Category Archives: Homophobia

I’ve never been called the f-word as much as I have this year, and across the board it’s been by Donald Trump supporters trolling my Twitter account. Up until now, I’ve been puzzled as to how best to deal with them. Reason and logic and truth got me nowhere. Witty and intelligent counter-arguments only confused them. Reciprocal vitriol engaged them on their homegrown turf. Blocking, reporting and ignoring them worked, but still left things unresolved. Not until today did I figure out the best way to deal with them, and it’s the simplest but sometimes most difficult thing to do. I fought against it for so long because it seemed too cliched and trite, too weak and wimpy, but it turns out it takes more guts and courage and grace than anything else I’ve ever done. The most powerful way to shut down someone who hates is to love them.

I’m not talking romantic love or physical love or even friendly love – I’m talking the simple love we all can, and should, feel towards another human being, if only because they are human too. As prickly as I pretend to be, as ornery as I behave, and as annoying as I can act, I’ve always held a certain modicum of love for my fellow human beings. I respect life too much to devalue it with hate, even for people who don’t agree, or who don’t believe I deserve the same rights as they do.

This was not an easy shift to make. I had just been called a faggot by someone on Twitter who goes by the name Canadian Lucifer (@ConCanadian) in response to one of my Donald Trump comments (on Trump’s own page, not Lucifer’s). I started by calmly replying, “You only perpetuate negative stereotypes of Donald Trump supporters by calling me a faggot.”

Lucifer quickly replied: “I don’t care about stereotypes. I only care that I know you are a faggot.”

It was then that I realized this person had no interest in engaging in a reasonable discussion, or even simple human decency. I surrendered, but in so doing issued the ultimate challenge. With one Tweet, I made it impossible for this person to win: ‘All you need is love.’

Far more than any angry diatribe or cutting insult could have done, it hit a nerve more sensitive than those accustomed to receiving hate from hate. Lucifer retorted immediately: ‘Not from faggots, I don’t.’

Normally, this would raise my ire. I’d lash out, cut this person down, or report and block them. Instead, I wrote this: “I love you anyway, as a fellow human being. You may not like it but you cannot stop it.”

Lucifer did not take kindly to that. When hate is confronted with love, it rarely responds in kind. “Sick fuck” was Lucifer’s succinct response.

“Why do you think it’s sick to love?” I asked without guile or pretense.

Lucifer replied, “Because it is a ridiculous emotion in light of human nature. Hate is far, far stronger.”

“And yet you’re not strong enough to stop me from loving you as my fellow human being,” I wrote.

There it was. The underlying heart of the matter. The one thing that they cannot and will not ever be able to take away: our love.

Even if Donald Trump wins this election, and if he and Mike Pence strike down marriage-equality and implement gay conversion therapy as they have written specifically into the Republican Platform, they still won’t be able to touch the one thing they really want to stop: our love.

We will love, and we will love, and we will love – and no one can outlaw or regulate or stop that.

It’s not an easy thing.

You can’t fake it.

You have to mean it.

It must be genuine. It must be earnest. It must be given without expectation or want of anything in return. That makes it hard to do.

It also makes it the most rewarding.

It extinguishes the burning rage of anger.

It heals the residual hurt of sadness.

It relieves the stubborn ache of pride.

And suddenly, just like that, Lucifer was gone, and the sting of the word ‘faggot’ dissipated.

Love really does trump hate, and it always will.

This is the sort of thing I don’t normally post here. These are the hate filled words of Stephen L. Anderson of the Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe, Arizona. He gave a hate-filled rant against “faggots” just hours after the killing of 49 innocent people. (The video was quickly taken down for violating the ‘hate speech’ rules on YouTube.) Anderson claims to be a Pastor – a guy who purports to teach the workings of the Lord – but he’s actually embodying an evil that masks itself as religion. That’s the most insidious atrocity of all, but it’s really not for me to decide. If your God is one that aligns with this despicable human being and the hatred he spews, I’d be more concerned for your own soul than mine.

Before most of the bodies had been identified, before the families had even been notified, Steven Anderson posted a video exalting in their deaths. That takes a certain level of cruelty that I have never witnessed until now. Certainly I’ve read about it – the mass murderers, the dictators, the genocides – but I’ve never quite seen it in this way, directed pointedly at me just because I’m gay. As annoying as I can sometimes be, I’ve never seen anyone actually feel so strongly that I deserved to be killed or, as he puts it, exterminated.

It’s a strange feeling to have such a bull’s eye on your chest.

It inspires fear in some people, but the opposite in me.

I feel galvanized and energized, enough to write this post and to make a promise that it won’t be the last.

Even though he has wished death for me and my LGBT family, I do not wish the same for him, and that’s hard to do. It would be easy to return his volley with acts of similar vile. But I won’t, as he has done, actively wish him harm or ill. Instead, I will merely share his words, from his mouth and his heart, and let you make up your own mind. This is one self-professed Christian’s response to the murderous rampage that killed 49 innocent people in a gay club in Orlando, Florida:

The Bible says that homosexuals should be put to death, in Leviticus 20:13. Obviously, it’s not right for somebody to just, you know, shoot up the place, because that’s not going through the proper channels. But these people all should have been killed, anyway, but they should have been killed through the proper channels, as in they should have been executed by a righteous government that would have tried them, convicted them, and saw them executed. Because, in Leviticus 20:13, God’s perfect law, he put the death penalty on murder, and he also put the death penalty on homosexuality. That’s what the Bible says, plain and simple.

So, you know, the good news is that at least 50 of these pedophiles are not gonna be harming children anymore. The bad news is that a lot of the homos in the bar are still alive, so they’re gonna continue to molest children and recruit people into their filthy homosexual lifestyle.

I’m not sad about it, I’m not gonna cry about it. Because these 50 people in a gay bar that got shot up, they were gonna die of AIDS, and syphilis, and whatever else. They were all gonna die early, anyway, because homosexuals have a 20-year shorter life-span than normal people, anyway. At least these dangerous predators, these dangerous filthy pedophiles at this gay bar, at least they’re off the streets.

- Stephen L. Anderson, Faithful Word Baptist Church

As for my usual penchant of avoiding such hideous people and ignoring their existence and hateful rhetoric, I’m taking exception in this instance, as I’ve done in cases that are especially egregious. Every now and then, you must acknowledge such evil, and if there’s one lining of silver in all of this it’s that there are now faces behind the hatred.

If you refuse to acknowledge that this plays a part in what happened in Orlando, if you cannot see or understand how the preaching of hatred disguised as religion is a direct cause of such needless violence against innocent people, then you yourself are part of the problem. And it’s everywhere – it’s in the question of whether this was a hate crime or an act of terrorism (they are not, nor have they ever been, exclusive of one another), it’s in the question of whether he intended to strike a gay club, and it’s in the question of why we’re so upset about this – if you wonder about those things, even on a philosophical level, you are part of a system that has trampled on LGBT individuals for centuries.

A true believer in Love and Light and whatever God in which you put your faith does not wish for death upon innocent people. They don’t follow the hypocritical ramblings of a book written centuries ago and proven antiquated and wrong time and time again. A true believer (and this goes across the board in all major religions) does not condone death upon another – those are man-made doctrines. Rather, at the core of every religion is a respect and love for ALL human life.

When the reasonable, thoughtful, caring and compassionate people of the world – the true bearers of peace and love, are faced with deciding what is right and wrong, Anderson will be confronted with a judgment not by God, but by humanity – by simple human decency – and it will be love, not hate, that banishes him to his own hell.

When our country was attacked on September 11, 2001, and my office was evacuated and sent home, I stepped outside into the brilliant blue-skied day of our backyard and felt haunted. Everything I did suddenly seemed small and insignificant when the scope and atrocity of what had just happened started to sink in. I went back inside and did the only thing I’ve done when nothing else seems to matter: I wrote. To my family, to my friends, to the people who mattered most to me, I wrote. Simple letters, letters telling them how much they meant to me, and how this was the only thing I could think of to do in such a tragic time. I guess that’s what I’m doing now.

This weekend was a celebration of LGBT Pride in many cities across the country. We attended a couple of events, and even in the face of torrential downpours we made an appearance at Albany’s Gay Pride celebration. When it was all done, I looked at Twitter and FaceBook and Instagram, and all I saw was love and happiness and joy. It was a rare and welcome break from political fighting and exposed hatred, the kind of day when all is rainbows and giddiness and smiles. On Sunday, I woke up, still on that Pride high, to the news that a shooter armed with an assault rifle had killed 50 people in a gay nightclub in Orlando. The shooter’s father apparently said that his son was disgusted by the sight of two men kissing. It is now the worst shooting in American history. Think about that. More than Newtown, CT. More than Aurora, CO. More than Columbine, CO.

As I struggle to find meaning in all of this, when clearly there may be none other than simple hatred, I wonder what, if anything, we can do about it. Gun control laws? Insuring that homophobic leaders don’t get elected? Supporting laws that continue to push for equality? Yes to all of that, but for me it begins on a smaller scale.

Whenever something like this happens, the first thing I want to do is hide and retract from the world. To give up on everything that makes me, and others, so happy. That shooter wanted to stop two guys from kissing because he didn’t like it. He would likely find offense at every other post on this site. And though my voice is small and limited, and the shooter is already dead, the best thing I know how to do is write posts like this. He tried to silence us, and so I shout louder.

The world is violent and mercurial – it will have its way with you. We are saved only by love – love for each other and the love that we pour into the art we feel compelled to share: being a parent; being a writer; being a painter; being a friend. We live in a perpetually burning building, and what we must save from it, all the time, is love. ~ Tennessee Williams

A number of people I know – along with several studies on the issue – have claimed that a high percentage of homophobic people are actually gay themselves. I’ve always had a hard time believing that. Maybe I’m naive and foolish enough to think that most people aren’t so stupid and self-defeating, and maybe I’m just completely wrong. The only time I wonder about the phenomenon of homophobic man as closeted homosexual is when someone is so fixated on gay people that it’s all they talk about. Rick Santorum and Mike Huckabee come to mind, and now these Benham Brothers – who were set to have their own HGTV home improvement show until their anti-gay vitriol was discovered. Now, it’s like someone unlocked their mouths and all that’s coming out of them is cock talk. I mean, I don’t even think about gay sex as much as these dudes do. And so I’m left to wonder…

When their show was canceled before it even began, they posted this YouTube video. I lost count of all the double-entendres very quickly after one referred to the other as his “sister” and they started rattling off ‘The Three C’s’ that rule their lives. Yes, really. Watch:

A couple of days ago, they posted a big Bible-thumping article on how all the North Carolina shenanigans of late (you know, how the whole world is basically pulling out from a state that’s going to espouse such hateful “values” – and everyone knows that good Christians never pull out) are an attack on their religion. It’s more nonsense, but here are a few excerpts that better showcase their moronic hatred than my rhetoric could ever approach:

“Last week was a crazy week for the state of North Carolina. The hoopla around HB2 (House Bill 2), which overturned Charlotte’s radical bathroom bill, indicates just how demanding and pervasive the roots of the sexual revolution are in our country. And it reveals the direction in which we are headed as a nation…

This is the pattern of the sexual revolution’s mob, surrounding its prey, forcing its will on all who stand in the way.

Yet this is nothing new. As Scripture says, “There’s nothing new under the sun.” Today’s sexual revolution is simply new fruit coming from the same vine – the vine of Sodom.

In Genesis 19, we see how Sodom reacted to the men of God who came to Lot’s house:

“Before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, surrounded the house, both young and old, all the people from every quarter; and they called out to Lot and said to him, ‘Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us that we may have relations with them’” (19:4-5).

Today, the sexual revolution of Sodom has pervaded every sphere of society, capturing both young and old. And anyone standing in the way will be surrounded by an angry mob demanding participation…

As the men of Sodom surrounded the house, Lot offered them his daughters, which reveals how pathetic he had become as a father. Yet they refused his accommodation – and it got even nastier:

“So they pressed hard against Lot and came near to break the door” (19:9b).

The “vine” of Sodom in a nation forces participation against the will of the people. It refuses to be told, “No.”

The story continues as the mob pressed against Lot and was struck with blindness, yet the rage continued:

“They struck the men with blindness, both small and great, so that they wearied themselves trying to find the doorway” (19:11).

Wouldn’t getting struck with blindness not sober you up a bit? Yet they “wearied themselves to get to the door!” The sexual revolution is “blind” to its own rage and hate. It has no capacity for reason. It has no ability to see its own hypocrisy or discern its hopeless future. It just forces itself on others regardless of cost or consequence.

Although Lot escaped the city of Sodom, the “vine of Sodom” left with him and eventually took root in the nation of Israel many years later. And it’s still alive today.”

““For they are a nation lacking in counsel, and there is no understanding in them. Would that they were wise, that they understood this, that they would discern their future. … For their vine is from the vine of Sodom, and from the fields of Gomorrah; their grapes are grapes of poison, their clusters, bitter. Their wine is the venom of serpents, and the deadly poison of cobras” (Deuteronomy 32:28-30, 32-33).

What we are witnessing today in America is the vine of Sodom, which is a deadly poison that erodes the moral fabric of a nation. It’s demanding and pervasive, and it refuses to be told, “No.” All across Europe and now throughout America the vine has taken root and is surrounding its prey, and nothing short of a miracle will stop its deadly poison.

Yet it wasn’t the city of Sodom or the people that were the problem; it was the spiritual “vine” of sin that had taken root and perverted the nation. Interestingly, rampant homosexuality was not the “root” of sin in Sodom, but rather the effects of the real root. The prophet Ezekiel said, “‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy” (Ezekiel 16:49).

The fertile soil that makes the “vine of Sodom” grow in a nation is when the people are arrogant, overfed and unconcerned. In their pride, they reject God and indulge themselves endlessly, and they are concerned about nobody but themselves. To be honest, this sounds more like professing “Christians” today than anyone.

So today, the newest fruit of the vine of Sodom is the sexual revolution – and it’s poisoning our land. It has nearly taken over everything and is forcing itself on everyone.

Yet it cannot ultimately be removed by “fire and brimstone” from heaven or “common sense laws” from earth. Its ultimate defeat will come when we humble ourselves in repentance and seek God’s face once again. Only the Gospel of Jesus Christ has the power to defeat the real root of the “vine of Sodom.””

I guess my question is: why do they care so much? If what we’re doing as a gay people is so sinful, that’s on us. How does it affect anyone, least of all these two Christians? That’s the part I don’t get. Thankfully, I don’t know either David or Jason Benham. I have no reason to believe either of them are gay. I do, however, have to wonder why they are so obsessed with gay people and gay sex when it really has nothing to do with them. Unless it does…?

When Kim Davis first refused to issue same-sex marriage certificates even after the Supreme Court declared it law, I took it all with a grain of salt. The will of the highest court in the country seemingly meant nothing to her, and though it was an aggressive, and downright mean, act to perpetrate against a couple that simply wanted to get married (at its heart, Ms. Davis, that’s what you’re doing, under the guise of religion), I still decided to let her nonsense play out.

Let’s be reasonable, something that people in support of Ms. Davis and “religious freedom” seem incapable of being. Kim Davis has been married four times. She’s been divorced three times. If we’re going to go by ‘God’s law’ then Ms. Davis is already in for a hellaciously hot future. Targeting innocent gay and lesbian couples who want only to celebrate their love (as she got to do four times already) is not endearing her to anyone’s God. I thought for sure the loonies would see that much, but they and Ms. Davis herself have proven capable of stupidity beyond my wildest imagination. Even then I joked a bit, saying that I didn’t understand how someone so badly in need of a makeover could alienate so many gay men.

But today, after her umpteenth appeal was denied, and after she still refused to do her damn job and issue marriage licenses, I’m just pissed. I work for the government too, but if I behaved the way she did I’d be disciplined big time. Her job is to issue marriage licenses, not administer a religious sacrament. There is a distinct separation of church and state written into the constitution, and it’s there for precisely this reason.

Let’s say, for example, that my religion is fashion. Not a far-fetched example, quite frankly. And let’s say that I’m vociferously against Crocs and cargo shorts, that I think anyone who wears them is going to hell, and that I don’t want to be affiliated with them in any way. As much as I’d like to not help them, if my job calls upon me to provide information that they need to do their job, if I have to help them or support them in the course of the day, as a state worker I have to do so. I can’t refuse because I don’t believe in Crocs or cargo shorts.

Or better yet, let’s say that I don’t believe in working a full day. My beliefs are that I need a siesta from noon to five, and after that I need a period to relax and meditate. It goes directly against the hours that I’m supposed to work, but hey, those are my beliefs and everyone who knows me will most definitely attest to this. Can I just leave my job at noon based on these staunchly-held beliefs?

That’s exactly what Ms. Davis is doing right now. If it were anyone else, they’d be disciplined, if not fired. How many times does she need to be instructed to uphold the law of the country and do her job as a government employee? I think she’s had her chance. Either do your job, or resign. Stop getting paid for services you refuse to render.

My husband and my brother follow each other on Instagram, which I find both amusing and confusing. (My brother started and quickly stopped following me a long time ago.) Anyway, a couple of nights ago Andy sent him a picture of some car that he thought my nephew would like (it had what can only be described as wings (or raised fins) on the back, and it looked cool to me). Rather than responding with a simple ‘Ha!’ (my stock go-to reply to anything that neither impresses nor bothers me much) or a dismissive ‘Not his style’ my brother sends one word as his response: “Gay.”

I know I shouldn’t expect less, and certainly not more, but at this stage of his adult life, and at this formative point in his own children’s lives, to toss the word ‘gay’ around in an apparently derogatory manner is just offensive. When he gets angry, or just casually describes someone be doesn’t like, I’ve heard him use the term ‘faggot’, which he once explained did not mean anything against gay people, it was just a term for something stupid. That excuse no longer flies with me. It never did.

My brother probably won’t ever change. I’ve implored him not to say such things, I’ve screamed and yelled, I’ve spoken calmly and explained that it hurt me personally to hear him use such language, and I’ve told him unequivocally not to talk that way around me, but while it has lessened, it’s still apparently there. Even in the harmless response to a picture of a car he didn’t like.

I’ve long since given up on him. But if his kids should ever say something like that one day, it would break my heart. Kids see and hear everything. Even my non-parenting ass knows that. Words matter. What may be meaningless or insignificant to him might make a world of difference to others. I would hope that message is being passed on to his kids, because if you’re not preparing your children to be open and embracing of difference, you’re setting them up to fail in this diverse future.

As I was sliding down a maudlin hill contemplating all of it, I was reminded by Suzie that I should help do my own bit of education. So let’s turn this into a teachable moment for all those people who say something is ‘gay’ without meaning disrespect to those of us who are in fact gay. Here you go:

Mike Pence, Governor of Indiana, has gotten himself into a bit of a pickle with his Religious Freedom Restoration Act, which paves the way for legalized discrimination against gays and lesbians. I’ve been galvanized by the swift and strong reaction to Governor Pence’s proposal. The problem for Pence and anyone who doesn’t believe in equality is that the majority of people are no longer going to allow such thinly-veiled acts of discrimination to exist without a battle – and that battle isn’t yet harming gays and lesbians, it’s hurting the state of Indiana. Hardly effective leadership for someone who is, say, the Governor.

If the growing boycotts and unprecedented backlash against Pence and his problematic religious freedom fight are indication of anything, it’s that this country, and this world, will not stand for discrimination against the LGBT community. It’s simply unacceptable to treat a gay person as anything less than a human being. We have the same rights and privileges as any other human being.

For me, it’s pretty simple: if you are open to the public, you have to serve the public. Gay, straight, black, white, Christian, Muslim, mean, nice, pretty or ugly ~ everyone. Do you have to become gay if you serve a gay person? No. Do you have to stop believing in Jesus Christ if you serve a Buddhist? No. Do you have to give up your Prada bag if you serve someone wearing Crocs? No.

We’ve had this argument before, but the world has changed and evolved a lot in the last few years. As the vitriolic response to Pence has proven, setting the stage for discrimination is not only bad policy, it’s bad business. I don’t feel the need to pontificate upon it any further, and the good thing is that there are other far more powerful entities willing to do so. The corporate world is standing against it and taking millions of dollars away from Indiana. Sports teams are considering pulling their biggest events out of the state. Other governors have banned travel and non-essential trips to the state of Indiana. The irony is that Mike Pence’s religious freedom act, far from helping or aiding Indiana, has served only to harm and inflict financial pain upon its own constituents. That’s the problem with anything rooted in hatred: the underlying nature of the beast will ultimately devour itself.