When I was at therapy earlier this week, I was explaining how I was having difficulty finding the joy I once did in planning and preparing for events because so many have been canceled. My therapist said that was to be expected, and everyone was in the same situation. In a meditation book I’m reading, there was some advice on not worrying about things that may or may not come to pass, as it takes up mind space with worry and concern over things that we have no control over, and that may not even end up happening.
This is a conundrum I’ve been tackling for years – the tension between wanting and trying to enjoy the moment, to indulge in the hope and happiness I’ve always found in planning things, with the reality of the likelihood of disappointment in today’s disappointing world. My therapist said it was ok to hope that things pan out as planned, and I realized in the last few years I’ve lost that hope, and stopped enjoying what I once did because I was so worried about everything.
Hearing her say that it was ok to hope, especially if I understood that it would be ok if things didn’t always work out, has already made a difference.
I thought of that as I assembled the makings of a dinner party, set to take place this coming week with some good friends. I’m planning a Filipino dinner, and a tablescape of items made in the Philippines. The shell hurricane pictured here will be our centerpiece, and while I’ve learned to keep expectations low, I’m also enjoying the sense of hope that’s suddenly in the air, even if it’s fleeting, even if it proves elusive and cagey as spring.
