My childhood home in Amsterdam, NY has always felt like a safe haven when the rest of the world roiled with the ravages of winter. Its stalwart white brick foundation held strong against rushing wind and swirling snow, and when the days turned sunnier and kinder, the windows let in the light to make its daily journey through the rooms. On a recent day with Dad, giving my Mom a break in which to run errands and enjoy a meditative bath, I took in the spirit of hygge that presented itself – the very essence of the concept – built on the warmth and connection of love between family.
“To be in a situation characterized by hygge is to be in a state of pleasant well-being and security, with a relaxed frame of mind and an open enjoyment of the immediate situation in all its small pleasures. It is a state one achieves most often with close members of one’s social network–with one’s family, extended family, and friends.” ~ Judith Friedman Hansen
Though the day was frigid outside, inside the rooms felt warmed by memories old and new, by the mere approximation of my parents, by all that we’d shared in this space. Dad may not be as engaged as he once was, but there were still moments of connection, glimmers of recognition, and remembered photos of loved ones from the past.
“Home is an emotional state, a place in the imagination where feelings of security, belonging, placement, family, protection, memory, and personal history abide.” ~ Thomas Moore
Dad looked through some photo books I’d made, and then we had some lunch and he took a nap. While he slept, I delved back into ‘The Book of Hygge’ by Louisa Thomsen Brits.
“Hygge is a theme that can be lived in the middle of all the other elements of an engaged life. It’s not the absence of challenge or discomfort but a way of dealing with them. When we hygger we are not ignoring difficulty but putting it down for a while. Pain and shadow still exist on the periphery of an experience of hygge. We acknowledge their presence and prepare ourselves to address them by committing ourselves to the pleasures of the present moment, in order to regain momentum and cope with life with equanimity in the future.” ~ Louisa Thomsen Brits
It was pleasant being there with him. It reminded me that the greatest gift we can give each other is not found in expensive material possessions or grand, dramatic gestures – it is in our company. Simply being with a loved one, inhabiting the same place and time, is a gift. I did not take that for granted, and I leaned into the day forging a new memory to go with all the other happy ones we’d already made over the years.
“It must be emphasized that hygge entails commitment to the present moment and a readiness to set distractions aside.” ~ Judith Friedman Hansen
Outside, in the brutal cold, a small opening in the little koi pond outside the window remained unfrozen for the fish below. It was difficult to imagine summer at such a point, but we knew it was waiting there – waiting for the winter to relent, waiting for the spring to lead the way. And rather than worry or rush the day away in the hope of bringing warmer weather sooner, I slowed down enough to breathe and be present. Taking it all in, I felt the profound gratitude of being there with Dad.
“Hygge is evoked in situations where there is nothing to accomplish but letting go to the present moment in a way that’s more aligned to simple pleasure than deep reflection. Experiencing a sense of presence and belonging is challenging when we’re stressed or distracted. Hygge isn’t the complete absence of the usual demands of a fully engaged human life, but it is facilitated by a willingness to put down our problems and abandon our cares for a while.” ~ Louisa Thomsen Brits
The warmth and coziness I felt on one of the coldest days of the year wasn’t because of the candles or the heavy sweater or the blankets on hand in every room. It wasn’t found in a cup of tea or a comforting book. It came from a deeper place of hygge, a place of love and goodness and the unbreakable bond of family. On this quiet day that took its gentle meandering journey from morning to afternoon, my Dad and I moved through winter together.
“At the heart of hygge is a willingness to set aside time for simply being with people and, ideally, having all the time in the world for them. Hygge is a vehicle for showing that we care. It’s a way of paying attention to our children or partners and friends in the messy reality of the here and now, and putting down the distractions that pull us in different directions. So many of us are drawn to a virtual world of connectivity. Hygge isn’t about a life without technology, but it asks us to balance our commitments and remember the value of human interaction, conversation, and physical intimacy. It liberates us to fully inhabit the moment without feeling compelled to record it.” ~ Louisa Thomsen Brits
