After a rainy and cold spring, summer slowly warmed up, and Alan returned his focus to the home and garden, where Andy patrolled the pool, and large swaths of ferns and grasses sprung up in verdant chartreuse splendor. The garden borders ran around the backyard in gracefully curving lines, and though it’s not big on space, it’s deceptively designed to draw the wanderer around corners and into shaded nooks. A towering stand of fountain grass hides a lavender lace-cap hydrangea, while the latter’s climbing cousin rambles over a worn wooden fence. Around another corner softened by a coral bark maple, a clump of lady’s fern elegantly lifts its red stems and green fronds over a carpet of sweet woodruff. A seven sons’ tree forms a canopy that joins the upper tiers of a maple, and one enters the little side yard as if going into a green tunnel. A newly-opened patch of evening primrose raises its cheery canary petals toward the sunlight, covering the base of a climbing pink sweet pea. Nearby, a clump of lavender provides a silvery backdrop for a roaming mound of lemon thyme in full white bloom. Pockets of mint are tucked in everywhere, its rampant invasiveness small price to pay for the luxury of its fresh scent wafting up whenever it is brushed. A bit of grapefruit mint offers variety and citrus effervescence.

This is the real-life setting for the fantasy-land version of ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ and on the sunny day of a visit to Andy and Alan’s, it’s a fitting scene, one that finds the maker himself presiding in a flowing pair of colorful palazzo pants and a sheer caftan. It is exactly how one might imagine Alan flouncing about in the summer, and it surpasses expectations for sheer blatant campiness. A necklace encrusted with sparkling faux-jewels hangs around his neck, and he can’t decide whether to keep the large bright orange hat with a fuchsia bow on his head, or hold it in his hands. One is unsure whether this is for show, or if he’s out there like this every day. Both would be believable, though close friends would vouch for the latter. When it is suggested that he pose by the pool for a picture, he scoffs. Different world, different era.

A few months ago Alan purchased his first selfie-stick, and in the days since he’s used it only two times – the last one being on an anniversary weekend in Boston with Andy for a couple of shots before they went out to dinner. (“I’m not sure who tired of it first, me or Andy.”) It’s a rather shocking shift in priorities, anda telling testament to how far removed he is from the vainglorious self-obsession of modern social media, as well as his own well-documented past. (Truth be told, Ilagan has been taking selfies since his first Polaroid in 1986; there are boxes and boxes of evidence, and a sky-high pile of photo albums to back this up. If he proclaims to be tired of it, there’s no reason not to believe it; witness the steady decline and dearth of self-taken shirtless poses on his website for additional proof.)

These days his artistic output has been moving farther and farther from his own keen visage, a slow panning-out from the macro-view of introspection that he was stuck in for years to an outward-looking view of the world around him. Such movement from self-involvement bordering on self-obsession to someone looking out at the world is the sort of slow transition that can only be seen when you look back over his output for the past few years. It’s there in the evolution of projects – where once you couldn’t escape the repetitive parade of ass-shots now stands a stretch of blog posts that haven’t featured Alan in the altogether for quite some time. The bulk of his last project ‘PVRTD’ found him receding into the black-and-white background of most of his shots, if he was featured at all; ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ doesn’t show him, his visage, or any symbolic stand-in whatsoever. There’s a certain freedom that comes from not tying yourself into your artistic output.

‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ is strikingly simple in concept. It’s a non-story that takes place in a single day – in fact, the single garden party of a day – and is mostly just a parade of the children in Ilagan’s life, and a minor flower allegory thrown in for artistic weight. A love-letter mostly to the parents of said children, it is also a sweet children’s tale – nothing much happens, no dangers or tensions present themselves, and at the end is the promise of a holiday sequel. From The Flower Party he’s throwing this summer to the annual Children’s Holiday Hour he holds in Boston each December, his recent work is a whimsical ode to childhood, the wonder and rawness to which Ilagan returns in his own watercolor works, which form the backdrop to the story.

He didn’t set out to paint the backgrounds themselves; Ilagan originally purchased a few collections of stock watercolor images featuring flowers and leaves and the like, but he was looking for something more abstract so as not to take away too much from the rhyme scheme he envisioned writing. He spent the last winter immersed in the experimental return to a favorite childhood past-time.

Perhaps slightly irksome to him, it’s typically been Ilagan’s family-friendly work that has garnered the highest praise of his creative endeavors. ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ is no exception – several friends have remarked it is their favorite thing he’s ever done. “Something like ‘PVRTD’ will always be more thrilling and exciting to me than the lighter fare, because I’m more attracted to the darker themes when creating artistic work. ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ is a different kind of challenge, requiring a lighter touch, which is more difficult in some ways.” It also required more editing and revisions than he’s ever done before. “The older I get, the more I realize that so much of a first draft of anything is just practice garbage. I used to be very concise and deliberate in what I put down in writing – now it’s mostly a sketch and the final version often ends up being something completely different, and hopefully better, than the initial, raw entry.”

It was, even by his own storied elevation of weirdness, a peculiar position in which to find himself. There, sitting on a stool in the center of his Boston condo, was Alan Ilagan, dressed in an outfit of rose-gold sequins and surrounded by nine children, two of whom had scuttled onto each knee. Forget peculiar, this was shockingly unprecedented, and people suddenly whipped out their cel phones to capture a moment that would surely never come again anytime soon. By most previous indications, it should have been highly uncomfortable, yet contrary to history he looked, at quick glance, uncannily at home. A sparkling pied-piper with a crown of golden laurels atop his head and a string of ostrich feathers and gold beads dangling from his neck. How could the kids not be entranced by such a visage? How could we not have seen this before? It was at this exact moment, according to future folklore, that Alan decided to make his new project a family and kid-friendly affair.

A couple of seasons later, Ilagan recalls that holiday kids’ party with fondness and alacrity. “It wasn’t quite that nifty and neat,” he declares, imperiously commanding a sumptuous banquette in a quiet side-room off the Oak Bar at Boston’s Fairmont Hotel. A few months had passed since that Children’s Holiday Hour (his fourth, in case you’ve missed any of the online recaps). He’s in Boston for more children’s activities: in town are Alan’s niece Emi as well as Skip and Sherri’s kids Mia and Jack. He has just made the rounds and spent some time with all three of them, but has returned with his friend Kira for a rare splurge at the Fairmont. Decked out in a polka-dot blouse with pearls for buttons (“please note the pussy bow” he drawls) and a pair of slim black jeans with tuxedo stripes in black sequins – part clown, part club kid – he cuts a figure that would clearly appeal to those still wowed by wonder. In some ways it’s surprising that kids haven’t flocked to him all this time. Then again, maybe they have; it makes complete sense.

His first gift to most of the children in his life was a miniature disco ball. It fascinated them with its sparkle and motion, and was a surprise delight to a generation that would soon give themselves over to their social-zapping cel phones. And while his gifts to children were merely testament to his friendships with their parents, his over-the-top style became a source of fascination even when he wasn’t trying to impress. In some ways, we should have seen this child-friendly twist coming.

He’s always been a living disco ball, spinning and throwing off his own sparkle and light, content to shine even if no one is watching or dancing along. That surprisingly-introverted show-off has in recent years slowly but deliberately been removing his own image from his work. “After thirty years of non-stop documentation, I’m sick of posing for pictures!” he exclaims, and you won’t find him clamoring for a selfie anytime soon, and most definitely not in public. These days his focus has shifted. Whereas his early projects served to document his life in diary-like fashion, he’s gradually shifted the gaze elsewhere, using his blog as a personal journal and his projects as an artistic playground. It’s a healthier side-step from the role of tortured artist. It also means he is slightly removed from his creative output, which makes things much more fun.

Even as he was creating one of his darkest works, ‘PVRTD’ he managed to find time to have fun with his friends. “That was… necessary,” he says slowly, emphasizing the ‘necessary’ before adding, “to keep all the darkness at bay.” He follows up with a quick laugh at the drama of it all. In person, he is much lighter than his more serious projects would suggest, another step away from the emotionally-charged creator he’s embodied in the past. In some ways, it’s an extension of his blog, something that has largely taken the place of his projects as a creative outlet. That doesn’t mean he’s done with the more formal design of those projects: his latest, the whimsical rhyme and paint work ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ is his second project in less than a year, spawned in the immediate aftermath of ‘PVRTD’. There are whispers of a companion piece in the works for the holidays, which would make this the most prolific stretch of artistic creation since he was at Brandeis in the 90’s. ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ recalls the quick turnaround and relative simplicity of those early days of artistic expression.

Back then he would sometimes churn out a project a month, mailing them out the old-fashioned way when stamps were only thirty cents and the fanciest print job he could afford came courtesy of the library copy machines. While the production value has gone way up, the passion and drive to create and share – the main heartbeat and pulse of an artist, has remained as vibrant as ever.

As he winds down for the evening at the Fairmont (cutting things short with a polite “I never get to go upstairs to a room here so indulge me until next time!”) he and Kira make a hasty exit, escaping just before the stroke of midnight. Something of a fairytale has suddenly descended over the night – a magical stretch of the imagination or the very real whimsy of his new project? ~ it’s gleefully impossible to tell the difference…

Conceived in the ash-strewn aftermath of 2018’s incendiary ‘PVRTD’ project, ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ is a project marking off a multitude of firsts. First among them is a foray into watercolor painting. Second is the unlikely targeted audience of children. Third is the use of a formal rhyming scheme. Taken together, they form one of the only family-friendly projects Alan Ilagan has ever created, and a quintessentially quirky one at that.

Crafting ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ in the winter of 2019, Ilagan originally intended to write a quick little story for the children in his life – his niece and nephew and all the kids of his friends – as a possible Christmas gift. Initially he had purchased some stock watercolor paintings of flowers online, but decided they were “too precious” for his loose party tale, taking the abstract backgrounds that comprise ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ into his own admittedly-amateurish hands. “I hadn’t painted with watercolors since I was five years old,” Ilagan says, “so this was a way of returning to my own childhood while passing the winter with a colorful hobby.”

Following the dark themes and disturbing images of ‘PVRTD’ – the black and white photo essay that depicted the worst aspects of humanity, Ilagan was seeking something colorful and light-hearted and whimsical. The heaviness of ‘PVRTD’ weighed upon both viewer and creator, imbuing everything with shadow and doubt. A powerful reflection of its time, it wasn’t exactly fun to make. (Alan shot most of it with the people he loved the most to add at least one layer of unseen warmth to the affair, but it had little effect: ‘PVRTD’ remains a cold and upsetting experience.) The antidote, conjured in a flurry of post-‘PVRTD’ project work, is ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ – which finds his creative process in fascinating flux. “I’m clearly not becoming a painter anytime soon,” he reassures us, “But it was the best way of working through the winter.”

Now, at the height of summer, the new project is being unveiled at a private party, and will go online shortly thereafter. 

{See The Projects Page in the coming weeks.}

We are all fucked. More than usual, considering that Mercury is in retrograde from now until the very last day of the month. That means I will do my best to lay low and not ruffle any feathers, and I would appreciate it oh-so-much if people would do me the same honor, because I’m actually wearing feathers as we speak. There’s no need to get into what Mercury in retrograde means, and whether or not it means anything is beside the point. I tend to take these periods as a chance to center myself and not let every little aggravating thing get to me. It’s actually a nice life lesson for someone who strives to be a perfectionist – an impossible thing to be in this world. During such times, I will go a little easier on everyone, and I’ll do my best to go a little easier on myself. You have no idea the demon I turn into when I let myself down.

As for the best way to deal with this astrological turbulence, I will hunker down, focus on the things that bring about peace and tranquility, and hopefully sidestep the emotional maelstrom that is Mercury in retrograde. It is what it fucking is, and that’s all it fucking will be.

It may be true that I have no fucking business writing any fucking kind of children’s book, but if ‘Go the Fuck To Sleep’ can exist, then so can my upcoming project. Strap on your kiddie gloves and assume the position.

Once upon a time…

Once upon a dream…

Once upon a place…

Once upon a reason…

Once upon a memory…

Once upon a fantasy…

Once upon a hankering…

Once upon a reckoning…

Once upon a delivering…

Once upon a total joking…

Once upon a ridiculousing…

Once upon a…