Category Archives: General

Easing into the Holidaze

Turning the calendar to November puts us instantly into the start of the holiday proper season. We held onto unseasonably balmy weather right until the end of October, but November wants nothing to do with that kind of cheap sentiment. There’s no rain colder than a November rain. That’s why there’s whiskey.

Personally, I prefer cognac, especially if it’s served in a sidecar (a variation on the persnickety brandy that is traditionally abused). But I’ll take any cozy amber-hued liquor when the days go dark this early. Served on the mantle of a fireplace, or on a candle-lit side table, the simple snifter demands to be sniffed.

It’s time for darker fragrances too, and I go deep into Tom Ford Private Blend territory for this moment in the year. ‘Japon Noir’ and its smoky, soapy vision starts the month off, when scarves and wool and slept-in weekends are the order of the season. Supplemented by a few days here and there of ‘Tuscan Leather’ my seasonal scent map is tentatively drawn.

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A Surprise Halloween Post

After my summer sabbatical from blogging, I vowed to treat you (or trick you as today’s case may be) to a different and occasionally-unexpected posting schedule. It goes against the cardinal rule of blogging, which is to stick to a set schedule, but that’s why I like it. When you know the rules you can break them. Hence this surprise post on a day when this blog usually goes dark.

Tonight, we welcome the neighborhood children to our home for free candy in a resigned bow to socially-sanctioned extortion. (And by we, I mean that Andy will be handing out candy with a smile and genuine amusement while I hover in the background nervously sipping a strong cocktail, possibly draped in a velvet cloak lined with purple satin but more likely still in work clothes since everything starts so early these days.)

Our front yard will both beckon and warn the unwary passers-by. A stand of castor beans overhangs the walkway, waiting to grab anyone with its prickly seedpods. Its immense leaves spread wide like an outstretched hand – fingertips elongating to fiendish needle points. A thorny clump of barberry waits to shred the calves of those careless enough to ignore proscribed boundaries. Even our pastel cleome comes with sporadic razor points laying in wait for anyone daring enough to pick one of her pretty flower heads. My plants fulfill two very important needs: protection and prettiness.

When the veil between the physical and spiritual worlds is this thin, we need beauty and barricades.

Happy Halloween, everybody. 

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The Eve of All Hallow’s Eve: Recap

Halloween is my day off, which means I will dress down and let the amateurs have their fun. See you on Thursday, when I’ll be back to the usual shenanigans. Until then, check out the previous week here. It was positively ghoulish. 

It began with the paws of a lion, padding along even the late in the growing season. 

A couple of Halloween heroes

Things that go Boo

A party song with a melancholy undertow.

NYC adventures!

NYC adventures with Suzie!

A perfect marriage: flowers and fashion

Vote for the next Three-Time Hunk of the Day

An outfit fashioned out of black lace, red garters, and a thong

Halloween time again. 

Hunks of the Day included Miles Kennelly & Zander Hodgson.

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Halloween Heroes

Never thought I’d be so moved by a couple of kids and their parents, but watch this all the way through and get the tissues handy. 

Then check out the rest of the work that Landwirth Legacy is doing

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An Out-of-Time Recap

It was a promise I made after taking this summer’s break from blogging: no rules, no restrictions, and no obligation to blog for any other reasons than inspiration and desire. On this Monday, I’m writing one quick recap, because I spent all day yesterday in New York with Suzie. We shall get to that later in the week. (Everyone loves a Suzie Adventure.) First things first.

One of the very first Private Blends by Tom Ford was Tuscan Leather. All these years later, I finally came around to it. 

Ease on down the yellow brick road

Andy celebrated the first birthday since losing his father, and though it was a relatively somber affair, there was cake and pie and shrimp cocktail. 

Get your Boo on at the upcoming Boojolais Vampire Ball this Friday, October 27.

A quarter of a century ago, Madonna released ‘Erotica’ and ‘Sex’ and my world would never be the same. 

Going for the Gold Rim

It’s a sad day when I end up defending children from a cashier at Lowe’s

Hunks of the Day included Billy Eichner, Lewis Hamilton, Philip Fusco and Diego Arnary.

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Uncharacteristically Defending Kids At Lowe’s

It’s a sad day when I, of all people, have to defend children at Lowe’s, from one of their own cashiers no less. Let’s set the scene: a sleepy weeknight at Lowe’s Albany-Northway, Store #1973, about 7 pm. I needed one thing: a paintbrush. A single paintbrush. Finding it within a couple of minutes, I hurried to the register area, where a guy with a bunch of shelves and brackets on a cart was just checking out. I moved over to the self-checkout area because the woman was having trouble getting the brackets to scan. Reclaiming my time…

Usually, I don’t do the self-checkout. Having worked in retail for a number of years, I have the scanning bug out of my system, and I’ll happily wait a few minutes so as not to deal with all the glitches that invariably accompany my luck with self-checkout. For a single paintbrush with an easy-to-locate bar code, however, I tried to make an exception. I passed another Lowe’s worker and when none of the scanners seemed to be working I asked if she could help. 

“Those aren’t on,” she said dismissively.

“Oh, could you check me out then?”

“There’s a line already open,” she said, then went back to doing nothing. 

I got back in the line and there was still an issue with the scanning. Andrea the cashier was trying to scan and check the customers out, but it wasn’t happening. Minutes ticked by. People joined the only line in the store. Now, I have to give credit to Lowe’s because up until this night they were usually great about making sure that there aren’t lines or long waits (with the very annoying exception of the garden center in spring). On this night, however, they suspended that service for some reason. The line grew to nine people (of which three children were a part). 

Finally, I said something, “Can you call someone else over – you’ve got nine people in this line.”

Andrea gave me a smug smile before saying, “There’s not nine people in line.”

I looked behind me, including at the kids. Andrea looked too. “The kids don’t count,” she said, almost under her breath.

For the most part, when someone says ‘kids don’t count’ I’m all on board with that. Normally I would be 100% behind the sentiment. I mean, sign me up for the kid-bashing ball. But not this night, not when I’m waiting in a line and explaining to the lady at the register that there’s nine people in the line and she says there’s not. At that point we have a problem.

“Umm, kids do count,” I said, somewhat taken aback at the words that were coming out of my mouth. 

She then went further, with a little condescending smile: “They only count if they pay.”

Nope. Sorry, Andrea. They’re in line standing there, they count. She proceeds to give me the snottiest look ever, and I know snotty looks. I’ve been giving snotty looks for years. I know them well. That’s cool though – if I can give them I can take them. I can also call Andrea out on this blog. She is an awful employee, and not such a great person based on how she acted. 

Finally, someone else came over to open another register. (The line really was ridiculous.) I checked out, thankfully not having to deal with Andrea (who still seemed unable to finish up with those original customers) and left with a single paintbrush.

It better be one damn good paintbrush.

 

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Wizardry Redux

We need more of this. 

Ease on down the yellow brick road with this amazing high school homecoming performance. 

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October’s Bright Balmy Recap

With the weather this far from frightful, I’m grateful for the bonus days of balmy weather. Though it’s scheduled to depart by the time this post goes up, at the time of its writing its warm enough to swim. More on that to come, perhaps. For now, the weekly recap before my mid-week-weekend break. 

We began peering in on how two straight guys end up exchanging phone numbers

Fifty shades of shirtlessness with Jamie Dornan. 

I found this heart in need of a home

The days of dahlias

Revisiting our fall family trip to Ogunquit

True blue baby

Pietro Boselli, Alexander SkarsgÃ¥rd, Derek Yates, Cameron Dallas, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Nick Jonas, Adam Driver, Giles Marini and Calvin Harris in all their shirtless black and white glory

Super-saturated colorful mayhem

A magical moon rising over Maine. 

The Madonna Timeline will be coming back in a big way... but these things must be done delicately. 

Hunks of the Day included Lotan Carter, Brett Edward Stout, Aron Baynes, and Nick Muscardo.

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When Men Exchange Numbers

Kristi Barlette recently lamented that it wasn’t socially appropriate to strike up a conversation, ask for a person to exchange numbers, and become friends after a single brief interaction in a store, but I beg to differ. (Well, that’s my extravagant extrapolation from a single FaceBook post of hers.) The point is that I just saw the exact described scenario play out the other day at Colonie Center.

I was browsing the clearance section of Barnes & Noble (don’t judge – they have hidden gems there! I once found discounted hard-cover versions of one of my favorite books – ‘The God in Flight‘ by Laura Argiri – for $2.97 or something ridiculously cheap and bought them all for friends). As I wound my way around the celebrity dish stuff and then the calendars, I happened upon a conversation just struck up by two strangers. I hovered nearby, listening to see if it was a pick-up because once in a great while I’m nosy like that. (As a general rule, I’m not.) The days of randomly picking people up in person seem quaint now and I was intrigued – it’s rare for two guys to just start gabbing, right? Or is that a gross and unfair assumption? Guilty for making an ass of myself if so. Alas, they were both straight, at least one was, based on his ready revelation that he had just gotten married (to his girlfriend) in Jamaica. The other guy offered his congratulations. They talked about destination weddings for a bit, then jobs and careers, and then the other guy extended his hand and introduced himself officially. 

By this point I was invested, like in some stupid reality show that comes on after a decent Real Housewives episode, and you don’t want to watch and you say it’s so stupid and then you just have to know why the girl with the lotus tattoo is SO MAD at the guy with the mopey slacker vibe. 

Eventually, though, their talk about mundane things like job satisfaction had turned dull and I was ready to bring my ‘Vogue’ and ‘Vanity Fair’ to the register (I’m an old school magazine-reader for road trips). As I was about to take leave of my eavesdropping expedition, I heard them reintroduce themselves and saw them taking out their phones and exchanging contact info.

“We should get together over a coffee sometime,” I heard one of them saying as they typed their numbers into their phones. “I’ll text you.” So yes, Kristi, apparently people do this sort of thing and it’s not entirely socially unacceptable. If you’re a straight guy, that is. I guess neither of us can relate.

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Fall Faux-Holiday Recap

We don’t celebrate Columbus Day much in these parts, other than for the day off from work. Instead, we celebrate the here and now, except in posts like this, when we celebrate the week that came before. We are scheduled to be getting back from our annual fall trip to Ogunquit, so this recap is a welcome moment of pause. 

It began in the shadows of the past. Most things do. 

Never trust a Starbucks in a Price Chopper

The sun also rises

Vanity, crushed by morning light

Spiky in scarlet.

Another Alan gets naked

Rainbow tie magic.

Dawson spanks his ass.

Those “things we’d never do again…?” You know she’s singing about anal.

The Hunks were back in full effect with shirtless and pants-less shenanigans from the likes of Troye Sivan, Vernon DavisDavood GhadamiRikk York, and Colby Jansen.

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Morning Mirror, No Hiding

The ravages of forty-plus years of life show most prominently in the morning. After pressing the snooze button for the third time and tumbling out of bed, I walk hesitantly to the bathroom. It is still dark at this hour, and my eyes need a moment to adjust to the unforgiving light of the bathroom vanity.

There’s that word again, in different meaning.

And there’s the same visage in the mirror.

Vanity and happiness are said to be incompatible, but we’ll spend our lives trying to prove the adage incorrect. There’s nothing very valiant or noble about the fight. Still, we try.

On this morning, as on many mornings lately, I feel the years dragging behind me… attached and making things sag that never sagged before. I see the wrinkles and the growing preponderance of gray hair. It doesn’t bother me, but it makes me feel tired. This is why I rarely look back. It’s more exhausting to think of all that came before than to look at what might be ahead. 

Capturing myself here, on this blog, has always been a diary-like exercise, a place to chronicle things and help me make sense of those experiences that get me flummoxed or bummed or inspired. My Virgo nature demands that I document history and get it down so that I can one day remember. And also so that I can feel and find my way through shifting moods and seasonal trends. It’s helpful to understand where we’ve been in order to prepare for where we are going. Patterns are powerful, but not always easily discerned.

This is where I go to decipher such matters. 

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Making Up For Darkness

One of the sole points of solace in the upcoming seasons of cold and fury is the chance to see sunrises like this. From the vantage point of my tenth floor office perch, I get to walk into work and have a moment of peace and calm (before the rest of the work day explodes in typical fashion). I’m usually alone at the early hour, and if I’m careful I can soak in that moment of clarity and peace and carry it with me for the start of the day.

It starts its red rise with just the slightest sliver of light, shooting out of the horizon like a laser beam. Then it happens quickly, right before your eyes, faster than you think it will. Suddenly there is the sun – the full orb burning brightly in a fiery shade of salmon before it gets brighter and loses all color.

If we’re lucky she will repeat the show at the end of the day, flipping and reversing it.

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This Price Chopper Starbucks Still Sucks

First off, an apology to both Starbucks and Price Chopper: I’m sorry I tried you again. I’ve had so many problems with the Starbucks store at Price Chopper Store #188 on Albany Shaker Road that it’s really my fault for coming back one more time in the hope that this enterprise might resemble a real Starbucks not leased out to Price Chopper. That’s my mistake. 

Next, however, the latest issue. A few days ago I tried ordering a decaf frappucino only to be told that they couldn’t make one. With that in mind, I thought it best to keep things simple. A simple decaf. Whether it be a pour over or previously-brewed one, I didn’t care, I just assumed they couldn’t mess up a decaf coffee. Grande. Not too much, not too little. 

Kiara took my order (she who was unable to make the decaf frap a few short days ago) and then took my Starbucks card. She said it would be $4.27. Umm, for a Grande decaf coffee? This is just coffee – not even an Americano. Are you sure, Kiara? I asked if that was the real price for a decaf coffee. She insisted it was. 

Good Lord, I thought, prices have gone up immensely in a crazy short amount of time. I asked for the receipt to be sure. There it was: $4.27 for a Grande decaf coffee. Since I’d already questioned her once, I thought maybe I was wrong. As her purple-haired co-hort made my drink, I looked it up on my phone and saw that no, $4.27 was about twice what a grande decaf coffee should be. At this point, another girl, who had actually been talking with Kiara and blocking the order area when I arrived, began laughing with her and I was so annoyed I said that I really didn’t think that was the correct price but I would take it up with management later. 

She looked back at the register, finally registering my annoyance. She must have realized her mistake, and her mistake in insisting that it was the correct price, because she told me to come back the next day and tell them that Kiara said I could have a free drink to make up the difference. A sweet gesture, to be sure, but I’m so over this place it’s unlikely that I’ll take her up on it

 

 

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Super Shadow

Leaves scuttled along the street, dry against the cool pavement. The outline of a hat and the billowing shadow of a cape undulated on the pavement, as if in some dramatic trailer to a new superhero movie. Something about it portended danger or might, power or worry, and the wind that tugged and chewed at it carried a vicious bite. What mystery-figure stood so tall, shrouded in cape and millinery madness, on a strange October night?

A streetlight behind me set the captivating motion into relief, where it danced according to the whim of the wind. On this cool night, we had assembled as members of the Amsterdam Marching Rams for the Halloween Parade. I made do with a simple hat and a cape, and though I was small my shadow was larger-than-life, shifting in the waves of air beneath the buzzing streetlamp. It looked much cooler than it was. (When your everyday wardrobe is as outlandish as mine tended to be, Halloween is a welcome day off; amateur hour for the masses who didn’t have the guts on an average weeknight.) As I stood there, my shadow caught the notice of a classmate who remarked that it was “wicked cool.” Another pointed down at it and agreed. Secretly smug that even my shadow was cool, I soon wondered if it might only be my shadow. What if the shell was the best part of the package? What if no one liked what was inside? It was a split second of pride and doubt, and passed quickly. Soon I was consumed with the task of marching with an oboe and trying not to have a double reed get shoved down my throat or into an eye.

I’m not sure why I remember that moment before the parade so distinctly. Nothing of import or note happened – I don’t even remember anything after that first few minutes of assembly. Yet it has stayed with me all these years – and I attribute it to the power of an image. An image of mystery, something that hinted and whispered rather than screamed in perfect bright clarity. It was a notion, a nudge, a suggestion – and somehow it was more powerful and omnipotent because of that.

Elongated and larger than life, my shadow stretched deep into that night, overwhelming and overpowering everything in its path. That it came from such a small kid seemed unfathomable, and my young mind struggled to wrap itself around the idea that I might one day have such reach. I would simply have to remember: the world isn’t kind to little things.

A hat and cape might protect me one day.

Or they might just look cool when set into stark relief.

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An October Evening Recap

Settling into a new schedule takes some adjustment. I’d ask how you were enjoying the new set-up, but it’s not changing anytime soon so what’s the point? I dig it, a lot, and as a wise man once said I should be doing what makes me happy here, so let’s go over the last week in posts. Then I’ll see you on Thursday.

It began in earnest in the spirit of Miranda Priestley

Tom Ford offered something that was truly ‘Fucking Fabulous.’

Billy Joel gave us music for night-walking

Meet Matthew Olson, the shirtless violinist

Rose fireworks

Nyle DiMarco got butt-ass naked

A Boston mooning

October: the month that goes Boo!

A Tom Ford fragrance that won’t break the bank. 

Cameron Dallas takes his first bow as Hunk of the Day. 

The trumpet of an angel

When the spring becomes the rose

Send in the clown.

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