Director, writer, producer, editor, actress and founder of Jingletown Films, Cheryl Dunye earns this Dazzler of the Day crowning thanks to all of those monumental multi-hyphenate accomplishments, including her films ‘The Watermelon Woman’, ‘Stranger Inside’, and ‘Black is Blue’. She’s directed an extensive amount of television work, including episodes for ‘Lovecraft Country’, ‘Bridgerton’, ‘Delilah’, ‘The Equalizer’ and ‘Dead Boy Detectives’.
I first came out publicly in July 1997, when I wrote a letter to the editor of my hometown newspaper (I guess I didn’t want to repeat the same conversation with everyone in my hometown). I have to say ‘first’ because coming out is a process a gay person will be doing for the rest of their lives – a burden and a blessing that straight people may never understand. Gay is not the assumed default that straight is, and while coming out may simply be a casual offhand reference to my husband, it’s still very much a thing. Here’s a look back at various National Coming Out posts – some are more profound than others, so peruse at your own risk of banality:
Social anxiety may have saved my life.
Coming of gay age in the era of AIDS was obviously not without its perils. Just as I was awakening to my own sexuality, the world was awakening to the epidemic of AIDS, and suddenly sex might mean much more than pregnancy or STDs – it could equal death. That’s a bit of a boner killer, even for a teenager who could get it up at the wispiest breeze in the air.
My years of adolescence took place at the height of the AIDS epidemic, and by the time I was old enough to start exploring sex with men, condoms were mandatory and routine, and the wild, hedonistic abandon that called deeply to my primal soul was studded with the prickly warnings and admonishments of how to safely navigate such a scene. Sex suffers when spontaneity requires planning and precaution.
By the time I was old enough to date a man, I was aware of AIDS in a general sense, but for someone so young, it was still a scary time, and I had questions and concerns – all of which were not welcomed or even tolerated by the first man I would kiss.
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Another journal entry from October 1994 that illuminates my innocence, earnestness, and foolishness:
We made it into Harvard and started to walk to the theater to buy tickets when Tom stopped to stare at a street musician. I just wanted to get the tickets, eat dinner, and get out of the bad weather. But Tom stayed and watched this old guitar player. We were getting along all right no. Mostly it was he and I bantering with sarcastic comment. It was fun. Finally I got him to get up and get the tickets. We were walking away from the theater, looking for a place to eat. I asked him a few more questions.
“When was the last time you were tested for AIDS?” was one of the last ones I dared.
“Yesterday, like I do every day.”
I laughed but asked again seriously.
“When were you last tested?” he asked.
“I’ve never been tested.”
“Well.”
“But I haven’t been with over thirty people either. So when was it?”
“Two years ago.”
I know it shouldn’t have, but somehow it surprised me. That would have been 1992. I thought of his current cold. What if…
“And how many people have you been with since you were tested?” I asked, somewhat afraid of what the answer might be.
“Umm… about ten.”
“Ten?! You’ve been with… how do you know…”
“Look, I told you,” he began sternly and loudly, “I didn’t want this education crap. Now if you have questions, ask someone else, do you understand? I told you that. I don’t want to be mean, but I told you this before and I don’t want any more of it.” And that was it.
In that one moment my world turned form something over which I had some control into something that whirled and whisked me in whichever whim it had. The wind caught up. Before this year I would have been bawling in this situation. Now I just walked stoically with Tom. He looked back at me. It wasn’t a joke. Did he think I thought it was? I just looked back at him, giving him a slight ‘Well that’s that’ smile. And we went into Bertucci’s and sat down for dinner. Then the mending began. I almost hated him for what he had just done. But I didn’t.
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In the 90’s, I was old enough to legally get into clubs and bars, I wasn’t the club kid that certain people thought for sure I would be when let loose in Boston. In fact, I went to Chaps maybe once every few months, for the occasional wild tea dance, and rarely if ever did I bring anyone back home with me. My social anxiety was too high for that, and if any guy did happen to make their way back to my place, I didn’t do much beyond oral. Usually it wasn’t much beyond kissing. And therein may have been the lifesaving bit of happenstance – my shyness acted as my protection, at a time when many gay men were falling sick everywhere. My inability to be the full-fledged slut I privately longed to be was a saving grace; by the time I really let loose, we had gotten safe sex down to a science.
Whenever I wonder whether I made the most of those younger years, I think back to what our world was like, and I’m grateful to have been so shy. Sometimes social anxiety saves lives.
Forget Taylor Swift.
Forget Chappell Roan.
Forget Kesha’s damnably catchy ‘Joyride’.
This summer’s greatest guilty pleasure in my happily-cloistered world was John Duff, who started the season off with the glorious ‘Be Your Girl’, kept things hot with follow-up ‘Forgotten How To F@ck‘ and is now coasting through the end of the season with ‘Hoe Is Life’ featuring the legendary Lillias White. He spent the summer traveling and performing, from Pride shows in Chicago and New York to a celebrated residency in Provincetown, and his music has made an ideal soundtrack to the sunny season. Stay tuned for his upcoming ‘Clothes Back On’ to see how he enters the fall.
Seeking out a spiritual path in life is often the last bastion of hope for those of us searching for meaning in how we live. Starting off on such a journey, or simply making one’s own way and determining which direction to head is what Kaelan Strouse offers with his books, coaching and spiritual retreats. Meditation has become a life-saving practice for me, so a spiritual guide and coach is nothing short of dazzling, hence Kae’s crowning as Dazzler of the Day here. He melds spirituality, sexuality, and self-empowerment into an authentic and genuine reconciliation of our minds and bodies. Check out his website here for a more detailed and fascinating look at his life’s calling, excerpted below:
Kaelan is a spiritual guide who has led meditations, coaching sessions, and yogic practices since 2008. He founded Ecstatic Self LLC during the pandemic of 2020; his client list ranges from CEOs of NFL teams to federal judges—from Ivy League tenured professors to leaders in healthcare startups.
He has written two books on personal growth and belonging (Journey to the Ecstatic Self & I Dreamt of Flight). Kaelan lived in a meditative ashram for 7 years, earned his advanced CRT 500 in yogic instruction, and has over 1/2-million followers on Ecstatic Self YouTube and other socials.
He has led corporate leadership and empathy workshops for top corporations like JP Morgan, TripAdvisor, KPMG, Bank of America, etc. He graduated magna cum laude from Northwestern University and lives in Washington, DC with his husband and pets.
Rene Farias is an artist who has managed to turn the quiet and seemingly insignificant turns of a day into an erotic expiration of beauty and inspiration. Living out his creative endeavors across social media, he produces work that is as scintillating in its finished state as it is in the process of being made. While Farias has the power and talent to make something beautiful of the smaller moments, his work also explores other-worldly creatures and fantasies, letting loose with images of wild hybrids merging man and beast, minotaur and mermaids, and fabled fairies. In some pieces he treats the human body like an architectural structure – a train runs through the tunnels of two human cavities – while in others trios of embracing men with wings find their legs morphing into multiple squid-like arms. A surreal gorgeousness imbues many of his pieces, bending the mind of the viewer as they try to navigate whether what they are in fact seeing is what they think they are seeing. It’s the greatest trick an artist can conjure, and the trickiest display of talent a human can execute. Farias earns his first Dazzler of the Day thanks to a consistent outpouring of work that makes us think and feel and marvel. Check out his website here.
“I’m cuban artist living in Miami. I like to explore the human eroticism and break taboos and stereotypes. There is no better way to assert ideas than through art. Mermaids, minotaurs, fairies, snakes, butterflies; recurring elements in my work that serve to accentuate the contrast between masculine strength and the fragility and delicacy that nature and mythology offer us. I really hope you enjoy my little piece of the world.” ~ Rene Farias
A modern-day Renaissance Man, who has gone from baseball player to country music star, Bryan Ruby has had one of the most impressive journeys that any Dazzler of the Day can claim. But as Reading Rainbow used to tell us, you don’t have to take my word for it. Here’s the bio from his website, to which he can now add Dazzler of the Day:
BRYAN RUBY is a rising country music artist and trailblazing professional baseball player based in Nashville, Tennessee. As a songwriter, Bryan has penned songs that have appeared on the Texas Country Top 50 chart and the iTunes Country Top 25 (#16), and songs he has written have been featured on both Huffington Post and People Magazine. As an artist, Bryan won Season 7 of the talent-search competition Nashville Rising Song, and released his debut single“Left Field” in June 2022. The song was featured on The TODAY Show and added to rotation on SiriusXM Country Pride, as well as the Academy of Country Music’s Ultimate Pride Playlist.
With rich vocals and authentic storytelling on follow-up singles “Two For The Road” (August ‘22), “The Standouts” (October ‘22), “Christmas With You” (November ‘22), “Baseball Country” (March ‘23), and “The Standouts (Heroes Version)” feat. Ty Herndon (June ‘23), “Bryan’s introspective and relatable storytelling‘ (The Nash News) and “expressive baritone” (Music Row Magazine) give him a unique calling card in the up-and-coming Nashville country scene.
Bryan made history in September 2021 when he became the only active professional baseball player to come out as gay at the time. The inspirational story was featured in USA Today as well as 100+ media outlets around the world including CBS, Yahoo, Bleacher Report and Teen Vogue. He then founded Proud To Be In Baseball, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization dedicated to advocating, educating, and creating opportunities for the next generation of LGBTQ baseball players. Ruby’s nonprofit work has earned him a spot on Out Magazine’s prestigious Out 100 list, as well as the Rising Star award from the Foundation For Love & Acceptance in Nashville.
“Baseball and country music are part of the fabric of our great country. If there’s one message I hope people hear in my songs, it’s that hard work and heart can carry you through even what the world tells you are insurmountable obstacles. You can earn your place by following your passion, no matter who you are.” — Bryan Ruby
If anyone is still looking for a Pride anthem at this late date, check out ‘Be Your Girl’ by John Duff, which takes us back to the gloriously melodic whirling days of carefree disco and delicious pop hookery. Duff has made a few of these bops, and several eye-popping videos to go along with them, easily earning this Dazzler of the Day crowning just in time to end Pride Month on a high note.
A few people I know make a habit of reading the obituaries. I’ve never done that. I don’t even like reading the obituaries of loved ones I’ve known. Even the better renditions that artfully weave words and stories as more of a tribute than documentation of someone’s death are often difficult to read. I think I’ve always been rather commonly afraid of death, up until last year when I had no choice but to face it and confront it.
Every once in a while, however, an obituary comes along to capture my heart, and remind me of the importance of honoring those we have lost, especially when it comes with a posthumous revelation that may make a difference for certain ones going through similar struggles. In this case, the end of Edward Thomas Ryan’s obituary did what he felt he couldn’t do for all his lived days:
Edward wanted to share the following: “I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life. I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush. He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical Procedure gone wrong. I’ll be buried next to Paul. I’m sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it. Now that my secret is known, I’ll forever Rest in Peace.”
At first it was heartbreaking to read. I’ve known men like Edward. They carry a hollowed-out, haunted desperation to some of their days and actions, while somehow managing to be braver and stronger than I could ever imagine having to be. I wonder at an entire life lived within the proverbial confines of the closet, a life lived with subterfuge and secrets, and what moments of freedom men like Edward might have known, grasped at, lived for… It always crushes the soul a little to dwell upon what kind of world would allow for such an existence – and what kind of people would want to suppress or force someone to be something other than what they truly are.
And then I feel grateful. Grateful for having had the fortune and privilege and fortitude to come out when I was young, when I was still finding my way and growing into the person I was born to be. Grateful for the existence of Pride Month, for others who paved the way without such fortune and privilege. Grateful for being able to surround myself with people who would never think of suppressing or forcing anyone to be someone they weren’t. And grateful for the Edwards of the world – especially Edward Thomas Ryan – who did in death what he felt he could not do in life, becoming at last the person he was born to be, and reminding us of our own history.
The self-proclaimed “friendly queer Jew with very long nails”, Matt Bernstein has amassed a formidable social media presence and popularity that shows no signs of diminishing. Earning this virgin Dazzler of the Day, Bernstein has become a champion for marginalized communities, while never lacking in style and pizzazz – all of which is the perfect recipe to dazzle. Check out their Insta here and their YouTube channel here.
After what seems like a lifetime of delicious teasing, Jim Verraros releases his new single ‘Pyramid’ today, making this a day worthy of celebration, continuing the splash he made with recent hit ‘Take My Bow’. From cuts like ‘ Go Deep’ on his debut album ‘Rollercoaster’ to much of the ‘Do Not Disturb’ era, Verraros has often offered cheekily unabashed musical takes on gay love and life. Sprinkling in enough skin and spiciness to the proceedings to visually entice viewers, Verraros is also making music that moves the masses. ‘Take My Bow‘ charged across dance floors around the world, and ‘Pyramid’ aims to erect a similar trajectory.
The tantalizing possibilities of a song named ‘Pyramid’ have had all fans of Jim Verraros salivating and waiting with properly-baited breath for the arrival of his new single, set to debut May 10. The promotional artwork and video clips are scintillating, and only hint at the follow-up to his worldwide smash ‘Take My Bow’. Like many, I’m hoping this is the beginning of an entire album of new work, as the world seems poised and ready for someone who once trail-blazed his way onto the music scene and never quite got the credit he deserved for it. Get ready to be dazzled all over again as ‘Pyramid’ gets its long-awaited release this week.
There have aways been people who have whispered, or shouted out loud, their complaints that the LGBTQ+ community has to proclaim their identity over and over again when most people don’t even care about someone’s sexuality. Those people must live largely ignorant and unaware lives where they don’t see the hatred and homophobia still running rampant, and given a new lease on acceptability with a certain political party’s current leaders. As a gay man, I’m keenly aware that there is a resurgence in homophobia, sanctioned by the GOP Presidential candidate that trickles down to all the other GOP candidates who seem to be ok with stepping in line with a criminal. What a sad and far cry from the Republican Party of my parents.
Case in point is our Dazzler of the Day – brilliant author, activist and actor Maulik Pancholy, whose scheduled participation at an anti-bullying event was canceled by a Pennsylvania school board due to his “lifestyle”. Don’t tell me there isn’t a problem here, and don’t tell me we don’t need Pride Month and reminders that this sort of thing keeps happening no matter how much you might want to pretend it isn’t.
Happily, this is bringing further attention to his work and his passion for making the world better for all children. Check out his website here for all his exciting accomplishments, including his two YA novels, ‘The Best At It’ and ‘Nikhil Out Loud’.
American soccer player Gaby Vincent earns her first Dazzler of the Day honor for her talent on the soccer field, as well as her LGBTQ+ community outreach and relations work. She is set to be a featured speaker at Athlete Ally’s Athlete Activism Summit in Louisville, Kentucky this June, as seen below:
Over the course of four days, college athletes, coaches, and administrators from across the country will convene to build community, gain knowledge, and commit to actions to help expand LGBTQI+ inclusion and allyship on their campuses.
Athlete Ally staff and event co-hosts will share how they are using education, policy reform, athlete activism, and groundbreaking research to champion LGBTQI+ inclusion in and through sport. We will hear from athletes & activists on how visibility and representation can shape collective power, and from QTBIPOC athletes & allies on intersectional activism. Attendees will cycle through breakouts on storytelling and campus advocacy. To cap off the Summit, we will lay out a blueprint for where we go from here to maximize our collective impact.
The good news is that Joe Phillips finally has a few slots open for commissioned work; the bad news is that his formidable skill and talent will likely mean these slots won’t be open for long. Phillips has been celebrated on this blog before, but given the fleeting nature of people, and the precarious state of the world, I believe in celebrating our living artists while we can, and while they might be able to appreciate it. For that reason, among many others, he earns this Dazzler of the Day crowning. Costume and play are often intertwined with the life of an artist, and in addition to his phenomenal artistic work, Phillips crafts looks that are worthy of museum-installation iconography. Knowing exactly what features to accentuate, and how to achieve the unmistakable elements of a design to convey precisely a specific character, time or place is a talent that takes years to hone and perfect. It’s all part of the artistic package and the magic that Phillips conjures whenever one is in his presence. Check out further evidence of his brilliance at his website here.
