Ten years ago today, Andy’s Mom passed away. I had only been with Andy for a little over a year, and had only met his Mom a few times (the most memorable being an infamous Christmas highball fiasco), but I knew how much he loved her. To this day, he bears the hurt and sorrow of that loss, as palpable and plain as the scar down his back, and I bear the helpless role of bystander and small consolation.
My Mom lost her mother a few years ago as well, and the loss seems more keen around this time of the year, which is when she would traditionally visit us when we were kids. Suzie’s Dad departed over twenty years ago, if we can even get our heads around that, and still the pain feels fresh and new whenever the holidays arrive. I still look for Gram in her little bedroom, or where she sat on the stairs when we opened Christmas gifts. I still find myself pulled to Suzie’s Victorian, where we raced up and down the staircase, peeking into the living room to see Dr. Ko actually roasting chestnuts on the fire – trying every American holiday tradition, seeking out every possible avenue.
On this day, I give thanks for my parents, and I realize how lucky I am to have them with us. I look back on those we have lost, remembering and honoring, and I attempt to accept. Because of them, I try to hold those still here a little bit closer.
I don’t always succeed.
Wishing you and your loved ones a very Happy Thanksgiving. ~ A.
