Category Archives: Tiny Threads

This is a shirt by Hugo Boss. 

The world has lost its mind. 

#TinyThreads

Saw this online somewhere and wanted to hypocritically share it with you – you, who are actually good enough to be visiting my website if you are reading this now:

“Some of you need to log off and touch grass.”

That warning is as much for me as anyone else. We have been scolded. What we do about it now is entirely in our hands. (Come back for a pre-spring song in a few hours.)

#TinyThreads

When you’re just trying to conquer Block Blast and this emotionally-cloying ad pops up to hit you like that Sarah MacLachlan animal cruelty commercial… it’s not right. And who are the sick fucks playing this kind of game? My Lord. 

#TinyThreads

A take on Boba Tea: I haven’t had that many balls flying at my face since spring break. 

{See also this horrendous live-blogging experience with the bubble tea.}

#TinyThreads

You know who this is about. 

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named because he’s such a fucking dick. 

{See also FOTUS.}

#TinyThreads

Sending shit like this to people is why my list of friends is dwindling.

Not mad about it. 

#TinyThreads

Some days the urine smells vaguely like maple syrup, and at such times I think, “Life can be so sweet.“

#TinyThreads

Winter manscaping is no joke. 

#TinyThreads

Why do we not hear of more sleepwalkers injuring themselves? If I attempted to walk anywhere with my eyes closed I wouldn’t get ten feet without bumping into something. Sleepwalkers, meanwhile, can navigate flights of stairs without so much as a single stubbed toe. How does this work?

#TinyThreads

My technological deficiencies are such that I still haven’t figured out how to watch two television shows that are on the same time. Yes, it’s that bad – but also that good, because it’s kept me off of the television to be able to write a bunch of bullshit like this and bring it to all five of you.

#TinyThreads

Claim: I am now an officially crotchety old man. 

Evidence: My supreme annoyance at the fact that Target, amid all its current ugliness, doesn’t even sell DVDs anymore. 

Case in point: I asked the twelve-year-old working the electronics counter if they sold DVDs. His response: no, we got rid of that section. He only sees a few here and there. (Whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean.)

Our future is bleak. 

#TinyThreads

Maybe we should stop relying on algorithms to dictate our choices and simply engage with all the varied things that interest us. And maybe the algorithms should allow us to do that. 

#TinyThreads

A question of frivolity crosses the mind. 

The coconut: is it a nut or not?

#TinyThreads

It’s not that I don’t trust a no-bake cookie… but maybe it is.

#TinyThreads