Candles and flowers saw us through the last week of winter, while the world remained frigid and inhospitable the moment you set foot outside of a heated home. Hunker-down season continues, while whispers of spring carry on the night wind. Let’s push past this final week of February and let the lion leap us into March, but first the weekly recap…
Spreading the glow of candlelight in these final weeks of winter has proven crucial in buoying sagging spirits and inspiring thoughts of spring and summer, even if the weather has us wondering if they will ever come again.
Our icicles haven’t been this long in years, and I can’t recall such a sustained string of freezing weather. At least a thick blanket of snow is acting as insulation for the garden that slumbers beneath.
Themes for spring and summer have been whispering to me of late, each finding confirmation and encouragement in the wispy currents of the universe. All will be revealed in good time. For now, the needed and necessary toil of the final weeks of winter. We trudge onward, we trudge through, we trudge in the service of something new.
“Life’s a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!” ~ Auntie Mame
While I absolutely adore ‘Auntie Mame’, this quote from the movie had bothered and bugged me on my first few viewings, but I think it’s because I was reading and interpreting it incorrectly. Yes, it’s a great soundbite. It’s clipped and blunt and leaves no room for an easy-follow-up, but it always felt like it went against the anti-elitist theme that Mame so vibrantly espouses for much of the story, as in her refusal to let Patrick be stuffed into rigid social constructs, starting with her eschewing of the Bixby School for a more progressive establishment run by an Acacius Page.
The reading I prefer to take from it is less a ‘let them eat cake‘ moment and more of a ‘let’s celebrate life’ mantra, which makes much more sense of the context of the ‘Live! Live! Live!’ scene in which it takes place. Mame’s own ‘Live and let live’ lifestyle finds acceptance and celebration of everyone regardless of race, religion, background, or social stratification.
Such is the theme of the Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale, which wound its way around the continental United States twenty years ago, and is finally finding its posting premiere here, for better and largely worse. Still, it’s a fun look-back when the world could be more concerned with such frivolous things because adults were mostly running the country. Now we must escape to those days for sheer emotional survival, clinging to memories of happier and more carefree times, which is one of the main points of the Divine Diva Tour anyway. It all comes together.
This fun purple confection of a gown, the beaded headdress, and that saucy necklace comprised the opening outfit of ‘The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale’ as we held a kick-off party in the summer of 2005. It remains one of my favorite looks from all the parties we’ve thrown over the years.
For now, we sit before our mirrors and fringed lampshades, waiting to be laced up, hoping for this party to match the excitement and glamour we were promised in all those fairy tales growing up…
Janet Mills, Governor of Maine, spoke truth to felonious power when she handed Trump his asshole the other day, and for that she earns this Dazzler of the Day. I wish more people in elected office had half as much courage, bravery and basic human decency in standing up for all of us. Here’s part of her statement followed by her gloriously-savage put-down of “See you in court” that effectively ended him on that day:
“No President – Republican or Democrat – can withhold Federal funding authorized and appropriated by Congress and paid for by Maine taxpayers in an attempt to coerce someone into compliance with his will. It is a violation of our Constitution and of our laws, which I took an oath to uphold.
“Maine may be one of the first states to undergo an investigation by his Administration, but we won’t be the last. Today, the President of the United States has targeted one particular group on one particular issue which Maine law has addressed. But you must ask yourself: who and what will he target next, and what will he do? Will it be you? Will it be because of your race or your religion? Will it be because you look different or think differently? Where does it end? In America, the President is neither a King nor a dictator, as much as this one tries to act like it – and it is the rule of law that prevents him from being so.
“I imagine that the outcome of this politically directed investigation is all but predetermined. My Administration will begin work with the Attorney General to defend the interests of Maine people in the court of law. But do not be misled: this is not just about who can compete on the athletic field, this is about whether a President can force compliance with his will, without regard for the rule of law that governs our nation. I believe he cannot.”
There’s a special pit in hell for those of us who laugh at the folly and falls of others (not far from the pit for those who gloat they don’t have to work when others do), but I’m going there anyway so I might as well live, laugh and love while I’m here. This is our dear friend Skip, who once dazzled these parts in posts like this and this and this. He was good (read: foolish) enough to send us this clip, and I’ve never been so grateful for security cam footage in my life. Let’s slow it down for anyone who wants to peruse the moment.
One of the main tenets of the Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale was its essence of escapism, closely aligned with the unassailable and indefatigable notion of persevering and finding fabulousness in troubled times of seeming hopelessness. While that speaks directly to the tragically historical moment in which we now find ourselves, it’s also something my generation of gay men knows too unfortunately well, especially considering how we weathered the AIDS crisis in the 1980’s.
There are boys just ripe for some kissin’ And I mean to kiss me a few! Oh, those boys don’t know what they’re missin’ I’ve got a lot of livin’ to do!
Back then, beneath every layer of sparkle and pizzazz, there was an undercurrent of somber melancholy. Loss accompanied most of our revelries, and death was indelibly intertwined with sexual freedom and abandon. No place, and no one, was safe. Growing up under such a traumatizing umbrella takes a certain toll, and coming of age beneath the specter of those early days of the AIDS epidemic wreaked its own emotional havoc with my development.
And there’s wine all ready for tastin’ And there’s Cadillacs all shiny and new! Got to move, ’cause time is a wasting There’s such a lot of livin’ to do!
While our heterosexual counterparts had to concern themselves with pregnancies and STDs, gay men had to contend with the very real possibility that having unprotected sex with our partners of choice might result in our death. If I’ve been a prim and proper Victorian lady in the bedroom at times, it stems in good part from having to be so deliberately careful and cautious at a time when I should have been carefree and a little bit reckless.
What did we do?
We cried – for a country that allowed entire swatch of a vibrant community to die.
We danced – when we lost everything, we always had the dance, even if it was just in our memory and minds.
And throughout it all, we did our best to live, sometimes just barely surviving, and sometimes not succeeding.
There’s music to play, places to go, people to see! Everything for you and me! Life’s a ball, if only you know it! And it’s all just waiting for you! You’re alive, so go on and show it! There’s such a lot of livin’ to do!
Whenever I have moments of doubt or uncertainty, when I wonder why I should even bother doing something, I think back to those scary days when AIDS was hovering over all of us, when it felt like all we had was each other. It puts all the silliness and frivolity of life into perspective – and I get a tantalizing glimpse of how ridiculous – and absolutely vital – every little bit of life can be.
Such a lot of livin’ to do! What a lot of livin’ to do!
{PS – All apologies for the Republican make-up job.}
We are but one month away from spring, meaning there is only one more month left of winter. Getting two-thirds of a way through something means the end is in sight – distant sight perhaps, but in sight nonetheless. That said, in the case of winter it’s always this last trudge that feels the bleakest and most difficult. Nerves are frayed, patience is at an end, and even the magic of a snowstorm doesn’t seem so magical when you’ve already done it as much as we have this past year. I find ways of coping in splurging on a bouquet of fresh flowers, then watching as the light shifts during the day, illuminating different hues and colors as the hours tick by. I won’t disturb your viewing pleasure with these pesky words any longer.
Why do we not hear of more sleepwalkers injuring themselves? If I attempted to walk anywhere with my eyes closed I wouldn’t get ten feet without bumping into something. Sleepwalkers, meanwhile, can navigate flights of stairs without so much as a single stubbed toe. How does this work?
First of all, my 50th birthday is coming up this summer, so this is foremost a reminder to plan accordingly. Fifty don’t come cheap.
Second, and perhaps more importantly (I said perhaps) next Friday marks a planned economic blackout to show the oligarchy so disturbingly in charge right now that we the people still have some say and some semblance of power (at least until it’s finally shredded in whatever monstrous Executive Order or Congressional action gets unleashed next – will Medicaid or Medicare be the first to go? FAFO, MAGA morons!)
On February 28, I encourage you to join me in not spending or ordering anything from any entity other than locally-owned-and-operated businesses for one day, which will double as a helpful lesson in saving, while sending a message, if enough of us join, that we are entirely fed up. It may take some planning and preparation, particularly if you’re like my husband and me, whose meal plans are usually created and purchased the day of – but it will be good to go without spending at Amazon or Target for a day, and perhaps longer.
Do I have any idealized belief that this will result in anything concrete? Not at this point – one would be a fool to think that such things matter anymore, but it’s something we can all actively do. And maybe we will feel a little better about not having contributed to the richest people in power for one day.
“We don’t ask a flower any special reason for its existence. We just look at it and are able to accept it as being something different for ourselves.” ~ Gwendolyn Brooks
The winter blues are best dispelled through strategic use of candlelight, flowers and an invitation to friends for an informal dinner party. Freshly-inspired by my very first viewing of ‘Babette’s Feast’ I am currently all about a fancy dinner – mostly just in the way of candlelight, because Andy will be crafting a simple Italian meal of basic staples for tonight’s festivities, and I’ve already indicated on the invitation that dress is entirely casual.
“You’re only here for a short visit. Don’t hurry, don’t worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.” ~ Walter Hagen
We do have some crystal stemware that Andy had from before I ever knew him, which sparkles majestically in candlelight, and some small bouquets of pink anemone and purple freesia (all due apologies to Miranda Priestley for the latter) to brighten the winter evening. As with most dinner parties, atmosphere and cutlery and outfits are always less important than guest selection, and with Sherri, Skip, Maria and Kato, it’s already a happy success.
“I’d rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck.” ~ Emma Goldman
My technological deficiencies are such that I still haven’t figured out how to watch two television shows that are on the same time. Yes, it’s that bad – but also that good, because it’s kept me off of the television to be able to write a bunch of bullshit like this and bring it to all five of you.
Almost every casual conversation I’ve had this week – from co-workers in the elevator to the cashier at Trader Joe’s – has referenced the wear and tear of this particular winter. I think we are all feeling weary of it, and I don’t recall a stretch of such sustained frigid and icy weather in recent years without a bit of a break. The winter doldrums are here, and relief is a long way off.
For my part, I’ve largely avoided dwelling on something over which we have no control, such as the weather, and the winter. Instead, I look to the sweet spots of beauty, even in the awfulness of a weekend-long ice storm.
There is magic here, a wonderland that can only be conjured in the winter. For that we should be grateful.
For the longest time – at least ten years – I’ve been putting a leopard tote bag on my birthday and Christmas wish lists, to no avail (see this one from 2012 and this one from 2019). I understand why – the specific ones I favored started at the $1500 price point, which is admittedly ridiculous for a bag. Well, gift-givers and patron saints of my 15th anniversary and 50th birthday – both coming up this year – here is a relative steal from the folks at Reformation, and it dovetails with this particular bag.
Most of the versions I’ve found in the last ten years only offer bags with a front pattern and the back in black or something else, or mess it up with wonky gold hardware or chains. This beautiful piece is precisely what I’ve had in my dream mind, so it feels like the universe has finally aligned to make this happen. It’s available from Reformation here before it gets sold out. Just saying. Just wishing. Just hoping. Just deserving.
When you reach the zenith of musical entertainment in your 20’s, there’s an expected downward trajectory of all that follows, but rather than following the self-destructive trajectory of so many who came before, Darren Hayes has actually only grown more interesting and relevant to those of us who still care about such things are artistry and integrity and honesty. For that alone, he earns this Dazzler of the Day crowning. As the lead frontman for Savage Garden, Hayes crafted such unforgettable classics as ‘Truly, Madly, Deeply’ and ‘I Want You’, marking the soundtrack for many of us in our twenties at the time. Taking us along for the behind-the-scenes turmoil and tumult of his life in the memoir boldly titled ‘Unlovable’, Hayes illustrates with words how he has carved out an existence that reveals how an artist endures, both in legacy and in how they live each day. Check out his website here, where you can order a copy of ‘Unlovable’. {Also check out the powerful voice he has become on Threads in a world where speaking out is increasingly in jeopardy.}
