By saying you ‘own’ some sort of awful or egregious action or behavior, you do not exonerate yourself from it. In fact, your ‘owning’ of it simply implies that you knew it was wrong, but you did it anyway. That just makes you an asshole.
03
January
2024
No comments
January
2024
03
January
2024
No comments
January
2024
The Beauty of Black Tea in A Fragrance
Le Labo has been on the periphery of my olfactory radar for many years. I first experienced the sumptuous scent of their products at one of the fancier hotels I was once lucky enough to stay at, where it was their signature Santal 33 that wafted its lovely fragrance through some bath gel. As pretty as it was, I was also keenly aware that Santal 33 was to the 2010’s what CK One was to the 1990’s – and in both instances I wanted nothing to do with something so ubiquitous and pervasive. (Witness Santal’s continued influence on the fragrance market with its reference in the now-canonical ‘Red, White & Royal Blue‘ gay rom-com.)
With that in mind, I still managed to stumble into the world of Le Labo online, and got stuck one afternoon reading about the various fragrances they offered in addition to Santal, and one of them – Thé Noir 29 – spoke to me in a way that most of the colognes that have become staples in my fragrance wardrobe first spoke to me. The literature checked off about five of my favorite note boxes, and added some I didn’t even realize I adored:
THÉ NOIR 29 combines depth and freshness, softness and strength through permanent oscillation between the light of bergamot, fig, and bay leaves and the depth of cedarwood, vetiver, and musk. A special extraction of black tea leaves wraps up the composition by bringing to the formula a dry, leafy, hay, tobacco feeling in the dry down to transform this creation into a sensuous and addictive essence.
This wasn’t my first brush with a tea fragrance, as ‘Bamboo Harmony’ by Kilian is a treasured spring scent that came loaded with happy memories. Still, I wasn’t prepared for how much I would love this, and for me, on my skin, it really is the tea that shines. The opening accents of bergamot and fig appeal to my life-long love of citrus, and a relatively-new-found love of fruity elements, while the cedarwood, bay leaves, and tea keep it from going too sweet; it’s an exquisite balancing act that only the best fragrances achieve.
I also detect a smoky rose note that offers enchanting echoes of two classics: Tom Ford’s ‘Oud Fleur’ and Frederic Malle’s ‘Portrait of a Lady‘. More deliciously, there is some sandalwood buried in the architecture of ‘Thé Noir 29’, a very happy hint of ‘Santal Blush‘ and ‘Ébène Fumé‘, two other Ford favorites. With all these glorious intersecting lines and memories, ‘Thé Noir 29’ looks to occupy a prominent place on my cologne shelf.
02
January
2024
No comments
January
2024
#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series
Appetizers taste better when eaten with a toothpick.
I said what I said.
This marks the first #TinyThreads entry of the year, so here’s a look back at a few of my favorites of the previous year:
Did my mini have an oopsie-accident?
Is Monday through Sunday the same as Monday through Monday?
02
January
2024
No comments
January
2024
The Very First Rosy Recap of the Year
Our last recap came a day late, and this one follows suit, the way that New Year’s Day always follows Christmas. I’m fine with that, as the very last thing I need or want right now is a fucking recap, but before we belly-flop into the new year, let’s take one last look at the final week of 2023…
It began sadly with the loss of my Dad’s older brother, capping off a relatively awful year of deaths.
A Christmas moon provided fitting beauty for Christmas Day.
At the same time, the sun was setting on our first Christmas without Dad.
A smorgasbord of all teasing, no pleasing.
This vintage photo always tickles me, mostly because I’m still itching for a proper romper.
Finding something amid the funk.
I finally got around to giving a quick run-down of this year’s Boston Children’s Holiday Hour, which is in need of revamp if only for the fact that no one is a child anymore.
The Dazzlers of the Day who closed out the year were Emerson Collins, Josh Hutcherson, Ncuti Gatwa, JC Chasez and Lenny Kravitz.
The year ended with this single Year-in-Review post because 2023 needs to be left behind and forgotten as soon as possible.
As a sign of hope, these roses were a gift from Andy to cheer me up. I like entering the year on that note.
01
January
2024
No comments
January
2024
Dazzler of the Day: Patrick Mahomes
Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes is our very first Dazzler of the Day for 2024, just in time for the football season to reach its crescendo. Along with Taylor Swift’s boyfriend, Mahomes has been an integral part of the successes the Chiefs have enjoyed over the past few seasons. According to our resident football expert Skip, he “dazzles not just in dozens of ads for countless products, but also on the field. In only six years he has already been crowned both Super Bowl Champion and the League’s most valuable player twice.”
[PS – I am well aware that Travis Kelce is more than Taylor Swift’s boyfriend – he’s also a previous Dazzler of the Day – it’s just fun to pretend we live in a Taylor World, because we actually do.]
01
January
2024
No comments
January
2024
Quietly, Unflinchingly, Forward
There are days when it feels easier to hide. There are days when staying in bed feels like the safest and surest way of staying alive. And there are days when all the pampering or self-preservation or coping techniques don’t make the slightest damn difference in the search for motivation.
Despite my assumed-penchant for an easy life, the truth remains that I don’t shy away from a challenge, and if I set my mind to doing something it overwhelmingly gets done. These days, the challenge can be simply making it through a morning, and I’m finding it more difficult to get going. I notice myself simply lying down on the couch or bed, or slouching into a chair, content to be lazy for this stretch of winter, content to be still. That’s ok for a moment, especially after the last year – and really, it could be said for any year. A year in the life of anyone is an accomplishment for merely surviving. No matter how lucky or unlucky you may feel, no matter how you might compare yourself to others, a year is a magnificent feat in and of itself. We should all be taking a congratulatory lap around whatever course we can get ourselves around.
So it is that I look ahead to the next year, with the wrinkles of wisdom and the gray hair of survival, with all the mistakes and mis-steps, and all the wondrous times when family and friends and fortune smiled upon me in spite of my foibles.
The year begins in the quiet fashion of this post, but I also want to include a little blossom of hope. The last time I was in Boston I walked through the Public Garden, a favorite haunt for so many vaunted reasons, and I found a few early cherry blossoms bravely defying the season and timeframe of Mother Nature. Climate change and global warming aside, it was a reminder that somewhere spring was still happening, even if it was just in my heart and head. It was also a reminder that spring would come again, even if we weren’t all here to witness it. And if spring can remain within us in a state of hope, then it never really went anywhere. That makes for a happy mindset.
01
January
2024
No comments
January
2024
New Year, Same Shit
Too many of us, myself most of all, put too much faith in the start of a new year acting as a springboard to the start of a new life. The actual truth of the matter is that one more day has come and gone – a single day. Taken collectively with the other days of the year, perhaps it is the mark of something, but only a mark, not indicative of anything meaningful unless we have done something with that time. And so we start this day feeling let down, perhaps, because there isn’t the spark we thought we might feel. In many ways, it’s the let-down of being an adult, and having been around the sun enough times to know that one date isn’t going to make a damn difference.
That doesn’t make for a great beginning, certainly not the flashy and trashy shit I often like to post to kick off a new year. My heart just isn’t in it right now, and so I step away from bringing the small world that visits here down as well, offering instead a few New Year links from the past. Indulging in nostalgia is only harmful if we stay here. For one day, it’s all right.
New Year’s Day 2013 – It seems my heart wasn’t in it ten years ago either. There is something reassuring about that.
New Year’s Day 2014 – A new year came with a new renovation, and it was all a nightmare.
New Year’s Day 2015 – A basket of bounty began this fortuitous year.
New Year’s Day 2016 – The year that began with a slice of lavender cake, as every year should.
New Year’s Day 2017 – Well, looking back it seems for many of these previous years, I did start out in quiet terms, in quiet posts. (And the odd naked butt shot for Baby New Year and what-not.)
New Year’s Day 2018 – And of course just as I was settling into the idea of quiet openers – BAM! – the unquiet post arrives.
New Year’s Day 2019 – Another year, another bang!
New Year’s Day 2020 – Back to the calm and contemplative start to a year.
New Year’s Day 2021 – Frosty beginnings make way for gray days. And pretty roses.
New Year’s Day 2022 – It was entitled ‘Spank My New Year’s Ass, Baby’ but that may have been misleading.
New Year’s Day 2023 – Last year began like 1-23. It ended like 12-31-23.
31
December
2023
No comments
December
2023
Dazzler of the Day: Lenny Kravitz
A worthy request, Lenny Kravitz earns an egregiously-tardy crowning as Dazzler of the Day, mostly because I thought for sure he had already received this coveted honor. Based on a search, however, I am unable to find his feature, so let’s honor him with this overdue post. (The only other entry I could find was this shirtless post, which is definitely worth a revisit.) Kravitz has been an often-unheralded musician, singer and songwriter who flies under the radar sometimes for how consistently brilliant he’s been. Here’s to honoring our heroes while they are with us and performing – I can’t think of a more deserving Dazzler to end the year.
31
December
2023
No comments
December
2023
A Somber Year in Review for 2023
There is sometimes a celebratory aspect to the year in review posts that come as we complete a calendar year, but this time there’s not all that much to celebrate. Making it through another year is certainly a feat unto itself, so perhaps we take our celebration in that, and the fact that it’s come to a brutal end. Rather than break this up into two posts, I’m puking it all up here, with the main highlights, because the less said about this year, the better. Here’s to a happier 2024…
January 2023:
The year began with a hint at the 20th anniversary celebrations that ALANILAGAN.com would be marking. Yes, this completes the second decade of this website, which is nothing short of miraculous. A lot has changed since then. The eyes of a superstar still hit like heat.
Kiss my bitter peach/naked ass.
Vamping for Plan B with the Ilagan twins.
I am AI – always have been, always will be.
A Madonna Celebration is announced…
Spilling the tea since 2003, we began commemorating the 20th anniversary of this site.
Look what they made me do (after escorting me out of the Amsterdam Mall)!
February 2023:
Putting the kettle on for a cup of hot tea.
Finding mindfulness in a dish rag.
Making love out of nothing at all. (Along with the acoustic version for a reprise.)
Coaxing a mystery orchid back into bloom.
A silver anniversary for Madonna’s best album (to date).
Preparing for a two-decade salute.
Boston love has been rampant on this blog.
March 2023:
Still hanging out in my underwear for all the word to see.
The twins turned into teenagers. In honor of that, a letter to Noah and a letter to Emi.
April 2023:
Family fun spanning the generations.
A double-decade of revelations, and an ass shot.
The madness of making an oboe reed.
Pink or green: which witch are you?
Forget surreal, social media sucks.
A naked bubble tea journey – LIVE!
May 2023:
It’s never too soon to plan for retirement. No, seriously, I mean it.
June 2023:
We started summer a little early in a vain attempt to stave off the sadness that was lying in wait. It almost worked.
An unforgettable christening, the only kind that would be fitting for a Godson of mine.
Taylor Swift gave us the summer anthem.
Returning to Ogunquit provided a welcome respite, rain and all.
The vulgar jockstrap post before taking off all my clothes.
The shy exhibitionist, part one. // The shy exhibitionist, part two.
A post for my Dad, even if he couldn’t read it.
Alive on the verge of summer, which suddenly started with skinny dipping.
July 2023:
Tomorrow, again. And then a more popular song. And then a celebration postponed.
Words and notes in an effort to touch the hand of God.
A letter to my Godson on his first birthday.
Meeting old friends in the city that never sleeps made for one final flourish of fun before the summer took its dark turn.
August 2023:
August was spent less in a haze and more in a keen awareness of what I was feeling, from grieving to driving to breathing to walking – all in a hushed and still stance.
The days moved, the summer inched ahead, and throughout it all there was fluttering, visiting, and promising.
Unable to avoid the crowd of a funeral, I finally caught COVID for the first time, followed closely by Andy. It was the cherry on a summer sundae.
Fading to black on a rainy 48th birthday.
A summer song for swimming even if I wasn’t quite ready.
Full mooning and naked dreaming.
September 2023:
A weekend in Boston with the twins provided a chance to set the scene for fall.
All these little deaths and a beloved visitor at 4:44 AM.
A fall season begins with a newly-found song. (And an encore.)
A not-quite-definitive post of what this website has become over twenty years.
October 2023:
This year’s BroSox Adventure with Skip had all the ingredients and mains of a complete and total disaster. It even ended on a Sunday with a rain-out, and somehow it became one of my favorite BroSox Adventures.
Searching for my Dad and not finding him… then realizing he was never really gone.
Stepping back into the pool, slowly, timidly… and letting the water work its healing magic.
Mom rejoined us for a fall trip to Ogunquit.
A comedy of holiday errors with the bestie.
The best break-up I’ve ever had (or, four years of not drinking).
November 2023:
I may have married my childhood crush.
Healing times with a dear friend.
A Friendsgiving event in Boston found us re-evaluating and re-uniting after a period of hurt and misunderstanding, which is the best way to deal with shared grief. A few pockets of peace and calm saw us through a weekend of reunion, and the wild nights we have now are blessedly removed from what we once knew. A Sunday stroll paved the way for the holidays.
There was blood on the barber shop floor.
A reunion with our favorite babysitter (who still remembers us as the worst kids she ever babysat). Also, guilty.
December 2023:
Our Holiday Stroll tradition found us going back to basics, which was our way of avoiding any real drama.
It was about time for this year’s Holiday Card. Time, time, time… see what’s become of me.
How a sex club helped me land my first office job, which is the start of a story that goes back a quarter of a century. It marked a pivotal part in my life, and I had the fortune of meeting a few pivotal people – but not as pivotal as these lovely ladies.
This year’s Holiday Stroll was a return to the simple things that Kira and I do best.
A Children’s Holiday Hour without any real children.
A cemetery visit for Christmas.
30
December
2023
No comments
December
2023
A Quiet Boston Children’s Holiday Hour (Without the Children)
We knew this year’s Boston Children’s Holiday Hour would be a quieter one, and we welcomed that. The twins couldn’t make it, neither could Simon, and the youngest of the bunch that could appear, Milo, teeters on teenage-dom, so this little tradition may be in need of a name change or revamping in its next iteration. Happily it was still a joyful moment with dear friends gathering in the condo for a holiday ritual that always feels like a warm and bright spot amid the more tumultuous seasonal revelry.
Chris arrived late on a Thursday, so I went over early as well just to get things ready and to spend time with one of my safe people. I’d last seen him at Dad’s service, so I was anxious to make a new memory, and we went about the city for a couple of days on our own before the crowd assembled.
The next day I met Kira for lunch in Beacon Hill, a bonus get-together following this holiday stroll which had been such an enjoyable romp. Our impromptu lunch of Thai food was a welcome respite from the hustle and bustle of the season, a reminder of what really matters in all the madness. We walked along Charles Street after lunch and checked out a few of the shops, then I made my way toward the condo through the Public Garden.
The weather had been gracious to us, unlike the nasty storm that greeted our festivities last year. It was cold, but there was no rain, such as the deluge that marred the last time Chris and I were in Boston together. We met back up at the condo then headed to an exceptionally-fun dinner at the North End, where we had once had a wild dinner with his Mom a couple of decades ago. When you can talk about time with friends in terms of decades, you know you’re talking about a good friend.
The next day was the official Boston Children’s Holiday Hour, which has always turned into four or five hours, and gratefully so. Suzie, Pat, Oona, Milo, Tommy, Janet, Mady and Logan soon arrived – we hadn’t been together since an all-too-quick dinner this past summer. A lot had happened since then, but we were still here, still alive, still celebrating the kids who were no longer quite kids, and still not adults, so there was still time.
Another holiday season had come and almost gone. A Boston night enfolded us in its mystery and calm, strange clouds passing overhead, and the next day Chris departed at the crack of dawn to catch a plane. I headed back home a couple hours later – back to Christmas, back to family, back to what remained of the calendar year.
30
December
2023
No comments
December
2023
Dazzler of the Day: JC Chasez
What if all this time we’ve been mistaken and the true star of ‘NSync isn’t the currently-problematic Justin Timberlake but actually JC Chasez? It’s worth consideration, especially as Chasez’s under-appreciated 2004 solo effort ‘Schizophrenic’ remains far more interesting and compelling than anything Mr. Timberlake has released in the last five years. For many of us, Chasez was always the heart-throb of the group anyway, and his vocal prowess easily matched (and some might rightfully say surpassed) that of better-known co-singers. In honor of that, and an appreciation post proving that it’s better late than never, JC Chasez earns his first Dazzler of the Day crowning here, and the last one of the year.
30
December
2023
No comments
December
2023
The Funk and the Finding
The funk of these last few days of Mercury in retrograde has put a damper on this tail-end of 2023, and almost everyone I know just wants this wretched year to end so we can start again in 2024. I too would like that, though I don’t want to rush into anything. It can always be worse, and despite the sadness and pain that 2023 brought, there was goodness and beauty and fun along the way. Don’t miss too much of life for mourning, I remind myself – the dead wouldn’t want it that way.
And so we stumble along, limping through these final days of December while Mercury’s apparent motion wreaks its customary havoc, while we balance the sorrow of the previous year with all its wonderful moments of healing and solace.
These flowers were seen on our Holiday Stroll, and they set the scene for the next blog post, which is a quick recap of this year’s Boston Children’s Holiday Hour, in which no one was a child anymore…
29
December
2023
No comments
December
2023
#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series
Caption ideas for this vintage photo:
They put me in a onesie and wonder at the fact that I’m gay.
Suzie never could turn down a chance to wear red leggings.
Suzie never could turn down a chance to wear pigtails.
Suzie never could turn down a chance to wear a hat.
Suzie never could turn down a chance to look ridiculous.
Who are the striped twins about to make their killing?
29
December
2023
No comments
December
2023
Dazzler of the Day: Ncuti Gatwa
The latest actor to fill the time-traveling icon Dr. Who’s shoes is Ncuti Gatwa, who made a thrilling first outing, somewhat literally, casually referencing the notion that this Dr. Who may have some queer aspects to him. Gatwa is already winning raves for his charismatic turn in the latest iteration of the venerable series, and has appeared in ‘Barbie’ and ‘Sex Education’. This marks his first turn as Dazzler of the Day, and it looks like this is just the beginning.
29
December
2023
No comments
December
2023
A Smorgasbord of All Teasing and No Pleasing
Winding down for the year, and not a Mercurial moment too soon, I’m picking up odds and naked ends and cobbling together this slightly salacious post in an effort to combat the doldrums between Christmas and New Year’s Eve/Day. That means a smorgasbord of links, all largely unrelated to anything, and subject to the whim of the blogger – often a dangerous and corrupt thing. An echo chamber of mirrors, if you will, that finds me screaming into a self-made, self-preservationist void of giddy acceptance and inclusion and all things good and cozy and sexy and fun.
Finally, here’s a glimpse into the mayhem of my Instagram feed, which you should totally be following because 2024 will be wild, in the sense that there are no more fucks to give. Are you ready for it all?
