Wild Turkey Lurkey

The annual bridge from Thanksgiving to Christmas gets erected with this Turkey Lurkey post. In addition, the featured GIF is a wild turkey I captured while in Boston earlier this year. If not today, when? What on earth a wild turkey was doing skulking about Downtown Crossing is anyone’s guess. Anticipating the end times, in all likelihood. 

Today’s quiet Thanksgiving actually wasn’t the quietest I’ve ever had, and for that reason it was less sad than anticipated. The quietest year was when I stayed on campus at Brandeis to work at Structure early the next morning. That didn’t seem sad at the time, though looking back I marvel that it didn’t bother me more. My mind at the time was a little work obsessed. We make our choices the best way we know how. Almost absolutely no regrets. 

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Happy Thanksgiving

After another year of this pandemic and all the stupidity and foolishness that continues to put us in danger, there’s nothing else to be thankful for but family and friends who are still with us. For me, that’s my parents and Andy, and I’m extremely glad that they are still here in spite of setbacks and health scares and everything else that is happening in the world. Last year we weren’t sure about anything – this year feels even less certain – but we go on, and I’ll keep doing my best to protect the ones I love most, even if it means some hard truths and difficult decisions. 

That’s not what this day is for, however, and this morning I have nothing but gratitude for the people who have given me such a wonderful life. That’s why I’m so ferociously protective about them, and why they take priority over everything else. We will never get back to those enormous extended-family gatherings at the Ko house on Locust Avenue – they are the stuff of childhood memories now, and they formed the bedrock upon which I was able to set out into the world, and to do my best to make something as decent and honorable as I could. It’s nothing too spectacular… and yet it is, in the way that we are all pretty spectacular when you think about what it truly takes to be a good person in the world today. I couldn’t ever make it this far alone, and Andy and Mom and Dad are the ones who kept me on track with their love and support, even and especially when it wasn’t always earned. 

In the last couple of years, I’ve been doing my best to give back a little of that in the only ways I know how, and on this Thanksgiving the profound gratitude I feel for the past year is both humbling and moving. 

May you have some of the same love and warmth in your day as well. Happy Thanksgiving.

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A Friendsgiving with Kira in Boston – Part 2

Christmas shopping formed the main impetus of our second day in Boston, so we headed to Downtown Crossing and rushed through the usual haunts. I made it through most of the remaining names on my list, and by lunch time we were in good standing to enjoy a return to Pho Pasteur. The last time I had pho was likely when I was with Kira in 2019, and our weekend of re-establishing some comforting things to do found another happy full-circle moment. Kira had been missing it too, and as the shadows of downtown chilled the air, and the wind whipped down from the nearby skyscrapers, we found our favorite pho place and began to heat ourselves up from the inside out. 

With our shopping bags filled, we headed back along Boston Common toward the condo, and as the day had turned even more beautiful it seemed fitting to soak in the surroundings. This much sunlight, and such deep blue skies, aren’t the usual background to a Boston November, and we took our time walking to make the most of it. 

The Boston Public Garden was filled with rambunctious squirrels, and this view, in every season, is always a heartwarming one. On this day the trees were giving their last show before shaking off their leaves for the long spell of winter ahead. The thought lent a chill to the sun-drenched air, and so we hurled along to the condo for a quick afternoon siesta.

We had a hot chocolate, then ventured out one more time to hit some shops in the South End, and to pass by the Christmas tree lot and smell the arrival of the holidays. Hints of holiday strolls past, and the ones yet to come, made for happy memories and reminiscences, while paving a path for next month’s return. 

In some ways, this is usually where the most exciting and perfect holiday ideas dwell: when they are all only notions and possibilities, like these tied-up Christmas trees, bound and waiting to be unleashed a little deeper into December. Returning to the condo to change for dinner, we lit more candles as the light drained from the day and the coziness began. 

Trying out a new restaurant used to be one of my favorite things to do in Boston – but as we settled into The Banks Fish House (in the former location of Post 390, where we had spent a Holiday Stroll dinner a few years ago) the whole Friendsgiving Dinner – purportedly the reason for this weekend – felt almost anti-climactic. We didn’t need a reason for celebrating our friendship, or to bring out the gratitude we felt for each other’s company once again. 

The moon – full just a day before – accompanied us home, sending us into another peaceful night – and into the holiday season. Friends and family – the only things that matter. 

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A Friendsgiving with Kira in Boston – Part 1

Some traditions get derailed just a year after you try to get them off the ground, such as the Friendsgiving dinner that Kira and I did but once – way back in 2019, which feels like a lifetime ago. It went so well that it merits a repeat try, now that we are vaccinated and able to meet up semi-safely. This was also a weekend away that I badly needed; so much stress has been building in my family and professional worlds, and I have felt it expanding to the point where I have announced to anyone in my path that there are no more fucks to give. That’s been a dangerous frame of mind to carry in the past, but it’s also quite freeing, and there’s something to be said for such freedom. Boston has always been a place of escape and calm for me, as has my friendship with Kira, and taken together they formed a welcome return to emotional form. 

Boston was ablaze in autumnal splendor, thankfully holding onto its leaves and flowers this late in the year, and the city granted us two days of sunlight and relatively warm weather. 

A gingko tree sang like a canary in a coal mine, all glory and luminescence with the impending danger of losing it all. 

After making a perfunctory walk to get some dinner supplies along Boylston, I returned to the condo to wait for Kira’s arrival, setting up the holiday decorations and a charcuterie board. 

While the weekend was slated to be our Friendsgiving celebration, our first night was just a return to what we enjoy best: comfort food and each other’s company. After over a year apart, Kira and I did some catching up that went beyond our sneak preview of this reunion. She is one of those friends whose affection and understanding remains undimmed by the passing of time or the difficulty of distance. We picked up where we left off, as much as the world had knocked us about, and we found gratitude in our friendship again. 

The holiday spirit warmed the condo as we ate and talked and ate and laughed and ate and ate some more. Candles flickered as the evening closed, and we put on ‘Home For the Holidays’ to lull us to sleep. Our second Friendsgiving had begun…

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Easing Into Boston with Blooms

Another preamble to our Friendsgiving in Boston recap that’s coming up this week, here are a few blooms and foliage aflame from the Southwest Corridor Park, which leads right to Braddock Park. The gardens have decided to extend their summer show, and we were grateful for that as we passed through this space several times. A bright peek at things to come

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Midnight Candle

This candle is around twenty-five years old, purchased and first lit when I had just moved into the Boston condo. Way back then, in its original incarnation, this candle was black, but in the decades that followed, and its various locations in the sunlight, it has lightened to a shade of midnight blue – one of those mystical machinations of astral bodies and their various powers. 

As the wax melted and revealed pieces of a life two and a half decades ago, I thought of all the particles and dust that were now being freed – and what looked like an old match stick buried in the dark blue abyss now suddenly recalled to life. The thrill of excavation in a candle. What parties had this object once helped to illuminate? What romances and friendships had it witnessed with its glowing flame? What sorrows and breakdowns did it ever aim to ease? The past felt plaintively bound into this present moment, weighing it down and still somehow buoying the heart. Long-dormant memories rise to the surface as the flame licks at the tender bindings of the past. 

The evening in Boston has begun early, and I start to decorate for the holidays again after skipping it all last year. 

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Christmas Wish List 2021

My Mom asked for my Christmas wish list, which is the only reason I’m putting this together right now. The past couple of years have re-prioritized things in my mind, and while I won’t ever say no to a present or gift, they don’t concern me as much as they once did. That said, if someone wants to get me something I am guaranteed to enjoy (as opposed to risky moves like attempting to guess what I might like) here are a few ideas, in addition to the requisite Amazon Wish List that I just updated as well. 

This companion book – Tom Ford 002 – is pretty reasonable, considering what he charges for everything else. 

Any Tom Ford underwear will do as well, such as this lavender boxer brief in size small

Frederic Malle’s line of fragrance is where my scent journey really took off, on the second floor of the now-defunct Barneys at Copley Place in Boston. The memory of it is still sweet, and can still be found in the 50 ML bottle of ‘Musc Ravageur’ at this link

This ‘Portrait of a Lady’ shower cream by Frederic Malle would be a glorious indulgence. 

For the office, this soft gray Tallia sport coat (size 40S) in tan and gray is befitting of the subdued sartorial simplicity I’m feeling these days. 

Finally, this new fragrance ‘Eremia’ by Aesop would be the best antidote for a cold winter. 

As for other more mundane concerns, we need a new stereo, but Andy would have to tell you which one will work with the sound system we have. 

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A Recap Before a Week of Gratitude

How we have arrived at the week of Thanksgiving is a marvel to me, and I think it’s such a shock because the weather has been kinder than it usually is at this time of the year, and so it seems like we can’t quite be here yet. I’m still hoping that makes for a short and quick winter to make up for last summer. 

This weekend was spent in Boston for a mental health getaway and a reunion with Kira for our Friendsgiving tradition – but more on that later. For now, the look back at the previous week…

Holiday hinting becomes something more by the end of the week

Raindrops on pine trees

The oak tree leaves, late in falling.

Red against blue in the only way it should matter. 

A mound of sequins, a mound of mesh.

The forest through the trees.

Remembering Andy’s Mum.

Radials of warmth and comfort.

Andy’s chicken curry (still not in a hurry but very much worth the wait).

A wet and colorful explosion of color

November gratitude.

Dazzler of the Day included Jeff Goldblum and Steve Barnes.

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November Gratitude

Thank you, November, for being kind to us in the weather department, when so much else seems to have gone wrong. Your sunlight and your relative-warmth has been appreciated and noted for its solace-like balm, as if in apology to the rest of the world. I offer gratitude whenever I can in the hopes that such a reprieve lasts through the end of the year. 

We have found calm in the afternoon sunlight slanting through the leaves of the Chinese dogwood seen here, and the fiery scarlet of the Japanese maple. We found peace in the gentle swaying of the fountain grass and its feathery seed-heads waving in the wind. Thank you for letting such beauty linger longer than you usually do. We needed the extension. 

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Wet & Colorful Confusion

This poor azalea bush is confounded and confused by the weather we’ve had of late, a tumultuous rollercoaster of temperatures that has resulted in this November re-blooming. I hope it hasn’t sacrificed anything for spring, but that’s part of the inherent dangers of atmospheric variations and a swiftly-changing climate. And so we should enjoy this show in the event that this is spring happening early. 

Normally I love a color explosion, especially when the day-go hues of an azalea like this are involved. In this case, it seems to work against the foliage show that is simultaneously being put on in the background. As this is not their typical blooming time, it would like wearing a ballgown to the office. (Something I am absolutely in favor of, by the way.) Here, I’m not sure I like it, but I’m trying to enjoy the moment for what it is – a magical and rare quirk of and atypically-warm November. Maybe we’ll have roses in December

 

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Andy’s Chicken Curry

Way back when I was about to move to Chicago circa 1999, my Mom gave me a book of recipes that were designed to be cooked quickly and easily – a basic entrance to cooking for someone who was about to embark on some simple housekeeping. I did my best to work through most of the recipes, and one of my favorites was an utterly-inaccurately named ‘Chicken Curry in a Hurry’. It was simple as far as ingredients went, but woefully ill-monikered because it took forever to make, what with all the chopping and cutting. I used it as a basis for branching out once I became a little more confident in things, before passing it on to Andy once I introduced him to Thai food. In his capable hands, it was modified and perfected, to the point that it now rivals the chicken yellow curry at House of Siam in Boston. Here’s how he does it:

2-3 lbs chicken of your choice (I’ve used boneless chicken thighs, breasts cut into strips and precut tenders. Also full thighs with bone in.)

4 cans of coconut milk

Package of Campari or cherry tomatoes

1 whole ripe pineapple cored and chopped into chunks

Two “handfuls” snow peas

A mesh bag of mini red or multi colored potatoes

2 cups sliced or mini carrots

1 can whole or half mini corn

2 inches of fresh ginger root peeled and minced (held separately from vegetables)

Optional: a diced onion and  a diced bell pepper

Yellow curry paste

Peanut (or olive) oil.

Chop vegetables first and put in one bowl. Set a large Dutch oven on high heat with enough oil to cover bottom. When hot, add chicken and brown it. Add all vegetables to Dutch oven and sauté with chicken for about 5 minutes. 
Add fresh ginger. Sauté another 5 minutes. Cover in coconut milk. Add curry paste 1 tablespoon at a time to taste at simmer. Low simmer stir frequently for about 45 minutes until potatoes are cooked. Add tomatoes whole and simmer another 5 minutes.

Serve over jasmine rice.

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Radials of Warmth

With a title like ‘Amazing Fall Instrumental Hygge Music‘ how can you go wrong? 

If that’s not hokey or cheesy enough for you, take a close look at the steam rising from the coffee cup in the video here. 

And that flickering flame on a perpetual loop… have you seen anything quite as precious?

I’m utterly transfixed, and as much as I want to shit all over this music and this video, I find myself watching and listening and giving in to the simplicity of a moment where I can merely breathe and be. That butternut squash and dried thistle on the tray don’t even bug me like they normally would. (Do you know how much work peeling the former is going to be?) 

Instead, I’m sort of zoning out, not quite meditating, but letting the thoughts come and go – the annoying and bothersome bits of frustration and anger from a typical day, the push and pull of worry and hope, the promised choice between joy and sorrow – and somehow the mind is eased, the burdens feel lighter. 

Maybe it’s the candle burning beside me in real life, and the active welcoming of hygge as we approach the holiday season. Maybe it’s the quietness of the attic as I write this, save for the music playing from this silly video. Maybe it’s just the embrace of something that I would have decried from cynicism and jadedness in the not-too-distant past.

Maybe I’m just worn out and tired, and the energy required to be angry or cruel feels more daunting than that required to simply let go and enjoy the ease and efforts of something designed and intended to bring calm and joy. Fighting can elicit a win, but I find the cost growing too great to keep it up. 

And so, on this Saturday morning, with Thanksgiving less than a week away, I invite you to sit down beside my virtual perch, to watch and get lost in the schmaltz of this video, and see if it doesn’t lighten your load, if only for a moment. 

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Remembering Andy’s Mum

Every year at around this time I can sense Andy recoiling from the world a little bit, slipping into the sadness of the season, and no doubt remembering when he lost his Mum. Next week will mark twenty years since she died, and for him it’s still as sad and sorrowful as when it happened, perhaps compounded by being without her for such a long time. Sometimes grief subsides in certain ways, while growing in others. 

The holidays are marked by two memories I have of his Mum: the first is a very happy and funny one, taking place on Christmas Eve the first year I was dating Andy. We were stopping by his house en route to mine, and he told me she would offer me a highball, and it was ok to say yes. (He knew I might otherwise have declined in a desperate act to be polite.) It was a bit nerve-wracking, as it was the first time I was meeting her, and in my nervous discombobulation when she offered me the drink I enthusiastically said yes, then mentioned that I’d heard she liked to drink. It didn’t come out right because there’s no way for that comment to come out right. She looked my way, then looked at Andy, and let it slide. We would laugh about it for years. (At least I wasn’t wearing a ‘Get Wicked Tonight’ t-shirt to meet her, as he did when meeting mine.)

The second holiday memory is when she was sick, and we got a call from the hospital on Thanksgiving and had to leave the Ko house early. By then he already felt like part of the family, so losing her was losing one of our own. I wish I’d gotten to spend more time with her. 

Twenty years later, it feels freshly painful all over again, so I’m letting Andy lead the way on how he wants to proceed as far as what he wants to do on Thanksgiving. Still, I know she is with us, and Andy knows it too, whenever a cardinal comes to visit or partake of our seven sons flower tree, or flit around the front thuja hedge. She’s there whenever Andy gives me a quick look for something inappropriate I’ve inadvertently said or done, just like on that first night when I met her. And she’s with him whenever he gets down at this time of the year, in ways that I can’t comfort or ameliorate. 

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The Forest Through the Trees

“Over the river and through the woods to Grandmother’s house we go…”

The seasonal song plays in my head as I look for Thanksgiving music to go with the moment almost at hand. Somehow, it isn’t quite right this year, and that’s ok. We will bend our lives to the times at hand, and in a pandemic that means being flexible with dates and dinners, and music fit for a Thanksgiving feast. To that end, I’m listening to Vince Guaraldi’s music, which is a whimsical, jazz-inflected entrance to the holiday season

It’s not quite Christmas, but Guaraldi’s musical styling for the Charlie Brown Christmas Special is so indelible and tied to the holidays that this Thanksgiving music feels festive enough to see us into the season proper. A bit of morning fall sun is also a lovely entrance to the weekend. 

Entering the season of gratitude and thankfulness, this is a good time to center ourselves, to remember what is really important, to return to a place of simplicity and grace. Every year I say I’m going to go back to basics and every year I fail – but there is something to be said for the trying, something earnest and genuine in the attempt, and maybe I’ve nudged myself a bit closer to the goal year by year. Perhaps this will be the one where it finally happens. 

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A Mound of Sequins, A Mound of Mesh

The hints of people are what have always fascinated me. 

A lingering trace of cologne

An echo of a voice. 

Fragmented bits of melody.

Taken as one, what does such a pastiche of individual elements comprise?

Does the whole of a person come together from such personal effects?

What remains and what is lost?

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