Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

Holy fuck this work week was a doozy, with the shift of Mercury into retrograde throwing insult on top of injury, but we made it through the wilderness. One of the daily rituals that has proven to be the saving grace at such difficult times is meditation. For twenty minutes a day, I can slip into a state of calm and peace, even when it doesn’t always start out that way. Through deep breathing, focused intentions, and the full twenty minutes, by the end of a meditation session my heartbeat has slowed, my worries and tensions have eased, and all the silly little problems that seemed to insurmountable have melted into their proper place of unimportance. 

The other day, I began by ruminating on a litany of work stresses and annoyances. They crossed the mind, prickled with their bothersome nature, flitted about for a bit, then dissipated. Simply acknowledging such things instantly puts them into perspective – I don’t know why, it just does. Allowing those thoughts to enter and then pass, I moved deeper into the meditation, focusing on my intentions, breathing slowly in and even more slowly out. When I found random and worrisome thoughts returning, I started counting the breaths – the simplicity of a numerical focus for each breath re-centered the experience, and soon enough that clear, bright plane that comes with a good meditation was coming into existence. At those moments I feel a lightness, an uncluttered expanse of clarity that counteracts the frenzied chaos and dense concerns of life today. 

More wisdom from Dr. Elaine N. Aron’s ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’ comes in her description of how some of us acknowledge the darker parts of our personality, and how studying and understanding these traits is more helpful than whitewashing or wishing them away. Putting on a happy face has never worked well for me, so this makes a great deal of sense. For those who tend to dwell on the rosy side of life without humbly admitting to their own failings and faults, this is a lesson that usually gets missed. 

“In getting to know our shadow, the idea is that it is better to acknowledge our unpleasant or unethical aspects and keep an eye on them rather than to throw them out the front door “for good,” only to have them slip in the back when we’re not looking. Usually the people who are the most dangerous and in danger, morally speaking, are those who are certain they would never do anything wrong, who are totally self-righteous and have no idea that they have a shadow or what it is like.” ~ Dr. Elaine N. Aron, ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’

While the idea of being considered a ‘highly sensitive person’ irks me to no end, the book describing such a person resonated strongly with me, and I’m not averse to acknowledging many of the traits of an ‘HSP’. Dr. Elaine N. Aron wrote about HSPs in ‘The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You’ and it’s an interesting read for anyone who has felt socially anxious or inhibited. It explained quite a bit of confusing episodes in my childhood and past, while illuminating ways to combat such issues in the present. Dr. Aron also makes a compelling argument for the importance of such HSPs in the world, especially today. When all seems to be falling apart around us, this may be a good time to consider the quieter and more introspective ways some of us navigate through life. 

“I like the way that anthropologists speak of ritual leadership and ritual space. Ritual leaders create for others those experiences which can only take place within a ritual, sacred, or transitional space, set aside from the mundane world. Experiences in this sort of space are transformative and give meaning. Without them life becomes drab and empty. The ritual leader marks off and protects the space, prepares others to enter it, guides them while there, and helps them return to society with the right meaning from the experience. Traditionally, these were often initiation experiences marking life’s great transition – into adulthood, marriage, parenthood, elderhood, and death. Others were meant to heal, to bring a vision or revelation that gave direction, or to move one into closer harmony with the divine. 

Today sacred spaces are quickly made mundane. They require great privacy and care if they are to survive. They are as likely to be created in the offices of certain psychotherapists as in churches, as likely to occur in a gathering of men or women dissatisfied with their religion as in a community practicing its traditions, as likely to be signaled by a slight change in topic or tone in a conversation as by the donning of shamanic costume and the outline of a ceremonial circle. The boundaries of sacred space today are always shifting, symbolic, and rarely visible.” ~ Dr. Elaine N. Aron, ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’