A First Recap for the New Year

The New Year came with an early dinner with family, a return to a tradition that began from as far back as I can remember. While Thanksgiving and Christmas were always spent at the Ko house, New Year’s Day was hosted by our family. We had to skip last year’s because of COVID, but now that immediate family is all vaccinated we held it again, and I am grateful for that. It was a lovely and meaningful way to enter a new calendar year. Here’s the first recap of 2022, and within it there are several other recaps, so prepare for loads of links. 

Winter gray hair, don’t really care.

An asset to the abbey.

A Christmas jewel.

The traditional midnight wish to share with you

Most of us wanted to see 2021 go as quickly a possible, and I was no exception, so the Year in Review was kept shorter as seen in this first part and again in this last part.

Spank my New Year’s ass, baby!

I joined Twitter on January 1, 2010 – so this week marked a dozen years of wasted time there

This is still the land of confusion. [See Genesis 1986.]

A cheery mandevilla brightens my lunch

Dazzlers of the Day included Mr. M, Miranda Hart, Emily Blunt, and Tom Ellis. 

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A Mandevilla On Lunch

Lately I’ve been making the effort to take a lunch when I’m at the office, to get out and into the air, to walk and make some sort of exercise effort because this stagnation only worsens in the winter, and I don’t want to dig this rut any deeper. On a recent trip down the road, I stopped in Stacks Coffeehouse for a hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookie. (What? I can do chocolate on chocolate – hell, I’m out EXERCISING. Did a car magically transport me those 200 feet?) I sat at the counter and sipped from the warm cup, and to my left was a potted mandevilla, with a few blooms of the clearest and brightest yellow. It was such a happy sight. There, in the early days of winter, was a reminder of the glory days of summer – and sun and vacation and pool water. Outside the window was a world of grays and browns, and we haven’t even gotten to the mess that snow and salted roads have yet to bring.

The plant was doing better than other mandevilla I’ve seen indoors, thanks to its proximity against a floor-to-ceiling window pane that let all the light in. It was a glorious vision, unfurling a few graceful tendrils and showing off a couple of other blooms at various angles. As much as I wanted to rush the winter through, I paused to reflect on the beauty of the moment. While the mandevilla bloomed like it was still summer, a gray squirrel with pointy ears of white hopped across the sidewalk and leaped onto the first trunk of a stand of trees. Nimbly navigating the climb, it soared from branch to branch, higher and higher, until it began moving horizontally through the canopy, foraging in the air for what it will need to get through the winter.

I finish my cookie and the hot chocolate – a lunchtime version of what the squirrel was doing, and much sweeter in my humble opinion. Taking one last look at the mandevilla and savoring its cheerful beauty, I exit the café and head back to work. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Ryan John

Creator and overseer of Ryan’s Mean Girls, Ryan John has been making fitness into something cool and chic thanks to an effervescent spirit and consistently motivating brand of encouragement and inspiration. He earns this Dazzler of the Day for being a source of fitness empowerment coupled with fun and wit. Bonus points: his motto for the fitness program (found on this FaceBook page) is straight out of the burn book:

Not like a regular fitness page, It’s a cool fitness page.
* Don’t wear a tank top two days in a row.
* You can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week.
* On Wednesday’s we wear pink.
* You can only wear jeans or track pants on Friday.

Your “one-stop- shop” when it comes to health and fitness. We have workouts, healthy recipes and a ton of motivation to keep you active and healthy!

We promise to help you as best we can but only YOU can make the change happen

Work hard, get fit and above all…have fun!

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Land of Confusion

I must’ve dreamed a thousand dreams
Been haunted by a million screams
But I can hear the marching feet
They’re moving into the street
Now did you read the news today?
They say the danger’s gone away
But I can see the fires still alight
They’re burning into the night

Pulling my mask a bit tighter against my face, I shuffle to the entrance of the Loudonville Price Chopper. Some guy from a dirty truck with a Trump sticker is right behind me, maskless – as he will remain (literally the only idiot not wearing a mask in the entire store) and I only wish my eyes are conveying the scowl and disgust that must remain hidden behind my own mask. Shrugging it off, because what else is there to do anymore, I listen to the song playing on the sound system, which is vaguely familiar and suddenly harkening to a childhood memory. Well, not so much a specific memory as a feeling and a place – my childhood home, a day in winter, and the flashing movements of a puppet-fueled video. It strikes some terror in my heart too, so it may have been right before we had to give a speech in sixth grade – so brutally terrifying was the notion of being in front of a group of people, even then. This is ‘Land of Confusion’ by Genesis – one of the follow-up tracks to the far superior ‘Invisible Touch’ which had informed the previous summer. (Pop music always lands better in the memory bank during the summer – I don’t know why.)

There’s too many men, too many people
Making too many problems
And not much love to go ’round
Can’t you see this is a land of confusion?
This is the world we live in (oh, oh, oh)
And these are the hands we’re given (oh, oh, oh)
Use them and let’s start trying (oh, oh, oh)
To make it a place worth living in…

The confusion of being in sixth grade – where elementary school ended and with it so much of the innocence of childhood – left me both aching to escape and longing to go back. Nobody explains adolescence to you in any effective way, and I’m not sure how we would even do that now. Happily bereft of children, I find that it’s not something that has crossed my radar. As for how I navigated through my own youth, it was a series of trials and tribulations, learning from mistakes and staying so low-key so as not to astonish or arouse suspicion. That’s strange for someone whose very characteristics set him apart from the majority of the pack. A lone wolf struggles and suffers, but if they survive they are all the stronger for it. Survival in such cases is too often a tremulous ‘if’, and I’m sorry that it had to be so.

Oh, Superman, where are you now
When everything’s gone wrong somehow?
The men of steel, the men of power
Are losing control by the hour
This is the time, this is the place
So we look for the future
But there’s not much love to go ’round
Tell me why this is a land of confusion

I didn’t really like this song, but the chorus was catchy enough to get caught in my head (damn the hook!) The video was also on constant rotation, at a time when MTV actually played music videos. Whirling and swirling, I felt the mayhem of the lyrics and the tumult of the musical cadences, all conspiring to define a moment of contained chaos.

This is the world we live in (oh, oh, oh)
And these are the hands we’re given (oh, oh, oh)
Use them and let’s start trying (oh, oh, oh)
To make it a place worth living in
I remember long ago
Oh, when the sun was shining
Yes, and the stars were bright all through the night
And the sound of your laughter as I held you tight
So long ago…

It’s not that far from where we are today, only now I’m an adult, and should be equipped for dealing with it better. Of course I’m not – the fallacy of adulthood being that children are in so many ways wiser and more reasonable. The fears I had then were only replaced by the fears I have now, and adult fears are often worse because they are of actual events rather than the made-up fantasy of imagination and what-if. Dragons are easily defeated; death not so much.

I won’t be coming home tonight
My generation will put it right
We’re not just making promises
That we know we’ll never keep
Too many men, there’s too many people
Making too many problems
And not much love to go ’round
Can’t you see this is a land of confusion?

I’m not sure what comfort or solace or resolution comes from merely pointing out the problems and identifying the existence of confusion and angst, but here it is in the hopes that something good results. Or at least nothing bad. The mere absence of awful events – the stagnant notion of nothing happening – is underrated these days. Let’s bring that back in vogue.

Now this is the world we live in (oh, oh, oh)
And these are the hands we’re given (oh, oh, oh)
Use them and let’s start trying (oh, oh, oh)
To make it a place worth fighting for
This is the world we live in (oh, oh, oh)
And these are the names we’re given (oh, oh, oh)
Stand up and let’s start showing (oh, oh, oh)
Just where our lives are going to…

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Happy Twitterversary!

It was January 1, 2010 when I joined Twitter. As far as my records indicate, my first tweet was that I’d “just joined Twitter on the advice of Martha Stewart. God help us everyone.” Back then I had maybe five or six followers, who I knew personally from real life, or at least freaking FaceBook. Looking over ridiculous Tweets from that period of time, it seems like I was a regular poster of absolute nonsense. A Jennifer Lopez critique here, a governor’s accolade there, and a mention of having ‘the Koto experience’ a restaurant ad which local movie-goers of the time will recall from the opening credits of the nearby movie theater. Cut to today, a decade plus later, when I’ve tweeted well over 100,000 times and have about 64,000 followers and a blue checkmark by my handle. What a long, strange and ever-evolving trip it’s been. There have been insults and accusations, adoration and celebration, arguments and death threats, and somehow I’ve managed to not get banned.

Social media is an elusive and untethered beast. It cannot be simply understood or manipulated, despite what most people think. The accounts that last and endure are those who are genuine and based in reality. You may not like them or agree with them, but they are the ones who refuse to be anyone other than themselves. The fakes and wanna-bes, the frauds and players, the people who hide behind a false image or entirely fabricated persona can pull off the façade for a while, but eventually they run out of space. As easy as it is for a lie to exist and be perpetuated on social media, the accounts who perpetrate such falsity eventually and always crumble. (Where is that former President who got booted anyway?) You can only hide behind a blank egg and a pretend persona for so long. And what is the point of that anyway?

If the main purpose of social media is to connect and share, to do so while coming from a place of fabrication or lies is an empty and fruitless endeavor. You can fake it for a while, but whatever you reap doesn’t mean anything because it didn’t come from a place of truth and honesty. My failings and flaws, while not exactly celebrated, were also not ignored. I didn’t pretend to be perfect, even if I acted with delusional grandiosity like I was. People see through that shit instantly. I made mistakes, I owed apologies, and I fumbled and stumbled through my social media accounts, but I was always myself.

And somehow, over the years, I garnered some like-minded followers who appreciated the silly whims and Madonna-drooling and Tom Ford regaling and shirtless male celebrity watching that went on in my online world. Whereas I could dive deep and get serious on this blog, in the brief posts and character-limits of Twitter my life was fluffy and light. It was a place where levity and brevity were the orders of the day, to keep pace with the attention-lacking flow of the modern world, darting hither and thither at break-neck pace – a Tweet on the devastation of climate change followed immediately on its heels by a Tweet on the devastating brilliance of Lady Gaga’s shoes. This smorgasbord of news and entertainment and personal life made for a Shepherd’s pie of eclectic and often-unrelated quick commentary. It meant so much and so little – the world in a single tweet that was everything and nothing at the same time. Such a silly thing when you really think about it – which is how I’ve kept it going all these years. The people who take it seriously flounder and flail, inevitably feeling the high of viral glory wane and ebb, vainly trying to capture lightning instead of just enjoying the show and letting it strike where it may. I can enjoy it for the trifling it is, because I never allowed it to be anything more than that.

Like the birdie that embodies its logo, I try to keep Twitter light and fluffy, so follow and watch me fly!

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Spank My New Year’s Ass, Baby

A branch of Eastern pine hangs over the desk on which I type this. Curving gracefully up and then down, it lends the space a rustic, natural feel, mirrored on the other end of the desk by a vase of thuja fronds. Candles glow on pedestals and in glass votives, flickering their warm light over the cozily-angled ceiling and white panel walls. A sparse Christmas tree, bedecked by an old-fashioned string of bulbous Christmas lights, emits a soft ambient light, instantly recalling holidays from childhood, reaching that far back into memory in happy, jarring fashion.

It’s a mistake to consider a single blog post as the indicator for the entire year to come, despite what I’ve professed in previous New Year’s Day entries. Still, it’s nice to set a theme or propose a tone, and with the way the world seems to be going, I’m going to put forth this manifesto for calm and peace as the aspirational goal for the new year ahead. One of the main components of manifestation is simply putting the idea into the universe – a public declaration of intent, a call of all mystical entities and spirits to help us along the journey. If we create the wish for calm and serenity, we create the place of possibility for it to exist. From there it’s just a matter of making it happen.  Seems so simple… yet for every and any intention to come to fruition, one must follow up with work and diligence and consistent upkeep. It is not enough to wish and hope, and too many entitled people think it is.

Looking back at previous New Year beginnings is proof that no matter how much I may wish for things to go a certain way, the universe will always find its own path, and it’s best to go along with the natural push and pull of things with a bit of nudging instead of hard-fast and unyielding determination. It’s good to be flexible in today’s world. Hell, after the past two years it’s become mandatory, because in too many ways we have no choice or say in the matter – the only thing we control is how we react or respond or live within a situation. There’s a certain freedom and peace when you genuinely realize that.

And so we begin another year – which in a few weeks will mark the 19thanniversary of this website. We will keep things low-key, and if we manage to make it to 20, we’ll go fucking crazy. Happy New Year!

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The Year in Semi-Review 2021: Part Two

Our Year in Review continues from this link-saturated post, and it is said that second parts should always be briefer than first parts. With that in mind here’s a condensed look-see at the second half of 2021, labeled semi because we are leaving at least half out, and all without hoopla or hubbub or H-E-double-hockey-sticks.

July 2021: in which a cardinal alights on the height of summer and memories of Andy’s roses filled the air. 

A summer song, and an imitation of life.

Summer was nothing but rain, even if the world was still standing

A rainy trip to Boston with Chris was filled with all the drama, and quite a bit more, than either of us could stand

A relatively new summer tradition found me visiting these dear friends in Connecticut

A visit from the Cape Crew brightened the rainy summer days.

An anniversary letter to my husband

August 2021: in which summer found expression in a song, or a few, and sadness found itself living within the space of summer

The light in the attic come summer

Madonna and Mandy asked the problematic question, ‘What can you lose?’

Tom Daley was obsessed with knitting

A tale of two dinners in downtown Albany.

Spending a couple of days and nights with Dad and the gentlemen Ilagan

Shakedown, 80’s style

As an antidote to the rainy Boston weekend with Chris, Suzie and I made a trip to Boston where all was sun and fun, a throwback to many an enjoyable vacation, and a welcome reminder of the importance to stay connected in such a disconnected time

A matcha made in heaven.

My birthday, and accompanying birthday suit. 

This was August, slipping away.

Two decades down, and one to go.

September 2021: in which the world finally caught a glimpse of David Beckham’s naked ass.

Entering the second half of my forties proved a quiet but beautiful sort of transition in Boston

These golden worries and this summer-ending babysitting jaunt paved the way for fall.

Dad turned 91 years old and we celebrated

The summer of 2021 proved rainy and stormy but we managed to smile our way through it

Fall arrived and with it the return of Abba and our cousin Tyler, who joined me in Boston

I survived the day it was predicted I would meet my demise. (And lived to show my ass off.)

October 2021: in which the fall fragrance was a selection by Byredo and Suzie joined me for a trip to Manchester, VT

Our annual fall adventure with the twins took place, which brought us to Manchester, and to the attic for a lesson on meditation

Nude but for an apron, as promised to the folks at Marimekko. 

Haunted by the boy who was killed for being gay.

October is when we celebrated Andy’s birthday and the anniversary of ‘Sex’ and ‘Erotica’

Mercury worked its madness and magic on a trip to Boston, which also included reunions new and old

No one talks about the way we all come home for Halloween, so we put music and words to it in this Halloween song. (Bonus: a fall visit to Connecticut!)

October 26, 2021 marked just two years of not drinking alcohol for me

November 2021: in which the quarter-century anniversary of Madonna’s turn as ‘Evita’ brings back memories that are best left forgotten. 

Taylor Swift said it all too well, and all in ten minutes. (About the length of my autumnal meditations.)

This Friendsgiving with Kira will have to suffice for the holiday stroll, until the world rights itself or at least steadies to a semi-calm state, for which we would be greatly grateful.

December 2021: in which the holly entered with the ivy, and live greens formed an integral part of a holiday tablescape.

Two queens in a king-sized bed.

The new Tom Ford Private Blend was probably the most perfect scent for reasons both personal and universal. 

A day with Dad was a pre-holiday luxury

Once upon a time I tried to be Mr. Perfectly Fine, perhaps a little too well.

The Holiday Card for 2021 was a slumber-themed subdued affair, but check out its predecessors, and prepare for a winter sleep

Keep calm and remain peaceful.

For the love of Andy’s meatballs.

Revisiting previous holiday strolls while this year’s is on hold. 

Winter has come.

A new year begins tomorrow – won’t you come back to see what’s next?

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The Year in Semi-Review 2021: Part One

Year-end reviews take so much time and work, and most people just gloss over them, so this year Im just hitting on a very select few posts, and posting them in just two entries, the first of which is this, with each one covering six months of time. If you really want to see more, scroll to the bottom of the page and click on the Archives to select the month you’d like to view. Not sure who wants to recall the days of 2021, any more than we want to recount the calamity that was 2020. At any rate, here we are, ending 2021 on a rushed let’s-get-this-done-with note, the same way I feel about New Year’s Eve for the most part, and here we go ~ rewind to a year ago, when the madness all began again…

January 2021: Which began on this relatively quiet note. We somehow knew what might be in store for the year

Roses in January were an exquisite treat, whether they appeared during the day, or revealed their enchantment in the evening

Our country was attacked by our own domestic terrorists – the Trump-loving MAGA degenerates – and the majority of people seem to want to let it all go.

Feeding myself a slice of humble pie and embracing the long-overdue realization that perfection is impossible. 

The concept of hygge became a brief obsession, one that warmed the winter in ways that shall continue this year. 

A winter cloak.

Top coat and chest hair

Cookies of lace and memory.

This Buddha’s tree joined our family at the start of the year. (Today, it’s approaching a foot an half tall.)

February 2021: Which found some of us embracing Friday night flute mindfulness.

A flan for February and a lady in red. A song fit for Valentine’s Day and acting all sorts of crazy. Because, well, ‘tis the damn season.

A Lenten beginning as I continued on a journey toward light and awareness

Perhaps the biggest news in these parts was the end of the Hunk of the Day feature and the start of the Dazzler of the Day. I love alliteration even more than shirtless men so this was a good switch.

Fuck the sourdough starter bullshit

Rediscovering the way back home.

March 2021: Which we got through by channeling Hollywood glamour in black and white

The art of Andy’s reparation

A blanket I’ve been crocheting since 1986… no lie.

The day we had to grow up

A new reality a full year later

What a prick.

Beginning the way back home again

April 2021: Which began with an ever-elusive happy ending

Portrait of a lady for a gentleman in the form of a fragrance

A delayed Easter outside with the family

No longer so haunted by my jury experience, I still recall it vividly

The Korean Victorian home where we spent our happiest childhood holidays

New friends silver, old friends gold

The return of the queen.

May 2021: Which marked Asian American – Pacific Islander Month, the season of Gatsby, and our 11th wedding anniversary

A very happy recap that included our Boston Wedding Anniversary.

Let’s get unconscious honey: the Madonna Timeline tackled the brilliance of ‘Bedtime Story.’

An unexpectedly-emotionally-tumultuous visit to Boston was filled with whimsy and mysterious enchantment, and while it held no happy ending, it was not entirely without hope

June 2021: Which found us celebrating Pride Month and creating the absolute summer place to be with this Scandic-Inspired attic loft space

What a difference a branch makes

Starting summer early, right where the boys are. 

A Saratoga movie/lunch date with the twins

Happily ever Andy.

Stalling and savoring in service of a proper write-up, this time of our return to the Boston BroSox Adventure, which came amid the madness of Mercury in retrograde, and boy did it rip

A summer escapist song: San Remo

Father’s Day celebration

Lavender going pink

{For the remainder of the days, come back this afternoon for the second part of the 2021 Year in Review.}

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A Midnight Wish to End the Year

Tomorrow this space gets taken over by a two-part year-end review for all the cringe-worthy awfulness that was 2021, so this post will have to make do for our annual New Year’s Eve return to the house on Sunset. While the battle of the Broadway Norma Desmonds has traditionally  been between Glenn Close, Betty Buckley and Patti LuPone, the talented performer who stormed Germany for an impressive theatrical run should be a worthy contender in that showdown. Helen Schneider has the vocal power and theatrical nuances to be both tender and dominating, as evidenced by this ever-building version of my favorite song from all of ‘Sunset Boulevard’ ~ ‘The Perfect Year’. 

The beauty of all these Norma Desmonds is that there are all these Norma Desmonds, and the world, once upon a time, was big enough and grand enough and magnanimous enough to allow for such wondrously varied and diverse takes on the iconic diva. A lesson lost to time, perhaps, but I’m always reminded of it when we revisit talent like Ms. Schneider’s, and all the other luminous ladies who have taken on the role. 

This version of ‘The Perfect Year’ begins with some of the hopeful tenderness that makes the original musical scene so memorable for me, yet it grows into something more, dropping the duet with a man and letting Norma keep center stage all to herself. You see, it was never about him – it was never about them – it was about her. Her own demons, her own doubts, and her own dreams. 

There is magic there. There is madness there. And there is majesty. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Tom Ellis

Inspired by Miranda Hart’s turn as Dazzler of the Day and the utterly charming performance he gives on her self-titled show, Tom Ellis earns his own Dazzler of the Day thanks to that charming chef, and a more devilish turn on ‘Lucifer’. He also re-ignites the ‘shirtless male celebrity’ side of this site, setting the stage for a sexy New Year. 

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A Jewel of a Christmas Moment Extended

Andy likes to keep the Christmas tree up until at least ‘Little Christmas’ which I believe is January 6, and at this dark time of the year I’m all for it. Our other little trees will remain up until the end of January. It extends the warm glow of the holidays, and makes the front end of winter go by in cheerier fashion. I also feel like we didn’t get as much out of Christmas as we have in the past – maybe it was all the worry about COVID and dealing with family issues, maybe it was the socially-distant state of the world, and maybe (most likely) it was my inability to simply sit down in front of the Christmas tree and take it all in – slowly and mindfully and meaningfully. The only time I got to do that was when Andy and I opened our gifts on Christmas Eve – after it was done we simply sat beside the tree, talking and appreciating the moment and our time together.

In a way, extending the season is a way to pause and take it all in, which may be easier to do now that the big day has come and gone. The resonant part of what Christmas means remains. Without the stress and bombast and pressure of all the shopping and general insanity of the weeks and days leading up to it, we have reached the space of quiet and contemplation to truly enjoy a Christmas moment.

Our Christmas tree was lit by me and decorated by Andy. It has ornaments that are decades old, as well as newer ones that have only been with us for a couple of years. As we add more, it only gets more beautiful each year – a rare moment when accumulating objects increases the visual appeal of something.

There’s also something magical about the Christmas tree that makes every picture of an ornament look far prettier than they have any right to be. The lighting and the evergreen needles and the idea of being nestled in a cozy bough lends further enchantment.

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Dazzler of the Day: Emily Blunt

We knew from the moment she held her own with Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestley in ‘The Devil Wears Prada‘ that Emily Blunt was a star. From there, she’s been stunning and seducing audiences with an impressive curriculum vitae that runs the gamut from critical indie darlings to smash sensations – see ‘Sunshine Cleaning’, ‘Jungle Cruise’, ‘Mary Poppins Returns‘, ‘A Quiet Place’ (1 and 2), ‘Into the Woods‘, ‘The Adjustment Bureau’, and ‘The Girl on the Train’. All of those films were made better, if not spectacular, thanks to Blunt’s masterful portrayals. Today she is crowned Dazzler of the Day, if only for surviving the devil in Prada. 

PS – Bonus points for her husband

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An Asset to the Abbey

The long journey to spring has begun, and this teaser trailer for the new ‘Downton Abbey: A New Era’ movie sets the splendiferous tone for a lighter and airier and South-of-Francier atmosphere. Not sure how the stiff upper lip I’ve come to love of the Abbey will fare when transported to a new locale, but I’m keeping an open mind. 

The release date of March 18, 2022 is also a few days before spring, indicating the perfect kick-off to the next season, and the return of the sun. It’s been a very long time since we’ve allowed ourselves to look forward to anything, and even this is done with a certain trepidation and hesitation, with the now-customary proviso that all is subject to change. Still, the heart longs, the heart hopes, and the heart waits in joyful anticipation… 

 

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Dazzler of the Day: Miranda Hart

My friend Marline introduced me to Miranda Hart when we were discussing the concept of a savory muffin at work one morning. I’d known her work from the movie ‘Spy’ where she was the funniest part of that Melissa McCarthy-helmed comedy (a Herculean feat unto itself), and then I later realized she could be as heart-tugging as she was hilarious in her turn in ‘Emma’. From there, I’ve been revisiting her BBC sitcom ‘Miranda’ to laugh away the winter nights, and because of that she earns this Dazzler of the Day

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Winter Gray, Like A Wolf

While not quite lamenting all the gray in my hair now, it was a slight jolt when I saw a picture from a decade ago of me on Christmas Eve with decidedly fewer gray hairs (like none). My friend Marline quickly came to my defense against my own self-doubt by saying that I earned them. (And to be fair, we earned them together, with a few usual suspects draining the color from our heads.) 

These days, there are far greater concerns than gray hair or the world-weary wrinkles and lines that are creeping into my face. I’ve made my peace with the aging process mostly, and most of my squawking and complaining is merely for show. Something to go along with the general impression and image the world has of me, the version that makes it easier to deal with daily life. Not a big deal really. I’ve reached the age where it doesn’t bother me as much – it’s more of a fascinating realization that maybe I’ve come a little further in my own self-acceptance than I give myself credit for. 

Winter gray, like the coat of a wolf or some silver fox, can be quite beautiful, especially at this time of the year. It indicates a hard-won reserve of wisdom and genuine confidence, with nary the need to pretend anymore. (There’s also a sprinkling of fuck-around-and-see-what-happens in it.) Whatever gets one through the winter. 

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