Category Archives: General

First of all, my 50th birthday is coming up this summer, so this is foremost a reminder to plan accordingly. Fifty don’t come cheap. 

Second, and perhaps more importantly (I said perhaps) next Friday marks a planned economic blackout to show the oligarchy so disturbingly in charge right now that we the people still have some say and some semblance of power (at least until it’s finally shredded in whatever monstrous Executive Order or Congressional action gets unleashed next – will Medicaid or Medicare be the first to go? FAFO, MAGA morons!)

On February 28, I encourage you to join me in not spending or ordering anything from any entity other than locally-owned-and-operated businesses for one day, which will double as a helpful lesson in saving, while sending a message, if enough of us join, that we are entirely fed up. It may take some planning and preparation, particularly if you’re like my husband and me, whose meal plans are usually created and purchased the day of – but it will be good to go without spending at Amazon or Target for a day, and perhaps longer. 

Do I have any idealized belief that this will result in anything concrete? Not at this point – one would be a fool to think that such things matter anymore, but it’s something we can all actively do. And maybe we will feel a little better about not having contributed to the richest people in power for one day. 

Almost every casual conversation I’ve had this week – from co-workers in the elevator to the cashier at Trader Joe’s – has referenced the wear and tear of this particular winter. I think we are all feeling weary of it, and I don’t recall a stretch of such sustained frigid and icy weather in recent years without a bit of a break. The winter doldrums are here, and relief is a long way off. 

For my part, I’ve largely avoided dwelling on something over which we have no control, such as the weather, and the winter. Instead, I look to the sweet spots of beauty, even in the awfulness of a weekend-long ice storm. 

There is magic here, a wonderland that can only be conjured in the winter. For that we should be grateful. 

This wasn’t something I wanted to happen. While I love many of the Byredo fragrances, and have a few of my own, I find the majority are too light and don’t last long enough to justify their price points. (Exceptions of note: their glorious Night Veils collection.) When I was last in Boston, Chris and I were ambling about Newbury Street on a frigid day before our holiday gathering. The wind was whipping wildly, the temperatures were brutally low, and we went storefront by storefront to keep warm. One of these was what looked like a small Byredo pop-up, perhaps a holder for something more grand, or maybe just a holiday gift for passers-by like us. 

I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t need or really want another cologne at that moment – my signature holiday fragrance had already been chosen, and I was entirely enamored of it. But there was newest Byredo release – ‘Desert Dawn’ – and on such a cold day the idea of a warm desert was too tantalizing to  ignore. Spraying a bit on my wrist and coat sleeve, I brought it to my nose, hoping to hate it. No such luck – it was exquisite. The dryness of cedar and hints of sandalwood lent it a warmth that immediately spoke to me as the winter was then just beginning, while a small accent of cardamom gave it additional heat. A crisp note of vetiver gave it some effervescent and sparkle. Despite Byredo’s deserved reputation of not being the most lasting of fragrances, this one stayed with me even after our morning stroll ended, thus eliminating my last possible objection to such a gorgeous scent. 

By that time, my Christmas wish list had long been finalized, but I sent Andy a missive that if he was looking for a Valentine’s Day gift this would be most welcome, and as he usually does, he heard the plea and delivered like the sweet and generous soul he is. While I was planning on saving it for a trip to California or a warmer time close to summer, this actually works as an antidote to winter, so I’ve indulged and decided to make it happen now. With icy weekends bound indoors with Andy, I can’t think of a better memory to encapsulate with a fragrance. 

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” ~ Edith Wharton

I read somewhere that there were only thirty more days until spring. Though I trust nothing I read online anymore, I didn’t bother to do the math because it doesn’t much matter. Spring will arrive when she arrives, whether by date or by weather, and there’s not much more we can do about it. 

Due to the difficult weather we have had, I’ve spent the entirety of the long weekend inside our home, watching and listening to the raging winds and the clattering of branches and ice against the roof and windows. When I saw ‘Babette’s Feast’ listed on the TCM schedule, I asked Suzie if I should watch it, as it was one of her favorites from childhood. She said yes, so I lit a candle and hoped for the best.

I wasn’t expecting the subtitles, or something entitled ‘Babette’s Feast’ to be anything other than porn, but in both instances I was pleasantly surprised, and our next goal for winter will be Suzie hosting a dinner inspired by this quaint movie. We shall call it ‘Suzette’s Feast’ and instead of quail we’ll have Cornish game hens. Oh, who am I kidding – we’ll have everyone over and throw some chicken tenders on a paper plate. 

The almost-full Snow Moon cast its lovely light over an aptly-snow-covered earth, calling to me to step out into the cold air and brave the discomfort for this brilliance. In only a few minutes, I was chilled and shuddering, but the moon often does that, forcing us into situations and circumstances and bad ideas we never would have entertained at any other time. Its seduction is dangerous, and one follows its madness with an acknowledged risk of ruin. On this night, it was nothing nearly as dramatic as all that, merely the pesky trials of a brisk chill to capture a few peeks of the moon shyly drifting among the winter clouds and trees. 

Winter moons hold their own magic, and though their light is merely a reflection, it feels no less illuminating for that. There’s something more poignant about it – as though it’s giving up everything for the rest of us, even the stuff it doesn’t even have to give. Of course there’s another way of looking at it: who gives away something they have only borrowed? 

The Super Bowl happened more than a week go, but this is my Super Bowl – a bowl of Wedgwood from my Mom’s collection. It provides solace in any dark time, with memories of my childhood home glowing in my heart with all the happenings of our formal living room – birthdays, Christmas mornings, graduations, and visits from family and friends. Escaping into those happier times is a necessary component of current days, and looking back is sometimes a comfort. Along those lines, here’s our weekly recap…

More than cocks and flowers… slightly. 

An unexpected stiffy first thing in the morning. 

A crotchety old man am I.

A Divine Diva’s schedule is set in sparkles. 

Visitor for the full Snow Moon.

Abracadabra: return of the Lady. 

The architecture of ice. 

A Valentine’s Day blog post!

Snow still lives. 

A purple-hued interlude.

Style & panache!

I just wanna dance!

A crisp style. 

Let me entertain you. 

Magnificent muted wonder. 

Dazzlers of the Day included Jalen Hurts, Saquon Barkley, Pete Davidson and Patrick Schwarzenegger. 

Following up the recent string of ‘Divine Diva Tour’ posts, which evoke the colorful lifestyle I was attempting to live twenty years ago, this muted post is a more accurate rendering of the present moment, and happily for me it’s richer and more colorful in its own way. If we’re lucky, that’s the way life works – the giddy and extreme highs and lows of our youth should become tempered with reality, and finding the joy in more subtle and nuanced ways is the best way to remain entertained and inspired. A change in perspective is the easiest way to roll with the punches of life – expecting there to be more and more exciting and stimulating things every day until we die is a certain path to disappointment, if not outright devastation. I refuse to go down that path – it’s a path too often riddled with unhealthy coping mechanisms and dangerous ruses. 

Instead, I center myself, breathing slowly and deliberately in and out, and when you think of the luxury that taking a breath in relative comfort is, you appreciate it more, and it becomes imbued with something fascinating you never quite realized before. 

Take these photos for example – outwardly they may seem to pale in comparison to the explosive fire of something like our Divine Diva journey, but when you pause and fully take them in, they reveal bits of magic only discernible to the refined eye. The sparkle of the crystalline snow, the intricate patterns of the tree branch shadows, the way the background could be snow or sky – it invites more questions, more examination, more rumination, more thought – and maybe that’s lost on those of us who have become immune to such simple joys. How unfortunate for anyone that can’t access this beauty. 

Ahh, Valentine’s Day. 

There is so much love and hatred for a single day, often depending on where your own romantic situation is, and it is foolish and folly in every single aspect. For me, this day has never really been about romantic love – we show and receive love daily if we’re lucky enough to have found our person, and it’s in the simple things like sharing the ride to pick up groceries, sleeping in on lazy Sunday mornings, or simply unwinding beside someone at the end of a day. Valentine’s Day is merely another excuse for a gift or a dinner out – both very much welcomed, don’t get me wrong, but nothing that couldn’t or shouldn’t be done at any other time of the year. My love with Andy is more powerful and resonant than could ever be captured or celebrated in a single Hallmark holiday. 

Instead, Valentine’s Day brings me back to my elementary school days, when sending a Valentine to my classmates was the first introduction to the power of an epistolary hello, and how it could be an art form. As much as I loved seeing my Valentine bag decorated with construction paper hearts and paper doilies fill and drop beneath the weight of the cards from my classmates, I found an equal thrill in dropping their cards into their bags, hoping that the ones I had made or chosen for them would make an impression and properly convey how much they meant to me. 

My friends then were mostly girls – Rachael, Lynn, Jill, Laura, Angie, Tonya – and they made me feel accepted and adored in a way that was never quite there with the boys. Girls could be terrible towards each other, but very rarely were they ever mean to me (unless it was deserved, and yes, it was often deserved but even then they were kinder and more forgiving than I would ever be).

We recently had dinner with Lynn after reconnecting a while ago and she exclaimed with slight exasperation that all the girls loved me in elementary school. It was something I never fully realized then, and as she said it forty years later I started to feel beloved by them for the very first time. It moved me immensely, and I quickly glossed over it so as not to make a mushy scene. That Lynn remembered, and that it had been true, was a soul-healing balm over a tender part of my heart that never quite felt loved back then. Realizing it this late in the game left me humbled and grateful. If that’s what Valentine’s Day has come to mean, then let us have it in high heralded spirits, let us shout about its heart-bursting brilliance and celebrate the idea of love in all its forms. 

Here are a few previous V-Day posts for your perusal – together they create a little playlist for this day:

The Unexpected Valentine: Kissing A Fool

The Modern Day Valentine Mix: Side One and Side Two.

A Valentine Hodge Podge: At This Moment

Crazy Valentine Love: Crazy For You

Valentine Miscellany: Crazy In Love

A Valentine Sweet Treat: Studded With Chocolate 

Hearts of Cheese: Making Love Out of Nothing At All

A Simple Valentine Song: I Only Want To Be With You

A Friendly Valentine: That’s What Friends Are For

A Valentine Folk-You Mix: Side One and Side Two

Winter’s talent is in encasing its icy chill in scenes of other-worldly beauty. While driving a frigid dagger into warm flesh, it distracts with the pretty wonders of ice, momentarily sculpting the smallest waves of water into architectural swirls that sparkle in the light of the sun. 

Freezing the dark green needles of the Japanese umbrella pine – an architectural marvel of its own – this winter ice accentuates the beauty of the season, holding a scene of weeping in frozen place. Winter can still the heart that way, forcing us to either gasp in relief or hold it all in, pretending that we are all right with the freeze. 

When I was a young boy, I’d seek out scenes like this on winter walks in the wooded bank behind our home. Water would occasionally pool between tree roots, forming little ponds of ice, or drip beneath the eaves of the pool house, splashing onto an iron fence and dropping icicles in opposition to the steel spikes that pointed upward. 

The whispered secrets of a pine bough, told only in a masked brush of wind, would be silenced in such ice – the chattering and shattering when the wind came again was a telling bit of hell-bent destruction for having tried to quiet them. We will too often hurt ourselves in our efforts to hurt others. 

Winter is a fickle beast who won’t be tamed for a while. 

My Dad left us on a night with a full moon – the Surgeon Moon – and since then every full moon, even with all their mayhem and calamities, has offered a reassuring reminder of his presence. For last night’s Snow Moon, Dad visited in a dream. How strange that an ephemeral experience like a dream could embody such substantial emotions and feel so real. 

In the dream, we were staying in a hotel room, as if we were on vacation, but it was just the two of us. Mom and Paul were out and I was trying to do a bunch of laundry that was on the floor. Dad went into the bathroom to take a shower. He must have been older here, because I remember wondering if he could do it on his own, but I listened to be sure things were ok and they were. I marveled that at his age he could still do things like take a shower without assistance. When it was done, I went in to collect the towels and laundry from the bathroom. 

He sat on a couch and for some reason I asked, “What was the secret… of the lavender river?” He sat there silent and didn’t answer. I said it louder, “What was the secret??”

Still no answer. 

It was a typical Dad moment: he was there, silent and stoic and somehow supportive.

The dream ended. The full Snow Moon floated out there somewhere.

Mom still thinks of him whenever there’s a full moon. Maybe that’s why he was saying a silent hello. 

Having just started posting 2005’s ‘Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale‘ I thought I’d give a little technical scheduling note for those already annoyed at it: strap on for the long haul, as I’ll likely be posting this well into spring, perhaps beyond. I’m not doing one big cum-dump of posts like some lame guys who shoot their wad way too early – this one will be deliciously and decadently drawn out so as to elicit every last gasp and groan. An edging session that has already lasted twenty years long…

This is also more than a simple re-posting of something you’ve seen here before – yes, a few of the images have appeared in these parts (hello infamously-immortalized blue Speedo) but the bulk of this project has never before been posted, and more than that, there are numerous photos that didn’t make it into the original tour book because it was a physical entity with physical limits – we now have this online outlet to put it all out there (with some judicious editing to hide the more extreme naughty bits, or highlight them per my whim).

I’ll try to schedule most posts for the weekend, when we need to embrace and lean into our escapes, finding fun where fun can be found in such perilous times, but I’ll sneak a few into the weekdays as well; part of survival means having to find the fun when it’s least expected. You find the fun and – SNAP! – the job’s a game! When I’ve segued into Mary Poppins, it’s time to end the post.

One of my biggest ‘fans’ recently commented that she stopped reading my blog a long time ago because it was only cocks and flowers.

I wish!

I wish it was that easy.

I wish that was all I had to post.

I wish that I could be content to limit myself to such basic, if fertile, topics. 

Alas, it’s nowhere near the truth, as anyone who has read a week’s worth of posts at any time can truthfully attest. And to provide ample evidence, here’s a brief yet substantial list of some favored posts, none of which have anything to do with flowers or dick. (I’m not exactly selling it, am I?)

• Bringing Suzie home after her year away in Denmark

• Absence makes the heart grow

• A letter to a friend lost

• I’ve spent some time as a narcissist

• FireWater: The Overture
• FireWater: The Aftermath

• A last letter to the first man who kissed me

• Revisiting the moon and a lost friendship

• Saddle shoes of shame

• If I ran away…

• Tales from the Windy City

• A letter to my Dad

• Lessons in art remembered in a hot shower

• You better let somebody love you

• A letter to my Godson

• Perhaps I like people more than I realize

• The day we had to grow up

• The girl I almost married

• The ultimate thief of joy

• Finding mindfulness in a dish rag

While I was busy posting pics from twenty years ago, yesterday’s usual designation for the weekly recap got pushed back to now, so as we wrap up the first few installments of ‘The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale’, let’s look back over the entire last week in our usual recap before pushing through to the current one.

An update to this FAFO moment – even more traditional press offices have been ‘rotated out’ because, spoiler alert, we are in a dictatorship. 

Champagne time. 

Venus and a crescent moon.

Break the algorithm.

A shirtless Pedro Pascal post.

Melting with you.

Law Roach was our lone Dazzler of the Day.

It’s a lamp, it’s a dandelion, it’s growth!

A sorta fairytale.

Sleeping Beauty waltz.

David Beckham and Benson Boone: a crotch shot and a crotch grab. 

City of quartz.

The lilac fairy.

Once upon a fairy’s playlist.

The emergence of The Divine Diva: a fairy takes flight.

A dark prequel to divinity.

Overture and opening credits. 

The opening act of The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale.

Just an old-fashioned girl.

Glitter and be gay. 

Homage to Herb.

Body immortally bruised.

The body of a man near the end of his youth. 

Travis Kelce and the Kansas City Chiefs win… the next FAFO award.