Category Archives: Madonna

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

I suppose I should be grateful that the worst songs from Madonna’s ‘Madame X’ album are getting thrown out here first, not unlike the way the roll-out happened earlier this year. It will make the cuts to come that much sweeter. This is the dour ‘Killers Who Are Partying’ and the sooner it’s finished, the better. I like the sonics of it but the lyrics are messy and the melody mostly misses. Almost every Madonna album has a head-scratching clunker. (Even ‘Like A Prayer‘ had ‘Act of Contrition‘.) This is the one for the otherwise-excellent ‘Madame X’ opus.

I WILL BE GAY, IF THE GAY ARE BURNED
I’LL BE AFRICA, IF AFRICA IS SHUT DOWN
I WILL BE POOR, IF THE POOR ARE HUMILIATED
I’LL BE A CHILD, IF THE CHILDREN ARE EXPLOITED

I KNOW WHAT I AM
AND I KNOW WHAT I’M NOT

Despite my non-enthusiasm for the song, I’m interested in seeing what Madonna does with this for her Madame X Tour. It’s screaming for drama, and nobody does drama better than Madonna. It may also grow on me. I was playing the album while lounging by the pool and this one was surprisingly effective. Maybe it was the sun and mental meanderings of Portugal. Maybe it was the tequila.

I’LL BE ISLAM, IF ISLAM IS HATED
I’LL BE ISRAEL, IF THEY’RE INCARCERATED
I’LL BE NATIVE INDIAN, IF THE INDIAN HAS BEEN TAKEN
AND I’LL BE A WOMAN, IF SHE’S RAPED AND HER HEART IS BREAKING

I KNOW WHAT I AM (GOD KNOWS WHAT I AM)
AND I KNOW WHAT I’M NOT (AND HE KNOWS WHAT I’M NOT)
DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? (MM)
WILL WE KNOW WHEN TO STOP?

SONG #153: ‘Killers Who Are Partying’ – Summer 2019

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

The first Madonna Timeline entry from the ‘Madame X’ opus, this is one of my least favorite cuts, and oddly enough one of the first pre-release singles chosen to prime the album. It follows in the reggae-influenced vibe of ‘Unapologetic Bitch’ but resolves the melodic shortcomings of that with a catchy-enough chorus.

It’s a rather dour statement, one that perhaps went with Madonna’s darker frame of mind during the creation of the ‘Madame X’ album. It’s also a collaboration with Quavo, and like most major stars of her caliber, collaborations too often end up deflating and diminishing the power of the individuals that comprise them.

Madonna apparently liked this song enough to use it at her infamous Eurovision performance, where Quavo joined her onstage. While all the ballyhoo seems to be about some missed ‘Like A Prayer‘ notes, the show was an impressive spectacle, and a hint of what might be to come on her Madame X theatre tour. Give me an armored Joan of Arc costume and I’m on board every time. As for ‘Future’, its best bit may be the ‘Don’t Tell Me‘ quote that comes during its transfixing bridge. The rest can bumble into the past.

SONG #152: ‘Future’ – Late Spring 2019

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

Turning back to Madonna’s ‘Rebel Heart’ album, ‘Borrowed Time’ is one of the bonus tracks from that musically fertile period. Rumor has it that originally ‘Rebel Heart’ was to be a double album, with two of Madonna’s emotional sides on raw display. I think that would have been a killer concept; whittled down to one collection left the final version feeling slightly disjointed and all over the place. Still, it was a beautiful mess, and while ‘Borrowed Time’ is rightfully left off the main event, it’s a lovely-enough tune.

It’s a good point to take a look back at that era, as Madonna has just released a new album – always an exciting time.

DO WE NEED TO START A WAR
DO WE NEED TO TAKE A SIDE
IF WE OPEN UP OUR EYES
REALIZE THAT WE ARE DYING
IS IT ALL WORTH FIGHTING FOR
IT ALL COMES DOWN TO

WHO’S WRONG OR RIGHT
WHO’S BLACK OR WHITE
IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU’RE BLEEDING FOR
STRAIGHT OR BI OR
GOD ALMIGHTY
DOESN’T MATTER UNDERNEATH IT ALL

‘CAUSE WE’RE ONLY HERE TO LOVE
LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW
SO LET’S LIVE EACH MOMENT LIKE OUR TIME IS ONLY BORROWED

Back in 2015, after all the leaks and falls and wonky stand-up moments, ‘Rebel Heart‘ arrived with the insistent drumming and drive of a standard Madonna album, even if she was not pushing any overt boundaries. Rather than one or two main collaborators, however, Madonna and/or her management had a hefty cadre of contributors adding to its spotty feel. When it was high, it soared, as in the title track, the second single ‘Ghosttown‘ and the glorious ‘Messiah.’ When it went low on ‘Best Night,’ ‘Queen,’ and ‘S.E.X.‘ it was a reminder that not all that Madonna touched turned to gold. Still, give me a slight Madonna misfire over any current pop star’s smash hit any day. More indicative of the album and Madonna’s head at the time were songs like ‘Joan of Arc’ and ‘Inside Out‘ – two gorgeous songs that deserved more attention and honor.

DO WE NEED TO BUILD A BOMB
DO WE NEED TO FIRE A GUN
IF YOU HAVE TO STAND YOUR GROUND
IT’S A WAR THAT CAN’T BE WON
IS IT ALL WORTH DYING FOR
IT ALL COMES DOWN TO

WHO’S RICH OR POOR
VIRGIN OR WHORE
IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU’RE PRAYING FOR
DEATH OR LIFE
YOU’RE TRUTH ALMIGHTY
DOESN’T MATTER UNDERNEATH IT ALL

‘CAUSE WE’RE ONLY HERE TO LOVE
LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW
SO LET’S LIVE EACH MOMENT LIKE OUR TIME IS ONLY BORROWED

The ‘Rebel Heart’ album spawned the Rebel Heart Tour, something warmer and more heartfelt than previous tour outings (such as the criminally and intentionally-icy MDNA Tour). It remains to be seen where she’ll go next with her upcoming Madame X Theater Tour, but the encroachment of time has always been her greatest enemy, and the one consistently driving force that grows louder with each passing year. That must feel suffocating to someone like Madonna, and her quicksilver darting is testament to her mantra that it’s tough to hit a moving target. She hasn’t got much time to wait…

IT ALL COMES DOWN TO
WHO’S RICH OR POOR
VIRGIN OR WHORE
IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU’RE PRAYING FOR
DEATH OR LIFE
YOU’RE TRUTH ALMIGHTY
DOESN’T MATTER UNDERNEATH IT ALL

‘CAUSE WE’RE ONLY HERE TO LOVE
LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW
SO LET’S LIVE EACH MOMENT LIKE OUR TIME IS ONLY BORROWED

SONG #151: ‘Borrowed Time’ – Spring 2015

Wacky, wild, weird and wonderful ~ all the superlatives you’ve heard about Madonna’s latest effort ‘Madame X’ are true, and then some. Early indications were questionable, with some die-hard fans finding many (or all) of the pre-release songs lackluster ~ and truth be told they comprise some of the weaker cuts of the album. I happened to be one of the few who loved ‘Medellin’ as a lead-in to the gloriously insane soundscape that ‘Madame X’ ultimately conjures. The duet with Maluma, performed as a holographic party at this year’s Billboard Music Awards, was seen by some as an oddly-muted lead single, but it ushers in a brand-new Madonna, which at this point in her storied career is a major feat unto itself. ‘Madame X’ gives us not one new re-invention, but a dazzling array of personae within which Madonna moves with characteristically-chameleon-like sinew. Whereas image may have fueled past musical endeavors, this time around the look (and it’s an intriguing, multi-faceted, one-eyed siren of sinister sexiness and voluptuous mystique) trails the music in impact. (Take note of the fact that the amazing video for ‘Dark Ballet’ shows only a few seconds of Madonna, cloaked in black lace at that.)

As a whole, ‘Madame X’ functions quite thrillingly as a sonic roller-coaster fit for a scintillating summer. It will invariably be saddled with expectations and a world of social media viciousness, but if you listen to the music you’ll find that everything’s gonna be all right, because the music is more daring and different than anything she’s made in years. That doesn’t always make it better, but it makes itself relevant and meaningful in a three-decade body of work that suddenly feels like an albatross, especially for someone who wants to keep moving forward.

As ‘Medellin’ reaches its giddy release, Madonna invites the listener to take a trip, alternating Spanish lyrics with Maluma and setting the album off on its world-wide trajectory. From there, ‘Dark Ballet’ reveals disturbing hints of tension and unrest, tied up in an insane Tchaikovsky bit over which Madonna gives warning to various entities: “They think we’re not aware of their crimes. We know, but we’re just not ready to act.” Only two songs in, she’s already tried out about five distinctly different voices, from her husky whispered “Cha-cha-cha’s” to the almost-unrecognizably-robotized distortion of ‘Dark Ballet’ and she’s just getting started.

Beginning ‘God Control’ with what sounds like a forced jaw effect, we hear Madonna like we’ve never heard her before. She previously promised ‘I Don’t Give A Fuck’ in 2012’s ‘MDNA’ album, but here she really means it. Even long-time fans of her more daring songs may be surprised by how experimental she’s going with ‘Madame X’ ~ and after finally giving up on chasing past chart glory, there’s a new freedom at work here, even better than her brilliant ‘Rebel Heart’ opus. ‘God Control’ is a highlight, and a powerful encapsulation of this whole new Madonna: exuberant, experimental, and ecstatic in all six-plus minutes of its glory. “It’s a hustle!” she gleefully proclaims at the midpoint, channeling all the disco divas that ever were and ever will be. This glitzy frenzy just keeps building and building until you can envision the final pan-out of a club at its most collectively-throbbing climax, hand-clapping choral chanting transcendently rising to rapture. Beneath it all lurks some troubling commentary on us as a nation, but the music’s so good it almost doesn’t matter, further fueling its potent pack of mixed messages.

An old-world accordion opens the gorgeous ‘Crazy’ and finds Madonna vacillating between joy and despondency, finally and fittingly settling on a certain ambivalent self-empowerment. It’s a piece of pop sweetness ~ captivating melodies and Madonna’s hopeful and mournful delivery. She moves from the high coos of a teenager to the deeper-throated whispers of a very wise and world-weary woman.

‘Crave’ with Swae Lee is deceptively quiet, and it finds Madonna at her most vocally relaxed, cooing like Ariana Grande as skittering high-hats delicately underscore all the obsessive love at hand.

The variety of voices employed here is schizophrenic, but rather than turning things into a disjointed affair, they somehow work to create a cohesive tapestry with their disparate nature. ‘Madame X’ is a skilled shape-shifter, and to her credit Madonna manages to wear multiple hats without ever letting them wear her.

Things falter a bit on the uninspiring ‘Future’ and the dour ‘Killers Who Are Partying’ which quickly falls into Mama-Don’t-Preach muck, but they aren’t bad enough to mar the overall experience of ‘Madame X’, the rest is simply too challenging, too daring, too good. Listen to things pick up whenever Madonna gives in to her new muses, as in the percussive call and response of ‘Batuka’ and the enthralling ‘Come Alive’ ~ all cheeky “I don’t want to blend in, why do you want me to?” attitude like that New York City street urchin from the early 80’s. The new influences of Portugal find delicious fruit in ‘Faz Gostoso’, a rollicking bit of Portuguese aided and abetted by Anitta – irrefutable proof that a good dance song need not originate in the disco, or in English for that matter.

If you’re looking for the ultimate pre-game party-prep track, seek no further than ‘I Don’t Search, I Find’ which locates Madonna back at the apex of 90’s acid-house eleganza. Her icy voice defiantly laments, “There’s no rest for us in this world,” before she gives into the essence of the music, and, finally, enough love.

‘Looking For Mercy’ is a classic Madonna power ballad that grows and grows, ultimately moving beyond a bit of maddening repetition into a clear demonstration of Madonna’s vocal prowess ~ when she cries out for “somebody to teach me to love, somebody to help me rise above” it’s one of the most commanding demonstrations of how stirring her voice can be. ‘Madame X’ could have done with a few more of these moments, and after further listening they may reveal themselves. For now, this is a dense collection of songs that cements her role as artist above all else. More than singer, more than actress, more than movie-maker, more than Madame, Madonna has always and originally been an artist, because an artist is the only thing that can encompass all she hoped to be. ‘Madame X’ returns her to those experimental roots while revealing striking new facets and shadings of her musical legacy. It also marks a way of reconstructing a fractured world, and if the pieces don’t always fit perfectly back together there can be beauty in the cracks as well.

There is a darkness at work here, and ‘Madame X’ is reportedly a direct result of Madonna’s loneliness and search for friends in Lisbon, where meeting up with other musicians at late night jam sessions was a comfort in a strange land. The album is proof that only in music Madonna does find her truest home. We welcome her back from her journey, eager to hear tales of her adventures… and it all sounds absolutely exquisite.

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

LOVE WITHOUT GUILT, LOVE WITHOUT DOUBT
LOVE WITHOUT GUILT, LOVE WITHOUT DOUBT
LOVE WITHOUT GUILT, LOVE WITHOUT DOUBT
REJECTION, LOVE WITHOUT DOUBT

Late fall 1994. We had passed the point where there might be a warm day here or there. The leaves had mostly fallen. Nothing could hold any heat. The first man I had ever kissed had dumped me and I didn’t even realize we were going out. Ignorance saves some hurt, but you only get a pass that first time, and sometimes not even then. My awakening to the fact that I was gay had begun and it was hardly reason for celebration.

I DON’T, DON’T CARE IF IT’S NOT RIGHT
TO HAVE YOUR ARMS AROUND ME
I WANT TO FEEL WHAT IT’S LIKE
TAKE ALL OF YOU INSIDE OF ME

(DON’T GO NEAR THE FIRE, DON’T GO IN THE DARK)
(DON’T GIVE IN TO YOUR DESIRE, ‘CAUSE HE’S GONNA BREAK YOUR HEART)
(LET GO, LET GO)

I’d been leaving campus and riding the commuter rail in to Boston to see him. Now I did it to see the places we’d gone and wallow in the misery of it. What else was November for, really? The gray days and dismal weather added to the melancholy. I relished it. All that was at Brandeis was a cold dorm high in a castle turret, shaped like a piece of pie, bound by painted cinder blocks, and a small row of high windows that made Boston look like a speck in the distance. At night that space glowed, offering hope and warning and bitterness. Madonna’s somewhat doleful ‘Bedtime Stories’ album offered a gauzy aural cocoon of sonic warmth – whether it was the loss of ‘Inside of Me’ or the brutal solitude of ‘Love Tried to Welcome Me’ or the saccharine-sweetness of ‘Take A Bow’. Along with ‘Sanctuary’, these were re-structured love songs dealing with loss and regret and the tricky aftermath of romance. It might have been all about ‘Survival’ but I wanted so much more. At the tender age of nineteen, I’d had my heart broken and had broken a couple of hearts as well. I used to pretend there was something worse about the latter, but that’s not true. Guilt is awful, but loss is worse. There’s no bonus for trying to gain sympathy if you’re the one who ended it.

IN YOUR EYES (IN YOUR EYES), FORBIDDEN LOVE
IN YOUR SMILE (IN YOUR SMILE), FORBIDDEN LOVE
IN YOUR KISS (IN YOUR KISS), FORBIDDEN LOVE
IF I HAD ONE WISH LOVE WOULD FEEL LIKE THIS (LOVE WOULD FEEL LIKE THIS)

“The love that dared not speak its name,” as Oscar Wilde so delicately described the proclivity of those of us who enjoyed sucking cock, was instilled with all the forbidden enticement and defiant decadence that had always left me fearful yet intrigued. There was no doubt I was gay – there never had been – but I’d done my best to stomp it out, to go for the girl and the white picket fence and the blasted nuclear family because it was all I knew to do. We lived in a different world then.

From the very first time I saw one of the older kids in our neighborhood strip off his shirt and jump into the pool, I knew. It was summer then – so much of our youth seems to take place in the summer – and the world was warm and happy and gay. He dove underwater, his muscles rippling in the dappled light of the pool-filtered sun, and I knew. Enthralled and intoxicated, I drank his image in like the sweetest nectar, and somehow it wasn’t even sexual yet, not that yearning. It was a want and desire that was innate and primal, it was from the very core of my being, the soul that had been born when I was born. I knew.

I KNOW THAT YOU’RE NO GOOD FOR ME
THAT’S WHY I FEEL I MUST CONFESS
WHAT’S WRONG IS WHY IT FEELS SO RIGHT
I WANT TO FEEL YOUR SWEET CARESS

He swam away, into the deep end, his pale skin so tantalizingly different from my own tan body, like some rare, elusive sea creature, some white whale forever unattainable and unassailable, and my eyes followed. Lost in a chlorine haze, blinded by sun and beauty, choking on the feeling and wanting to both laugh and cry, I stayed in the shallow end and waited for his return.

When he did, my brother and I cajoled him into playing with us – roughhousing, as the adults called it. He’d pick us up – each so light and easy in his hands – and fling us into the deep end, our little bodies flying into the air and crashing into the body of sky-blue water. It thrilled us. Not just the motion, but the giddy focus of an older person intent on thrilling us. For me, it was much more.

I’d swim back, dizzy and delirious from the sun, the water, the flight, and the fight to make it back to the surface. Circling his legs, I felt both like the shark sizing up prey, and the scattering prey itself, darting to avoid death. I didn’t know what I wanted, I only knew he entranced me. I’d wrap my arms around his thigh, brushing against his swimsuit, and he’d lift me up again and off I’d fly. I didn’t know what was better – the lift or the let-go. Or the time in the shallow water when I was close enough to smell his sunscreen and see the blue of his sparkling eyes and the way his blond hair went dark when wet.

IF I ONLY HAD ONE WISH
LOVE WOULD ALWAYS FEEL LIKE THIS
WISHING ON THE STARS ABOVE
FORBIDDEN LOVE
IF I ONLY HAD ONE DREAM
THIS WOULD BE MORE THAN IT SEEMS
FORBIDDEN LOVE (FORBIDDEN LOVE)

Summer fades quickly. So does youth. The pool filled with oak leaves, then acorns, then it was closed and dark. Buried in the muck and mess of the ensuing winters, my childhood disappeared. Now, in the impending winter that came at the end of 1994, I was alone again. Summer felt very far away. The neighborhood boy I had watched, worshipped, and held onto had long ago moved somewhere else.

Back then it seemed like figuring out I was gay was the answer to everything, and in some ways it was very much the solution to much of my angst and confusion. So many things suddenly made sense and fell into place, so many fears and worries and anxieties dissipated and dissolved. Once it was done, though, what was next? The notion of forbidden love had already been bound inextricably to who I was, that sense of shame would forever be part of me. In that cold, late fall, it felt like loneliness and heartbreak were all that followed. Still, better to have loved and lost…

(LOVE WITHOUT GUILT, LOVE WITHOUT DOUBT)
(LOVE WITHOUT GUILT, LOVE WITHOUT DOUBT)
REJECTION IS THE GREATEST APHRODISIAC

Was the forbidden nature of the societal constructs of same-sex attraction part of my inability to find love? Had the ingrained stereotypical confines of how the world viewed homosexuals bled so deeply into my being that they would be impossible to eradicate? Or was I simply unlovable? That last question was one which most people had at some point in their lives; the questions before are the added and much more complicated journey through which only some of us must travail. At such a young age, I couldn’t get my head around all of that – to be completely honest I’m not sure I can today – all I knew was the dull ache of unfulfilled desire, and the infuriating sense of loss when there had been nothing to really lose.

(LOVE WITHOUT GUILT, LOVE WITHOUT DOUBT)
LOVE SHOULD ALWAYS FEEL LIKE THIS
HEAVEN FORGIVE ME, NEVER FORBID ME

SONG #150: ‘Forbidden Love’ – Late fall 1994

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

LET’S DANCE, YOU CAN DO A LITTLE TWO-STEP
I’LL GO ANYWHERE THAT YOU STEP TO, ‘CAUSE I’M FOLLOWING YOU.
MY FEET MIGHT BE FALLING OUT OF RHYTHM,
DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING WITH THEM, BUT I KNOW I’M FOLLOWING YOU.

I suppose I should be grateful that Part 1 came before Part 2, otherwise it might have been awkward. As it stands, this Madonna Timeline will prove difficult enough, so I’m going back to basics, reminding myself of what this blog feature was originally meant to be. An encapsulation of what was going on in my life when a certain Madonna song came to prominence – whether that was in the world, or in my private life. In this case, it will mostly be my own little memory, as ‘Now I’m Following You, Part 1’ made about as big an impact as ‘Now I’m Following You, Part 2’ – which is to say not much.

It formed the main lip-syncing portion of Madonna’s Blond Ambition tour, appearing in the Dick Tracy segment. The period feel of the music and innocence of the sentiment is all fully intact in Part 1. We’ll get to Part 2 in another timeline.

UNLIKELY AS IT IS TO ME, ON THE FLOOR WITH TWO LEFT FEET
LET’S BOOGIE WOOGIE TILL OUR HEARTS SKIP A BEAT, BUT WHO’S COUNTING?
ENCORE, ONCE AGAIN AROUND THE DANCE FLOOR
ROMANCE IS IN THE PICTURE TOO, NOW I’M FOLLOWING YOU.

TAKE IT AWAY, BOYS.

‘I’m Breathless: Music Form and Inspired by the Film Dick Tracy’ was released in the spring of 1990 – just as the movie was about to come out, and Madonna was riding high on the wings of ‘Vogue’ and the Blond Ambition Tour. It was one of the most iconic moments, following as it did on the heels of ‘Like A Prayer’ and presaging the sexiness of ‘Erotica’ to come. That spring melted into a hot and sultry summer. Sticky and humid like all upstate New York summers, when the air hung thickly with the sweet scent of mockorange and fringe tree. The decadence of ‘Vogue’ brought the masses to the showtunes of Stephen Sondheim, who helmed a trio of songs on the album, while Madonna and Patrick Leonard fashioned their own selection of convincing period music, which included ‘Now I’m Following You, Part 1.’

I loved that album – its moody theatrical bent combined my love of Broadway with my love of Madonna – and it came with me (in my mind only) when I visited the then-Soviet Union. Upon my return, I resumed its non-stop rotation.

Oh, I almost forgot the most notable part of this song – it’s a duet with Warren Beatty! What is Mr. Beatty doing singing on a Madonna song? La publicidad! And maybe some romance was actually in the picture too – who can say? Dick Tracy was a hit for both of them, even if it cost a lot to make, restoring some silver screen luster to Madonna’s rather rusty track record. Looking back with the benefit of hindsight, this appears to be a rather sweet period in Madonna’s career and romantic life. She was tottering on the verge of mainstream Disney approval, and maybe playing it so safely bothered her. She would eventually take the road less travelled, which is what most of us loved about her, leaving Disney in the dust and provoking the Gods of Sex into orgasmic, damning glory. But that was a year or two away. For now, they danced until the record skipped…

UNLIKELY AS IT IS TO ME, ON THE FLOOR WITH TWO LEFT FEET
LET’S BOOGIE WOOGIE TILL OUR HEARTS SKIP A BEAT, BUT WHO’S COUNTING?
ENCORE, ONCE AGAIN AROUND THE DANCE FLOOR
ROMANCE IS IN THE PICTURE TOO, NOW I’M FOLLOWING YOU.

OH DEAR…

SONG #149: ‘Now I’m Following You – Part 1’ ~ Summer 1990