My Ass: Instagram Glory

Ahh, Instagram.

I say that in a tone tinged with fatigue and admiration.

It’s always been the easiest social media outlet for me to use, at least on an emotional level. In a practical sense too I suppose, though some might say it’s much simpler to post a few words on FaceBook or Twitter than to take a photo worth sharing. I’m somewhere between the camps, in an overpriced hotel with a balcony because I do not do camping. But back to Instagram before I digress completely into Troop Beverly Hills wanna-be territory.

{Follow.}

It’s a platform for pictures and hashtags, and they don’t even allow you to put a website link on each post which makes for a cleaner experience. (They don’t seem to mind the ads though.) Anyway, I go back and forth between putting effort into my Instagram account and not doing anything for a day or two, and my feed swings wildly among various states of nudity, pornographic plant pics, culinary glory holes, and gratuitous cocktail money shots.

My followers pick up whenever things get racy and shirtless, then decline when I post family-friendly shit, but the latter is so much more interesting and fun for me, so I’m left wondering: is the point of Instagram to gain notice and glory, to stay in touch with friends and online acquaintances, or just to have a good time? Or maybe it’s just a time-filler for those who can’t stand to sit alone at a cafe and simply look around and engage with a real environment. I’m still figuring that out.

{Follow me here.}

The cardinal rule for social media that has allowed me to be rather successful in certain manners of measurement has always been not to take any of it too seriously, while honoring my own voice and image and doing my best to convey authenticity. It’s too taxing to fake it, but too silly to take it too gravely. I find a lighter touch works best, which is what I’m trying to work out for Instagram. If you like what you see here (I’m partial to strong color and vivid shades) check out my Instagram handle (alanilagan) and hold on tight.

{FOLLOW MY ASS.}

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I Was Born A Crotchety Old Man

I earned my crotchety old man badge this July 4th, when at 12:30 AM I was still awake in bed because some neighborhood idiots were setting off fireworks. Not the quiet smoke bomb kind or sparklers, but the real rocket deal that shoot way up in the sky and explode with thunderous booming and banging. The local dogs were going wild, so between the barking and the explosions, I didn’t have a restful night.

I still don’t know how/if that kind of explosive is legal. I also don’t think they’re supposed to be setting them off after 10 PM. I do know that I am officially a grumpy old man, but the truth is I was a grumpy old man at age 11, so now I’m just super good at it. Give me my badge and stop talking.

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Mommie Dearest in the Flesh

It was only with the slightest bit of trepidation that I ordered second row tickets for Faye Dunaway’s performance as Katherine Hepburn in ‘Tea At Five’ currently playing in Boston. It’s not like she’s going to break the fourth wall, make it to the second row and choke me out or beat with a wire hanger, right?

RIGHT??

Or is that too much to hope for? As a fan of Ms. Dunaway’s stage and screen work – I saw her a number of years ago as Maria Callas in ‘Master Class’ – and any graduate of Gay 101 has seen and memorized most of ‘Mommie Dearest‘ – I’m looking forward to her take on Katherine Hepburn. When one icon portrays another icon, it’s always worth a look. The mirrors and reflections involved, and the multi-level density and complexity of such a theatrical feat have proven rich and fertile grounds for wonderful things in the past (see all the times Helen Mirren portrayed a queen).

There are plans for this show to hit Broadway in the next few months, so something special certainly seems to be in the offing. We shall see what we shall see… I had high hopes for last summer’s ‘Moulin Rouge‘ preview in Boston, and that was one big hot spectacular mess. Here’s hoping Ms. Dunaway’s star vehicle doesn’t fly off the rails or the handle. Well, maybe a little off the handle. If you can’t be slightly shook by Faye Dunaway as Katherine Hepburn, you’re not really alive.

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

A sandwich always tastes better when someone else makes it. I don’t know why this should be true, it just is. Same for a salad.

#TinyThreads

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Hot July Recap

The heat is on! Finally, enough sun. And too much fun to be had stroking these keys on this computer. On with the recap!

It began with more heat, courtesy of these shirtless male celebrities

A turkey was my neighbor for a brief time. 

Some #TinyThreads for your perusal. 

The first time I heard ‘Delta Dawn’ and it was in P-town. 

The 4th of July

Purple stars.

Yellow drops

Our Connecticut adventure – Part One and Part Two.

Summer song by the Spice Girls

Rub it

Hunks of the Day included Tom Holland, Paulo Avelino, Jake Owen, and Dominic Thiem

 

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Rubbing Down The Ribs

Up until this month, I have never seen the appeal of eating ribs. From what I recalled, they were no more than a thin silver of tough and dry meat against a bone, and even worse they were messier than a Donald Trump speech. All that messy effort left more meat and flavor on my hands than ever got into my belly. As an adult, I have never ordered ribs in a restaurant, and I probably haven’t tasted them in two decades.

That all changed when we joined in a Southern-inspired meal at Missy and Joe’s. When she brought the ribs in from the grill, the meat was falling off the bone, perfectly flavored, and, best of all, substantial enough that three were enough to fill me completely up. They were, to put it mildly, a revelation.

Cut to our Fourth of July festivities, when Andy and I tag-teamed our own rib-feast for a quiet dinner with Mom and Dad. The preparation and execution could not have been simpler. (Andy said it was easier than hamburgers and hot dogs.) One of the tricks we were told was to use country style, or St. Louis, ribs. The baby back things are too small and don’t carry enough meat for my liking.

I took care of the first part, applying a generous rub of spices (at this point in my rib-novice learning curve, any pre-made rub would do), then tightly wrapping them in foil. Placing them on a foil-lined baking sheet (yes, all that foil is necessary, because a lot of juice will come out) I slid it into a 275 degree oven and cooked it for three hours and some change. (I’m told you can do 300 degrees for two-and-a-half hours, but I also read that slower cooking leads to more tender meat. I don’t suppose there’s that much of a difference to my taste buds, but if you’ve got the time, why not slow it down?) Soon the kitchen began to smell really good. When it was done, I pulled it out and let it cool for a bit so it wouldn’t fall completely apart for the grilling part. (Some sources claimed it was fine to refrigerate them at this point if you wanted to grill the next day, and that this also helped keep the meat together. We didn’t have time for such nonsense because it had to go in my belly at the first opportunity.)

Now it was Andy’s turn. On a grill set to high, he placed the rib racks (we cut each in half to make for an easier handling process) and painted each side with Sweet Baby Ray’s barbecue sauce. It only took a couple of minutes and an equal number of turns to get a nice color to them, and then they were done.

Paired with a bourbon peach sweet tea and some macaroni salad, these ribs are my new favorite thing. Your waistline may hate you, but your mouth is going to be supremely happy.

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Summer Song: Too Much

A fan hums and swivels in the corner. With each sweep of the room roving bands of air push against my face and it’s still not enough. When the heat is this immense and intense the only thing to do is be very still and quiet and think cool thoughts. A languid pop ballad sung by one of the cheesiest groups of all time is good too. Nothing too challenging. Nothing to make you think too hard. Enter ‘Too Much’ by the Spice Girls.

LOVE IS BLIND, AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE

DEEP AND MEANINGLESS, WORDS TO ME

EASY LOVER, I NEED A FRIEND

ROAD TO NOWHERE, TWISTS AND TURNS BUT WILL THIS NEVER END…

On years like this, when spring hardly gave us any sun or warmth, I’m not quite ready to barricade myself against the first little heatwave, if it can even be considered such. Our potted tropical plants are just beginning to unfurl their leaves, when in most other years they’d be in full lush bloom by now. The garden plants have largely caught up, especially in the last couple of weeks, as nature has a way of evening out the particular inconsistencies of an off-year. That said, on especially hot days, even if we haven’t had a lot of them, I find myself retreating into the controlled air-conditioned environment of the house, hunkering down in the dim coolness, where false visions of the world can be found on screen and the artificially-manipulated temperature no longer induces sweat and stickiness.

TOO MUCH OF SOMETHING IS BAD ENOUGH

BUT SOMETHING’S COMING OVER ME TO MAKE ME WONDER

TOO MUCH OF NOTHING IS JUST AS TOUGH

I NEED TO KNOW THE WAY TO FEEL TO KEEP ME SATISFIED

Back in the late 90’s, when I was still in college and between semesters, the summer was an extended staycation, with lots of lounging and lazy do-nothing days. The Spice Girls movie was playing on television, showing them on their tour bus doing some lounging themselves while this song played over the opening. It reflected the enjoyable ennui of summer, when lying around and raising your eyes to the television was more than enough exertion for the day. When at last daylight faded and the sun went hidden behind the other side of the earth, I’d traipse upstairs into the well-lit environs of my bedroom. In my heart swirled enough darkness; I was always seeking the light. There I would loll about on the cool, carpeted floor, reading or perusing magazines until the early hours of the morning. The next round of daylight could never come soon enough. It just felt better when the sun was shining, even if it got too darn hot.

To combat that, I found it best to put on a pop ballad, the cheesier the better, and let it wash over me like the waves from a fan. If you’ve got some sweet ice tea and hard raspberry candies, so much the better.

WHAT PART OF NO DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?

I WANT A MAN NOT A BOY WHO THINKS HE CAN…

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Connecticut Idyll ~ 2

EVER SINCE YOU WERE GONE I FELT DEPRESSED

EVERY MONTH, EVERY YEAR THAT PASSED

EVERY SMILE ON YOUR FACE

EVERY ACT OF GRACE

IT REALLY IS KEEPING ME AWAKE…

We rose to more sun, even if the fabled storms were on the march. Outside the bathroom window, I looked at the rolling hill of green grass that led down to the pool. Bushes of spiraea in umbrels of pink hosted clouds of happy bees, while the vining heads of bittersweet unfurled their pesky tendrils. A pale purple clematis shrugged off a few striking blooms. Summer in the moment of a morning

Downstairs, I could already hear the kids in action. How much summer living had we already slept through? Kids are magical in the way a few minutes can elongate into hours, in the way that so much can seem to happen in such a short stretch of space, in the way their perception bends time. I wanted to slow things down as well. The day of departure begins with the recognition of impending change. Andy headed down while I took a quick shower.

As I got dressed, I looked over the little chalkboard on which the boys had written welcome messages. Gift bags that they had filled were off to the side and I suddenly felt sadness at having to leave. There was never enough time. Especially when children are involved. Soon there would come a day when these summer mornings weren’t quite as magical, when they didn’t hold as much hope and promise as a kid who just finished the school year feels. It’s still a while off for Julian and Cameron, and I only wish they hold onto them, enjoy them, and wring out every bit of laughter, sunshine, tears, happiness, and love as they possibly can. Hopefully they’ll also remember the guys who visited at the start of summer. (To make sure that those guys remember too, I’ve written it down in these blog posts.)

Over breakfast we talked over our summer plans, what little there were of them. Summer isn’t something that should be completely planned out, but it’s always good to have something substantial to look forward to. We tentatively planned a stop-by at our house – it’s been years since they’ve visited, and it would be lovely to have the kids see where we live. Eventually, the boys found occupation in the family room, as Cameron executed some gymnastic splits and Julian prepared a song on the ukulele.

I wandered in to help Cameron change out outfits for his Lego characters. A bald man wore a dress. A princess spun her hair around and became Sia. Another princess did a back-bend. The imagination bamboozled all boundaries; the power of childhood obliterated constrictions. With a fanciful eye for fashion and color (he wrote a little story on Frida Kahlo which he had colored in bright and bold shades that would have made her proud), Cameron was an exuberant life force, embodying the freedom of a childhood lived to the fullest. I hoped he would stay that way, never changing no matter what.

Andy joined us as Julian readied a song he had just written – and by written I mean he had created the lyrics and music from start to finish – which comes naturally to some, but will always be an insanely impressive feat to someone who only remembers the opening chords to ‘Private Dancer’ on the piano after seven years of weekly lessons. (I can do a bit of ‘The Rose’ too, thank you very much.) Julian is very much a musical prodigy – he’d just shown off by jumping into a couple of Madonna tunes from YouTube. Now his ukulele was strumming to the sound of his own music, his own melody, and his own words. As it was last year, this year his song would be one of the highlights of our visit.

The sun poured into the living room, and after a spat of a quick downpour, summer was once again preening in sparkling beauty. As I loaded the car, I paused by the sundrops along the walkway. They glowed in the sunlight, their cheery yellow petals still holding onto a couple of twinkling raindrops. I waited until the memory was made, then went back inside to say our goodbyes.

BUT WHEN YOU FLY AND YOU’RE FAR AWAY

WHEN IT’S KEEPING ME AWAKE

BUT THE THING THAT IS NEVER GONE AWAY

IS THE LOVE THAT’S BETWEEN YOU AND I…

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Connecticut Idyll ~ 1

Greeted with the glow of sundrops, we walked along the mossy brick entrance to begin an all-too-brief visit to our friends Missy, Joe, Julian and Cameron (and their new doggy-addition, Queenie). Their beautiful Connecticut home provided our refuge as we managed to dodge most of the rainstorms that seemed to fall everywhere else last weekend. We had, at my instigation, loosely planned a meal of Southern standards, built around a boozy glass of Southern Peach Sweet Tea. The recipe is simple, provided the making of the tea is done correctly. We’ll begin there, as that’s where it all started:

Southern Peach Sweet Tea

  • 1 part bourbon
  • 2 parts sweet tea
  • ½ part peach schnapps
  • Garnish of fresh mint or lemon

To make the tea, I boiled about 8 cups of water, took it off the heat, steeped it with a few Luzianne tea bags for about five minutes (I’ve been told this is the authentic southern sweet tea ~more authentic than Lipton, if you can imagine), then immediately removed them before adding a good deal of sugar, then refrigerating overnight. That exact order, and the exact timing of the quick tea steeping is what is integral to making it right. (Leaving tea bags in too long leads to bitterness.) Or so those Southern ladies say. Who am I to argue with the South? When followed in this way, the recipe turns out tasty cocktails that go down way too easily, and that’s all that matters.

Doug and Julio joined in for lunch en route to World Pride/Gay Pride/The Biggest Parade the World has Ever Known. On Doug’s advice, Missy turned out a hellaciously divine rack of ribs that had oodles of meat falling deliciously off the bone. Having been raised on tiny ribs with the thinnest strip of meat almost impossibly stuck to the bone, I’ve never been a fan of them. Couple that with the mess they made and I don’t think I’ve ordered them once in my life. This recipe and preparation has changed my whole thinking on them, and Andy is already looking into finding a country rib rack for our next meal. I brought along some collard greens and gluten-free biscuits (for the celiac diva) with jalapeno and bacon, as well as some super-soft ice cream in bourbon mint and peach. Doug and Julio made a cherry pie and some coconut-pineapple rum balls. It was the best meal we’ve had in a while. But that was only the beginning. Better than the food was the company ~ and this remains one of our favorite weekends because it has some of our favorite people.

Work and kids and home ownership have us all scattered throughout New York and Connecticut, so this is one of the few times when we can all get together without pressure or worry or rush. That’s especially nice when Julian and Cameron are involved. It takes time for kids to get comfortable and come out of their shells; luckily we eased out of shyness last year, so this year we moved quickly into the comfort zone and soon enough there was ukulele music, fashion shows, and Lego princess parades.

After Doug and Julio headed to the happy madness of Pride, I went down to the pool with the kids, where we played shark, seaweed and something else. Andy’s back had gone out the night before, so he took a restorative nap. After such a boffo meal, we nibbled on some leftovers before bed and the day, like our stomachs, was suddenly full…

(So was Queenie, who had the last of the coconut pineapple rum balls, without permission.)

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Sunny Sunny Sundrops

Goody goody gumdrops.

Tikki tikki tembo…

Sometimes summer is just one long and crazy rhyming scheme, a waking dream, or a popsicle of cream. A time to be silly, and willy-nilly, and pic-a-dilly. There’s no need to be serious when the times are so delirious. Go to the ends of the earth to find a Friendly’s with a Fribbler. Don’t be such a quibbler! Oh dear, my mind is fried. No fear, my hands aren’t tied. My rear, time will bide.

Soon the summer vines will take a stranglehold, becoming too much to do anything aboutuntil next year. These little sundrops are a reminder that it’s still the time to be frivolous and silly. We can return to our profound posture come fall, and it’s coming sooner than we want or realize. Enough of that pish-posh. We came here to play.

Summer is the time for sun and fun, where the only thing to be done is plotting out the trajectory of a walk or bike-ride. Where the meals are heavy on fresh vegetables and fruit, seasoned with whatever the garden is pushing up, where the glasses of water are tall and sweating, where everything slows down and sighs of contentment are plentiful. We have arrived. Enjoy the moment.

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

I’m planning early for my winter body.

Pass the brownies.

#TinyThreads

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Stars of Purple

Our clematis, with which we’ve been through quite a lot – is again in bloom, partly because I remembered to help train it up a lamp post (some years I forget and it flops about before I can get its awkward angles properly secured). It’s putting on a lovely show with these purple blooms, and I’m re-energized to making it happy. That will come in the form of some extra manure around its base. There’s already a carpet of groundcover to keep its feet cool, while its upper-branches and blooms get lots of light and warmth. That’s pretty much all you need to keep it coming back for more.

This specimen has been growing for about fifteen years now – I planted it shortly after we moved into our house, and it’s been here in various states of health, happiness, duress, and ennui, and for that I feel an allegiance. As one of the three-year trajectory plants (the first year they sleep, the second year they creep, the third year they leap) it takes some time to get established, but then it’s a stalwart performer. Even when I forget to tie it up and help it rise, it will still throw off a few pretty flowers as it scatters into the lawn. I admire that sort of determination.

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

How silly humans are.

We send rockets into the air, blow them up, and watch them burn.

Sometimes the unfortunate blow off a few fingers in the process.

All in the name of America.

Home of the brave…

#TinyThreads

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The Land of the Free

Ahh, America.

How far we have come.

At this point, some might say how far we have fallen.

I’m not going political here, not today. I just want to celebrate the ideals of what our great country was founded upon. Freedom. Justice. Equality for all. A welcoming beacon for all immigrants and refugees. A land where our differences work together to make us strong.

Looking around us today, that seems to be slipping away a bit. I still think the American spirit will endure, that we will, at our heart, reject hate and ignorance and racism. I carry that hope because hope is also at the heart of America. We are a work in perpetual progress.

Happy Birthday to our nation.

Long may her freedom wave.

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

How are all these people affording month-long summer stays at vacation spots?

Am I the only one who has to go to work?

#TinyThreads

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