Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

Fellow Madonna fans hold a special place in my heart, and when they are dazzling in their own right, that makes them all the more captivating. Case in point is our Dazzler of the Day, Jeremy Gloff, whose take on the Madonna Celebration Tour encapsulates what so many of her lifelong fans felt when seeing the show. This alone would merit a crowning as Dazzler – Gloff also has the multi-talented Renaissance-man act down pat, having paved his way as a singer, songwriter, performance artist and advice columnist. A long list of albums (from 1993’s True Stories’ to 2016’s ‘Those Who Survived’) testify to his legacy, including his electro-homage to the 80’s ~ ‘1987’. Most heartwarming is his recent look-back over his love affair with Madonna – a love-affair that Madonna fans should find resonant and affirming. Check it out below, then say hello to him on Instagram or FaceBook or YouTube.

I have a heart that’s prone to melancholy and nostalgia and I found myself sad the morning of the show because it was so close to happening then being over. I felt like it might be one of the best nights of my life…and it was. The evening approached with equal anticipation and dread. To be in my Gloft in Tampa at a Madonna concert with so many of my best friends and loved ones is my happiest of happy places… (I rent out a private loft for concerts that fits 50 loved ones and it’s been dubbed “The Gloft”.)

During the beginning of the concert there was someone dressed on stage as Madonna’s younger self…Madonna said how much she wanted to give her younger self a hug and how that version of her kept her going all these years. And as Madonna played – so so many versions of my younger self unexpectedly reemerged that are all trapped in her songs. I found myself in a state of euphoria but also having to process and deal with these unexpected boxes and vaults being opened song after song. I found myself bursting with joy while at the same time unearthing some scars I’d long buried…

I bought a shitty $15 crown off Amazon and wore it to the show – but to me it felt like a million dollars. In the last few years I’ve found myself getting quieter, more submissive, more “professional”, more happy in solitude. That crappy junk crown unlocked a version of Jeremy I hadn’t felt or known for a very long time. But to truly hold onto him is like hugging the air. As the last song ended I sadly felt him leaving too…

To have Moira Messana stop by the loft and say hi and to graciously meet my friends – hers is a face I saw on a movie theatre screen in a small town over and over in 1991. I knew every word to her scene. When I left that movie theatre I was in a town full of violence and homophobia. It wasn’t a safe world for me at 16 years of age. Moira’s vulnerability and sincerity in ‘Truth Or Dare‘ made her a massive icon to everyone who shared that moment with me. Her lines in the movie became part of our everyday lives and with love.

Decades later she became a friend. I love Moira and her family – she’s such a remarkable, strong woman. Since we became friends we never really talk about Madonna when we hang out. But two nights ago Moira completely became THAT Moira and it was glorious and an explosion of unparalleled joy. My friends were shocked by the surprise. How does the best night ever keep leveling up???? Like Moira said in 1991…”I just wanna see Madonna!”

I haven’t felt as in sync with Madonna in the last few years. I didn’t relate as much to what she was doing for the first time in 40 years. In some ways I was lost without her…but then in other ways I found a new different way without her. To have the Madonna I love so much back and serving as an icon during this show was both exhilarating and unexpectedly confusing.

Because I still want to be Jeremy in 3rd grade 1984 hearing the word “virgin” for the first time, or the Jeremy in high school wearing a gold tooth like Madonna did in “Erotica“, or club kid Jeremy going to raves in the early 90s in Buffalo with pigtails and an Easter basket full of cereal to pass out to other ravers, or 2008 Jeremy releasing an electro album called ‘1987’ and thinking this would be the album to break through, or 2014 Jeremy sitting on the patio of Cappy’s with Lou hearing the leaked demos of “Rebel Heart” and feeling young for maybe the last time. They all disintegrate but they all remain.

Stupid me and my shadows – because although I was surrounded by so much love in my loft my heart was clouded by the friends sitting one section over who don’t talk to me anymore – and once upon a time they were my Madonna friends. I always extend olive branches but generally people don’t grab them and it adds a dark blue directly below my bright yellow. I hate losing friends. I sure wish the universe would extend me second chances but maybe the universe is protecting me too. They were keeping space in my mind the entire time – I wished they were there alongside me and not in the past tense. Nothing really matters – love is all we need.

So it was one of the best nights of my life and two of the saddest days after. I want to be in that moment forever – where I’m wearing a crown feeling free – surrounded by loved ones – and Madonna is reigning supreme again.

During these last few years me and a panel of people discussed each of her albums track by track on my podcast Phonogenics 101. And some of those people were in my Gloft – they flew into Tampa and I got to meet them for the first time in person and share this moment together. Things don’t get any more soul deep than this.

So here we are in April 2024. I love Madonna being front and center again with a tour that appeals to a wider audience. But with that comes all the more general fans complaining about the late start and the lack of A/C. Honey, we’ve been dealing with that for years and years with pleasure. Come join the party…it’s a celebration.

I hope Madonna knows how much she is loved. And I hope my friends know how much I love them. I had it all again for one night – two nights ago. But take a bow…the night is over.

Thank you Madonna for 40 years of safety and love.