Most of us, if we are exceptionally lucky and fortunate, have that core group of friends who have been there from our earliest cognizance. I have a few groups of friends who have been there for the long haul, some going back to my childhood. As I look over the past two decades, inspired by the recent and ongoing premiere of The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale project, and photos like the one featured here, I feel a little exhausted. Not in a bad way, just in an expected manner of satisfied fatigue when one begins to contemplate all the years one has lived. When looking back on all the time that’s passed, I think of those friends, who were there when we were just starting off – graduating from school and embarking on the singular journeys we each had to make. That’s why this monologue from ‘The White Lotus’ spoke to me so movingly:
“That’s funny because if I’m being honest, all week I’ve just been so sad. I just feel like my expectations were too high or I just feel like as you get older, you have to justify your life and your choices. And when I’m with you guys, it’s just so transparent what my choices were and my mistakes. I have no belief system. Well, I mean, I’ve had a lot of them. I mean, work was my religion for forever, but I definitely lost my belief there. And then I tried love and that was just a painful religion just made everything worse. And then even for me, just like being a mother, that didn’t save me either. But I had this epiphany today: I don’t need religion or God to give my life meaning, because time gives it meaning. We started this life together. I mean, we’re going through it apart, but we’re still together. And I look at you guys and it feels meaningful and I can’t explain it, but even when we’re just sitting around the pool talking about whatever and name shit, it still feels very fucking deep. I am glad you have a beautiful face and I’m glad that you have a beautiful life. I am just happy to be at the table.”
With that, her character cleared the air, after a week of pretending that everything was happy and good when it didn’t always feel that way. It’s how most of us go through life – pretending we are ok even when we’re not, because often that is the only way to make it through. But friends – the best ones – see through it, and don’t let us get away with it. Every once in a while, it’s good to have that moment of acknowledgment and clarity, to accept that this life, this world, are far from perfect, that we, as human beings, are infinitely flawed, and it’s ok, it’s all right.
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