Existing simultaneously in Boston and Albany in the fall of 2000, I was going back and forth between both cities as I began my courtship and dating of Andy. It was a wonderful time in most ways. I was also extremely young. Twenty-five is still young, and seems even more-so at my current age. Because of that I was still making mistakes and finding my way, discovering who I was and who I wanted to be. Sometimes, more importantly, I found out who I didn’t want to be. In such dizzying times, in perhaps the last period of innocence of a pre-9/11 world, and in my last days of any semblance of youth, I found a mirror in a Backstreet Boys song. Back in 2000, that was the extent of drama and import, and I adored the carefree frivolity of such an atmosphere.
BABY, PLEASE TRY TO FORGIVE ME
STAY HERE DON’T PUT OUT THE GLOW
HOLD ME NOW DON’T BOTHER
IF EVERY MINUTE IT MAKES ME WEAKER
YOU CAN SAVE ME FROM THE MAN THAT I’VE BECOME, OH YEAH
Lately some of my musical posts have been fraught with serious and somber sentiment, but in the majority of daily life, I tend to listen to lighthearted pop music. Raised and formed on a steady diet of Madonna, Michael, Janet and Prince, I continue to have an affection for 80’s bubblegum dance-pop. A killer melody and a diabolical hook get me every time. The cheesiness of a cute cadre of boy band members who know how to harmonize and move in tandem works well too. At the turn of the millennium, my tastes turned to Britney and the Backstreet Boys, even as I was aging out of their key and desired demographic. (Yes, I even had a Backstreet Boys day calendar.)
LOOKING BACK ON THE THINGS I’VE DONE
I WAS TRYING TO BE SOMEONE
I PLAYED MY PART, KEPT YOU IN THE DARK
NOW LET ME SHOW YOU THE SHAPE OF MY HEART
As silly and trifling as the boy bands were, some of their songs stand up to the test of time, as any powerful pop song will do. Vessels of personality and voice come and go – the music remains. As for the Backstreet Boys, the song they released in October of 2000 was something that spoke to me on a number of levels.
SADNESS IS BEAUTIFUL, LONELINESS THAT’S TRAGIC
SO HELP ME I CAN’T WIN THIS WAR, OH NO
TOUCH ME NOW, DON’T BOTHER
IF EVERY SECOND IT MAKES ME WEAKER
YOU CAN SAVE ME FROM THE MAN I’VE BECOME
A decent pop song speaks both simply and deeply. It can be read on a surface level, and if it stays there, that’s enough for the essence of pop, especially if the music is frothy enough. Ear worms and aural candy and all that lovely stuff. But when the lyrics grow a little more serious, when they can come to mean more than they might upon first listen, then something more magnificent happens. At such times, a pop song transcends its typical limitations. When that crosses at a particularly exciting or meaningful moment in one’s life, a sonic memory is forged.
LOOKING BACK ON THE THINGS I’VE DONE
I WAS TRYING TO BE SOMEONE
I PLAYED MY PART, KEPT YOU IN THE DARK
NOW LET ME SHOW YOU THE SHAPE OF MY HEART
I’M HERE WITH MY CONFESSION
GOT NOTHING TO HIDE NO MORE
I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START
BUT TO SHOW YOU THE SHAPE OF MY HEART
Back at the tender age of twenty-five, part of me wanted glory. And part of me understood that the glory I sought wasn’t in fame or fortune, but in the family and friends I was culling and curating – a chosen family of sorts, and one that centered around a man named Andy. I wanted to be someone, but mostly I wanted to be someone who mattered to the people who mattered most to me. That’s still the case. And so this silly little pop song remains true.
LOOKING BACK ON THE THINGS I’VE DONE
I WAS TRYING TO BE SOMEONE
I PLAYED MY PART, KEPT YOU IN THE DARK
NOW LET ME SHOW YOU THE SHAPE OF MY HEART
LOOKING BACK ON THE THINGS I’VE DONE
I WAS TRYING TO BE SOMEONE
I PLAYED MY PART, KEPT YOU IN THE DARK
NOW LET ME SHOW YOU THE SHAPE OF
SHOW YOU THE SHAPE OF MY HEART
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