~ from OCTOBER 2004 ~
There is a love for people, for humanity, that I’ve always hidden and pretended wasn’t there. It’s not a case of lack in feeling, but of feeling something so strongly that there is no way to fully convey it without a sense of failure. And I do love people. I wouldn’t watch them like I do if there wasn’t genuine enjoyment there. We are interesting creatures with infinite variations.
Apathy is our greatest enemy. Passivity and acquiescence are too often evil words. We cannot afford not to care. I tried for a while, thinking it would be easier, less painful, but it’s not. A dull, nagging, relentless pain was always there – the hurt of guilt, the sting of suspicion, and the horrid notion that by not doing anything I could actually be doing something harmful. There is little nobility or grace in turning a blind eye. At the very least an attempt should be made.
And so I try.
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