There are dips and peaks in the daily trajectory of our lives, and before freaking out at either tip or trough, I’ve learned to step back and pause to better gauge a more comprehensive collection of days and weeks. Unfortunately, what gets the most attention, and the posts that I tend to write, are those which touch on deeper and darker issues. “What’s the point of sitting down and notating your happiness?” Madonna once asked during her ‘Like A Prayer’ era. I tend to agree with her on that. However, it gives a false image of unhappiness and dissatisfaction here, as much as I try to temper things with eye/guy candy and hunks of the day and frivolous fashion and witty/shitty banter. Hopefully you are understanding that, but in the event that we are all getting bogged down in the tragic, let this be a moment where we recognize that the overall trajectory of the past few months has been one moving toward happiness, and a healthier way of living. That can upset people who don’t deal well with change, or who want the casual friends they have to stay quietly in whatever box they’ve allotted or created in their mind. My good friends, and the family members who know me well, understand such nuances, and are happy to see anyone work toward improving their lifestyle. “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind” and all that other Dr. Seuss wisdom and shit.
The past few weeks – months, actually – have been spent in improving things from the inside out. I’ve improved my diet and exercise regime (still trying to make that trajectory trend upward), I’ve stopped drinking alcohol, and I’ve been seeing a therapist. That’s a lot of changes in a relatively short time, and even though they’ve all been long overdue, such a dramatic shift on multiple fronts has resulted in a couple of panic attacks and a withdrawal from social events. That was actually a good thing, especially during the holidays, when a reduction in socializing made for a more-bearable season. I will take some of that to heart next year when the holidays roll around again. It worked out well in reducing stress and all that stuff that builds up to make it difficult to focus on getting close to the people that matter.
As for how it’s been going in the post-holiday weeks, I’d say it’s getting much better. There’s still a long way to go, and one of the main things I’ve come to appreciate is a change in how I view the process of improvement. Rather than setting a big huge life-changing goal and detailed plan for the next year (something of which I was once guilty – I’m a Virgo after all, a man with a need for a plan) I’m learning to set up smaller goals for a day. It makes for a lot of little accomplishments. Lots of happy successes. And I feel happier because of them.
