Having gone through all the motions, and donned all the holiday costumes, and felt the magic of friends and family come through, I still haven’t quite gotten in the Christmas spirit this year – and it’s ok. My basic nature is to intrinsically rebel against what everybody else is doing, even when it would be much easier to acquiesce – and at this time of the year, when so many are giddy with cheer and excitement, I just feel the tug of my heart pulling the other way. Looking back over the drama and down times that previous holiday seasons have produced (social media can relentlessly remind one of that) as well as blogs from Christmases past (search the archives for Decembers that came before), I see the pattern of the problematic push to force myself into a state of happiness that the rest of the world so effortlessly seems to attain. How could such a Grinch possibly hope to find redemption year after year after year? Why repeat such a self-defeating prophecy? Once that lesson is learned, what’s the point of slipping back just so you can better yourself come Christmastime? I’d rather be better going forward than revert to previous behavior in the hopes of accomplishing some sort of epiphany every single year. That’s simply not sustainable.
I’m getting in my head again, and I don’t mind putting it out there. Some people simply don’t find the joy in Christmas – so maybe this post is for them. In the same way that some of us don’t have children, or like Skittles, or have Netflix – we march to a different little drummer boy. The more you try to sell us on the Christmas spirit, the more we rebel against it. Sometimes when I see people enveloped in the season, going about in happier moods and shouting about holiday compassion, I want to ask why they don’t act like a fucking decent human being all the other days of the year. Jesus would surely want that shit to continue year-round.
But then I take a deep breath, and I get a little high (just kidding – I’m quoting some song, I swear…) the point is, I pause in my judgment and let the people have their fun, and their Christmas spirit. It doesn’t hurt anyone, like some hypocrisy can, and if people are happier at the darkest time of the year, all the better – just don’t expect me to join in the grinning idiotry.
