Monthly Archives:

April 2020

Unexpected Visitors in the Midst of Isolation

Looking out into the backyard, I spotted the two intruders immediately. Trampling a stand of fountain grass that I was about to remove that very day, a pair of ducks waddled in the direction of the pool. I quickly called out to Andy, as we had never experienced such visitors. “They’re going into the pool!” I heard Andy cry from the bedroom. The pair smoothly made the transition from land to water, gliding into our dirty pool, ravaged from the winter with leaves and detritus and even a floating flower pot. The ducks didn’t seem to mind, playfully diving beneath the water and ruffling their feathers in seeming delight.

I grabbed my phone and rushed from the dining room to the family room, where I could get a better look at them. Pulling the drapes open, I watched as the female floated in place and locked her eyes with mine, sensing my movement and gaze. The male swirled about, still splashing in the water and opening and closing his beak in rapid movements. In her eyes, the female appeared contemplative and doleful, keeping a watch on me. She relaxed when I didn’t move, joining her mate in some splashing and underwater foraging for food.

I stayed there a bit longer, amused by these springtime visitors – the first of their kind that I’d ever seen stop by our pool. Mostly we get cardinals and blue jays and yellow finches, along with the dreaded grackles and robins. Ducks were an unexpected treat. They reminded me of the waterfowl at the Boston Public Garden. It was a welcome reminder.

Going back to interior concerns, I left the ducks to their own devices and when I checked back a few minutes later they had already departed. I felt an unwarranted tinge of loss. Maybe we were hungry for any sort of interaction in these isolated times. I went about the day, and an hour or so later I looked out and they were back in the pool. A quick flash of happy relief was soon replaced by a nagging fear that they might make a nesting spot in our backyard which would not have been good. I didn’t have to worry for long – they soon departed for good a few minutes later. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the flash of them flying over our fence, and then the last ripples in the empty pool of where they had just been.

Continue reading ...

Autumn Joy in Spring

One of the star performers of any perennial bed or border is Sedum ‘Autumn Joy’ which keeps its succulent wintergreen foliage fresh throughout the summer and begins a long season of bloom with a dusty pink start in August that goes all the way through October. The dried flower-heads retain their architectural form through the winter, which makes for a charming visage when capped with snow. It’s one of the few plants with year-round visual interest, which has made them popular to the point of ubiquitous overuse. That doesn’t mar my feelings on them, however, so when I saw them poking these tender shoots out and testing the spring air, it made my heart leap. Another spring can now begin.

Continue reading ...

Spring Rebounding: Before & After

This past weekend I finally got outside and cleaned up the bulk of our winter debris. Filled the typical forty lawn bags of all the dead leaves and branches and various junk that litters the landscape while the garden slumbered. It’s awake now, but it’s still early. Groggy and shaking off sleep, the earth yawns and yearns to sleep a bit more. I get the same feeling on Wednesday mornings. Or whatever day this is. I seem to be losing track.

Here is a pair of before and after shots, and while the photo doesn’t do the scope and work justice, please note that the main stand of fountain grass in the first picture is 12 feet tall. That’s over twice as tall as me. This was no cake-walk, and there was definitely no cake at the end of the ordeal either. But it’s all part of the process, all part of the plan. I’m happy as a clam knowing that spring has arrived, and time in the garden is a valuable kind of therapy of its own. Cutting down each stalk was a ritual of cleansing and rebirth. Out with the old and in with the new. The earth, when left to her own devices, takes care of herself.

As a gift for my efforts, the first jonquils of the season deigned to bloom as I brought the bags to the curb. Pausing to crouch down and inhale their fragrance – that glorious scent of spring that has yet to be successfully replicated in any perfume or cologne – I remembered springs that have come before, and I allowed myself a bittersweet smile.

Continue reading ...

Today’s Grocery Store Avoidance Project

Planning to indulge in another batch of babinka, I found that our cupboards were bare of sweetened condensed milk, so I looked to the interwebs for lessons on a proper substitute. Turns out a substitute is entirely unnecessary, as I can make the damn thing legit from milk and sugar. (A pretty high ‘DUH’ factor is present in that realization.) Am I the only one shocked and awed by the fact that we can make our own sweetened condensed milk?

It’s as simple as heating up 2 cups of milk and 2/3 cup sugar on low until the sugar dissolves (I’ve read either low fat or whole milk works fine) and then bringing it up to medium for a gentle simmer for 35 – 40 minutes. (Don’t stir or shake the mix while it simmers or some crazy crystal shit will happen. Hey, I’m just relaying what magic I read.) Pour into a heat safe storage container and let cool. It keeps for a few weeks – which also works to extend the life of milk. Bonus!

We’ll get to homemade buttermilk in our next Grocery Store Avoidance Project. Sounds like it’s just as exciting, and perhaps even easier.

Continue reading ...

Tom Daley: Shirtless Lunch Break

It wouldn’t have been my choice for a sofa pattern, but I’m not Tom Daley or his husband. Besides, it works for photos like these, in which Mr. Daley illustrates some home workout exercises. And doing it shirtless guarantees that people will pay attention. If you’re like me, and the only exercise involves lifting Easter candy to your mouth or shaking the remote as it runs out of batteries, then you need this too. Or we can just look and wish and hope that when this ordeal is over we haven’t gained the quarantine fifteen. If you like this post, visit this Tom Daley page for a lot more skin-happy links

Continue reading ...

Business on Top, Party Down Below

This is a time for serving Out-of-Office Realness, and I am here to serve you. For anyone who’s ever done a video conference from home, I know you have been in this situation. Thankfully I have not, as of yet, had to do a video conference – I’d be a nervous wreck. And I certainly wouldn’t do it in my underwear. No way. The camera would pan down, I would inadvertently stand up, or some other impossible scenario would play out just in the exact fashion that would reveal my Tom Ford leopard print boxer briefs.

I prefer to do the revealing on my own terms, and in the best possible lighting.

This fun shoot was done on-the-fly, in the basement office, at the end of a long day. In fact, I’ve been putting on fancy silk and sequin ensembles to work from home during office hours – ask Andy and my co-workers. It’s my own way of keeping sane and inspired. Also, if I stayed in my regular pajamas and robe, I’d feel sick and/or lazy – two states not conducive to doing good work. Visuals and atmosphere are important to me. A look can do more to change my mood than an emotional pane. Maybe that makes me more superficial than the average bear, and I’m cool with that. I’ve learned how to turn it to my advantage over the years.

This is also a form of play, and in these dark days of oppressive news and housebound tension, we need more play. Try on your hidden hats. Pull out your fanciest gown. Brush off that formal wedding suit. Dress it up. For no reason whatsoever. As kids we used to do this all the time. We played. We dressed up. We got silly. And we had fun. Way more fun than we have as adults.

Hang on to your hats – the lessons keep on coming.

Continue reading ...

Recapping the Early Wilderness of Spring

The skunky-scented fritillaria seen here – more commonly called the Crown Imperial thanks to its impressive floral display – poked through the ground in our backyard, setting off the beginnings of the spring season here in upstate New York. it came just in time, as our isolation was just starting to wear on me. I got out and managed to fill twenty five big lawn bags of the detritus and debris of an entire winter season. While my middle-aged body recuperates (is there any Vic’s vaporub in this place?) we shall recap and provide some links to all that you may have missed. Mentholated vapors take me away…

It began with a very happy anniversary: the 10th birthday of my niece and nephew

The battle between the sacred and the profane, the spiritual and the material, and the sarcastically-blissful life of straddling two extremes. 

A pair of kissing cardinals visited our front yard.

We finally went full-frontal here, for really real. 

Spring can really hang you up the most

The erotically-inclined artwork of Michael Broderick

A Filipino desert recipe from my Mom: babinka.

The time to be neighborly is now. Right now. 

This is how solitude should smell

How ever did we get here? And where did my shirt go?

A damn fine cup of coffee, home-brewed.

Have you ever felt like nobody was there?

Lathering up in memories sparked by the Beekman Boys and ‘Aloe & Iris.’ 

Awakening to awareness: the first part. Our journey begins.

Hunks of the Day included Son HeChan, Max Parker, Chris Cuomo, Tristan Gatto, Collin Baja, and Austin Theory.

Continue reading ...

Awakening to Awareness ~ Part One

“We don’t want to look, because if we do, we may change. We don’t want to look. If you look, you lose control of the life that you are so precariously holding together. And so in order to wake up, the one thing you need the most is not energy, or strength, or youthfulness, or even great intelligence. The one thing you need most of all is the readiness to learn something new. The chances that you will wake up are in direct proportion to the amount of truth you can take without running away. How much are you ready to take? How much of everything you’ve held dear are you ready to have shattered, without running away? How ready are you to think of something unfamiliar?” ~ Anthony de Mello

Book recommendations from friends I admire are some of the greatest gifts this world affords. For the most part they work out beautifully, because my friends have great taste (with the possible exception of the occasional item of clothing or a perm here and there). Word-wise, my friends can usually tell what sort of story I’ll enjoy. Such was the happy circumstance when Mary pointed me in the direction of Anthony de Mello and his book ‘Awareness’ which is really a written form of the lectures he gave over the years. Its message dovetails perfectly with all that’s been going on in my little life, as well as how my life fits into the larger world at work.

A significant melding of Christianity, Buddhism and Hinduism, ‘Awareness’ takes the most primal and basic tenets of all religions and excises the problematic notions of separation and literal readings, as well as the coded and human-warped ways of worship, returning to the essence and core of what love is and who God might be. More specifically, it offers a way to freedom from the binds of illusion and labels and our own unhappiness.

The tools on offer here are simple enough, but figuring out how to use them, and to implement that use in our lives, is the difficult part. Not all of us are looking to change. We hold onto illusions because they’re pretty and comfortable and ingrained into our beings from the moment we can begin to mentally formulate the world around us. Such things are woven into our make-up, and that’s not easy to change. But there are ways to do so, and it begins with being aware – truly aware – and taking stock of ourselves in as honest and blunt a way as possible. If you’re not ready to truly examine your life and all your own failings, then you may not get very far, but the knowledge and instructions are there if and when you’re ready. I’m doing my best to continue on this journey, and it’s definitely improved my life.

There is so much good stuff in the book that I’ll excerpt a few passages at a time and turn this into a mini-series. We’ve got the time, I’ve got the notion, and there’s no need for any further commotion.

“When your illusions drop, you’re in touch with reality at last, and believe me, you will never again be lonely, never again. Loneliness is not cured by human company. Loneliness is cured by contact with reality. Oh, I have so much to say about that. Contact with reality, dropping one’s illusions, making contact with the real. Whatever it is, it has no name. We can only know it by dropping what is unreal. You can only know what aloneness is when you drop your clinging, when you drop your dependency. But the first step toward that is that you see it as desirable. If you don’t see it as desirable, how will you get anywhere near it?

Think of the loneliness that is yours. Would human company ever take it away? It will only serve as a distraction. There’s an emptiness inside, isn’t there? And when the emptiness surfaces, what do you do? You run away, turn on the television, turn on the radio, read a book, search for human company, seek entertainment, seek distraction. Everybody does that. It’s big business nowadays, an organized industry to distract us and entertain us.” ~ Anthony de Mello

Continue reading ...

Lathering Up In Iris Memories

My love affair with the Beekman Boys continues, as their recent re-release of a former favorite – Aloe and Iris – arrived on my doorstep the other day. Iris is a tricky scent to isolate and convey through soap or toiletries. I’ve yet to find a cologne or perfume that does justice to the spicy, complex floral of a proper bearded iris. With that said, I wasn’t expecting much from my first brush with Aloe & Iris, but I was pleasantly surprised to find my naked, shower-soaked self brought instantly back to a garden in some splendid June day of my childhood. While the Beekman Boys version doesn’t reek of iris in perfect imitation, it carries enough of the notes to conjure that beautiful flower, and in the midst of my evening shower I was instantly transported to a very specific and happy moment of childhood.

I remember only the setting quite clearly. It was the somewhat hidden side-yard garden of Suzie’s house. T0 be honest, I don’t even remember Suzie being there, and if history is any indication, she probably wasn’t. We were raised like sibiings, so when one or the other of us got tired of the other one, we would simply walk somewhere else and go about our day. In one of the enduring hallmarks of our friendship, we could do that without hard feelings or questions.

On that particular day, I recall making my way down the crumbling set of stones that made for a rather rustic staircase leading from the driveway to the lower side yard. Swaths of blooming purple centaurea stretched out on either side of the bank, turning their heads up at the bright midday sun, enjoying the heat as much as the bees that were buzzing about them. Their fragrance was sweet, but it wasn’t the fix I was after.

After carefully climbing down the jagged stairs, I paused before stepping onto a stone path. The Ko house was always a magical place for me, and I stood there taking in all the beauty of a sunny almost-summer day. The gentle hum of bees was the only sound being made. There was warmth but my childhood self was too young to be bothered much by heat yet. Besides, there was a great elm just ahead that offered shade, and an arbor thick with a canopy of grape vines.

I took a few more steps and the bed of bearded iris was before me, rising almost up to my unimpressive height. I could simply lean forward and inhale their spicy perfume, and closely examine the beautiful beards of gold and yellow so brilliantly complementing hoods of purple and burgundy. It was, and remains, a fragrance idyllic and emblematic of summer – and to this day that memory can be conjured even in the unlikely setting of an indulgent shower.

It set off a ripple effect of memories – the beds of peonies, the sun-dial pedestal, a circular path bordered by hostas, and a hidden clump of mockorange unseen, but whose sweet perfume carried in the hot, humid air. Fragrance and memory can be beautifully intertwined.

Continue reading ...

Have You Ever Felt Like Nobody Was There?

The last time I truly listened to this song was at the beginning or end of summer – how strange that I can’t quite remember which it was. [Editor’s note: it was smack dab in the middle of summer, right before my first summer blog break.] Though to be fair the start or finish of summer is pretty much equally sunny especially when compared to the harsh start of spring or brutal end of winter. We have tickets for the touring production of ‘Dear Evan Hansen‘ scheduled for June, but no one is confident that will happen. These are frightening times, and all we can focus on is today, and perhaps tomorrow. Going beyond that is a fool’s errand. Best we take it by the moment. Be present. Be here. 

Let’s not get into how emotional this simple video got me – most people know how teary-eyed I get when people sing to me. And sometimes it’s good to cry – especially when all you’ve wanted to do for the last month is cry out in rage and sorrow and the forlorn ache of fear. Let those cries melt into the soaring sounds of voices raised in unison and harmony to make the world a little less lonely.

Continue reading ...

A Gift of Isolation

Perhaps one of the greatest gifts during this extended period of isolation is the gift of new knowledge.

In place of my Starbucks stops, Andy taught me how to make coffee.

I feel like such an adult!

Relax, it’s only decaf.

The last thing this world needs is me on caffeine.

Especially in isolation.

Our house would fall down.

Or explode.

Or both.

Continue reading ...

How Did We Get Here?

From there, from so far away, from so long ago, how did we arrive where we are today? I don’t often dwell on such a question, because there’s no point in doing that. In fact, it’s usually detrimental to everything else going on, or trying to go on, around you. No use dwelling on the how or why, but rather on the way forward. When going through hell, keep fucking going. Isn’t that what Jesus said? Well, if he didn’t he should have, and he certainly led by example. Although maybe the Easter season isn’t the best time to be like Jesus. I mean, Jesus.

Anyway, being more aware of the present makes it easer to find a smile, no matter how long ago it was that you truly felt like smiling. Being present, inhabiting the moment, and focusing on the here and now is the best antidote to a worrisome future. We do not know what tomorrow may bring. We never know. But what good has it ever done to worry and fret about what may or may not be? Even if the worst were to happen, why waste more time being affected by it? Que sera sera; what will be will be. The world suddenly shifts into a more easygoing stance when you realize that.

With that mindset, it’s quite simple to enjoy the day a little more. So go ahead, spray your favorite perfume or cologne, even if it’s the last spritz in your favorite bottle and there’s no more being made. Breathe it in and live in that moment. Happiness is of short supply these days – take it where you can find it, and take it then and there. Don’t save that dress or jacket for a brighter day – this is that day, this may be as bright as it gets. Bask in how happy it makes you feel. Indulge in these little joys. We are afforded just so much for just so long.

And smile. Even if you’re not feeling like it, smile. Studies have shown that the mere muscle action related to it triggers a response no matter how dark or dismal the hour. It makes sense – if your body and brain are accustomed to feeling happy when you smile, why shouldn’t a smile work the same way in reverse? I’m going to try it. You should too.

Continue reading ...

Smells Like Solitude

I’ve never worn cologne for other people. I wear it solely for myself. Well that’s not entirely true – I did wear Calvin Klein’s ‘Eternity’ for the benefit of an ex-girlfriend who said she loved it. But after that, I wore what I liked, and to hell with anyone who didn’t appreciate it. That came to mind as I was contemplating a new cologne. My mind has been tempted by a few selections for spring, when suddenly I had a brief moment of wondering what point there would be with nowhere to wear it. This same thought has stopped me from buying new clothes of late (gasp!), but as I worked through the idea I realized I have never worn cologne for anyone other than me, and I’m still here. No reason not to smell good, especially when cooped up in the house. In fact, one could argue that now is the best time to order a new cologne! So let’s have at it. I never did get a proper Valentine’s Day gift… Here are the options, and I’m leaning toward the third one in case you’re narrowing it down:

Tom FordOne of his very first Private Blends has been calling to me, and the call is getting progressively louder and more insistent. I think I must have ‘Tobacco Vanille’ and sooner rather than later. 

Frederic Malle – This fragrance house is teasing me with its ‘Portrait of a Lady’ – a scent said to be favored by none other than Madonna, but unlike some of her treacly tuberose choices, this is a smoky rose that is divinity incarnate.

Kilian – So it really comes down to this, because Kilian is the house behind one of the most exquisite scents I own. The offerings previously mentioned, while always welcome, are in the rear-view window as far as seasonal scenting goes. ‘Bamboo Harmony’ by Kilian is where we currently are, and with a few new bamboo plants on the horizon for our home, this looks to be the peaceful fragrance to see us into the spring and summer months. It also has a lovely memory associated with it, but I’ll save that for when and if I can actually try it on at home. (It’s available at Neiman Marcus here (and with their sale code ‘SELFCARE’ through tomorrow it’s actually cheaper than Amazon) but if you miss it here’s the link to the item on Amazon.)

 

Continue reading ...

The Best Time To Be Neighborly

Don’t think about it, don’t wonder about it, don’t even tentatively plan it, just do it.

The time to be neighborly is right now.

The time is always right now.

There will never come a day when being neighborly isn’t welcome.

That may feel more difficult to accomplish now that we are all socially distancing, but perhaps this is the time to work even harder to be a good neighbor. A good universal neighbor. The internet has made everyone a neighbor to everyone else. That comes with its own demons, but for now let’s focus on the angels, and being better neighbors.

The Beekman Boys reminded me of that, so I’m going to use this post to celebrate them and all that they do. Not just for their upstate New York neighbors (Hi, Neighbor!) but for all the neighbors around the world. The earth has become one big neighborhood. Maybe that’s the best way to think about the world right now. And neighbors help each other out. That might be as simple as staying home and staying healthy for the greater good of the world. That might be sending a letter to someone you haven’t talked to in a while. It may even be something as simple as a text message checking in on one of those social butterflies you always assume is fine because they are always surrounded by friends. Even the most popular among us may be feeling a little lonely these days. Reach out to everyone you know, just in case. A friendly hello is never unwelcome.

Above all else, keep taking care of yourself. Everyone is stressed out, and it’s easy to get bogged down by the nightmare unfurling around us. Step away from the television, put the phone down, turn the laptop off, and indulge in something that makes you happy. These days that’s a long hot shower for me. An order of Aloe and Iris soaps arrived from the Beekman Boys this week, and that’s my plan for the days ahead. Coupled with some meditation, some Ella Fitzgerald, and some candlelit evenings, it’s how I get through the week.

 

Continue reading ...

Babinka: A Subtle Filipino Dessert

Some desserts are pretty and sweet. They shout with their pastel beauty, proclaiming their sweetness for all the world to see. Other desserts are quiet about things, content to blend into the background and softly coo to those looking for a more subtle experience. It took me years to grow out of that sickly-sweet-loving dessert group, and there are most certainly days when nothing but a super-sweet piece of funfetti cake with a mile of frosting will do. For the rest of the time, when I need something with just a hint or dusting of sugar, I turn to a dish like babinka.

There are a bazillion variations on this Filipino dessert, and a gazillion different names, but it’s basically a sweet sticky rice that is sweetened with condensed milk and some form of sugar, then baked to meld the flavors and solidify into a gelatinous mass that manages to stay intact and chewy.

My Mom brought a bag of babinka ingredients and a recipe card when last she visited us (it feels so long ago) and I finally got around to making my first batch. She likes to enjoy a square of this for breakfast in the winter, which is indeed a good idea. I like mine as an after-lunch dessert, or a snack at any other time of the day really.

Here’s the recipe if you want something simple and plain, but sweet enough to qualify as a dessert.

Ingredients:

2 cups sweet sticky rice

4 cups water

1 can sweetened condensed milk

1 can coconut milk (solid portion only)

Brown or light brown sugar (3/4 cup packed, or to taste)

Method:

Cook the rice in the water until done (I used a rice cooker). It seemed to be a little more watery than usual, but I just added the milk and solid coconut right into the rice and stirred and it started to come together. Pour this into an 8” x 8” baking dish and sprinkle with the brown sugar, as much or as little as you like. Bake at 325 degrees for about 20 to 25 minutes. Allow to cool for at least half an hour (it will come together if allowed to sit a while). Cut and serve in squares as desired.

Continue reading ...