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Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

Nearing July’s End in a Recap

Arriving at the end of July brings a bittersweet moment, as it means one full year will have passed since Dad died. It still stings when I say it, and I try not to skirt saying it in the hope that one day it won’t sting as much. I don’t know if that’s the best way to do it, but I refuse to bury it. Instead, I let the sadness come when it does, I allow myself to stay in bed on weekends if I don’t feel like getting up right away. And in the same vein, I allow the happiness of summer to wash over me too. To that end, here is our weekly recap for the last week of July, when summer is at its most potent. 

My Godson celebrated his second birthday.

A magical Monday.

Our 24th anniversary.

Swallowing in summer.

Hope remains.

A chosen coquette family.

Those were the dickwad days.

Chiling in the pool.

Echoes of a sea rose’s song.

A queen arrives in Boston.

A matter of perspective.

Paris is bulging.

Double Speedo bang.

Every summer is a brat summer here.

Getting naked and making every muthafucka turn.

Three visitors on a summer evening.

Olympic spotlight on: Caeleb Dressel 

Dazzlers of the Day included Aya NakamuraLéon Marchand, and Rene Farias.

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Olympic Spotlight: Torri Huske

Having just earned a gold medal for the US, Torri Huske earns this Olympic Spotlight thanks to her powerhouse performance in the Paris Olympics. She grabbed the gold in the 100m, and with teammate Gretchen Walsh right behind her with the silver, made it a 1-2 USA punch. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Rene Farias

Rene Farias is an artist who has managed to turn the quiet and seemingly insignificant turns of a day into an erotic expiration of beauty and inspiration. Living out his creative endeavors across social media, he produces work that is as scintillating in its finished state as it is in the process of being made. While Farias has the power and talent to make something beautiful of the smaller moments, his work also explores other-worldly creatures and fantasies, letting loose with images of wild hybrids merging man and beast, minotaur and mermaids, and fabled fairies. In some pieces he treats the human body like an architectural structure – a train runs through the tunnels of two human cavities – while in others trios of embracing men with wings find their legs morphing into multiple squid-like arms. A surreal gorgeousness imbues many of his pieces, bending the mind of the viewer as they try to navigate whether what they are in fact seeing is what they think they are seeing. It’s the greatest trick an artist can conjure, and the trickiest display of talent a human can execute. Farias earns his first Dazzler of the Day thanks to a consistent outpouring of work that makes us think and feel and marvel. Check out his website here.

“I’m cuban artist living in MiamiI like to explore the human eroticism and break taboos and stereotypes. There is no better way to assert ideas than through art. Mermaids, minotaurs, fairies, snakes, butterflies; recurring elements in my work that serve to accentuate the contrast between masculine strength and the fragility and delicacy that nature and mythology offer us. I really hope you enjoy my little piece of the world.” ~ Rene Farias

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Three Visitors on a Summer Evening

At first there were two.

I couldn’t quite make out what they were as I didn’t have my glasses on. Having just slipped into the pool to find some relief for my back, and a day that found me largely asleep in bed, I only saw two forms fluttering about the cherry tree. I thought they were butterflies as I hastened to put my glasses back on. 

Finding them again in the cherry, I saw that they were hummingbirds – a pair of them playing or fighting, I couldn’t tell which, and they were no less charming for whatever drama they were playing out. Flitting from thuja to cherry and back, they darted to and from each other, until one flew high above all the trees, zipped back, then did it again – back and forth to the other one, before they both took off. 

One came back, but I’d already moved to the deep end of the pool, so I viewed it from afar. I saw it descend smoothly and surprisingly swiftly right toward me, so close I almost had to duck, its body solid and dark of color, its wings moving too quickly for me to discern, and then it suddenly stopped in mid air, pausing to poke its tongue into the flowers of the cup plant. A charming moment that made me involuntarily smile. 

Slipping back underwater, I swam down and tried to let my back ease off itself. It had been a beautiful day – I should have spent more of it outside, I just didn’t feel like it. 

After a few more slow laps to loosen up the limbs and relax the back, I floated languidly and listened to a third visitor who had just arrived – a cricket. Its chirping reminded me that the first part of summer was over. It’s the sound of August. Already an ending, and I’m still trying to be ok with it. 

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Olympic Spotlight: Caeleb Dressel

Anchoring the US Men’s Olympic Swim 4×100 Relay team, Caeleb Dressel earned his Dazzler of the Day crowning shortly before the last Olympic Games. This time he gets a solo spotlight for helping the US attempt its first gold medal of the Paris Olympics

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Dazzler of the Day: Léon Marchand

Smashing world records is one thing, but smashing world records held by Michael Phelps is something altogether spectacular. Léon Marchand is doing just that as he takes to the world stage of the Paris Olympic Games. Representing host country France, Marchand may make his biggest splashes to date as he swims for the gold in the city of the Seine. This morning he earns his first crowning as Dazzler of the Day.

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Make It Purr… Keep It Kinky

Much like the way ‘Vulgar’ energized last summer with a chaser of ‘Popular‘ (before the summer all went wrong), this season’s surprise gay jam comes courtesy of Kesha, whose ‘Joyride’ is stampeding across all the social media trendsetting scenes. It’s providing the precise level of stupidity and ridiculousness – the very breath of fresh air – that this moment requires. Having fallen into a bit of a funk lately, I’m doing what I can to stay emotionally afloat, and this nonsensical ditty was designed as an escape, led by an ear worm that’s crawling about in my head and driving me absolutely crazy. 

ARE YOU A MAN?
Cuz I’M A BITCH
I’m already rich
Just looking for that MMMMM
THIS PARTY SUCKS
I’m ’bout to ditch
Don’t even try to give me shit, I’VE EARNED THE RIGHT TO BE-BE LIKE THIS
Oh, you say you love me? THAT’S FUNNY.
WELL SO DO I..

That’s the kind of hubris for which I was once hailed, hated and harried. That’s the cheeky side of me that once charmed and seduced and thrilled. If it was all in my mind it was no less successful for its escapist salvation. And that’s the sort of spirit that seems to have slowly drained from me over the last year. Sometimes the silliest trifle of music brings us back to ourselves

I’m just looking for a joyride, JOYRIDE
I’m just looking for A GOOD TIME TONIGHT
Baby, I want you to rev my engine ’til you make it purrrr
KEEP IT KINKY, but I come first
Beep beep bitch, I’m outside. Get in loser for the joyride.
Making every motherfucker turn
Fell from heaven no, it didn’t hurt
Beep beep BEST NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE
Get in loser for the joyride
Joyride
GET IN LOSER for the joyride

Blaring the music in the air-conditioned confines of my Mini Cooper, lip-syncing this song saucily and trying to convince myself that it’s all super-duper, summer passes more swiftly than I think I want it to pass. I’m not sure if I’m happy or disappointed by that. Last summer I just wanted to speed through it. 

Keep your eyes ON THE ROAD
A LABEL WHORE but I’m BORED OF WEARING CLOTHES
You want kids? Well, I am mother
DON’T EVEN TRY TO GIVE ME SHIT, I’ve earned the right to be-be like this

And so summer heals – in a sunny day, in a silly song, in a simple swim. You laugh again because you can, and there are still funny things in this joyride of a world. Maybe your laughter isn’t as loud or as long as it once was, so you turn up a song like this as high as it will go, until you can’t hear yourself think those bothersome thoughts. You lean into what silliness you can find, grasping at whatever easy comfort or fun falls like a feather from the sky, and you pray to not go through something sad again, knowing what a futile prayer it will eventually prove to be. You lead with a laugh, desperate to trigger happiness, even if you have to enter from the end, even if your laughter is false and forced; sometimes the physical act is enough to elicit an echo of all the happiness that real laughter once inspired.

Joyride, joyride
I’m just looking for a good time tonight
Baby, I want you to rev my engine ’til you make it purrrr
Keep it kinky, BUT I COME FIRST
Beep beep bitch, I’m outside. Get in loser for the joyride.
Making every motherfucker turn
FELL FROM HEAVEN no, it didn’t hurt
Beep beep best night of your life
Get in loser for the joyride

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Dazzler of the Day: Aya Nakamura

Setting the Olympic Opening Ceremony aflame is Aya Nakamura, who earns her first Dazzler of the Day honor thanks to her pulsating pizzazz and a career of musical brilliance. The French-Malian singer-songwriter is one of the superstars of France, which makes her a fitting musical ambassador to these Olympic Games. 

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Another Double Speedo Olympic Bang

Jack Laugher helmed a previous double-bang Speedo post a few years ago, and he’s back in the Paris Olympic Games, this time with a new partner – Anthony Harding. Bonus post here.

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Paris Is Bulging

Today the Summer Olympics kick off in Paris, France, and I am always all about the Opening Ceremony. I haven’t been following much of the try-outs and qualifying events (it’s not like there’s figure skating in the summer) but I’ll perk up now that the actual moment has arrived. In a fractured and tumultuous world, the Olympics still serve as a reminder that there are people out there simply striving to be the best they can be, challenging each other in a competitive yet friendly way, bringing countries together and building bridges that unite all of us in a shared experience. 

Plus there are Speedos. Lots of Speedos, donned by athletes in their prime. And sans shirts.

One of the shining stars from the last Olympic Games was Tom Daley, who’s made quite a few splashes on this site, as every instance that finds him decked out in his work attire is one worth posting about. Here we find him shaving his body for work. 

Diving will be where much of our posting action originates – though I’m keenly interested in the gymnastics as well. Simone Biles is slated to astound the world with her unprecedented skills. There is the warm glow of Track & Field too, which always brightened up our family room when watching with my parents, and all the lights brought summer into our childhood nights. 

We’ll be doing some Olympic Spotlights, since there are always more impressive athletes to showcase than our Dazzler of the Day will allow. Stay tuned… 

{See also: Frederick RichardSunisa Lee, Noah Williams, Shilese Jones, Ryan Murphy and Timo Cavelius.}

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A Queen Arrives in Boston

Kristin Chenoweth has been an icon in these parts since I first watched her devour the scenery in the original Kander & Ebb musical ‘Steel Pier‘. Following that, Andy and I were lucky enough to see her perform with Idina Menzel as part of the original Broadway cast of ‘Wicked‘. Now, I’m taking Andy to see Ms. Chenoweth in her current headlining run in ‘The Queen of Versailles’ at the Emerson Colonial Theatre. It was a surprise anniversary gift for him that will kick off my birthday weekend next month. 

‘The Queen of Versailles’ has an intriguingly-unexpected subject at its heart – about the woman who endeavored to build the largest home in America. While I was a little disappointed to discover it wasn’t a straight-up Marie Antoinette musical by the guy who musicalized ‘Wicked’, I’m holding any judgment in reserve until I hear how it plays out. In the hands of an experienced star like Chenoweth, and the pedigreed musical history of Stephen Schwartz, this may be the next must-see musical.

Our last Boston-opening before it went to Broadway experience was when we took in ‘Moulin Rouge’ – and if this follows that bombastic trajectory, it may be bound to even bigger houses. I can’t wait to see Ms. Chenoweth’s sparkling embodiment of the American dream. 

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Echoes of a Sea Rose’s Song

Our Rosa rugosa shrub was planted when we had to miss out on going to Ogunquit one year. I’d been missing the ocean air, the salty way Maine seduced you brusquely and beautifully, and so I found a plant that would bloom wit the scented memory of all those walks along the Marginal Way. It didn’t bloom profusely that first year – or most years for that matter – but just one bloom was enough for me to smell, and then quell the restless heart. 

That clump of Rosa rugosa has lasted for over a decade, though it still only yields a few flushes of blooms each year. This one is currently beginning. and every time I see a bloom open, I stop to rush over and inhale its perfume. It takes me back to the Maine of my earliest days with Andy, and further back to my first trip to Provincetown with Suzie, and then even further back with memories of Cape Cod with my Mom and Dad and brother. All happy memories, all got me dizzy on the intoxicating scent

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Chilling in the Pool

First it was my neck, then it was my back – both victims of trying to pull up tree roots that had taken ten years to take hold. My body was no match for such stalwart and stubborn strength. A household with two bad backs falls quickly to mess and disrepair – it’s only a matter of time before we round the turn to the fast-track to ‘Grey Gardens‘. With only one month to go before I hit the age of 49, I’m feeling all the years

After visiting with friends I’ve had since childhood, I had a Big Chill moment, thinking back on where we are now compared with where we were then. Comparison is still the thief of joy but I couldn’t stop myself. And it didn’t steal all the joy, just a bit of it, because the passing of time does take things, no matter how careful we try to be. It also reveals what didn’t come to pass, turning our dreams against us, or endlessly and elusively taunting us with their ongoing existence. 

The back cries out, the neck stiffens, and the walk becomes stilted.

Time, you win. Time, you always win. Time, go easy on us

Slipping into the pool for some relief (gravity does bad things to backs when they’re at their worst) I let the spine elongate and relax, decompressing those discs or whatever might be going on to cause the pain. The relief is cruelly temporary. Outside in the air, in a strange breeze of early evening, the chill caused my back to hunch up again. The spell has dissipated. The dull ache returns. Middle age haunts us in different ways. I’m trying to make that ghost into a friend. 

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