This song for swimming isn’t for me.
I haven’t quite decided whether to go swimming again this year.
I haven’t been in the pool since July, since before Dad took his final turn.
It hasn’t felt right to indulge in something that once brought such happiness. Not yet.
That’s ok. There’s no need to rush, and everyone returns to living when and how they are ready.
But there are those of you still out there trying to enjoy every last day of the summer, and for you I offer this 80’s song from some late summer long ago, back when our only worries were getting home before the June bugs swarmed and the street lights came on, back when our parents were there waiting, unconcerned and innocent, the way we all once were, the way that is no longer in existence.
Catch my breath,
Close my eyes
Don’t believe a word.
Things she said, overheard
Something wrong inside
Hits you in a minute, Ooooo
Then you know you’re in it, aah.
It’s been a while since I’ve felt like listening to pop music, and I’m still not quite into it, not like I used to be. All these summer songs carry their memories, and I’ll keep them for another year. This summer will be seen out in relative silence. For those who want a melody to see them through, take a moment to listen to this 80’s gem. May it bring back happier times, carefree moments, childhood freedom and summer days that stretched endlessly into fields bordered by goldenrod and waving grasses, where only the edges hinted at a fall to come, at an end to the sunny innocence.
I’ve been in love before
I’ve been in love before
The hardest part is
When you’re in it
I’ve been in love before
I’ve been in love before
As for me, I’ll listen just this once, as it brings me back to summer nights of catching fireflies in the little space they congregated at beneath the open window of my parents’ bedroom. A soapy perfume of Mom’s end-of-the-day bath would drift down into the dim night, mingling with the lingering freshness of the grass that Dad had cut earlier in the day.
My brother and I would make homes of empty mayonnaise jars, poking holes in the covers and sprinkling a few leaves for the bugs to feast upon, then try to capture the slow-moving fireflies, emitting their bioluminescence all-too-briefly for us to have much success. I knew I didn’t really want them trapped in our glass walls anyway. It was enough just being near their glowing magic, and in the enchanted backyard of our summer childhood.
Just one touch, just one look
A dangerous dance
One small word can make me feel
Like running away
You can’t say you’re in it, no,
Until you reach the limit
Summers were safe then, but I suppose every child thinks summers are safe, at least the lucky ones. Maybe we were just fortunate to be shielded from how unsafe some summers could be. For all the lonely terrors that would come later in life, I think if you’ve had a few safe summers when you didn’t have to worry about absolutely anything, you can make it through the more troubling times.
Because you had those moments, you had those memories, you had the emotional access and experience of feeling safe and loved and full. When you get to feel empty and alone, as we all sooner or later do, the emptiness is there because you were once filled with all that good stuff. As upsetting as that emptiness may be, and as lonely and lost as you may feel, it’s also an echo and a reminder of how full we once were.
How lucky we were to have those summers.
Maybe I’ll swim again in September.
I’ve been in love before
I’ve been in love before
The hardest part is
When you’re in it
I’ve been in love before
I’ve been in love before
