Shape-shifting and skin-shedding, like some cross between a snake and an octopus, the divine diva transforms into fairy form again, doffing the dresses, stripping naked, and lighting upon the latest fancy. Fancies founded on the flimsiest wind or whimsy rise and fall on those trifling notions. Back in 2005, I was still trying to find myself, trying on various guises, discarding them, then trying on something new. Personality is fashion when you’re still in your twenties, even when you think yours is already established. 

It’s astonishing to think about how much of our life is erected on the most insubstantial of images – the life we pretend to lead, the life we want to lead, the life others think we lead, and the life we actually lead. Behind these images, what might be left? What might be true? What stands when the rest falls away? 

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.

I have a tale to tell… sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well…

A present-day word on this section of The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale, as I now have the luxury of presenting this with the perspective of the twenty years that have passed since its initial release. At that time, liquor was a fun and mostly harmless aspect of my life – I played up drinking more than I actually drank because it was the province of tortured poets and self-destructive writers – it carried the decadent glamour of ruin that calls to most artists at one point or another. It may have cast a spell, but I was eagerly and willingly spell-struck. I also felt, quite correctly as it turns out (but not even I trusted in it at the moment), that I could shake off the spell whenever I really wanted to do so. 

A man can tell a thousand lies
I’ve learned my lesson well
Hope I live to tell the secret I have learned till then it will burn inside of me…

It would be easy, and somewhat accurate, to blame such a growing use of alcohol at the time to all sorts of reasons and circumstances. I could point to genetics: my heart still shudders when it recalls the night my Mom told me her father had died an alcoholic. I wasn’t more than twelve or thirteen at the time, and it was the first crack in the crumbling visage of family perfection I’d been raised to believe. I could point to the calamity that growing up gay in a small town in upstate New York in the 1980’s and being raised as a strict Catholic was. I could point to any number of things that led to my embracing any sort of escape possible, including a lifelong social anxiety that no one seemed to notice despite my repeated and desperate cries for help. But none of that is helpful, and ultimately the only person responsible for me as an adult was myself. 

If I ran away
I’d never have the strength to go very far
How would they hear the beating of my heart?
Will it grow cold, the secret that I hide?
Will I grow old?
How will they hear?
When will they learn?
How will they know?

Those were demons I couldn’t acknowledge in my twenties, and this fun cocktail photo shoot was only the first glimmer of my attempt to face up to the part alcohol was playing in my life. It came under the guise of glamour, of the antics of a demanding diva, of a fabulous night out and a cuttingly-witty bit of repartee that downplayed any underlying seriousness. 

It sacrificed and delayed any substantive improvement or evolution. 

But the drinks were so pretty, and the accessories so fine, that the sleight of divine hand lifted the fairy along his journey. 

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One.