Annual Easter Awfulness

Beware the evil Easter bunny! He will snatch you up with his devilish grin and you will be destined to live a life shrouded in purple tulle forever after. Such was the likely nightmare scenario being played out in my mind as my Mom made me sit on this frightening creature’s lap one Easter season. It was at the now-long-gone Mohawk Mall, but I still remember it distinctly, and the expression on my face betrays how terrified I was.

Now it is a favorite photo of all those who love nothing more than taking the piss out of me (the numbers of which grow exponentially larger with each passing year it seems). Anyway, enjoy it now. I do. And even though I still get a little anxious and herky-jerky when one of these things is on the loose (in a mall or restaurant at this time of the year), I’ve mostly made my peace with the big bunny. Happy Easter everybody!

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Spring Cleaning, Spring Smudging

Along with spring cleaning, I usually do a sage smudging around this time to drive out all the negative energy and bad spirits. This year I found a sage and lavender smudge stick – there’s no reason why it shouldn’t be as pleasant an experience as possible, and lavender makes everything better.

It is most definitely a therapeutic exercise, done as much for superstitious peace of mind as it is for spreading some scented smoke throughout the house. It’s almost scientific, the way I plan and execute a proper household smudging. Starting at one end of the attic, I work my way through the house, leaving windows open at integral positions, allowing for the bad juju to escape, waving my sage and lavender wand like some enchanted wizard, driving the darkness away. By the time I reach the basement, the house is filled with the sharp incense of the sage, and a silence that somehow feels more peaceful than before the smudging began. It’s all in my head, or maybe it’s something more. Regardless, there’s power in ritual. Strength in tradition. Peace in the tried and true practices that force us to pause in the ever-quickening tick-tock of the calendar clock.

We are setting the stage for spring.

It is my favorite production.

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Red Stairs to the Sky

I’ve passed this building and these stairs a thousand times, but only on a recent trip to Boston did the light catch it just right to reveal the beauty of the intersection of humanity and sky. The brilliant blue of the day (which would prove to be fleeting as the sky soon faded back into winter gray) finds reflection in the windows of the building, while the newly-painted stairs ascend ever-upward, like some fantastical Mary Poppins world that is partly-drawn, partly-imagined, partly-painted, and partly-real. Chimney smoke and chalk drawings. A step in time and the string of a kite.

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The Curves of a Bouquet

In my ongoing efforts to force spring into being, this is a bouquet I put together using some stock and delphiniums. The former is a soft shade of peach and offers its sweet perfume as background to its beauty, while the latter bridges the magical space between indigo and purple, its feathery upper foliage fluttering like bright green wisps of smoke. Together they form a pastel patchwork of loveliness – the perfect antidote for all the dirty snow that refuses to go entirely away.

I like the delphiniums for their tendency to curve upward when arranged in a vase. Some flowers stay rigidly in place, their stems not bending in the least bit (roses and carnations come to mind). Others are more flexible and wild, bending and turning to where the light and their surroundings dictate. Tulips are masterful at this, as are these delphinium stalks. (I think they were designed to be so accommodating; in the garden the tall stalks will often be felled by summer storms, after which they right themselves as best they can by rising straight up and resulting in all sorts of crazy curves.)

In a bouquet, the effect can be enchanting, if you’re willing to go with the flow and let nature takes its winding course. My gardening inspiration, Lee Bailey, used to love the effects that transpired when tulips were left to their own devices in a vase. Over the years, I’ve come to appreciate the unexpected results as well. Sometimes a lighter touch works better than a strict and heavy hand.

As for growing a delphinium in your own garden, it’s no easy feat. Bailey himself admitted defeat when they kept getting knocked over by summer storms. He turned to foxgloves instead as a similarly-vertical substitute, then ended up loving them for their own charms. Personally, I prefer the foxgloves as well. The only fussy thing I want in a garden is me.

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The Dreamiest Post-Coital Smoke Music…

You leapt from crumbling bridges watching cityscapes turn to dust
Filming helicopters crashing in the ocean from way above…

Every season has a song (if it’s lucky) and though this particular one was released a long time ago, it has quickly become emblematic of this slow-to-start spring. This one still sees dirty snow everywhere, along with a definite chill in the air, and I am more than ready for it to turn the page to a warmer chapter. In the meantime, a smoldering song like ‘Apocalypse’ sets the stage for the Cigarettes After Sex tour that Suzie and I will hopefully be catching in Boston next weekend. Listen and join the enchantment:

Exhaling the languid contentment that comes with a fully satisfying musical moment, I do something I haven’t done in years: start the whole album over again and listen to each song. Such is the case with their most recent release, which reminded me in its moody-as-fuck way how the best music can still resonate with us, no matter how much time has passed since we’ve emotionally thrashed ourselves on the altar of love and obsession.

Got the music in you baby,
Tell me why
Got the music in you baby,
Tell me why
You’ve been locked in here forever & you just can’t say goodbye

Next week’s concert will make them the first band we’ve seen since Madonna (who probably doesn’t really count as a band). While never super-enthusiastic about seeing bands (that was for friends like Ann and JoJo), I still managed to see my fair-share of notable groups. The original Guns ‘n’ Roses on the tour right before the ‘Use Your Illusion‘ albums were released. Skid Row and Pantera. Metallica riding high on ‘Enter Sandman’. I went less for the music and more for the company and the experience. I wanted to feel what all those other fans were feeling – the excitement, the thrill, the emotional journey, and the almost-cathartic communal camaraderie that went along with sharing the experience with others.

Kisses on the foreheads of the lovers wrapped in your arms
You’ve been hiding them in hollowed out pianos left in the dark…
Got the music in you baby,
Tell me why
Got the music in you baby,
Tell me why
You’ve been locked in here forever & you just can’t say goodbye
Your lips,
My lips,
Apocalypse…

A shoulder rubbing up against you in the darkened theater. A wisp of cigarette smoke tickling your nose. A chord that hits your heart, piercing it to find just the place where wounds have gone to heal but never did. In such music there is a glimmer of redemption. In such songs a glimpse of something that gets you through. Chemicals flying, oh I love this…

Go & sneak us through the rivers,
Flood is rising up on your knees
Oh please…
Come out & haunt me
I know you want me
Come out & haunt me
Sharing all your secrets with each other since you were kids
Sleeping soundly with the locket that she gave you clutched in your fist…
When you’re all alone
I will reach for you
When you’re feeling low
I will be there too.

When the wind changes, when the winter heaves its forlorn sigh goodbye and the spring arrives underneath the hidden veil of night, we need something dreamy. Something too dreamy. 

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Willing Spring Into Being

If spring wants to take her time in making an entrance, I can respect that. But that doesn’t mean I won’t push and prod and drag her ass into gear in whatever manner possible. The only sure-fire way I know of healing my winter-torn heart is to visit the local nursery and surround myself with the moist heat of a greenhouse and the fresh palette of spring blooms and foliage. Faddegon’s provides just such a respite from the lingering snow and cold.

I walked quickly past all the Easter decorations, warily keeping an eye out for an Easter-Bunny-in-training. These are perilous times. This season’s seed packets were already on display – a happy sign of good things to come. I held my breath past the fertilizer section, then descended a few steps into the first greenhouse, where palms delicately draped their fronds, and the trendy terrariums collected their drops of dew for the smallest ferns.

Bright splotches of color exploded around me as seasonal primroses turned their sunny countenances upward to the sky. I breathed in the humid air and surveyed the surroundings, so rich with green and freshness. It was the scent and scene of life. The Living. It made my heart glad, and that should be enough until the outside catches up.

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Ripping Through Another Recap

A wonderful weekend has come to a sunny but still brisk close, and I am spent before the work week has even begun. A dinner and show in Saratoga on Friday followed by Skip’s 40th birthday gathering on Saturday made for a fun and filled couple of days. Spring is peeking around the corner. I feel it. I sense its coming. But first, the last week in a  super-brief recap…

It began on a love-filled note, ‘Love, Simon’. 

Still there is snow.

The verdict on making risotto in a slow-cooker. 

And still more snow. 

A fragrance for spring By Kilian: Straight to Heaven. 

Get up on the dance floor!

Dem Beats got me out of my seat. 

Hunks of the Day included Caleb Marshall, Derek Kaplan and Ricky Rebel

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Dem Beats: Giving Me Life

It’s just fresh and like THAT and it is giving me LIFE. 

Perfect for a Sunday of dancing, tea and otherwise. 

This is Todrick Hall with the lead release from a brand new double-size project. 

Now, bring me my unicorn outfit…

They don’t make dem beats like they used to
They don’t make dem beats
They don’t make dem beats like they used to
They don’t make dem beats

They don’t get they life like they used to
They don’t get they life
They don’t take the night like they used to
They don’t take the night like they used to

They don’t snap that snap like they used to
They don’t snap that snap
They don’t click-click-clack like they used to
They don’t click-click-clack

They don’t arch that back like they used to
They don’t arch that back
They don’t bump that track like they used to
They don’t bump that track like they used to

We at the scene, check the posse
Faces adjusted to capacity
I don’t know them, but they know me
Bitch if you gagging, then that’s my ID
If we in the room, it’s a kiki
Ballin’, they brought in the bottles for free
Taking the night, don’t want to leave
Don’t kill my vibe, don’t touch my weave!
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Get Up On the Dance Floor!

Released on March 20, 1990, Madonna’s seminal dance hit ‘Vogue’ marked a gay dance-craze revolution, and it’s coming up soon on the Madonna Timeline so get ready. Until then, however, in the week wherein we celebrate the anniversary of ‘Vogue’, here’s a look back at some of Madonna’s other dance hits. I love her ballads, but I think we all love her dance songs a little bit more. It’s where we first connected, and it’s where we will always find happy communion.

Launching the resurrection that was ‘Confessions on a Dancefloor‘, 2005’s ‘Hung Up‘ scored an elusive Abba sample and thumped its way onto dance floors around the world. Follow-up single ‘Sorry‘ was even better, in my opinion, with its sassy fuck-off of a message.

One of her first racing aerobic jaunts, ‘Over and Over‘ sonically delivered a consistent Madonna-mantra of getting up again after being knocked down. ‘Dress You Up‘ offered that delicious Virgin Tour guitar bridge which saw Madonna cutting a rug with her back-up dancers. From that moment we knew that Madonna would always go hand-in-hand with movement and motion.

She’d also work with some amazing choreographers, such as Vince Paterson, who had her grabbing her crouch in ‘Express Yourself‘ (among other things on the epic Blond Ambition Tour). Sister-soul-dance song ‘Keep it Together‘ was the final single off the ‘Like A Prayer’ album (and provided the original slot for a B-side named ‘Vogue’ that would later, and fortuitously, be yanked for its own A-side glory).

Speaking of Vogue, ‘Deeper and Deeper‘ cribbed a couple of lines from it, lending some additional fabulousness to an already-perfect dance anthem. Junior Vasquez transformed the sultry but laid-back ‘Secret‘ into a club smash, and worked similar magic for the title track of her ‘Bedtime Stories‘ album.

The wondrous ‘Ray of Light’ was tailor-made for the dance-floor, but lead-single ‘Frozen‘ needed some remix treatment at the hands of Victor Calderone before it got us out of our seats (and then it was unstoppable).

Everybody danced with their respective babies when ‘Music‘ came on, and the second track from that album was even more than an ‘Impressive Instant‘. Closing out the Sticky & Sweet Tour with dance jam ‘Give It 2 me‘ was an inspired fan-favorite decision, and bits of it found their way into the ‘Celebration‘ finale of the MDNA Tour (which opened with the thundering ‘Girl Gone Wild‘ in fantastic fashion). The cheerleading-accented ‘Give Me All Your Luvin‘ was a fluffy shuffler, while the polarizing ‘Bitch I’m Madonna‘ grated its way into the clubs as her last bona-fide dance hit. Here’s hoping she returns shortly with a new stomper. It’s spring. It’s time to dance.

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A Fragrance After My Own Heart: Straight to Heaven By Kilian

Nothing says spring like a new fragrance for the cologne cabinet. Since we’ve had a chilly start of it, this warm and woodsy offering By Kilian – rather unfortunately named ‘Straight to Heaven’ – is the latest addition to my addiction, where it fittingly bridges the transition between winter and spring. The first time I encountered this exquisite gem was in New York several years ago. My Mom and I had just come out of the Plaza and were about to head back to our decidedly-less-fancy hotel when the windows of Bergdorf Goodman and their Men’s Shop called to me. We stepped gingerly through the revolving door and the relative calm was an immediate balm from the bustling street. To the right, a curved wooden and glass display case housed part of their colognes.

I stopped first at the Tom Ford section, quickly assessing that there were no new Private Blends in evidence, and fished around for some news on what might be coming next. Nothing. I crossed over to another counter where a pushy but fabulous salesperson was spraying a multitude of sample cards and intoning me to try them out. At the time I was new to the oud game, but I told her I liked things on the woodsy side, though also partial to citrus and some element of sandalwood. She showed me a new oud By Kilian, which was nice, and then, almost as an afterthought, sprayed a thick white card with their signature scent, ‘Straight to Heaven’. As repellent as the name was, the scent itself was divine. Reluctantly, I admitted I loved it, but at about $300 it wasn’t in my financial vocabulary. Not then, anyway. I pocketed the card and we made our way back out to the sidewalk. Ever since that fateful day in May I’ve thought fondly of the scent, and that moment, and the promise of spring, and it’s remained in my memory.

Having haunted me for all this time, the scent has remained elusive due to my own design. I’ve resisted procuring samples because I didn’t want to alter the memory in the event that I one day did find a way to purchase a bottle. Fragrance is a powerful memory trigger, far more effective than song or sight. I did some reading up on ‘Straight to Heaven’. (When things are out of reach, financially or otherwise, I find solace in researching and reading about them.) A rum-based spicy member of the woody family, the literature attributed its complexity to patchouli, dried fruits and nutmeg, along with notes of musk, cedar, amber and vanilla. Once again, something that sounded hideous on paper (more like a recipe for a dish I would never make) turned into something wondrous when it reached the skin.

When Sephora finally featured it on their website, I quickly dug out the gift certificate that Andy had presented on Valentine’s Day and used it to pay for a portion of a bottle. I’ve been in need of a fragrant jolt, something special to kick off a spring season that seems determined to stay on the snowy side of things. ‘Straight to Heaven’ bridges that gap beautifully. It opens with the aforementioned blast of rum, and all the other ingredients conspire to make an initially-questionable cacophony of sensation. One is unsure whether to sniff, feast, swallow or run from the thing. Relax and let it play out, or get riled up and upset because the relief and the dry-down will be even better; there’s a reason the bitter is designed to go with the sweet.

I’d forgotten how powerful the opening was, as well as how quickly it dissipated, so I went with the roller coaster until it evened out. And then it was absolute heaven. Maybe the name wasn’t so silly after all. A sophisticated woody scent soon emerges, with just enough spicy sweetness to balance the dry heart of the cedar. The fragrance remained semi-prominent for only about five hours, slightly disappointing given the enormous price point, but this is a scent designed for intimacy, not screaming and shouting. It pounds on the door and arrives in an over-the-top party outfit, but then wants nothing more than to sit in a quiet corner and be worshipped by the few super-select deemed worthy.

In other words, it’s a scent after my own heart.

“What is most intimate is what will speak to others. Perfumers build the labyrinth in which we lose ourselves out of all those secret harmonies and connections. They bring out its beauty: reinvent it so that it can be felt by all.” – Denyse Beaulieu, ‘The Perfume Lover’

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Summer, Buried

I love the way freshly-fallen snow looks on certain things: trees, barren ground, fallen grasses, or faded fences. I’m less thrilled when it covers those items that are typically part of the summer scene: flower pots, pool ladders, or garden tools. Then it just makes me sad. As long as there is snow on these things summer will stay well away.

There’s a certain poetic sadness to this, something that rings of a ‘Grey Gardens’ sort of forgetfulness. Time moves on, covering and uncovering our lives, slowly taking its toll on all of us, irrevocably moving in the only direction it knows: toward decimation and ruin. Nothing gold can stay.

On the flip side, nothing frozen can stay either, not in these parts. Soon enough we will be complaining about heat and humidity, stinging mosquitoes and picnic-crashing flies. All those things sound like heaven right now…

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A Bastardized Risotto

It began with a little poll I posted on Facebook and Twitter:

Risotto in a slow cooker: blasphemy or brilliance?

On Twitter, 47% said it was blasphemy, 53% felt it was brilliance. The results on Facebook were almost diametrically opposite, with the majority considering it sheer blasphemy and extolling the stirring (and wine-sipping) process as an integral part of the whole experience. For the most part, though, it was a pretty even split. The only thing left to do was to try it for myself. I’ve only made risotto in the traditional manner a couple of times, and it was an exhausting, sweaty, and rather stressful experience, wine-sipping be damned. My arm was tired, my outfit was ruined, and it still wasn’t all that. If even a slight approximation could be achieved in a slow cooker, I’d consider it a success.

The initial prep work is similar. In a large frying pan, I sautéed two chopped shallots and a chopped bulb of fennel in ¼ cup oil. (The recipe called for basil oil, but all we had on hand was a wild mushroom and sage oil, so I used that and it worked wonderfully.) After they were soft and translucent, I veered slightly from the listed process and added 1 ½ cups of Arborio rice directly to this, coating the rice and listening for the tell-tale crackle (if you need your aural fix of rice pops, get it now). After the rice was heated and coated with the oil, I added about ¼ cup dry white wine (a Pinot Grigio) and let the rice take some of that in. I poured the whole mixture into the slow cooker and added two tablespoons of butter, stirring it around and coating the rice again. To this I added 4 cups of chicken broth (heated to boiling in the microwave) and another ¼ cup of wine. Then I set it on High for two hours. [Don’t stop reading at this point to run off and make it work – there’s a major caveat coming up.]

Since stirring was of paramount importance in the traditional method of preparation, I did stir the mixture about once every twenty minutes, and this turned out to be a blessing. A little over an hour after it had begun cooking, I went in for another stir and found the rice had soaked up the majority of the liquid and was dangerously close to being done. I sampled it and it was almost perfect – still firm and intact, but not the least bit chalky or overly chewy. I’d caught it just in time. I turned the slow cooker off just as it was going to the dry side. I added a few more tablespoons of the warm stock and wine mixture and stirred it in, along with some freshly-grated Parmigiano Reggiano cheese.

It held until company arrived half-an-hour later, at which point we quickly served it up as an appetizer because it simply wouldn’t wait. That tricky timing issue is one reason I don’t do risotto for guests, but the ease of this slow cooker method may mean it’s on our personal dining schedule a bit more often.

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Snow-be-gone

It’s time for this to be over.

It’s officially spring.

It started two days ago in fact, so this needs to go.

Like, yesterday.

I don’t care how pretty it is.

There’s a time and a place for everything.

This has overstayed its welcome.

 

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Loved ‘Love, Simon’

A bit of an antidote to the exquisite pathos of ‘Call Me by Your Name’, the gay-teen-rom-dramedy ‘Love, Simon’ is just what the world needs now. Skip and I saw it the other night and were more impressed than either of us expected to be. (Here come a couple of semi-spoilers, so caution should be taken by those who like to watch their movies completely untainted.)

The movie concerns the coming-out process and romantic overtures of title character Simon, a typical teenager who lives in a stylishly-atypical house of suburban perfection. (I mean, this kid gets a bedroom with a balcony.) He is eventually outed by someone, and his anger at one point is directed mostly at the fact that he was robbed of getting to do it in his own way and time. This is an interesting twist, and a testament to the progress we have made over the last decade or two.

In my teenage years, most of us didn’t see coming out as something we wanted to do. It wasn’t a rite of passage that was glorified or revered, and it certainly wasn’t something that we viewed as an honor that belonged only to us. At least I don’t remember it as such. To see a character, whether intended or not, who has enough pride and sense to know that a gay person’s coming-out is indeed a badge of honor is refreshing. To see him come into his own and claim that must be an empowering scene for someone struggling with their own journey.

My only half-issue with the movie (as it was in ‘Call Me By Your Name’) was the utter perfection of how the parents behaved. True, there was a slight pause in how they completely accepted the pronouncement, perhaps a couple of days of awkwardly not addressing the issue, but then they fell into the current cinematic formula of being absolutely and unconditionally loving.

That’s not how it always goes, not in my experience anyway, and not in the experience of many kids, even today. Perhaps it’s because I’m one of the older gays now, and my coming out was in a pre-internet world where there wasn’t support to be found on a phone or a computer. Some of us never got that instant and unconditional acceptance and love when we finally risked coming out to our parents. It’s not always a day or two before parents come around and tearfully embrace their gay kids – sometimes it takes months, years even, and in that time the hesitation and coldness that results, coming from the two people who are supposed to love you no matter what, can be devastating and debilitating for someone who is already terrified of how the rest of the world will react.

Maybe, I hope, it’s different for most kids today. I pray that it is. But that reality is not as common or prominent as it needs to be. So to that end, I suppose the perfect parents in ‘Love, Simon’ serve a purpose – an aspirational model of how to be better, for all of us to strive to achieve.

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A Cold March Monday Recap

Keeping with the lighter touch of late, this recap will have to suffice for the whole day – and a few more after it. New posts will resume on Thursday – and they’re going to be good! Until then, why not take another look at all the fun stuff that happened in the past week…

It all  began on the day that Skip turned 40.

There was more snow, when it was the last thing any of us wanted. 

The world championships of Hunkdom, in one spectacular pairing

When winter weeps, things get beautiful. 

An Irish meal fit for a leprechaun

An Irish tune fit for a forest stroll

Lighter days ahead in service of a new project. 

Adam Levine celebrated his birthday in these birthday suit GIFs

Hunks of the Day included Tomasz Schafernaker, Fredrik Eklund, Thomas Brady and AJ Pritchard

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