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April 2020

Andy recently taught me how to make coffee, and I’ve been on a decaffeinated kick of late, so let’s grab a cup of the brown stuff and pretend we are meeting up at Starbucks like we never used to do. None of that lingo is used correctly, is it? Oh well, I’ve given up on pretending to be perfect. Cream or sugar or that cocoa powder that doesn’t come out? Is the lingo getting better? I’ve always been a Starbucks loner – you won’t find me gabbing with friends or attending a tutoring session or doing a job interview – and I’m accustomed to minding my own business when sipping on my Grande decaf. In essence, not much has changed. Yet it turns out that while I like being left alone, I also like to watch people. From a Bette Midler distance.

My current office outfits are all business on top, party down below.

Shirtless Tom Daley break.

Grocery store avoidance solution.

Spring before and spring after.

Autumn joy in spring.

When ducks visited our pool.

Liquid lunch.

A gratuitous Jason Derulo post.

I whipped it out to mark my territory.

I adore the new Duo Lipa album.

Little star of blue.

Homage to ‘A Streetcar Named Desire’ 1 – The Home-From-Work Scene.

Homage to ‘A Streetcar Named Desire’ 2 – The Shower Scene.

An ode to Easter joy.

Reclaiming Easter trauma as a shirtless bunny. 

Another awakening brings more awareness. 

Usually today is the day when I post this classic photo of me with the Easter bunny who traumatized me for life. Not this year. I’ve conquered those fears and lingering anxieties (thanks in no small part to some serious therapy), and the best way to illustrate that is to turn the bunny on its cottontail and take the traumatizing into my own hands. Hence this quick photo shoot in a pair of black bunny ears and not much else.

For those who still get a thrill out of me being tortured as a little kid (you know who you, and I know who you are too), there are myriad posts with that photo, like this one or this one or this one or this one. There are also posts that have friendlier bunnies, childhood Easter egg hunts, and scary/sexy bunnies. 

For those who want a darker version of a bunny more in tune with Tom of Finland, check out this post or this post, (but maybe not this one because it’s way too dark for Easter). Happy Egg Day! 

“A fire smokes the most when you start pouring water on it.” ~ Tennessee Williams

The first time I read ‘A Streetcar Named Desire’ by Tennessee Williams I was in high school.

The last time I saw the movie was a few days ago.

In some ways I think I understand it less now than I did then.

This is a good thing.

True wisdom doesn’t recognize itself.

Not in its own time. 

It’s a testament to the power of this work by Tennessee Williams that it’s still so resonant. It survives and thrives because it lives on so many levels. When one tunnel of thought or analysis is exhausted, another reveals itself below or above it. In the end the labyrinthine maze is too complex for me to fully grasp even after repeated readings and viewings. In fact, it seems to grow more complicated, more dense, more beautifully intertwined with itself as the years pass. Maybe it’s hitting closer to home, and I shrink away from the truths it posits on aging, the desperation that comes from loneliness, the warped way this life erodes innocence and purity.

The slow and subtle diminishing of morals.

The insidiously seductive tentacles of desire.

The brutal spark of unexpected violence.

The world isn’t kind to sensitive creatures.

No…

The world isn’t kind. 

“You see I still have that awful vanity about my looks even now that my looks are slipping!” ~ Tennessee Williams

“What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it’s curved like a road through mountains.” ~ Tennessee Williams

“I don’t believe in “original sin.” I don’t believe in “guilt.” I don’t believe in villains or heroes – only right or wrong ways that individuals have taken, not by choice but by necessity or by certain still-uncomprehended influences in themselves, their circumstances, and their antecedents.
This is so simple I’m ashamed to say it, but I’m sure it’s true. In fact, I would bet my life on it! And that’s why I don’t understand why our propaganda machines are always trying to teach us, to persuade us, to hate and fear other people on the same little world that we live in.” ~ Tennessee Williams

“Sorrow makes for sincerity, I think.” ~ Tennessee Williams

“I don’t want realism. I want magic! Yes, yes, magic! I try to give that to people. I misrepresent things to them. I don’t tell the truth, I tell what ought to be the truth. And if that’s sinful, then let me be punished for it!” ~ Tennessee Williams

“There’s been some progress since then, such things as art, as poetry, as music ~ in some kinds of people some tenderer feelings have had some little beginning! That we have got to make grow! And cling to, and hold as our flag in this dark march in whatever it is we’re approaching. Don’t hang back with the brutes!” ~ Tennessee Williams

They came back.

Part of me had hoped that they would.

But that also meant they were serious.

Like a shopper who returns to a certain pricey coat. You know they mean business.

Unfortunately, we weren’t selling the land by our unopened pool, even if it looked run-down and abandoned. So when the ducks returned to nest I knew we had to dissuade them from setting up permanent camp here. Andy warned that there would be a big problem if they nested by the pool. Aside from the nastiness of having our pool used as a bathroom and feeding ground for waterfowl, there was the more frightening notion of having to navigate a backyard where eggs might be guarded by a pair of protective wild animals.

Andy advised looking to see if they had started building a nest, and when I made a quick examination of the area, sure enough, there was the small carved-out beginning of a nest dug in the ground beneath the safe prickles of a juniper. It was a cozy little nook right beside the pool and an old bench, and if it had been any further along in its assembly, neither Andy nor myself would have had the heart to put a stop to it. At this early stage, however, I had time to more humanely convince them to move elsewhere. This wasn’t available real estate.

My mind raced back to the birds that always seemed to make a nest in my Mom’™s hanging plants. Without fail, a robin would set up a nursery in one of those geraniums, and then we’d be battling a territorial red-breasted beast and watching from a distance as the plants wilted. When learning about birds and their nesting habits as a kid, I distinctly remember being told that if people touched a nest or its eggs, the bird would abandon the enterprise entirely and the eggs wouldn’t hatch. Following through with that train of thought, I figured maybe these ducks would be averse to sticking around if they felt threatened by the presence of a human. I did what this particular human would do when marking his territory.

Opening the door to the backyard, I startled the ducks out of the pool and they flew over the fence with agitated quacks. I walked toward the juniper where the nest was still mostly unfinished – it was really only an indentation in the ground. How exactly did I go about marking my territory? Well, let’s think about this. How do most animals mark their space? I reached into my pants and took out what I needed to do what I had to do.

One pocket held a bottle of Viktor & Rolf’s Spicebomb cologne, while the other contained Madonna’s Naked: Truth or Dare fragrance. I sprayed a bit of both on and around the nesting area. How on earth do you think I would leave a mark?

My hope is that they prefer Tom Ford’s Private Blends and won’t want to put up with more mainstream scents. I’ll keep you posted on whether it works…