Category Archives: General

A Festive Weekly Recap

The holidays are in full swing here, with gatherings and parties and good cheer. Around this time, the stress tends to get to me, as much as I have planned and plotted, and everything comes so quickly I have to remind myself to stop, honor and enjoy the moment, and remember what really matters. A quick look back then, before we re-enter season of hustle and bustle…

Some office humor, and how to read my e-mails

Holiday retail fun

Rainbows and unicorns. That’s all.

Holiday bros

A rosemary pomegranate cocktail

Christmas greens

The 2018 Holiday Stroll: Part One, Part Two and Part Three

Follow these #TinyThreads to deeper thoughts. 

Hunks of the Day included Dave Marshall (seen in the featured pics here), Brad PaisleyBaptiste Giabiconi, Kevin HartGonçalo Teixeira and Jarrod Spector.

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Holiday Structure

Every once in a while I’ll miss the carefree days of my retail career, when I first started working at the Faneuil Hall Structure (before it became Express Men or whatever it is these days), and the thrill of earning my own paycheck while doing something I loved was novel and inspiring. By the time the holiday season rolled around, I had made a name for myself in my home store, and the crew we had working then was a good group. I genuinely liked them all, to a person, and they accepted and liked me in return. It took a retail job to finally feel like I belonged somewhere, and that sort of realization cannot and should not be undervalued. It changed my life. But this post will not be going that deep – holidays bring back enough of those memories. No, this post is just a light-hearted memory of what it was like to work in retail during these hectic shopping weeks.

It started on black Friday – and the first time I worked it I stood by the entrance door eagerly awaiting the crush of people. One of the first customers through the door was Nancy Kerrigan. Starstruck (this was only one year after the whole Tonya Harding ordeal), I asked her if she needed help looking for anything. She gave me major stink-eye and attitude, causing me to wonder whether I was Team Tonya after all. I left her alone after that.

There was no mad rush then, not at the start of the day. It came in waves, slowly building until a line snaked through the store and we were just frantically ringing sales instead of trying to sell anything on the floor. For break time, I would go downstairs and into Quincy Market and the long double row of food vendors that was crowded even in non-holiday times. The crush now was even more maddening, but my Structure name badge, indicating that I was working, seemed to give me extra berth. Or maybe it was the annoyed-to-the-point-of-breaking countenance I wore as soon as I exited the sales floor. Whatever the case, I navigated my way through the sea of tourists, picked up a bread bowl of clam chowder, and somehow found a seat in the center atrium section.

The decorations blinked and sparkled, hanging above us and lending light to the darkened reaches of the room. I sat there, alone in a sea of people, perfectly content and happy to be taking it all in from a distance, and this was a change from my usually-anxious appearance. I watched as parents herded their children ahead of them, and husbands wearily followed their wives or vice versa. I listened to their worries and their laughter and their insignificant stories – the stuff we say to those who mean the most to us but who have already heard all the important things. In the maelstrom of this holiday madness, I sat happily dipping into my bread bowl and witnessing the scene around me. It was finally ok. They didn’t bother or annoy me with their holiday sweaters, they didn’t agitate or irk with their petty disagreements – it was all all right because I belonged somewhere, even if it was on the sixth floor of the Limited Building shelling out ties and khakis, and three pairs of socks for ten dollars. That’s the thing about feeling like you belonged somewhere: suddenly you belonged everywhere.

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How to Translate My Office Email

I saw these posted on FaceBook the other day, which is about the only thing that FaceBook is good for these days. These are translations of typical office email phrases, and I am completely guilty of using these all the time. (I may also have been guilty of using their translations at various points in my state career, but I digress.) Some days I think that working in Human Resources is just one big exercise in not-so-veiled passive-aggression. Emails like these are spot on, and I imagine it’s not only in the realm of HR. 

On a serious note, in case anyone is stumbling upon this looking for real-world advice on how to write an office email, I have a system that works wonders for me. If ever I’m in doubt that one of my messages is too harsh or might be misconstrued (like, all of them) I write everything I want to say in a draft, then minimize it and get up and walk away from the computer. By the time I return, I will re-read it in the most negative way I can muster, and chances are I’ll have to severely edit that shit down into something that won’t result in tears. And I do. That’s how you don’t get fired. Anyway, enjoy these and see if you can relate. 

 

 

 

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The 1st Recap for Dec. 2018

What a week!

This year’s Holiday Stroll should have concluded last night, but since I write this well in advance, who knows? Mercury is still scheduled to be in retrograde and there’s no telling what went down with Kira. This past week was a doozy – considering it included the release of this year’s incendiary Holiday Card. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go back first…

One mean meme.

Finding joy at the utterly inept JoAnn’s Fabric Store.

A Clockwork Cactus.

Hold on for the holidays.

Madonna in motion.

Portal of sunlight, into the past.

Joan Crawford gives us entertaining advice, and I suppose she should know.

November went bye-bye-bye.

A two-part look at Holiday cards from the past: Part One and Part Two.

The Holiday Card 2018.

In the words of songstress Paula Abdul

A few #TinyThreads as we delve into the holiday season.

Hunks of the Day included Omari Hardwick, Arno Diem and KJ Apa.

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C-C-C-Cold Hearted, Ohh Ah, Ahhhhh…

When the rhododendron leaves disappear, curling into themselves for warmth, you know the day is a cold one. The shrubs you see here are actually a miniature version of their more common broader-leafed relative. We used to have one in front of our house, and whenever the temperature dropped well below freezing, this was their disgusted stance. It must be their way of survival, because being a broad-leafed evergreen in this climate zone is no mean feat.

We dug our rhodie out years ago; it simply got too big and unwieldy for its space. I rather naively planted a wedding cake viburnum in its place, which outgrew the area in a few years. Currently there’s a slow-growing umbrella pine in that spot, which looks to remain for the foreseeable future. It’s airy enough to allow for sightlines beyond its elegant whorls, and it too remains evergreen the year round. The neighbors across the street still have a few rhododendron shrubs, so if we need a quick gauge of how cold it is we have only to look up the road and see whether the leaves are in hiding.

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The Holiday Card 2018

I’m not going to explain this year’s Holiday Card. It is, quite simply, a reflection of our country and our world at a dim moment in our history. It is no longer enough to pretend that life is beautiful. It is time to bring the ugly things into the light, to examine and try to understand how we got here. We share this burden, and I hope we share a way out from under it. Let these images remind us of where we came from, of what we once allowed to happen, of what might possibly happen again. In this holiday season, may we find kindness and compassion and a desire to promote good in the world. May we treat each other a little better, may we find common ground, and may we reach an acceptance and reconciliation of our differences. We are all in this together.

“Those who are cannot remember the past…

Are condemned to repeat it.”

~ George Santayana

{The complete ‘PVRTD’ project may be found online on The Projects page.}

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Years and Years of Holiday Cards – Part 2

Continued from the first part, this post will bring us through last year’s Holiday Card before this year’s big reveal tomorrow. While 2010 had a sweet focus, the photo I used for 2011’s card was perhaps the sweetest one I’ve ever done, and was the first, and thus far only, time I’ve appeared with children. My niece and nephew – Emi and Noah – co-starred in this summer shot, as I pulled them along in their Radio Flyer. It personified family fun and was proof that they loved me in spite of my cut-off jeans.

Following a couple years of innocence and sweetness, the tiger in me was ready to unleash a more provocative card for 2012. With Janice Joplin’s classic ‘Piece of My Heart’ as inspiration, I staged this macabre holiday heart scene. I think I loved it most for the fact that I didn’t have to worry about my hair for the first time in forever. It’s the little things that matter. (This was also the first front and back photo card that I produced, and as such I wanted it to be striking.)

Making amends with those who weren’t enthralled with the bloody turn of 2012, I offered this saccharine throwback, which was the easiest card I’ve ever done because it had been created in the early 1980’s and all I had to do was scan the thing in. It’s me and my brother in our sleeper pajamas, gleefully surveying a Christmas morning from our childhood. I miss those pajamas.

From childhood innocence to adult/illegal activity, the Holiday Card from 2014 – aptly entitled ‘Let It Snow!’ – found me sniffing the white stuff (baking soda, if you must know the truth) – and was part of the rollercoaster journey of ‘The Delusional Grandeur Tour: Last Stand of a Rock Star‘, hence the rock-star antics on display. This might have been disliked even more than the torn-out holiday heart card as seen above.

Veering from illicit powder to lumberjack beefcake, the evergreen-backed card from 2015 was a simple and quick one-off shot from our backyard. Fun fact: that ax has never been used to chop wood, nor would I know where to even begin.

Easily my most-hated Holiday Card thus far (though this year may give it a run for its money), my image from 2016 was inspired by the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but nobody seemed to get the baby-in-cheek humor. Hey, child-birth isn’t all rainbows and roses, and the fact that I have to explain this to people is wonky in itself. I happen to love everything about this card, especially the misunderstood reactions and across-the-board refusal of everyone to display it. In all likelihood, it will never be topped.

Finally, we have arrived at last year’s card, which was classy and tasteful and all sorts of tired and dull adjectives. It was shot in the Boston condo, and that’s a real Negroni in the gold-rimmed cocktail glass. I took about fifty photos to get this one – and when I got back to Albany to go over the goods, my fly was down in every single photo. I was going for the profile anyway, and I can finally say that I got my cock out for a Holiday Card. Meant to be.

{Come back here tomorrow for the reveal of this year’s Holiday Card…}

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Years and Years of Holiday Cards – Part 1

Tomorrow I will unveil this year’s Holiday Card (which most of you have already seen if you bothered to look at the PVRTD Project). In anticipation of that, here’s a quick look back at all the Holiday Cards I’ve sent out since 2004. (There are many others that were made before we went digital, but for the complete collection I need to do some serious archive digging, and that’s not happening this week. Besides, all that went down from 1995-2004 is best left in the past.)

The featured ice queen pic is from 2004, which was printed in black and white – an unintentional oversight on my part, but one that worked since color wasn’t key to the experience. Here it is as originally intended.

For 2005 and 2006, we went skintastic – first with a mirrored-jock cup and nipple clamps, then with the whole crucifixion scene to go with ‘The Revelation‘ project of the time (definitely a holiday project worth revisiting at this time of the year).

From not clothed to overclothed, 2007 brought my version of Santa Claus by the dumpster. Some Jack and a smoke made this a strangely beloved card. (It’s one of my least favorites, of course.)

If I’ve done something saucy like that Bad Santa, the next year I usually go in the opposite direction with something sweet or somber. The latter was in play for 2008, when I chose this simple photo that Andy took in Ogunquit. At the Beautiful Place by the Sea, this remains a sentimental joy.

The pendulum swings back to some skin in 2009, as viewers get a glimpse of upper-ass glory and a pair of wings that would play a part in ‘A 21stCentury Renaissance: The Resurrection Tour’.

2010 was a very special year for us, as Andy and I got married in the Boston Public Garden. We celebrated a few months later in Amsterdam, New York, when I wore this extravagant coat sewn by Marline’s Momma. I put it back on for this poolside shot with Andy, as that year marked our tenth anniversary as a couple, and our first as a pair of husbands.

{Come back in a few hours to see the Holiday Cards from 2011 through 2017…}

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Fare Thee Well, November…

Thirty days hath September, April, June and November…

We’ve reached the last of the latter, so let’s look back at some of the highlights of this past month. It will be remembered in these parts mostly for the PVRTD Project – my first official project in three years, and one which has me hankering to get started on the next. That’s a very good thing. Anyway, the bulk of the PVRTD Promo posts are encapsulated here, so give it a whirl.

Actually, I’m not going to do all that work. Here are the recaps for the month – do your own homework! I have holiday preparations on the agenda…

The first recap included the tail end of October, which is fitting since some of my behind was included in this post as well

The second recap consisted of a mask-bound photo and all the requisite perversion one might expect.

For our third recap, we entered the week of Thanksgiving. No going back now.  

Finally, if it seems like we just had a recap, you’re right. Here it is. And another one is on the way in just a few short days. 

 

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Entertaining by Joan Crawford

I wouldn’t advise taking parenting tips from Joan Crawford, but when it comes to throwing an adult party (or cleaning a bathroom, I suppose) you could do worse than by following her standards. Now that holiday party season is upon us, we need her wisdom more than ever. (The emphasis is everything.)

Joan Crawford on entertaining at home:

 “The best parties are a wild mixture of people. Take some actresses, a bearded painter, your visiting friends from Brussels, a politician, a hairdresser, and then toss them all together. It’s especially important to have all age groups. Of course I wouldn’t want to have hippies come crawling in with unwashed feet, but all the younger people I know are bright and attractive and have something to say and they dress like human beings. Another important party secret is I always add a splash of vodka to everything. Nobody knows and everyone ends up having a wonderful time.”

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We Are The Toothpaste Tube

As we kick into high holiday gear, there are going to be days when we are all this broke-down tube of toothpaste: hanging on for dear life, emptied and exhausted, on the verge of collapse, on the edge of sanity or the bathroom shelf.

At times like this it’s good to remind yourself that this too shall pass. Then get back out there and resume the holiday mayhem and magic. ‘Tis the season!

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Joy at the Wretched JoAnn’s Fabric Store

The coupon flyer arrived like clockwork, and since not many coupons for 25% off the entire order arrive regularly, I bit, even though the hours were limited to 7 AM to 1 PM. I was going to try the day after Black Friday to score some deals at JoAnn’s Fabrics. After over a decade and a half of shopping experiences there, I can honestly and accurately claim that the JoAnn’s Fabric Store in Colonie is the most mis-managed retail operation in existence. I know retail. I worked retail for a number of years. They suck. And I speak from countless visits where the line snaked around the store, two inept people were on the register, and ten workers paraded around the store doing absolutely nothing. 

But whatever, they are such a big company they don’t give a damn about quality service, so I long ago gave up on complaining or changing anything. That’s the mindset you need to have going into that store, unless you want to get really pissed off and angry. I didn’t and I don’t. I arrived, glanced over at the registers and saw one person there, while another worker stood at the door holding a big green balloon and doing nothing else. Completely pointless and a total waste of resources. Totally JoAnn’s Fabric. Like, spot-on brand work. Happily, I wasn’t in a rush. It was 7:15 AM on Saturday, and I had nowhere to be or go. I ran into about eight more workers on the floor. A line was already forming in the fabric section. Thank God I didn’t need any fabric. 

I took my time perusing the doorbusters and stuff, seeking out garland for the upcoming Boston Children’s Holiday Hour. I found some, along with some gifts for my niece and nephew, and made my way leisurely to the register. I passed a harried-looking woman who had stopped right before the register section Walking past her, I sensed she was pissed – but hey, don’t stop and bend down to look further and expect me to wait for your ass. Sorry. 

Two workers on the registers, and two women in line behind the two already at the counter. 

“I’m in line!” the first one shrieked to no one in particular. “I was with her,” she said pointing to someone already checking out, “But we’re separate so I’m next!”

Like I gave a shit. 

The woman behind me wasn’t having it. “Great, just two days into the shopping season and already an a-hole. I can’t stand this,” she muttered. 

The woman in front of me had a cart full of stuff. “They never have enough registers open,” she said. The woman behind me then launched into a tirade about how the fabric section had a line and no one could get a simple cut of ribbon she needed for an event that morning. I stood between the two of them nodding. It’s JoAnn’s. It always sucks. 

The woman in front of me finally had her turn. It took forever. The lady behind me explained she thought she could just rush in and get the ribbon she needed for her event and this was entirely ridiculous and JoAnn’s just didn’t know how to do anything, and I absolutely agreed. My arms were starting to get tired from holding all the garland and kids’ gifts. Still, I was in no rush, and this woman obviously was. Five minutes later, when a register finally opened (the lady holding the green balloon saw that we were waiting forever and put the balloon down to take a register) I told her to go first. She initially said no, but I insisted and she thanked me. I told her I had nowhere to go and wasn’t in a rush. (Plus, truth be told, I didn’t trust someone whose sole task had been holding a balloon at the door to check me out.)

All in a day at the Colonie JoAnn’s Fabric Store. 

PS – The garland was way overpriced, even with the sale. 

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Mid-Day Meme

For the most part, I abhor a meme. 

This is one of the exceptions. 

Because I love Pooh.

And the sentiment.

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Recap as the Holiday Season Gets Under Way

We are in it now.

The 2018 Holiday Season.

Feel the stress! Feel the pressure! Feel the power!

We just had a full moon, and Mercury continues in its disruptive retrograde pattern, so God help us all. 

I’m going in with low expectations in the hope that I will be happily surprised with how well things go. The older I get, the less prone to perfectionism I find myself, which makes everyone around me much happier. On to the week that came before…

Naked male momentum.

Fine fitness by Roger Frampton.

Albany made beautiful. 

The work of a Pervert. 

A day of extra-special thanks.

Turkey-lurkey, goosey-loosey.

Finally got to see ‘Come From Away’ on Broadway

A weekend in NYC with Mom, Dad and Andy. 

How to get through the holidays: press pause

All soup, no nuts. 

The Tailspin Cocktail – a new holiday favorite. 

These #TinyThreads made for fun interludes. 

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