Perhaps this cunt-ridden post was a bit too much.
I can acknowledge that.
And I can admit to a certain degree of bitterness and anger in all the days and weeks that led up to such an outpouring of unfettered and unchecked emotion.
Today, I can pause and take a calmer look at how things got to such a head. Under normal circumstances, I am acutely aware of things like full moons and Mercury in retrograde motion, because they tend to disrupt daily living in tumultuous ways, wreaking havoc on the unsuspecting and unprepared among us. Given all that has transpired over the past month, I largely stopped paying attention to dates and signs and astrological movements, and so I was completely unaware that Mercury had shifted into apparent retrograde motion on August 23. Had I known that, I wouldn’t have taken all the shit the world dumped on me so personally, or been cornered into such a vitriolic delivery of release.
As is so often the case, if I know what’s happening and I’m given a script or at least some rough stage directions and background, I can find my way without making a huge commotion or mess. Only when I’m kept in the dark about such things do I manage to so spectacularly fuck things up. So this one is partly on me for not going with the punches, and partly on everyone who just had to challenge me.
Whenever there is a full moon, I have learned to pause and breathe – to stop myself before going on a rampage or an attack – and really looking at whatever I’m upset about. If it’s not going to change anything in the grand scheme of things, there’s a good chance it’s not worth dredging up like so much pond scum at the bottom of a water-lily-laden scene. It doesn’t always work – sometimes a person can only take so much before they can’t take anything more – and sometimes I still lose my cool. But when the truth comes out, when it all gets laid on the table and examined by everyone involved, I’m not usually in the wrong. My delivery may be outrageous, but the sentiment behind it is rarely without merit.
And so I let the dust settle, and hope that we don’t get so riled up the next time around.
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