Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

Unhappy Ass Wednesday

My own ass is undergoing its own issues as I continue to expel the remnants of the nasty stomach flu that is going around and felling people right and left. To that end, a few other good men will have to step up and show off their assets for this special Ass Wednesday post

Let’s begin with a man whose very name is indicative of his talents: Stuart Reardon. He’s never been shy about turning the other cheek, and it’s only right that he should lead things off here. 

Orlando Bloom gives good peach (and some censored eggplant) in this previous post

Chris Salvatore has already dazzled us twice here and this butt-baring shot reveals why. 

Finally, Nicholas Hoult is tasked with bringing up the rear of this post, and as evidenced in this naked post here he is more than up for the task. Happy Ass Wednesday everybody!

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Afternoon Tulip Light

The time for spring flowers is peeking around the corner, beckoning with every warm breeze, then backing away with threats of snow and ice. The only safe way to handle it is to find a bouquet of market flowers, and let the outside sort itself out as the backdrop to all of the blooms

Here we have a casual bouquet of white and yellow tulips, bending and curving in their whimsical, slightly wayward design. It defies rigid order and traditional bouquet rules, but rules are for fools, and tulips are for tricksters

That’s all I got in me for today. Visit this post from the past for something more meaningful

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Felled for the First Time in Four Years

It has literally been four years since I was phased by illness, thanks to that stretch of masks and social distance. I was happy to keep that going for as long as possible, but a nasty little stomach bug final caught up with me, and as I write this I’m propped up in bed, just seconds away from my next all-liquid bowel movement. 

The bathroom is my church now, the toilet a porcelain throne and altar all-in-one. Unsure of which end may be evacuating first, I do a little dance, make a little twirl, and if my friends could see me now…

At such times, bound to bed and bathroom, my mind wanders and tends to put out just as much crap as my body (such as in this blog post quaintly entitled ‘Holding Onto My Penis For Dear Life’). Hence this stream-of-semi-consciousness

Andy has been dispatched to pick up some popsicles and Pedialyte, and I hastily assembled a pie mold of jello and popped it into the fridge before I went fully down. The last time I downed some Pedialyte I was attempting to stave off a hangover (and it worked!) but I’d rather be here than there any given day

As for the blog schedule here, this bug came at a most inopportune time, as my first burst of promotional packages hyping up this website’s 20th anniversary are set to be delivered this week. Thus, the universe has spoken, and I have been told to slow down and listen, pause and reflect. That’s my usual tone for Lent, so everything is as it should be. 

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The August Place to be in Winter

It was two years ago when the twins and I last ventured into Saratoga. That visit was in the prime of summer, on a slightly overcast day when ‘The Goonies’ was playing at the movie theater there, and we made a day of it.

This past Sunday, to kick off their winter break, we had the twins overnight, and on Monday we had a day in the August place to be. It’s a drastically-different vibe than in summer, when we could have our ice cream on the sidewalk and not worry about the wind or cold, but the magic and charm was in full effect. 

As they race toward their 13th birthday, I feel the rush of their childhood, like the rush of all childhood – gone so quickly, yet encapsulated in moments like this that somehow seem to last, even if it’s just in a memory, or a blog post. 

They are still young enough to find new discoveries around every corner, and old enough to humor their uncle in his many requests to pause for a photo shoot. 

We lunched at The Mercantile, where we went the last time we were in town. As adventurous as they may sometimes be, Noah and Emi also find comfort in the familiar, and since they enjoyed our last meal there they wanted to try it again, followed by a sweet treat at the same ice cream place. We couldn’t duplicate the sidewalk seating just yet, but as we walked along Broadway the afternoon sun felt warm, and the slightest hint of spring was on the wind. 

We found gifts for Landrie and Paul, who would bring Jaxon over to our home for his first visit and a casual Filipino dinner. The twins will be thirteen years old before Jaxon even turns one – markers of time the way children often are, even under the sporadic observation of doting uncles. 

And so life moves gently, and adorably, onward…

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Dazzler of the Day: Corey Feldman

Comeback King Corey Feldman was an integral thread in three of the movies that indelibly shaped my childhood in the 80’s: ‘Stand By Me‘, ‘Gremlins’ and ‘The Goonies’. Whether it was a misfit, an achingly-average kid, or a sly-tongued wisecracker, Feldman stole every movie in which he appeared. His rocky way out of child-stardom is the stuff of grace and majesty, a trajectory that continues to this day as he has repeatedly reinvented himself (see his website here for all that’s currently happening). He’s earned this Dazzler of the Day for providing the cornerstone of my childhood entertainment experience – and showing all of us how to grow up while keeping a youthful heart.

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A Recap of Winter Progress

Today marks two months of winter done, and one more to go. Before we jump into elation, however, I have to remind myself that this last month is always the toughest, even if there will be days when spring is definitely and defiantly in the air. We can get snow up until May in these parts – and some of those storms are the snowiest and most frustrating – so we will not be sending up a celebratory flare just yet. Keep it in your back pocket for another month. We can, however, recap the following week, and put that into the books. Another week of winter down… only a few to go. Hang in there.

Valentine’s Day opened with a bit of cheesy music, the way this Hallmark holiday should be greeted. 

The day of love closed out with an acoustic set, because love is love is love.

A mundane mid-afternoon in downtown Albany.

Looking back out of sheer exhaustion.

Roses not for Valentine’s Day.

Round one of a new Madonna bracket was inspired by the Super Bowl. 

Date night with Andy at the Scarlet Knife.

First perambulation of the year

Coaxing a mystery orchid back into bloom

Sticks of winter fire against a February sky

The miraculous cotton candy grape.

Dazzlers of the Day included Ricky Martin, Harper Watters, Salma Hayek, Marcus Law, and Jo Koy.

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Cotton Candy That’s Good For You

Fruity food gimmicks have always fallen flat with me, and I have no patience for giving cute names to something like citrus (looking at you, Cutie, and judging you, Halo). So when I first heard about cotton candy grapes, I ignored them until I saw Pati Jinich use them in this recipe, and a co-worker brought some in and I got to try one. 

This shit is the real deal – and it tasted like… wait for it…. cotton fucking candy. Not in an annoying, cloying way, but very much like a sweet echo and approximation of the cotton candy sweetness, grounded in a bright grape. 

As we prepare for summer recipes (I do like to plan ahead) this variety will prove a fun twist to any grape dish – and a highlight of any fruit salad. Pop a few in your mouth and see what you think. It was enough to transform even a skeptical non-believer like myself. 

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Sticks of Winter Fire in the Sky

The stems of the Coral Bark Japanese Maple give the tree its name – a bright coral red that is a highlight of the winter garden, when the world is starved for color and vibrancy. Lit by the sunlight of late afternoon, which grows happily longer by the day, these stems look brilliant against a blue sky. 

In the spring, the chartreuse leaves of this tree complete the show with a stunning shade that complements its bright bark. Holding that thought while the winter limps onward is a test of mental fortitude, but rather than force the matter, I’m going to appreciate the stems bare against this February sky. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Jo Koy

Sadly, no one alerted me to the fact that Jo Koy was at the Palace Theatre last night, so we missed out on seeing his show – wiser folks will keep an eye on his website here for touring dates and check him out when he is near. All I can do at this point is crown him as Dazzler of the Day and hope he gives me a heads up when he is near again. 

My brother introduced me to him not too long ago and our household has become instant fans. As a fellow Filipino, I can relate all too well to much of his family humor, and the rest is just universal hilarity. 

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Coaxing a Mystery Orchid Back into Bloom

One of the first orchids I ever had as a boy was a Dendrobium – it was the typical purple/fuschia version that sprays its blooms in arching form like some glorious surreal fountain. It sent up its segmented stalks accented with thick green leaves and loved the extra water in the air that a humidifier provided, but never received the care required to rebloom. Since then, the Dendrobium was a plant I admired from a distance, and never enough to try at home. 

When preparing for a visit from friends last year, I needed a bouquet and found this unlabeled orchid at Fresh Market. Intending only to have it for a few weeks and then bring it outside for a farewell summer, I ended up leaving it on the front windowsill, which gets the most light, and then forgetting about it. 

As the universe tends to go in matters of gardening and flower culture, a little sign of hope and fight appeared as a tiny mode swelled and expanded into an offshoot near the end of an otherwise-bare stalk. Taking that as a sign, I nudged the humidity up a bit and began fertilizing the little guy, eventually repotting it from its plastic home into a prettier glazed ceramic orchid pot. 

Every two weeks or so I gave it a healthy dose of fertilizer, and for a year it showed bits of new growth. This winter, it began to exhibit a few bumps, and while I first thought they might be more offshoots, I was pleasantly surprised to see them develop into flower buds

As this mystery variety was unmarked, I looked online and the closest I can guess is that it’s a variety of Dendrobium nobile. The blooms have been going strong as pictured for a few weeks now – far longer than any cut flower bouquet could ever muster. The surprise for me was their fragrance: light and elusive, it’s not always present. More maddening, there doesn’t seem to be a specific time when it’s more pronounced, the way some flowers emit their most powerful fragrance at night or in the morning. I still can’t get a read on when this one is at its most potent, so it remains a lovely guessing game.

The perfume is lovely – slightly similar to the almost-ethereal fragrance of the hosta – the faintest notion of a lily, which is what most of us say about any bloom. 

The majority of our houseplants do not flower (save for this wildly unpredictable cactus) so I am treasuring this moment, and this orchid, and doing my best to keep it happy. 

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First Perambulation of the Year

Our yard is not that big or extensive, but even its small expanses make for a daily walk that recharges the soul as needed. Such a luxury is not available year round, and winter makes it less than hospitable for the most part. This particular winter hasn’t been as vicious as others, but I still hadn’t made it out until this week.

I wasn’t expecting to find much, but once again the garden finds ways to surprise and delight. A few small patches of moss rested on the bare ground, little irregular circles of green, while the only major splash of green was the evergreen of the Lenten rose – a stalwart performer when winters are mild, as this one has been.

Much of the yard is still covered in snow and the brown layer of leaves and debris from fall and winter. That monotonous backdrop is a benefit when looking for things that are out of place structurally, or, in the case below, of an evergreen that had sprouted and established a decent start over the last year, but had gone hidden beneath a grove of ostrich ferns.

A juniper provides its silvery, blue-green beauty as a refreshing foil against the brown of the ground and the weathered gray of the fence behind it. This and the row of Thuja are reminders of the importance of using evergreens when an entire season is spent in dormant winter doldrums. Too many of us, myself most decidedly included, go for the brighter and more dramatic growth and color of the deciduous varieties, but the slower-growing and year-round foliage of evergreens will end up forming the backbone of a garden and landscape.

As I finished up a brief stroll around the backyard, I was surprised to see the early emergence of a couple of daffodils. They don’t typically show up this early, but here they were, bravely poking forth through the layer of leaves that once laid hidden beneath the snow. As happy a sight as this was, it did give me a bit of consternation. There will be more snowstorms to weather before any bit of spring is in serious sight. The risk of rising too early is great in these parts, when a long freeze could stunt or outright stop a bloom in its tentative tracks. But new life rarely listens or heeds the wisdom of older life, so we will hang on and hope for the best. Besides, it’s hard to stay mad at the hopeful.

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Date Night at The Scarlet Knife

When I first read that The Scarlet Knife was opening in the space formerly occupied by the Latham K-Mart, I didn’t have a clue how they were going to successfully manage it, but on a recent date night out with Andy, we happily had an amazing meal, with nary a memory of any blue-light specials. 

Avoiding eating out on Valentine’s Day, Andy and I made dinner plans for a couple of days later. Last night we had our romantic evening, and as we talked over our next trip to Ogunquit, the universe confirmed our plans with a special appetizer of charred octopus – a dish we first tried many years ago at that Beautiful Place By the Sea

For his entree, Andy chose a New York Strip steak, which arrived with a requisite scarlet knife – a rare and welcome case of a restaurant’s name in action. 

Torn between the Duck Cassoulet and the Atlantic Halibut, I asked our server which she would recommend and she unequivocally advised I get the duck. It was a very good decision: this was one of the best dishes I’ve had in quite a while. 

To extend the evening for as long as possible, we opted for dessert. Andy chose the ‘Violet B’ – an almond daquoise, wild blueberry jam filled cream cheese mousse, meringue, almond ice cream and candied almonds. It was absolutely as delicious as it looked, which is saying something when you consider how pretty this dessert was plated. 

Taking this recent tea theme to heart, I went for the ‘That’s the Tea’ which was a chai creme brûlée, caramel sauce and milk chocolate sorbet. Divine tea decadence indeed. 

The Scarlet Knife ended our beautiful evening with a pair of passion-fruit macarons. A happy ending for a romantic dinner out with Andy. 

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The Madonna Bracket: Round 1

Here’s a fun new twist that brings Madonna back into the sports arena, a place she last visited in 2012’s epic Super Bowl performance. It’s a basic bracket (or so I think – to be completely honest there’s a good chance I don’t even know what a bracket is) which will go through some of her songs to see which picks my Twitter polls advance. This will be a decidedly unscientific and high subjective process, because this is my blog. If you want to do it perfectly, or differently, start your own website. 

For this first round, we are hitting up some of her earliest hits, with four challenges that are pitting classics against classics. Here is how it’s shaking out:

    

Those turned out in mostly expected ways (though ‘Like A Virgin‘ getting knocked out this early in the proceedings may cause some consternation). The next round went like this:

That one surprised me a bit – I thought ‘Holiday’ stood a better chance – it’s been performed on many more tours than ‘Borderline’ and has always struck me as a classic song. Maybe the voters on my Titter account are of the age where they remember that brilliant Mary Lambert-directed video (the original release of ‘Holiday’ had no video at all, which is appalling, but I digress…) On to other appalling items, and bigger surprises, as ‘Borderline’ was pitted against my beloved ‘Material Girl’ and made for a heartbreaking final round. 

Not to hate on ‘Borderline’, I just happen to like ‘Material Girl’ better, and it’s provided Madonna with an indelible nickname that has lasted four decades. And so it will be that ‘Borderline’ will advance to the semi-finals. The next bracket will be from the ‘True Blue’ period… so stay tuned… 

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Dazzler of the Day: Marcus Law

It’s been way more than a hot minute since we’ve featured a male model as a Dazzler of the Day, so let’s rectify that with this post on Marcus Law, an international model who has been impressing viewers with this scintillating Instagram account. Law has worked wonders with the amazing proprietor of Snooty Fox Images, and his modeling success can be attributed to what you see below. 

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Roses Not For Valentine’s Day

Putting Miley Cyrus and her empowering ‘Flowers’ song aside for the moment, these roses were a gift to my husband for a good deed he recently did. It’s always risky buying flowers in the days leading up to Valentine’s Day, and we certainly don’t exchange roses on that jacked-up floral holiday, but Whole Market finally had a deal that I could use with my Amazon Prime membership which had two dozen boffo-big roses on sale for $34.99. That’s a steal on an average day in June when roses are tumbling off the trellises. Finding them a few days prior to the day of love was a moment ripe for the picking, or purchasing. 

A vase of flowers does wonders for the soul, and I always forget that until a few weeks pass without them. They are a luxury item in the winter, but some luxuries are worth the cost, especially if they result in such joy. 

(And as Miley proclaims, it’s absolutely fine to buy yourself flowers, which is what I usually do. These just happen to be for Andy.)

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