Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

I’m a short person living in a tall person’s kitchen. There are cabinets I have never opened. Don’t tell me my life is all rainbows and unicorns.

#TinyThreads

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Rocking an October Recap

It was a banner fall weekend in Boston, but before we get into that here’s a quick look back at the week that came before. We have to honor the past before we move into the future. Besides, anything to extend this lovely weekend is welcome right now. 

We entered October with a backward glance at some other Octobers

Festooned with foul language

A new Madonna Timeline: ‘Illuminati.’

Now and then we’ll pick up a few #TinyThreads

Welcome… to Jurassic Park.

Wishful tradition

Foxy proxy.

Uncle Andy

Since 1986.

Smacked down in Starbucks. 

Finally, a powerful reason to cancel my Planet Fitness membership.

Self check-out shenanigans. 

Remembering Madonna’s Girlie Show.

Stupidity at Starbucks

Hunks of the Day included Matthew Morrison, Dustin Milligan, and Nick Bracks

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The Starbucks Struggle Is Real

Me, placing my order: Iced venti decaf Americano.

Barista: Hot or cold?

 

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How to Put On A Proper Girlie Show

When public opinion was at one of the lower points in Madonna’s storied career (following the ‘Erotica‘ album and ‘Sex‘ book) she did what she best and went on tour. It was called ‘The Girlie Show’ and instead of shying away from all the sex (as she would more convincingly do with ‘Bedtime Stories‘) she confronted it with warmth and showgirlship in a live show that played extremely limited venues in North America.

Compared to what fans are reportedly getting on her Madame X Tour, The Girlie Show is practically a greatest hits package. Sure, it was heavy on the ‘Erotica’ album, but the rest was pretty much a steady hit list (ok, minus the never-gonna-not-be-ridiculous ‘I’m Going Bananas’). Check it out below.

  1. Erotica
  2. Fever
  3. Vogue
  4. Rain
  5. Express Yourself
  6. Deeper and Deeper
  7. Why’s it So Hard
  8. In This Life
  9. Beast Within
  10. Like A Virgin
  11. Bye Bye Baby
  12. I’m Going Bananas
  13. La Isla Bonita
  14. Holiday
  15. Justify My Love
  16. Everybody

At a crossroads in her career, she went back to her safe place: the live performance. Because no matter what you might think of her, nobody puts on a show quite like Madonna.

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The Self Check-Out

I have very mixed feelings about the self check-out option in supermarkets. Having worked in retail for a number of years, this doesn’t come from a place of privilege or ignorance. My issue is that when I’m checking out at the market, I invariably have a couple of vegetables that do not have bar codes on them, so someone always – ALWAYS – has to come help with checking me out. That negates the self-check-out aspect of the whole thing. 

The other issue that I’ve noticed is that now the self-check-out lines are often just as long, if not longer, than the regular lines, so what is the point? I’m no longer in retail, so there’s a good chance I’m missing something. 

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

Riddle me this: how can ‘care-giver’ and ‘care-taker’ mean the same thing?

#TinyThreads

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Canceling Planet Fitness

It was about seven or eight years ago when I joined Planet Fitness. It was a fall deal they had going, and for $10 a month how could I refuse? Even if I just used it three or four times a month, it would be worth it. For about a year or two I went semi-religiously (and since church was once a week, I considered once a week ‘religiously’). For the past five years, however, I’ve sort of been promising to go without ever delivering. So when it came to light that Planet Fitness CEO Chris Rondeau had donated to Donald Trump, as well as anti-LGBT candidate Andy Sanborn, I had the perfect excuse to end my membership.

The woman behind the counter asked what my reason for canceling was.

“Your CEO donated to Donald Trump and at this point I can’t be part of any of that,” I said, not in anger or unfriendliness. The manager was standing right next to her and he gave a little nod.

“That’s fair,” he said. I chuckled a little, and he looked at my account, explaining that my annual fee was already pending, and I said I wasn’t worried about that – I had no issue paying it. He went on to say that if I ever changed my mind to get in touch with him – at which point he handed me his card – and if I came back he would credit this fee toward a new membership.

That’s fair.

But until such time that Mr. Rondeau publicly changes his Trump tune, I won’t be part of the Planet Fitness family. To think that any part of those $10/month payments went to that traitorous moron is unforgivable.

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Smackdown in Humanity

From time to time I need to be checked. Hard checked. That time came as I waited impatiently in the line at Starbucks. Already annoyed that the kids in the place outnumbered the adults , I longed for the days when Starbucks was not the province of young children. Ahead of me, a guy in a baggy suit waited with his kid. Paired with the suit, which was only mildly offensive for its ill-fit, was a pair of navy sneakers. Not dressy sneakers either – plain running sneakers. They had no place next to that suit. They had no place next to any suit. I almost took a picture for a post of shame.

After getting my coffee and settling into a couch, I watched the man pick up his drink. He walked with a limp, and he did his best to keep up with his son, and I instantly felt shame at what I had thought. He was wearing sneakers because he had to – and I had judged him and thought less of him for his choices before I thought of an explanation other than bad taste. And even if was bad taste, it was his choice. Who the fuck was I to think anything of it? It was a sudden and jarring smackdown of my silliness, reminding me that you never really know what’s going on with other people, even if it seems obvious and apparent. More importantly, it reminded me to ask – about others, about their stories, about their hurt and pain.

It was disappointing.  I was disappointed in myself. I’m usually better than this. Not always. But usually.

I’ll try for always from now on.

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Afternoon Thought: Selfie-Reflection

I’ve been taking selfies since 1986. 

I’m kind of over it.

 

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A Fun Pic of Andy and the Twins

This photo popped up on one of my Facebook memories, and it’s probably one of the few good things left about FaceBook. It’s Andy and Noah at the dining room table, with Noah in typical form, and Andy in equally-typical form, and it warms my heart to see this again. Emi is happily focusing on her own world, and together the three remind me of all that matters. Some days we need that more than others. I’m lucky to find such love on those days.

We are teetering on the brink of the quick shuffle to holiday season, which makes this all the more fitting. In a couple of weeks we will be having the twins over for their first sleep-over, to see how they might do on a trip to Boston. I have to plan these things out. Trust me. It’s better that way.

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The Proximity of Andy’s Proxy

When your husband starts talking about establishing his healthcare proxy, you sit up and take notice, have a little panic attack, and listen to the request to make sure you know exactly how to execute it. Such is the state of the second half of our lives, when health care concerns and future obstacles become more prescient than the distant far-off uncertainties they once were. After a shudder, and the stark, dim portal of possibility that the discussion opens up, I watch Andy as he reads over the document. Sitting in his usual corner of the couch, and peering down through his glasses, he studies and deliberates. Like wills and funeral plans, a healthcare proxy is not something I particularly enjoy thinking about or dwelling upon, but at our age it must be done. This is what happens when we get older. These are things that must be faced, and it’s better to do it sooner than later, when the absence of such preparation might make for an additional burden to bear.

It’s the same stuff of 401k’s and deferred compensation and retirement planning – dull and duller and oh-so-vital when their time comes. With Andy’s health issues, that time is now, and I can no longer pretend that our charmed lives are without care or worry. I don’t talk about that serious stuff here, but maybe I should, to a certain extent. There’s something to be said for a shared burden. There’s also something to be said for a modicum of privacy. We straddle the fine line between them, seeking solace and comfort without wanting to add to anyone else’s concern.

We are all growing up, whether we want to or not. It’s easier if we do it together.

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Wishful Tradition

The burning of wishes upon every seasonal solstice is a tradition that Andy taught me when we first met, and one which we have faithfully performed with each passing season. No matter where I find myself, I find the time and place to burn the little list of wishes that we send into the universe for safekeeping, hopefully to be made manifest through our own exertions or the happy happenstance of what may come. (One of the more difficult moments was when I was in Boston for the turn into fall, and I had to lean out the bathroom window and burn my list on the fire escape. It worked out. The universe accepts our wishes no matter how they are delivered.)

This year was slightly different as well, as I was up before first light to greet the first day of fall. With my work schedule, I’ve rediscovered my early morning window, and as the sun reluctantly began to light up the sky, I brought a flame to the corner of my wishes and watched them burn in a clay catch-pot. The smoke hung in the humid air, the smell of fall and coziness and cold days to come mingling with the sweet remnants of summer from the already-faded blooms of the angel’s trumpet. Sky brightening, the morning woke to the agitated chirping of a chipmunk. Not everything was still asleep.

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Losing Steam

We lucked out this year as far as the pool goes. We had lots of sunny and warm days in which to make ample use of its calming properties. In fact, we kept things going right up until the very end of September. Most everyone else we knew had shut down their pools before the last few days of 80 degree weather hit. Sometimes it pays to procrastinate. (Not usually, but this Virgo will take it once in a while.)

As for the last days of a warm pool in the cool season, they can be remarkably dramatic, as the water release its heat in steamy fashion, rising into the atmosphere like the beginning of some science fiction nightmare. On one such afternoon, I captured the effect as the sun was setting behind our banana and dogwood trees. 

As of this writing, Andy has won the last swim of the season, bravely jumping in after mowing the lawn. The water was warm, he said, but getting out was a chilly endeavor. He rushed by me just as I was writing this post.

If you look closely enough, you might see the flared nostrils of the Tyrannosaurus rex just poking through the foliage, and the voice of Richard Attenborough invoking that legendary greeting, ‘Welcome… to Jurassic Park.’ Cue John Williams and indulge me as the imagination runs wild. (Play the video below and I dare you not to laugh.)

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

Some days you just can’t tie the tie on the first try.

#TinyThreads

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The Madonna Timeline: Song #157 – ‘Illuminati’ ~ Summer 2015

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

Once upon a summer I threw an Illuminati Party. Ignorant of the ways of the illuminati, I only wanted to wear a crazy costume of faux deer antlers and inspire intrigue in the midst of a mid-summer night. This song provided the soundtrack for the costumed event, swirling about in frenzied delight and damnation, its beats skittering and frenetic. The invitations invoked the stereotypical idea most of us have of the illuminati, which is all a party invitation can really do; if you want depth look into a project or something more lasting than a party. Yet for party themes, this one was as good as any, and afforded guests the opportunity to dress up in whatever surreal get-up they wished.

IT’S NOT JAY-Z AND BEYONCÉ
IT’S NOT NICKI OR LIL WAYNE
IT’S NOT OPRAH AND OBAMA
THE POPE AND RIHANNA
QUEEN ELIZABETH OR KANYE
IT’S NOT PENTAGRAMS OR WITCHCRAFT
IT’S NOT TRIANGLES OR STACKS OF CASH
BLACK MAGIC OR GAGA
GUCCI OR PRADA
RIDING ON THE GOLDEN CALF

The chaotic drama surrounding the leaked release of Madonna’s ‘Rebel Heart’ album finds its musical accompaniment in this crazy track (and crazy in a crazy-good way). It’s an intriguing cut that sounds better than it really should. Parts of it remind one of a barking dog, parts are grating, parts are beautiful, and parts are puzzling. It almost comes together, and then it does, and then it falls apart before reassembling again. Schizo in the best and worst ways. Not unlike a summer party, when moon-drenched madness threatens drama at every turn, and romantic dalliances are just as likely to occur as knock-down-drag-out fights are. That’s summer. No one escapes the heat.

THE ALL-SEEING EYE IS WATCHING TONIGHT
THAT’S WHAT IT IS
TRUTH AND THE LIGHT
THE ALL-SEEING EYE IS WATCHING TONIGHT
NOTHING TO HIDE
THE SECRET’S INSIDE
IT’S LIKE EVERYBODY IN THIS PARTY’S SHINING LIKE ILLUMINATI
IT’S LIKE EVERYBODY IN THIS PARTY’S SHINING LIKE ILLUMINATI
IT’S THE ENLIGHTENMENT THAT STARTED IT ALL
THE FOUNDING FATHERS WROTE IT DOWN ON THE WALL
AND NOW THE MEDIA’S MISLEADING US ALL
TURNED RIGHT INTO WRONG

A towering angel’s trumpet lowers its pendulous blooms to eye-level, releasing its intoxicating lemon-like fragrance into the heavy air. What poison carries on its perfume? What spells does such sweetness cast? A sense of the lurid hides behind each smile, a bee ready to sting lurks in each blossom. In the summer darkness, everything turns dangerous. The pool lures chipmunks and toads to their watery graves, like the candlelight brings moths to their fiery ends. We dive beneath to escape the licking flames. No one is safe in a summer night.

IT’S TIME TO DANCE AND TURN THIS DARK INTO SOMETHIN’
SO LET THE FIRE BURN, THIS MUSIC IS BUMPIN’
WE’RE GONNA LIVE FOREVER, LOVE NEVER DIES
IT STARTS TONIGHT…

Picasso and Dali turned the world upside down, tugged at its natural order, and disturbed time so much that it literally melted before our eyes. A new world order indeed… The very best artists set such disturbances into motion. The proverbial butterfly flutters its wings in pretty, menacing fashion. The other side of the earth shudders and waits.

BEHIND THE CURTAIN OF THE NEW WORLD ORDER
IT’S NOT PLATINUM ENCRYPTED CORNERS
IT’S NOT ISIS OR THE PHOENIX
PYRAMIDS OF EGYPT
DON’T MAKE IT INTO SOMETHING SORDID
IT’S NOT STEVE JOBS OR BILL GATES
IT’S NOT THE GOOGLE OF UNITED STATES
IT’S NOT BIEBER OR LEBRON
CLINTON OR OBAMA
OR ANYONE YOU’D LOVE TO HATE
THE ALL-SEEING EYE IS WATCHING TONIGHT
THAT’S WHAT IT IS
TRUTH AND THE LIGHT
THE ALL-SEEING EYE IS WATCHING TONIGHT
NOTHING TO HIDE
THE SECRET’S INSIDE
IT’S LIKE EVERYBODY IN THIS PARTY’S SHINING LIKE ILLUMINATI
IT’S LIKE EVERYBODY IN THIS PARTY’S SHINING LIKE ILLUMINATI

For the Rebel Heart Tour, Madonna used this song as a late-hour interlude. Her dancers climbed atop impossibly flexible poles, which soon swayed and turned to their own fantastical form. Defying gravity and physics (or masterfully employing them as the case may be) they were a show unto themselves, because even when she’s absent the stage, Madonna knows how to entertain.

YOU KNOW THAT EVERYTHING THAT GLITTERS AIN’T GOLD
SO LET THE MUSIC TAKE YOU OUT OF CONTROL
IT’S TIME TO FEEL IT IN YOUR BODY AND SOUL
COME ON, LET’S GO
WE’RE GONNA DANCE AND TURN THE DARK INTO SOMETHIN’
SO LET THE FIRE BURN, THIS MUSIC IS BUMPIN’
WE’RE GONNA LIVE FOREVER, LOVE NEVER DIES
IT STARTS TONIGHT
IT’S LIKE EVERYBODY IN THIS PARTY’S SHINING LIKE ILLUMINATI
IT’S LIKE EVERYBODY IN THIS PARTY’S SHINING LIKE ILLUMINATI
IT’S LIKE EVERYBODY IN THIS PARTY’S SHINING LIKE ILLUMINATI
IT’S LIKE EVERYBODY IN THIS PARTY’S SHINING LIKE ILLUMINATI

SONG #157: ‘Illuminati’ – Summer 2015

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