Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

The Light of Aural Heaven

Last year Madonna’s ‘Ray of Light’ album turned 25 and we celebrated its silver anniversary within this post. On this day, I am scheduled to find myself departing Boston from a weekend there, which is where my ‘Ray of Light’ experience originally took place. The world occasionally circles back in such reassuring fashion, though that night grow ever dimmer with each passing year, if I think about it hard enough, and pace myself there again, I can rekindle the faded magic of that time in my life. 

Mostly, it was a time of solitude, and for me that’s where the majority of my growth and resolve as a human being began. When you’re alone, you have to deal with the inner-voice, alternately heckling and pushing, degrading and supporting, celebrating and criticizing – and learning how to control and live with that before getting entangled with a romantic partner. It is, I still believe, one of the best ways of beginning a relationship, and I watched as I and many of my friends thought that finding a partner was the best way of finding ourselves, only to have it fizzle out because we didn’t even know who we were then. 

‘Ray of Light’ was setting the stage for my adult relationships, even if I felt entirely out of control and disastrously lost when it came to romance. Madonna’s lyrics, and the accompanying majesty of the ambient groove that opened the album (in the exquisite ‘Drowned World/Substitute for Love‘, which remains my favorite Madonna song) and drifted into more worldly concerns such as in ‘Swim‘ and the epic wonder of that thumping title track, resonated in ways that felt more personal than any of her albums prior or since. 

I traveled many miles listening to ‘Sky Fits Heaven‘, seeking and searching for a destination that looked like peace and tranquility, and never finding anything remotely close. I drove south with a boyfriend as ‘Nothing Really Matters‘ was released, desperately aiming to mold myself into a creature made full and complete by a command and understanding of love, only to lose him in a winter that ended up rivaling the lonely winter in which I first heard ‘Frozen‘. (In some ways it only made sense, as I met him when ‘The Power of Goodbye‘ was being released.) The more I learned, the less I knew, and I was too deep in it to see the overreaching arc of any progress or discovery I might be making. Whenever I got lost, ‘Ray of Light’ was the musical journey that set me back on the right path.

To this day, the music brings me back, as much as it brings me forward – a testament to the enduring power and legacy of this album – still the best in Madonna’s vast catalog and at this point unlikely to ever be topped. Music, when it is heard at the crux of winter and spring, on those warmer nights when the earth seems to be awakening again, and all sorts of possibility and hope ride on the Western wind, strikes at the heart, and renders me breathless. With ‘Ray of Light’, Madonna proved that she still knew how to cast a potent spell. 

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Ten March Seconds

A lazy post, as I’m scheduled to be taking a break in Boston this weekend, and pre-populating posts is tedious business at best. Let’s take a look back at ten previous March 2 entries on this blog, assuming I was so consistent. 

In began in black briefs on March 2, 2014, and in white briefs as well

On March 2, 2015, it was the weekly recap with a naked male model.

Holy fuck, I cooked a duck on March 2, 2016.

Playing the numbers game on March 2, 2017, and a quokka.

A 15th anniversary of this very website took place on March 2, 2018.

A sneak-peek of a Madonna Timeline featured her ‘American Life’ album on March 2, 2019 while the Jonas Brothers returned with this ‘Sucker’

March 2, 2020 featured this lion-hearted recap.

An attempt a these Ogunquit oaties opened March 2, 2021, and Dr. Angela Davis was Dazzler of the Day.

Red and gold flowers bisected winter blue for March 2, 2022 and Ariana Debose was Dazzler of the Day.

On March 2, 2023, winter blues looked beautiful and Russell Tovey was Dazzler of the Day

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#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series

If only I’d spent my younger years learning the basics of HTML coding or something to do with computers instead of memorizing the lyrics to ‘Cats’ I might be a semi-rich man, instead of struggling to make ends meet while screaming, “The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast!” 

#TinyThreads

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Tricks of Father Time

My Dad has been on my mind this past week. Maybe some recent time spent in Amsterdam rekindled a few memories. Maybe it’s that I’m finally realizing how much I miss him. Some small part of me is still expecting him to be there at an undefined point in the future. When he was well I would only see him about once a month or so, and in a way I’ve reverted back to that time, or the years when I was in college and saw him even less. It’s easier to think of him being away for some indeterminable length of time rather than gone from this earth forever; my head makes sense of it, but my heart holds out. 

On a recent lunch break, I walked up the hill to the church I used to sit in during his last days here. It offered a small bit of solace in that sad summer, but on this visit, as on my last, the doors remained locked. The day was splendid, though – one of the first sunny and warm ones we’ve had this year – so I made the most of my time outside. Later, after I’d arrived home, I sat down to my meditation and invited Dad to join me there. (Not out loud – I haven’t gone that crazy yet.) It is a comfort to think of him sitting silently beside me – it’s something that would never have happened quite in this way in real life (my father was not the meditative type) but there were many times when I would find him at a gathering or dinner, alone in the family room watching television, or sitting off to the side at a wedding, and I’d stop to sit next to him. We didn’t talk much, simply sat there together in the unease of a crowd, or the welcome semi-solitude of his favored family room. In that shared silence, we understood one another in a way that no one else could. 

The next morning I felt that familiar emptiness which has been part of our lives since last summer – duller and less pointed now, but still there – and as I looked out the front window I saw a quartet of cardinals going about their daily business – a few of their chirps cutting through the glass as they flitted away. It was the happy sound of spring on the way, the sound of hope, and maybe the sound of a lost loved one reminding me that he was still near.

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Dazzler of the Day: Barbara Smith

There are certain Dazzlers of the Day who simply defy the limited trappings of this superficial title, and Barbara Smith brings a gravitas and solemnity to these proceedings in a way that dazzles more than most of us ever could. Smith’s alum info on the Mount Holyoke site indicates why this Dazzler of the Day is so merited:

Barbara Smith is a Black feminist pioneer, lesbian, activist, author, lecturer and publisher. Born in Cleveland, Ohio, she and her twin sister, Beverly, began participating in civil rights protests in the 1960s. In 1974 Smith co-founded the Combahee River Collective in Boston, Massachusetts, and in 1977, she co-authored the Combahee River Collective Statement, with Beverly, and Demita Frazier. 

Smith taught her first class on Black women’s literature in 1973 at Emerson College and has taught at numerous colleges and universities. She co-founded Kitchen Table: Women of Color Press, the first U.S. publisher of books for women of color, in 1980.

In 2005, Smith was elected to the Common Council in Albany, New York. She was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize that same year. Smith’s essays, reviews and other work has been published in The New York Times, The Black Scholar, Ms., The Guardian, The Village Voice, and The Nation, among others.

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Beware of Wayfair (And Angi!)

A while way back, our bathroom mirror/medicine-cabinet/light source became unhinged and let go of two of its mirrors, leaving storage shelves of toiletries and medication and cuticle oil (three scents!) on disagreeable display. The other day, a Wayfair ad for precisely the item I was looking for – a modern mirror/medicine-cabinet’LED light – went on sale for about $600. (Don’t even ask the original price.) After scouring the specs and comparing with some other offerings online and in person, I decided this one looked like the best of the lot, so I read through the fine print of the “professional installation service” they offered as that’s always a concern. The policy read as such:

This item requires installation. We recommend adding professional installation so you can enjoy your item quickly, conveniently, and safely.

  • 1 – Pay a fixed price for your professional installation service.
  • 2 – Schedule a service appointment that works best for you. You will receive an email confirming the date and time.
  • 3 – Your fully-equipped, background-checked pro will arrive and complete your service to perfection.

Sounds great, right? And they even posted a glowing review by Cindy D. Of course, I wasn’t content to rely solely on Cindy, so I clicked the ‘Learn More’ tab to read the fine print, which included the following: “Service pros are not responsible for disposing of packaging materials or moving the item before or after assembly/installation. For plumbing or electrical installations, there must be an existing line or the pro will be unable to complete your service.”

That sounded good – we already had the existing hardwire line that was used for the previous light. I reached out to check if they removed the existing product (as I’m not an electrician or handyman and I figured we would have to phone a friend to get help with that). The bot at the other end indicated that we were responsible for removing the previous item, and moving the new object into the room where it’s being hung. Fair enough, so I made the order and our friend Jim came over to remove the light and mirror we had hanging there. 

Product arrived perfectly assembled on Wednesday as scheduled, and the installation appointment, now parceled out to Angi and our local “pro” was set for Thursday morning at 7 AM. I had to go to work, so Andy, recent recipient of hernia surgery, had to get up and wait in the front room for the “pro” to arrive. By 8:30 no one had arrived, and at work I received a text: “Hello Im with ppl services i apologize for the late message I arrived at ya location and for some reason my phone would not llet me contact you or the number did not work I’m tryna to contact now to see if you want to reschedule or to cancel”

Three lies in a first text is a big red flag. No one arrived at our location as my husband was sitting in the front room with a very big view of our driveway and street. (And simply ringing the doorbell would have been an easy fix.) You did not try calling my phone, and my call list will verify that, and my phone is working fine. Receipt of this text also indicates the communication was entirely possible. I wrote back and said someone was there waiting, then followed it up a few times with no response. A few hours later I tried texting again and got the following: “Sorry, this number is inactive” with a link to an Angi support page that said it was unavailable. 

After going through an impossible process of setting up a new appointment, I came to find out that they were only sending one person for the rescheduled appointment for this Saturday at 10:30 AM. Three phone transfers and multiple conversations later, Angi said that someone had made an error in dispensing only one person for the job, so I would have to cancel the appointment and set up a new one for two people and pay for all this out of pocket. 

This was a big item. 48 inches wide, 32 inches tall, and 115 pounds. One person could barely lift the unwieldy thing, much less install it. At least, that’s what sense told me. Angi put the blame squarely back on Wayfair for not setting up the original appointment correctly. This is when Wayfair got involved.

I explained that I had purchased a professional installation, and assumed that that meant the requisite number of people with the requisite knowledge of installation would be sent. Sending one person with the task of a “mirror wall hanging” seemed to indicate they had absolutely no knowledge whatsoever of their own product, and no idea that it needed an electrical hook-up as well.

A long afternoon of text chatting with WayHelp Wayfair’s Social Media bot, who later became Alicia, Bill, Kallie and Jacob (I’ve got the screen-shot receipts to prove all this, and more) resulted in them unable to work with Angi to set up a two-person service, and putting it back on me to cancel the first rescheduled date, order a new one for two people and pay out of pocket, after which they ‘may’ reimburse me. I asked about the electrical aspect, to which they replied “What Angi would consider installation would be hanging the cabinet but not the electrical aspect.”

So they are planning to have one person hang this enormous item, not connect it electrically, and call it a day? That’s Angi and Wayfair’s apparent answer. I reiterated that this was an item that required electrical work – hello, it’s a light! In their own explanation of what they don’t provide it says, “For plumbing or electrical installations, there must be an existing line or the pro will be unable to complete your service.” There is an existing line right where the item is to be hung. But alas, installation is just hanging this thing, so Andy and I will have to find an electrician to do that.  (At one point one of them suggested that we have someone on hand who might help with the lifting – I’m out of town that day and my husband just had hernia surgery, so that seems dumb.)

We should have just done the work ourselves and not even bothered with the installation fee, but I’m waiting to see how tomorrow works out because I ordered this with the good faith that the product and service would be rendered as represented. The last that Jacob said was that “I think we can wait until March 2nd to see if this item can be assembled (installed) by one professional.”

Spoiler alert: it can’t. 

If I’m wrong, I’ll happily update this post accordingly. 

And if I’m right, I’ll also happily update this post accordingly. Watch this space!

And if by some miraculous miracle Wayfair and Angi decide to treat this customer with the basic services that have been purchased, then I’ll be happy to take down this post. Until then, the search engines for ‘Wayfair customer service’ or ‘Wayfair nightmare’ or ‘Wayfair awful service’ or ‘Angi fraud’ or ‘Angi terrible service’ or ‘Angi sucks’ can rev up for anyone considering a Wayfair installation service

UPDATE: Saturday morning, March 2, arrived, and with it the second ‘pro’ that Wayfair had hired from Angi. He was great – and he confirmed what I had told Angi and Wayfair multiple times: the item could not be hung or installed by one person. Well DUH! He also said that Wayfair and Angi had been pulling this sort of thing many times, only requesting one person for jobs which needed multiple people to complete. There’s much more to say about the chats I had to have with Wayfair and Angi, and if they fail to appropriately correct this maybe I’ll post those receipts. People love to read about such drama!

UPDATE #2: After several disappointingly rude discussions with Wayfair and Angi, on chat texts and on the phone, which took up two days of time and increasing aggravation, I requested the refund on the installation service, which I think (can’t be sure until it goes through) is happening. We will find our own installer, which only delayed our bathroom from being functional, but I simply don’t trust Wayfair or Angi to do this properly. I posted a new blog to give a quicker synopsis than this lengthy entry offered, and shortly thereafter I got a message from Wayfair saying the following:

“I have been speaking with my manager regarding your displeasure with the Angi installation service, and what was included. Wayfair, would be happy to help, with providing a discount on your order, so you could hire someone locally. I do see the Angi service was refunded ($72.35) already. We would be happy to issue a discount of 30% on that bathroom cabinet… which would have us issue a refund back to your card for $181.43. I look forward to your response.”

I thanked that final rep and said I appreciated their help. What baffles me is why they think paying me back $250+ is better than simply contacting their service company (Angi) and having them send two people instead of one based on my original request. I asked why there was such a change in tone and practice with this discount offer after days of questionable correspondence. They replied:

“On occasion, we do not always solve issues correctly, and do apologize for that! We looked at it from your perception, and too were frustrated that Angi left you hanging not once but twice. In addition, all the added time you have spent on this order, we felt a discount would be the best way to help. I do want you and all customers to return to shop with Wayfair.”

We shall see… 

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Snowdrop Swath

Snowdrops, wide swaths of them, blanketed portions of the Southwest Corridor Park like spotty patches of snow. They have always demanded closer inspection, and as I squatted down to take in their beauty, I wondered why I’d never bothered planting them – the perennial regret I have whenever the spring bulbs are in bloom. Summer erases such regret, spoiling me with its color and floriferous excess, so that by the time fall arrives I’m no longer bothering much about something as simple as a snowdrop. Shame on me for such wanton behavior; it’s not characteristic to throw an opportunity for planning away so easily… must look into that. 

These little bulbs were making a very early show of it this year, blooming in the midst of February (I still remember a couple of Boston winters where the entirety of the snow piles sometimes didn’t completely melt until June). And they say climate change isn’t real, well, idiots say that anyway… 

Andy looked at the weather forecast for today and remarked that March may be coming in like a lamb. As long as it keeps its lamb-like qualities and doesn’t pull a lion out of its hat nearer the end of the month, we’ll be ok with the milder switch. 

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A Long and Slow Recuperation

It turns out that after all these years Andy is still a trooper. He finally gave me the approval to publish these photos of his recent hospital stay, where he underwent surgery for a hernia. He’s still unable to lift anything, and won’t be doing such exertion for at least three months. I’ve also been told my several other people who have had hernia surgery that the recuperation period is long and sometimes painful. It’s meant some readjustments here at home, but I was due to learn how to unload the dishwasher at some point… 

It’s just another reminder of the gradual, and gradually accelerating, not-so-slow roll of age. The advance of years, and the encroachment of health issues, form a double-pronged area of concern, at a time when adulting without health issues is hard enough. At any rate, we will get through it together, and I don’t mind switching up roles of responsibility for a stretch. We’ll see if he minds the way things get done…

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#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series

Why do I have such trouble cutting in a straight line?

Is it because I’m gay?

#TinyThreads

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A Day of Leaping

This is the extra day that makes 2024 a Leap Year. If I cared, I’d google the original and reason for it, but I really don’t. If you do, look it up yourself and tell me if it was worth it. While supremely uninterested in the reasons for it, I’m fascinated by the fact of it, the same way I’m fascinated by the extra hour of time we trick ourselves into thinking we get with Daylight Saving Time (coming up on March 10). The idea of a whole extra day that appears once every four years feels like some literary machination to get characters into or out of trouble in service of an otherwise non-existent narrative. These days life is tense enough without adding more drama to it, and perhaps that’s why I’m not so keen to discover the origin of the Leap Year. 

Instead, I’m doing a different kind of leaping – with a few links leaping to sunnier and funnier days. 

Last summer began in hopeful fashion, and it required a second part to begin.

Summer in shades of gray, also requiring a second part.

Solstice of summer.

Another summer post that needed another summer post that needed another summer post… 

Summer begins where the boys are.

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Bringing the Male Celebrity Heat

This is just a quick post of shirtless male celebrities to keep your winter doldrums on the run. First up is a pair of Usher underwear photos in service of SKIMS, and his recent thrilling halftime show

Next up is perennial favorite Shawn Mendes, who has been here quite a few times prior to this shirtless pose

A funny candid shot of a naked Glen Powell with a strategically-added koala bear, but if you prefer an animal-free glimpse of Glen Powell nude, click here

Beating his critics to the punch in a proverbial way, Jake Gyllenhaal displays his fit form here, as he previously did in this shirtless post

Chris Salvatore is another regular in these parts thanks to posing in a limited wardrobe. Check him out naked here and here and here

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Dazzler of the Day: Ari Shapiro

NPR has the best bios, and as such they have taken all of the work out of naming Ari Shapiro as Dazzler of the Day with the following except from their site. For my personal highlight, Shapiro more than earns this crowning for a career of impressive reporting, and even more impressive performing. A Renaissance man in the truest sense, take all of NPR’s words for it:

Ari Shapiro has been one of the hosts of All Things Considered, NPR’s flagship afternoon newsmagazine, since 2015. He has been a question on Jeopardy and an answer in the New York Times crossword puzzle. He has filed stories from above the Arctic Circle and aboard Air Force One, and he has covered wars in Iraq, Ukraine and Israel. His debut memoir, The Best Strangers In the World, was an instant New York Times bestseller. He has also performed as a singer in some of the world’s most storied venues, from Carnegie Hall to the Hollywood Bowl.

Before becoming a host of All Things Considered, Shapiro spent two years as NPR’s International Correspondent based in London, traveling the world to cover a wide range of topics for NPR’s news programs. His overseas move came after four years as NPR’s White House Correspondent during President Barack Obama’s first and second terms. He was NPR’s Justice Correspondent for five years during the George W. Bush Administration, covering debates over surveillance, detention and interrogation in the years after Sept. 11.

Shapiro’s journalism has won three national Edward R. Murrow awards; one for a global series that connected the dots between climate change, migration and far-right political leaders; another for his reporting on the life and death of Breonna Taylor; and a third for his coverage of the Trump Administration’s asylum policies on the US-Mexico border. He was named Journalist of the Year in 2023 by NLGJA, the association of LGBTQ+ journalists. The Columbia Journalism Review honored him with a laurel for his investigation into disability benefits for injured American veterans. The American Bar Association awarded him the Silver Gavel for exposing the failures of Louisiana’s detention system after Hurricane Katrina. He was the first recipient of the American Judges’ Association American Gavel Award for his work on U.S. courts and the American justice system. And at age 25, Shapiro won the Daniel Schorr Journalism Prize for an investigation of methamphetamine use and HIV transmission.

As a singer, Shapiro makes frequent appearances with the “little orchestra” Pink Martini. The band’s recent albums feature him on several tracks, singing in multiple languages. In 2019 he created the stage show Och and Oy: A Considered Cabaret with Tony Award winner Alan Cumming. They have since performed together across the US, including a sold out two-week run at the Café Carlyle.

Shapiro was born in Fargo, North Dakota, and grew up in Portland, Oregon. He is a magna cum laude graduate of Yale. He began his journalism career as an intern for NPR Legal Affairs Correspondent Nina Totenberg, who has also occasionally been known to sing in public.

 

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The Pendulum of Light

The days are growing longer – a couple of minutes more of light are gained every week as we round the corner to spring. It’s evident in the re-blooming of this epiphyte – more traditionally known as a Christmas or Thanksgiving or Easter cactus. It has trouble making up its mind about when to bloom, guided only by the duration of light, which doesn’t always align to our human-imposed calendar of holidays. I like that it ignores the human timeframe completely. Nature will always guide us right

As for this time of the year, it’s alway proven tricky. We still have a healthy few weeks of winter left, and as much as I’d love to jump forward to spring, if we leap too quickly we run the risk of losing our spring buds – the lilacs and azaleas and rhododendrons already tightly coiled and ready to burst forth into bloom. A late freeze will take them all out (and since we had a number of lilacs blooming in the late fall we’ve already lost those). Treacherous terrain, time-wise. We wait, perhaps more eagerly than any other time of the year, and wait we must. 

In such purgatorial moments, I slow my mind through daily meditations. Working to maintain a mindfulness that lasts through the day, I strive to stay entirely in the moment, focusing only on what is happening around me – not what has passed or what may come. If appreciated and inhabited fully, the present moment is all one needs to be happily content. There is beauty enough in a day, no matter how gray or dull it may at first glimpse appear. 

As our pendulum of light swings back in the direction of spring and summer, I pause to examine the vibrant blooms of this loyal plant, which I’ve had for a couple of decades now. One day it may be passed on to one of my niece or nephews, and it may go on blooming long after I’m gone, reminding someone else to find the beauty of a day in a single shaft of sunlight upon a bloom

 

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Hope in the Grocery Store

They’ve been out for a few weeks now, and I’ve finally given in to the jonquils on display in all the local grocery stores. I have started to embrace the coming of spring, even if it is a bit early. Easter and Lent are early this year too, so perhaps that’s the way it’s going to be. Didn’t the groundhog predict such a thing too? Not that a rodent should prescribe for us a way of life, but whatever bit of folklore gets us through the winter… 

Whenever I pass a pot of narcissus, I pause to lean down and take a deep inhalation of their almost ephemeral fragrance. It’s something that no perfumer has successfully been able to wrangle into a bottle, and I love it all the more for that. Spring is in the air and on the wind… 

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Dazzler of the Day: Daniel W. Green

As the problematic world of AI artwork swirls around us, it’s good to re-enforce the idea that I and so many others hold, which is that the artwork produced by human hands and our greatest living artists will never be successfully duplicated by any program, no matter how advanced. Human passion cannot and will not be reproduced by artificial intelligence; it will always ring hollow, because humans innately recognize and resonate with the work of another human. That brings us to this Dazzler of the Day, which goes to Daniel W. Green, an artist whose work bleeds with the fiery passion and exuberance that can only be produced by a real person invigorated and inspired by real life. Green specializes in oil paintings, many of which focus on the male form. Witness his work progress as seen in one example below (there are many, as Green is wondrously prolific). Check out more on the Dan Green Male Art page as well as his eBay page to purchase his work

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