Wednesdays are usually dark here, but for Valentine’s Day I’m putting up an extra post just for you. That’s just the kind of romantic I am. On this particular Hallmark Holiday, I’m posting a song that features a kiss and a fool – two topics of which I’ve had relatively extensive experience. Interlaced among the lyrics are links to former Valentine’s Day posts, for better or worse. Happy Heart’s Day!!
You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death, and from my heart
Strange that you were strong enough
To even make a start
But you’ll never find
Peace of mind,
‘Til you listen to your heart
The night was frigid. An Ithaca winter is no joke. It’s why people jump off bridges and other crazy shit. I was visiting Suzie and the good company of 121 A College Avenue, staying on the ratty couch that even Chris found disgusting. I didn’t mind it. In fact, I loved it. Being around old friends, and making new ones, made that time in my life a thrill, no matter the less-than-luxurious surroundings. We didn’t care about such small matters then. In some ways, I wish I still didn’t. (As one ages, creature comforts become necessary.)
It was Valentine’s Day and we were all going to a fancy dinner at Davio’s. In my mind, this jazzy George Michael tune played, a sultry bit of longing and desire, a semi-sad tale of unrequited love that at the time was the only kind of love I knew. I wore an enormous fake fur coat in gray and black, a pair of red satin pants, and a multi-colored sequin vest. My hair, recently buzzed, was the only understated part of the proceedings. On my chest, a large gold heart hung from a golden chain. Without a boyfriend, or even the prospect of one on the horizon, I was surprisingly (for me) not despondent about this supposed day of love. In fact, I was in good spirits. I’d just made everyone watch Madonna’s Oscar-night performance of ‘Sooner or Later’ to put people in the Valentine mood. When you’re in your twenties, sometimes a night out with friends is better than any night in with a boyfriend.
People
You can never change the way they feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they will
If you let them
Steal your heart from you
People
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through…
We piled into someone’s car and made the quick trip to the restaurant. The brief walk on the sidewalk was painful, so cold was the air, so biting was the wind. But we huddled together, and together we entered the cozy warm space. There were eight of us, and we had a reserved table against the wall. Intimate and tight, we were warm and safe, and even though we couldn’t muster a date between the lot of us, it didn’t matter much. Someone had given me a red rose somewhere along the way, and I felt its velvety petals in my hand.
Fooled me with the tears in your eyes
Covered me with kisses and lies
So goodbye
But please don’t take my heart
You are far
I’m never gonna be your star
I’ll pick up the pieces
And mend my heart
Maybe I’ll be strong enough
I don’t know where to start
But I’ll never find
Peace of mind
While I listen to my heart
Our server came along to offer an introduction and a wine list. He smiled sweetly at me, maybe a little longer than was necessary, or maybe that was just my heart imagining how I’d like things to be. I suddenly felt ridiculous in my sequin vest and red satin shirt, but just as soon as the feeling came over me it passed and I gave in to the ridiculousness of the night. And the ridiculousness of love.
People
You can never change the way they feel
Better let them do just what they will,
For they will
If you let them
Steal your heart
And people
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We made some flirtatious banter. Exchanged a few more smiles. He was older. No one seemed to notice. And whether he was doing it for a few more bucks in his tip, or the holiday at hand, or simple human decency, it was sweet, and sweetness aways spoke to me. On this night, however, surrounded by friends in what might as well have been the coldest city on earth, I felt warm and loved, and the quite-possibly-entirely-imagined adoration of a server held no sway or power over my typically-foolish heart.
But remember this
Every other kiss
That you ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man
One you really can surrender with
I will wait for you
Like I always do
There’s something there
That can’t compare with any other
As we were leaving, I paused at the door. Looking over my shoulder for one more smile or one more signal, I waited just a bit before the wind pulled me out for good. I laughed a little to myself at the nonsense of love, and this silly holiday of hearts and flowers and pink and red. Before getting into the car, I made everyone pose for a photo. This was all the love I needed.
