Previewing Valentine’s Day, that most silly and trifling of ‘holidays’, with this 80’s cheese-fest called ‘Lady in Red’ seems the ideal opportunity for displaying these photos from almost two decades ago, as this song brings me back to nights when such attempted seductions were beyond my reach or desire. I wasn’t even a teenager when this song climbed the charts, sparked by its appearance at various pop moments, including a bit on ‘Family Ties’ – the NBC sitcom that brought it to my notice. Alex Keaton and his new love-interest (who was also the real-life love interest of Michael J. Fox) played their courtship out on Thursday night must-see TV, as this song played out the romantic spark and yearning that accompanies the beginning of every meaningful relationship.
Such romantic backdrops and musical cues would eventually come to be seen as corny and ridiculously over-dramatic as the years slowly installed a sense of cynicism and suspicion in my heart, but back then there was a simplistic purity in the way I took in a song like this. I believed in the power of love, even if I had barely begun to inch myself toward experiencing such an emotion.
I’ve never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight,
I’ve never seen you shine so bright,
I’ve never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance,
They’re looking for a little romance, given half a chance,
And I have never seen that dress you’re wearing,
Or the highlights in your hair that catch your eyes,
I have been blind
In those days of 80’s excess, I was still just a kid – a gay kid who never saw a gay couple to help understand that whatever he was feeling might have been ok, might have been a way of life for him. Instead, he saw men paired off with women, and even if he was more attracted to the guys, he knew it was wrong. No, he didn’t know that yet ~ the word ‘faggot’ was not yet being uttered by his contemporaries – so no, he didn’t know it was wrong; he didn’t even know it was possible. There’s something sadder and more problematic in that. Who he was wasn’t even possible.
In the most troubling reading of my childhood, who I was didn’t even exist then.
How does a kid realize their worth if they don’t even feel they exist?
Luckily or unluckily or however those of us of a certain age survive such a fucked-up circumstance, I didn’t even know to how formulate whatever questions I might have had. I was good at knowing what was expected of me, and I was better at knowing how to act the part. Yet something, from somewhere deep within, called to me when songs like this came on the radio. It was something that put me squarely in the place of the lady in red – the place of desire and exaltation, and the singular focus of a man. That was where I wanted to be. It was a place that called to me from the very essence of who I was, before I had an inkling of who that might be. It’s how I knew – and it’s how I know – that being gay was not ever a choice. Without example or influence, the gay boy in me was surfacing, asserting himself before I even felt the love that was appearing everywhere else.
I’ve never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight,
I’ve never seen you shine so bright, you were amazing,
I’ve never seen so many people want to be there by your side,
And when you turned to me and smiled, it took my breath away,
And I have never had such a feeling,
Such a feeling of complete and utter love, as I do tonight
