now a photo of Suzie and myself that perfectly encapsulates one aspect of our relationship. She flew into town as part of the surprise, and this was taken as we were preparing to head out to the celebration.

Suzie’s caption for it went like this: “Alan makes the noise, I tune it out.“

Mine was more accurate: “Alan gives important instructions, Suzie tunes it out.“

However you want to describe it, it’s a damn good representation of the only friendship I’ve sustained since birth – and hilarious in the way that only Suzie and I can be whenever we’re together.

This year’s summer retrospective continues, as we look back at the season of the sun, so recently departed. We’ve made it up to mid-late July, when summer reaches its peak in many ways. That includes reminiscences about the date Andy and I met each other. Fourteen years ago things were very different, but somehow we’ve survived the changes.

The journey of the season included this creeper and these caps of lace.

It was the summer we welcomed a new baby: this Ice Blue Show Queen.

It was the season for skinny-dipping. Over and over again.

It was another summer of family fun and group photos. Sunny days by the pool and ravenous grillfests.

Sometimes it means lighter fare too, and stargazing.

It was the time to take lazy naps and sleepy afternoons, and pass rainy days with ‘Dirty Dancing.’

It was all about big ears and summer adventure.

Summer somehow makes music mean more, especially when it has a capital ‘F’ in it. Or when Mika is involved.

It also brings back memories.

It was the moment to take your shirt off, and these gentlemen did just that (and more): Chris Pratt, James Whiteside, Chase Finlay, James Magnussen, John Barrowman, Chris Campanioni, and Trey Songz.

All teasing, some pleasing and a little bit of lusting.

It was the summer I stepped away from the computer, and dove into the pool, into real life, without looking back. Almost.

Summer is also when I was born. This year I did what I swore I would never do on my birthday: spend it in New York City. And it was wonderful. Thanks to these lodgings, this birthday cake, and this bubble bath. Lord knows I love a hotel. The flowers were cool too.

Summer is also when Tom Ford was born.

And my Dad.

Summer is… August.

This was nothing like hanky panky, but this birthday suit post was.

Summer can be dangerous.

Madonna usually makes a summer splash, but this year kept the waters relatively calm. Still, the Madonna timeline continued with ‘Like A Virgin.’

It wasn’t his very first time, but Nick Jonas got shirtless and it was just as good. Kind of like Chris Evans.

Summer is apparently the time to get stupefyingly stupid, like this guy did.

It was also the summer when we all did the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. (Dan Osborne even did it naked. Steve Grand got nude for it too.)

No matter how hot it got, David Beckham stayed cool. Alex Minsky, on the other hand, just kept it hot.

It was the summer of the Mr. Gay World competition, and, spoiler alert, they crowned a winner.

It marked our first trip to the Troy Farmer’s Market, and the end of ‘Bullets Over Broadway.’

Even more hunks disrobed, doffing shirt and dropping trou, including Charles Dera, Willie Gomez, Kerry Degman, Idris Elba, Noam Ash, Duncan Mais, Liam Payne, Brad Pitt, Aiden Leslie, and Gary Lucy.

In summer things get sweet and sticky.

Summer always has to end – and it helps to have a fragrance to see you into fall. A spell of dreamy music helps too.

Let’s do it again next year. For now, it’s back to school…

Whether it was yesterday or today, the first day of fall has arrived, and thus ends another summer. It’s always sad to see the sunny season depart, but there are gorgeous elements of fall that make up for it, and the long giddy road to the holidays has its own charms. For now, a pause in honor of the summer that just passed.

It began with a family vacation in Cape Cod – our first in over two decades  – which found us back on the beach, where the rosa rugosa was in fine fragrant form.

It was a vacation that found joy and excitement in the faces of my niece and nephew, where the sun danced on the ocean water, and we buried each other in the sand.

I even made a sandcastle.

It was a summer that saw the beauty of the golden hour by the shore, and in the floral faces of blooms by the sea.

A vacation is made more memorable by the food one eats, as well as the games one plays.

It was a summer that we never wanted to end, especially when by the ocean.

It carried its own scent, one that had nothing to do with Tom Ford. But then again, maybe it had everything to do with Tom Ford.

It was the summer that Michael Phelps got naked. And then got naked again.

It was the season for flowers, wild and cultivated, in pictures and poetry.

It posed this ultimately-self-defeating take on being gay, courtesy of Grady Smith.

It was a summer that saw the beauty of another Alan.

It was a time to remember a summer in the Soviet Union.

It featured some serious Hunks of the Day, because things are always hotter in the summer. Feast your eyes upon Mark MacKillop, Tyler Hoechlin, Joe Manganiello, Daisuke Ueda, Diego Sans, and Ian Thorpe.

It meant that this memory of summer in New York came bubbling back.

It was the season for a second Hunk crowning for Ronnie Kroell and Adam Lambert.

It marked the crux of light and water.

It was a summer of sexy superheroes.

It saw Tom Daley flaunting his typical summer Speedo exposure, Novak Djokovic flaunting his underwear bulge, and David Beckham back in his skivvies.

It was a summer that saw even more Hunks on display, thanks to the shirtless (and often nude) antics of Cooper Grodin, J. W. Harvey, Sung Jin Park, Bryan Thomas, Jack Laugher, and Timor Steffens.

It was a time to grill just about everything.

It was a rare moment in which we waited for more Madonna.

It saw more of Tom Daley, this time giving a peek of underwear on video, and Zac Efron, shirtlessly riding a steed and hanging out with an equally-shirtless Bear Grylls.

It was a season to smell like yuzu.

It was a summer that saw even more… so come back for Part II.

There is some debate over whether today or tomorrow marks the first day of fall but I’m going with tomorrow, so for now I bring you the usual weekly recap. Tomorrow I’ll do the big summer round-up and the big events (and hot guys) that the season of the sun offered.

The Bible of Madonna books may have a comprehensive updating (my fingers are crossed.)

A fragrance to bridge summer and fall, courtesy of the devil.

Music for fall, and it’s oh-so-dreamy.

The eye candy of David Gandy.

A trio of poems: one for morning, one for afternoon, and one for night.

Hunks were in healthy supply, thanks to  the studly likes of Patrick Wilson, Jonathon Nason, Tyler Glenn, Brendon Urie, Tom Varndell, and Gary Lucy.

Night and the River

By Mary Oliver

I have seen the great feet

leaping

into the river

and I have seen moonlight

milky

along the long muzzle

and I have seen the body

of something

scaled and wonderful

slumped in the sudden fire of its mouth,

and I could not tell

which fit me

more comfortably, the power,

or the powerlessness;

neither would have me

entirely; I was divided,

consumed,

by sympathy,

pity, admiration.

After a while

it was done,

the fish had vanished, the bear

lumped away

to the green shore

and into the trees. And then there was only

this story.

It followed me home

and entered my house —

a difficult guest

with a single tune

which it hums all day and through the night—

slowly or briskly,

it doesn’t matter,

it sounds like a river leaping and falling;

it sounds like a body

falling apart.

Mozart, For Example

By Mary Oliver

All the quick notes

Mozart didn’t have time to use

before he entered the cloud-boat

are falling now from the beaks

of the finches

that have gathered from the joyous summer

into the hard winter

and, like Mozart, they speak of nothing

but light and delight,

though it is true, the heavy blades of the world

are still pounding underneath.

And this is what you can do too, maybe,

if you live simply and with a lyrical heart

in the cumbered neighborhoods or even,

as Mozart sometimes managed to do, in a palace,

offering tune after tune,

making some hard-hearted prince

prudent and kind, just by being happy.

A Note Left on the Door

By Mary Oliver

There are these: the blue

skirts of the ocean walking in now, almost

to the edge of town,

and a thousand birds, in their incredible wings

which they think nothing of, crying out

that the day is long, the fish are plentiful.

And friends, being as kind as friends can be,

striving to lift the darkness.

Forgive me, Lord of honeysuckle, of trees,

of notebooks, of typewriters, of music,

that there are also these:

the lover, the singer, the poet

asleep in the shadows.

Where is the time going? We are almost half-way through the month of September. How is this even possible?? I’ve been out of town at a Bachelor Party weekend in Washington, DC, but I’m recapping the events of the previous week before we get to the rather tame shenanigans of this past weekend.

This coleus was not quite ready to relinquish its colors of summer.

September 11 marked my Dad’s birthday, for which I wrote the traditionally-belated post.

Vibrant colors of blossoming ballerinas.

Nick Jonas made the promotional rounds at a few gay spots for his new television endeavor, including Andy Cohen’s ‘Watch What Happens Live’ and a couple of gay clubs. Oh, and he was shirtless here.

Words of economy. 

The end of summer is when things get sticky and sweet.

A bit of summer shirtlessness was resurrected by Chris Evans.

Giving wet head.

Sometimes late summer smolders at the end just as it did at its height, as evidenced by the Hunks of the Day: Brad Van Buuren, Killian Jones and Stuart Hatton.

The day I wrote this song, I was sitting in a circle of people of all ages and we were asked, “Why are you here.” Why am I here?? This really hit me on a deep level. I realized no one had ever asked me that question before.
As I prepare to give birth to a new child, I can’t help and think about the world I’m bringing my baby into. No matter where we come from, when we see the state of the world today, we can all feel the growing frustration and desire to make a difference. And we all have a voice – we just need to know how to make it heard.
I have a vision that I believe is more than a dream, that I know can be our reality.
I believe in an empowered world community built on the true meaning of equality – where we are all considered one people, regardless of race, religion, gender, zip code, belief system or sexual orientation.
I believe all of our voices should be heard, so that our representation reflects our population. We need our leadership to reflect an equal balance of the gifts that both men and women have to offer.
I believe in a world where every child born receives a quality education – where their unique gifts are nurtured so that they may be a beneficial presence in this world.
I believe in mutual respect and cooperation among all peoples and all nations. It is time to end all forms of racial injustice for our black brothers and sisters and all people of color.
I believe in an end to the prison industrial complex in America and a renewed justice system that is based on fairness and truth.
I believe in universal global health care based on Integrative Medicine, so that our bodies are acknowledged and treated as one system, and we can help control the spread of diseases like AIDS, Malaria, TB and Ebola.
I believe we have an ability to end poverty, oppression, and hopelessness that often breeds despair, terror, and violence.
I believe in common sense gun laws that serve to protect children and families and society from unnecessary violence.
I believe in Peace & Love & Unity.
I believe that this vision can be a reality.
And, it’s not about me. It’s about WE.
Together we can give birth to a kinder and more peaceful world for ALL children.
Our souls were brought together so that we can love each other sister, brother. We Are Here. We are here for all of us. That’s why ‪#‎WeAreHere‬.
Sent with Light,
Alicia Keys

There are things you can’t reach. But
You can reach out to them, and all day long.

The wind, the bird flying away. The idea of god.

And it can keep you busy as anything else, and happier.

I look; morning to night I am never done with looking.

Looking I mean not just standing around, but standing around
As though with your arms open.

― Mary Oliver