Twenty years ago, the only freedom I knew was the outward kind. Freedom to roam, freedom to dress up or down, freedom to speak and shout and scream. All superficial, all vain, all relatively meaningless. At the time, while I felt the literal freedom, I also felt entirely bound and tied up inside. This is the most insidious sort of imprisonment – the self-lockdown that some of us inflict upon ourselves, and so often not intentional or deliberate or even noticed or acknowledged. I certainly didn’t see it or feel it then – I felt only and ultimately entirely free. How was I to know there were prisons that weren’t made of concrete and steel bars?
Heaven knows I was just a young boyDidn’t know what I wanted to be I was every little hungry schoolgirl’s pride and joy and I guess it was enough for me
To win the race, a prettier faceBrand new clothes and a big fat place on your rock and roll TVBut today the way I play the game is not the same, no wayThink I’m gonna get me some happy
I think there’s something you should know (I think it’s time I told you so)There’s something deep inside of me (There’s someone else I’ve got to be)Take back your picture in a frame (Take back your singing in the rain)I just hope you understandSometimes the clothes do not make the man
All we have to do nowIs take these lies and make them true somehowAll we have to seeIs that I don’t belong to you and you don’t belong to me, yeah yeah
Freedom (I won’t let you down)Freedom (I will not give you up)Freedom (Gotta have some faith in the sound)You’ve got to give what you take (It’s the one good thing that I’ve got)Freedom (I won’t let you down)Freedom (So please don’t give me up)Freedom (‘Cause I would really)You’ve got to give what you take (really love to stick around)
Even without chains or shackles, even without armor or clothing, it’s possible for one to be weighed down and tied up with the inner constraints of our own minds. You can throw away all the bags and coats, kick off all the shoes and jewelry, and strip out of everything, even the cologne, but the ties of a fettered mind won’t be undone until you’re ready to truly examine yourself and acknowledge who you are. Twenty years ago I wasn’t nearly ready for that, so I hid myself with a naked vanity that proved too good a mask for my own benefit. Not only that, but such vanity would prove a different kind of prison of its own; I was shackling myself with an image I wouldn’t ever be able to entirely shake.
Well, it looks like the road to heaven but it feels like the road to hellWhen I knew which side my bread was buttered I took the knife as wellPosing for another picture everybody’s got to sellBut when you shake your ass, they notice fastAnd some mistakes were build to last
That’s what you get, I say that’s what you getThat’s what you get for changing your mindThat’s what you get, and after all this timeI just hope you understandSometimes the clothes do not make the man
These days I can look back and wanly smile at the shenanigans of my youth, the things I felt I needed to prove, the stories I needed to write and live out, the mark and legacy I wanted to leave behind. It all feels so foolish and still so precious. And I have much of it documented here – in what I’m posting now, in what I’ve posted before, and in all I have yet to post – ripe for examination, consideration, and exoneration. There is a fatigue to the well-documented life – but it’s the best kind of fatigue.
~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~
- Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
- Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
- A Purple-Hued Interlude
- Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
- Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
- A Blue-Hued Interlude
- Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
- Bad Boy Bangs – Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
- Vanity Under Where: Part One and Part Two.
