Category Archives: General

The New Year’s bang now a faded memory (and thank goodness), we can return to a hopefully peaceful start to 2019, and a renewed effort to bring some calm into this online world. I’m deeply enjoying ‘Heaven and Earth Are Flowers: Reflections on Ikebana and Buddhism’ by Joan D. Stamm – it’s part of the research for a new project, and is a wonderful rumination on quiet things of beauty and, if all goes well, enlightenment. A calm and bright beginning to a year in which kindness is one of my major goals.

Beneath the slumber of winter, there is work to be done. What we do now will lay the groundwork for what comes up in the spring and summer. Yet it is also a time of reflection and stillness. There is no rush to any of this, and sometimes you have to lose a weekend to sleepy lounging or appreciating the last few days of a beautiful Christmas tree. I came upon Andy sitting on the couch and looking at the tree, and was pleasantly reminded of the moments that matter, the moments that form the quiet in-between time of real life – the simple golden sheen of companionship and love – and I vowed to slow down a bit.

Going back to the simple and true is the best plan of action for the early days of winter.

A cup of green tea warms the hands.

A pot of soup simmers on the stove.

A spray of paperwhites perfumes the air.

There is beauty here, and comfort.

Sit, unwind, breathe and relax.

We will wind our way through the winter…

Splitting up the year was our second annual summer break – so from late June to September this space went dark. It was nice, but I did find myself hankering to post a few times; this year we may be switching it up a bit, but that’s in the future. This post is all about the past, so let’s finish up this year and move on already. (Don’t forget to see Part One first.)

June 2018:

Our Broadway trip included a performance of ‘The Boys in the Band’.

Andy and I returned to New York for this magnificent show by Betty Buckley. More here…

The preciously elusive Jack-in-the-pulpit. 

My favorite book of the year: ‘The Summer That Melted Everything‘. 

A simple summer treat by the pool.

Pretty in sight and scent. 

A path of pink petals.

Meeting one of my favorite legends: Betty Buckley.

Two simple words, one tiny prick. 

A summer frag.

Summer rain calls for this underwear.

Show of the dog. 

Remembering Andy’s Dad.

Central Park in the summer, fading like a flower. 

The danger zone: showing off my rear for the very first time. 

Shirtless summer smut.

Hummingbird invitation. 

Everyone’s favorite guest blogger Skip returned with this post. 

Threading an olive with a garlic scape. 

We prepared for summer break with this oldie. 

Unforgivable.

Chaos, cologne and Chris. 

A haunting summer song: ‘Mer Girl’ by Madonna. 

Visiting a castle in Amsterdam with the family. 

A summer tale in NYC: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven and Eight. (Because I can draw anything out.)

A summer trip to Boston and Cape Cod. 

Adam Rippon finally got naked. 

Wild & free.

Everybody needs some time all alone. 

A summer recap within a Year in Review. 

In case you missed all these hunks, catch up and re-explore them here. 

Summer always brings back memories of my brother. 

Saying goodbye for another summer. 

August 2018:

A lone secret post from the middle of the night. 

September 2018:

Before Autumn regained its throne, Summer had one more three-part show in which to shine: Part One, Part Two and Part Three. 

I showed you my banana. 

Here comes the fall.

A new Tom Ford frag: Fougere D’Ardent.

Brotherhood in its youth.

The birth of a new feature: #TinyThreads – An Insignificant Series. 

Of Speedos and men and such.

Memories of the cosmos. 

Getting some religion in me. 

Simon Dunn got all naked and sexy again. 

Additional anticipation. 

Behind the curtain, under the veil. 

John Krasinski’s naked ass.

October 2018:

Freaks in the middle.

Shady apple memory.

Stephen got married, while his Mom turned 80.

Sleeping within earshot of the fountain. 

Madonna may be at her best in the fall.

Get this ghapama!

The PVRTD Project, officially announced. 

Most things begin with blood. 

Misty water-colored memories. 

VPL: Visible Penis Line. 

Not necessarily for consumption.

Iris, in sunny shades.

Trumpet taps for a trumpet flower.

The next big underwear bulge?

A secret cologne indulgence: SJP.

I tried to get back into YouTube, and I failed. 

Andy’s cake day.

Seeking treasure with the Ilagan twins. 

A warming soup. 

That time I made a water aerobics class move to Madonna.

Vermont weekends in the fall.

Ben Cohen got back in the sexy for a calendar shoot.

Dick on my face.

Autumn dinner party.

For Halloween, I dressed as Mr. M.

November 2018:

Dreaming of the lost years.

Violent melancholy.

Tacos of the sea.

Smudging for fall.

November was all about the release of PVRTD.

Without further ado: PVRTD.

A fruity fragrance.

The Starbucks on Pearl Street still sucks.

Giving thanks in a recap.

We saw ‘Come From Away‘ and loved it. 

New York City with the family.

This was my advice on how to get through the holidays. I did not follow it, and I paid dearly.

My attitude here simply did not last.

Fading and falling, like particles of dust.

December 2018:

Ahh yes, the Holiday Cards… in all their questionable glory. 

This year’s holiday card was nothing short of perverted. 

Into the maelstrom of retail.

From the grandest of intentions, to the most dismal of realities. 

A Christmas cocktail.

A Happy Holiday Stroll saw us take Boston early, and in lovely form. 

This year’s Christmas tree came from our front yard.

Beautiful boxes make beautiful gifts. 

Within the heart of a Christmas tree.

An inevitable holiday burnout.

But with a little holiday levity…

And a few (lot) of children to bring back the spirit…

They turned Christmas around, and reminded me of what it was all about. 

Christmas cinema.

I got a nude attitude. 

The secret Russian Christmas tea revealed!

Rounding out the year of our 15th anniversary were 15 favorite posts.

The arrival of winter.

Sexy Christmas hunks, and their naked links. 

Isn’t it over yet?

Now it is done.

Wildly reeling.

How to smell like the holidays in a year like this. 

A Filipino feast of seven dishes. 

Social media madness (and my naked ass all over the place). 

All the hunks of the year in one link-littered post. 

Way back in the beginning…

While the world watched itself burn, this site put forth its best efforts at being an escape, and for its fifteenth anniversary I am compiling two end-of-the-year posts, because looking back is never all that it’s cracked up to be. (And why would we want to crack something anyway?) Here we go!

January 2018:

It began with a fuchsia top hat, as any good year does. 

Back to basics with David Beckham in his underwear.

So much of my life has been subconsciously inspired by this movie. 

The best sandwich of the year.

A cologne to combat the winter. And a meal to warm it up. 

Michael Phelps in his underwear, and Ricky Martin out of his.

Andy loves his automobiles. 

Pati Jinich has changed my life for the better. 

A happy retail ending. 

This is how I smell Fucking Fabulous. 

Grand Budapest magic. 

A favorite friend, a favorite city. 

A lost loved one.

Bringing back the cocktail hour with Lawrence Welk. 

How I make social media bearable. 

February 2018:

Winter water and its accompanying robe. 

Super Bowl nakedness.

Justin Timberlake loses his trousers.

The Blushing Betty.

Speedo-clad nostalgia. 

More nostalgia… and still more nostalgia (thank you ‘Dawson’s Creek’). 

An unexpected Valentine.

A winter dinner party as hosted by my brother; it turned out quite well. 

Cigarettes After Sex.

Taking stock in the snow. 

Hint of a new project.

March 2018:

We celebrated the 15th anniversary of this website.

Madonna celebrated the 20th anniversary of ‘Ray of Light’. 

Darren Criss flashed his naked ass. 

This movie wrecked me in the best possible way. 

Gratuitous linkage.

The day Skip turned 40.

Winter beauty.

Meaty March meal.

For the love of ‘Love, Simon’.

Things stayed snowy in March.

My first By Kilian foray brought me Straight to Heaven.

A Madonna preamble.

Dreamy music.

Bouquet curves.

Spring smudging.

April 2018:

The bunny always comes back.

Full-frontal foolishness.

Date night in Saratoga with my husband. 

Family Easter fun.

Shortly after this scathing story, the place closed. 

Spring beginning.

A classic cocktail: the Aviation.

The allure of Adam Lambert.

It’s all about the fizz.

I’m so super fun when I have the flu.

Boston get-together with Suzie, Emi, and Mom. 

Parading through Easter Sunday.

An ‘American Life‘ anniversary. 

A lofty goal…

My silly way of getting through life. 

My take on ‘Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Parts 1 and 2‘. 

Another hint of Madonna, because certain Madonna Timeline entries deserve a big build-up. 

Ladies and gentleman: strike a pose. (Vogue!)

Magic in NYC with Andy, a perfect spring day, and cocktails with family. 

May 2018:

On certain days and at certain times, Albany is deeply beautiful. 

A plan for Broadway.

The night I robbed a Wal-Mart. 

Azalea attention.

Double birthday: Parts One, Two and Three.

A multi-post celebration of our wedding anniversary. 

Happy narcissism. 

We just love our ferns.

A brush with lilacs.

On Broadway with Mom, Parts One, Two, Three and Four. 

‘Once On This Island.’

‘Dear Evan Hansen.’

Underneath the cherry snow.

A goal realized, but not to last…

Preparing for summer break.

Zac Efron filling out his Speedo.

Virtual Ogunquit.

Dreaming of Cher.

May I?

{The second, and last, part of this Year in Review arrives later today… come on back.}

Maybe it just got started a week or two earlier than usual, but for some reason I was completely over this Christmas holiday season many days ago. Reminder to self: next year we need to begin later, because the burn-out is like some tail-whip hangover that just won’t quit.

As for how to survive the actual event itself (and a seven-dish Filipino dinner I’m making for my entire family) I find it best to devolve into fantasy and future-planning. My mind is already onto the days past Christmas – and the first few days of January when all is quiet and everyone is feeling the let-down. That’s where I find inspiration. I have plans for the next project (but you can still see the fuss and hubbub over the last one in this post, and this project page). It’s going to be a bit of a departure from ‘PVRTD‘ – as is my wont – and I’m hoping it will be a peaceful avenue. Actually, it will be a peaceful avenue because I intend it to be.

Until then, I’m biding my time. Staying quiet. Keeping still. Riding out the last few days of the year in subtle style. And looking to the future…

This is one Christmas sandwich most of us won’t be able to replicate at home, but how lovely would it be if we could? According to Twitter-lore, this is what happened when Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhaal tricked Ryan Reynolds into wearing a Christmas sweater at a party without a Christmas sweater theme. “These assholes told me it was a sweater party,” Mr. Reynolds tweeted with the photo. I love this on at least three levels:

1. Ryan Reynolds
2. Jake Gyllenhaal
3. Hugh Jackman

Each of the gentlemen has been featured here a few times:

Ryan Reynolds – In his birthday suit, in his almost-birthday suit, in shirtless motion, and in this menagerie of male nudity. 

Jake Gyllenhaal – In his collaboration with Tom Ford, naked as a jaybird, naked as a swan, naked as a hawk, naked as any given bird. 

Hugh Jackman – In this grouping of hot guys, in this back-end of a recap, and in this criminally hot nude GIF.

I don’t know why, but this song always makes me cry a little. 

It’s ‘Edelweiss’ from ‘The Sound of Music’ – and I honestly can’t explain it. 

“Why didn’t you tell me to bring along my harmonica?”

Welcome back, old friend.

I can say that, right? I mean, I may consider you a friend?

You’ve done this 42 times with me, and for 43 I expect more of the same.

Your drama. Your annoyance. Your cruelty.

In so many ways, we are so alike.

Neither of us wants to own that.

We’d rather pretend we are nothing but pretty.

Innocent and pure and pristine perfection.

But underneath the murkiness runs thick.

We will shed our snow-white veneer and reveal our rich, muddy countenance of life when it’s time to depart for another year. We’re not there yet. No, we’ve only just begun. There’s a long road ahead. That’s how you like it – with your evergreen décor, your dried grasses swaying in the wind, and your insatiable desire to wreak havoc with the sky. You open big – with the shortest day of the year – but you start receding as soon as you appear. The days will only get longer until it’s summer again.

Only then will I forgive you.

It’s what friends do.

With all of the Christmas and holiday mayhem, it’s easy to forget that it’s still technically fall. Not for long, though, as the calendar finally moves us into winter tomorrow. While I’m loathe to begin the snowy season, we can’t finish until we start, so let’s just do this and be done with it. As for fall – the ending is so very different from the beginning that it’s worth a look back at how far we’ve come.

It began in September, when we returned from a summer break. It always takes a few posts to get back into the fall swing of things, so I swung away.

Fall is… a Tuesday morning. 

It’s when we get back into the high heels.

September finale. 

A family wedding. 

Fountain falling. 

Autumnal Madonna.

Ghapama feast. 

Falling for a new project. 

An autumn mist. 

Fall accessories. 

Falling into underwear.

A fall fragrance, not by Tom Ford. 

Subscribe to my YouTube channel and I’ll post more.

Edge of fall.

An almost-annual fall fun-fest. 

Decadent autumn stance. 

Ben Cohen readied his new calendar.

Fall creation. 

Dreaming of fall.

Fall can be perverted…

Wait for it…

1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6…

Smudge it out. 

The premiere of PVRTD.

Fall is for family. 

And finding peace.

And remembering. 

Remember November. 

December is mostly fall too. 

Structure of a holiday. 

A fall cocktail, verging on winter. 

When fall gets festive.

A Christmas tree falls.

Heart at the end of fall.

Fall at 15.

 

Having just returned from a Boston Children’s Holiday Weekend, my brain and body are equally tired, so before I go into that happy story let’s have a quick recap of the week before. 

Every once in a while I get a hankering for one of these. 

This year’s Christmas tree came from our own front yard. 

Holiday revenge or redemption, and what exactly is the difference?

Where beauty meets function, and you meet a perfect holiday gift idea. 

The wonder of a Christmas tree, even after all these years. 

Harsh Christmas reality check. 

Holiday levity.

The 4th Annual Boston Children’s Holiday Hour took place… more on that later. 

Fifteen years of ALANILAGAN.com, and fifteen favorite posts. 

Midnight magic. 

A nude attitude.

Justin Hartley naked, preparing for his stripping Santa scene. 

These #TinyThreads are on the verge of breaking. 

Holiday hunks included Jason Momoa, Don Lemon and Sam Tsui.

On the border of the midpoint of the month, this midnight marks the halfway-demarcation of December. We have not yet begun winter officially, which is a bit of a drag. How can we get to the end when we haven’t even started yet? Not to worry, in less than a week we will be there, the beginning of that cold and barren stretch of time where we mark the days and hunker down in bundled-up misery. Andy and I will become even more home-bound, filling the weekends with the cooking of soups and comfort food, the dishes that take hours to slowly braise, inviting friends and family over to join, or simply enjoying the quiet snow-bound hours with ourselves. Winter must be handled delicately. Mind over matter.

In honor of this website’s fifteenth anniversary, Skip suggested I do a ’15 Best Posts’ collection highlighting what I’ve created here. While the archives only go back to 2010 (I hated keeping extra posts around and would simply delete them all and start over every year for the first decade or so – oops!) there have been some decent and worthy entries in the last few years to make this compilation possible. I don’t know if I’d call them the best – ‘favorite’ might be a better term – but everyone loves a simple superlative, so for Skip’s sake here are the Top 15, in no particular order:

1. Drowned World ~ It’s impossible for me to choose my favorite Madonna Timeline – how do you choose a favorite child? And among such sparkling jewels as ‘Vogue,’ ‘Like A Prayer,’ ‘Express Yourself,’ ‘Ray of Light,’ ‘Live to Tell,’ ‘Crazy For You,’ ‘Erotica,’ ‘Survival,’ ‘Music‘ and ‘Rebel Heart‘ it was difficult finding the one single emblematic song to represent my life-long love affair with Madonna. The entry for ‘Drowned World: Substitute for Love‘ may come closest.
2. Twisted Sleighride ~ Since we’re in the season, this Christmas-tinged memory is a happy childhood memory, even with its undercurrent of winter mystery.
3. Heart of Sequins ~ From a very young age I knew I was different. A few others saw it as well and celebrated who I was before I even realized it.
4. Why I Get Naked Here ~ The title says it, even if I’ve toned down those skin-baring ways.(After years of indulgence and gym-avoidance, it’s better to let the male celebrities get naked and nude for the time being.)
5. Moon and Fag ~ While matriculating at Brandeis, I thought I made a new friend. Until he said the f-word.
6. The First Time I Kissed A Guy ~Bittersweet and brutal, you never forget your first.
7. Straight Ally Profile: Skip Montross ~ Kicking off a limited-series of Straight Allies, this profile of my friend Skip marked my Reddit debut, portraying the many levels of a gay guy/straight guy friendship.
8. Gay Couple Profile ~Two photographs taken years apart sparked this sweet telling of one fine romance.
9. Lessons in Painting ~ Chronicling my first few days transforming the Boston condo with the help of my favorite Uncle. 
10. A Secret Kept for Two Decades ~ The secret I held in silence for too long. 
11. Saddle Shoes and Shame ~ Once upon a time I was not so brave in wearing whatever I wanted. 
12. Remembering the Art in a Hot Shower ~ Memories of a seventh grade art class come flooding back in the warmth of a hot shower. 
13. The End of My Delusions ~ The grand finale to ‘The Delusional Grandeur Tour,’ this relatively-simple post encapsulates that long-winding journey. 
14. A Summer Break ~ The first summer I took off from blogging began with this ending. Of course I came back as promised, but I definitely missed it. 
15. A New Year ~ Last but not least, this was the start of our 15th year of ALANILAGAN.com. 

As an antidote to this morning’s brutally honest post, I give you this light-hearted piece of whimsy. Everyone loves making fun of a T. rex’s shortcomings, so have at it.

In the words of Karen Walker, it’s funny cause it’s sad.

“I’ll bury my grief deep inside me and I’ll make it so secret and obscure that you won’t even have to take the trouble to sympathize with me.” ~ Alexandre Dumas, ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’

It is said that revenge is a dish best served cold. I don’t know what that even means, and I honestly don’t even care. What does strike my interest is the glorious tale of revenge and redemption found within ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’ by Alexandre Dumas, and I highly recommend it if you’re looking for a classic to see you through the winter months.

As for what brought the above quote into my mind after all these years, one day I’ll tell the story. I’ll tell all the stories. And the ones that I no longer remember will be carried on by the younger people who were there and who saw what I saw. My faults may be many, but brutal honesty is a virtue. It lies in wait and will not be eradicated. Like the Count himself, it will rise and return from the ashes of distraction and destruction. It will herald its truth and shed the long-held dusty remnants of what was always wrong.

“Moral wounds have this peculiarity – they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.” ~ Alexandre Dumas, ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’