It’s been a rough couple of weeks for a lot of people I know, and for my family as well. Dad’s Alzheimer’s has progressed, and we watch with a helpless, sinking feeling, coupled with a gratitude that he is still doing relatively well for someone at 91 years of age. Mom is working on the best next-steps for his continued care and health and comfort, and I’m trying to be as helpful as I can to her. Mostly, I’ve been following her lead, and we’re both navigating these new waters using her nursing experience, and what limited advice I can offer, which isn’t much. We’re doing our best, and I’m grateful for her experience and background, as well as my brother’s helpful presence in Amsterdam. There are also a very few silver linings in Alzheimer’s, such as when bad news of lost loved ones has to be conveyed.
My Uncle – one of my Dad’s brothers in the Philippines whom I had met in 1997 – recently died of COVID. I haven’t mentioned it to many people, mostly because I’m too exhausted to explain or even accept condolences. Not in this age of COVID. He was one of my favorite Uncles – the most quiet and gentle and kind one I met on my trip to the Philippines – but apparently he was victim to the misinformation plaguing the entire world. When his wife scheduled vaccination appointments for the two of them several months ago, he refused to go. Now he is dead.
I don’t know exactly how the news registered with Dad. He apparently seemed to understand at one point, but then he had forgotten it within a few minutes. The rare bonus of grace in certain cases of dementia. Along with erasing and blunting memory and reality, it also wipes away some of the pain.
As for my Uncle, and the family he leaves behind by not taking a simple vaccine, I feel a sense of loss, a sense of anger, and a sense of giving up. I’m just exhausted by where we are. I’m tired of the anti-vaxxers and the march of deadly misinformation that’s killing so many around the world. I’m tired of the awfulness of such ignorance, the willful refusal to be careful and compassionate, the careless cruelty and selfishness that has all fed into this mess. I’m tired of the anti-maskers, who can’t be bothered to think of anything but a supposed attack on a freedom that they are ultimately destroying by binding us all to this for far longer than was necessary. I’m tired of searching for someone to blame, for something to attack and soak up all the hatred we are storing in our hearts.
And so I am retreating a bit from the world. Returning to my daily meditation. Curling into books of comfort. Sitting quietly with Andy while he watches television. Reaching out to old friends. Staying away from social media. Beginning the preparatory stillness of fall that leads into the hibernation of winter…
Back to Blog
