Category Archives: General

How I long to be someone who just doesn’t give a fuck about a broken tea bag.

For really, what is so bad about a broken tea bag?

A few errant tea leaves sucked into your stomach won’t kill you. 

Why does it bother me so?

Small. Petty. Mean. That’s the extent of its annoyance factor. No more, and likely less.

I could alway re-strain it if it is the aesthetic that proves so bothersome.

But maybe that’s not it. 

Maybe I like the annoyance.

The bother of it all. 

The agitation that reminds me there are things worth getting upset about, and things decidedly not. 

This is one of the decided nots. 

And so I pocket my little bit of anger, burying it like a burnt bagel, letting it bide its time until something bigger comes along.

Because something bigger always comes along. 

{The Virgo has spoken. The Perfectionist retreats. The Harmonist knocks.}

Gratitude should be in the air this week… and I’m trying. 

I’m really trying. 

Well, let me just get through the work days and then I’ll employ the full thanks for Thursday.

For now, a pair of pics to whet your appetite for our somewhat-annual Friendsgiving weekend in Boston, which I promised a while ago and look to fulfill this week. In the meantime, our weekly recap begins here.

Smart enough.

Where the skies are blue – the sane person’s fix for Twitter/X.

Piss in plastic.

Still wicked after all these years.

A summer storm.

A gray ghost.

A grand child.

A shade of gray.

Crossroads of the world.

Another gray ghost.

Another shade of gray.

The ash didn’t fall.

The Process.

The Shady Story.

After turning off the news, I returned to peaceful living.

Shirtless counter-programming from the past.

A sky that looks troubled or hopeful.

Maybe I’ll give up e-mail for Advent. Wait, that’s Lent…

Holiday progeny.

Morning sky on my way to work last week. 

Oh the drama of it all.

A multi-layered extravaganza.

And Lord knows I love an extravaganza.

The laziness of a Sunday morning post, especially when the blogger doesn’t feel like writing. 

Go out and enjoy the day, no matter the weather, no matter the mood.

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. 

And then enjoy more. 

The day began by spitting some blasphemous combination of rain and almost-snow. Pieces of this pesky gelatinous goo fell from the sky, whipped about by a cutting wind. The sun was trying to come out, but clouds were obscuring it at every turn. Such is the typical dilemma of November. 

In an effort to combat the dreariness and offer some shirtless, summery counterprogramming from the way-back and long-ago, here is a link to the Summer Pics that populated this site early in its inception. My… how times, hair, and stomach have changed! And oh, what fun we once had! 

We have a different kind of fun now – starting with a dinner party tonight featuring friends that go back to grade school… 

One of the silver linings of this past fucked-up election was the obliteration of my news-watching habits. Andy was a constant viewer of MSNBC, and when I was done with work I’d occasionally join him. That was until they started doing the ridiculous sane-washing of the utterly insane past and future President, while simultaneously placing Kamala Harris on a comparative level with such a buffoon. By presenting a skewed and falsely-equivalent narrative of two candidates, as if they were anywhere near each other in terms of just about everything, the news media succeeded in doing what I saw them doing for the past year – and that moron was elected by people who only heard snippets of two candidates and viewed them as more or less similar – because that’s how the media had portrayed them. Sucks for America, and ever since then I haven’t watched any news programs whatsoever. It’s been a wonderful and refreshing return to the peace of a non-political life, and even Andy has weaned himself off many of his old favorites. 

We find better viewing to be had on TCM or any channel that shows classic movies. Andy has been delving back into ‘The Sopranos’ and I’ve returned to Create TV and Lidia and Pati. It’s brought about such a welcome relief; I’d forgotten how pleasant it was to shut the political world entirely off and exist in the present moment, living for the grand comforts over which we have some control. 

It also looks like we are not alone, as ratings for MSNBC and CNN have taken a dismal downturn. Add it to the long list of fuck-around-and-find-out moments the next four years will likely bring. Oh, and if you hear of more, don’t let me know. IDGAF.

The very first time Andy met my parents he was wearing a t-shirt that said ‘GET WICKED TONIGHT!‘ on it, in bold yellow letters across a blue background. In his defense, he didn’t anticipate meeting my parents that day. In my defense, I didn’t anticipate he would be wearing such a shirt ever. We both learned something that day. Tomorrow night, we are literally getting ‘Wicked’ again, as we take in an early showing of the eagerly-anticipated ‘Wicked’ movie. 

It will be a proper date night for us, one that rekindles the very first time we saw the show in New York. It was November, about a week or two after it opened on Broadway, and its original stars Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel were both on. It was a magical moment, and in the ensuing years we’ve returned to the stage production several times. 

Tomorrow night, the movie version directed by Jon M. Chu and starring  Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande flies into theaters, and we’ll be there defying gravity with all the other fans. 

Ever since Twitter (X) was taken over by evil forces, my interest there has markedly waned to the point where I’m on the verge of leaving. I’ve been on Threads, but they seem to have the same censorship issues that plague artistic souls. Last week I joined BlueSky, which feels like a breath of fresh air. Of course all social media sites eventually seem to become victims of their own success or failure, so who knows how long this BlueSky moment will last. For now, I’m taking it all in and enjoying it. 

It also points to the fickle, capricious nature of social media these days. While Twitter crumbles under the proliferation of hate, hypocrisy, and misinformation, and FaceBook and Instagram crumble under their own hypocritical issues of censorship and rampant misinformation, BlueSky comes along to fill the void in human decency and simple sanity. Am I invested in any of these time-killers anymore? Not really – I copy and paste my blog posts into all of them, and go on my merry way. 

My BlueSky handle: @alanilagan.bsky.social

Helmed by one of Andy’s magical peonies, this post comes as we pick up any pieces left from the full Beaver Super Moon. I channeled the moon’s lively energy for a Friendsgiving weekend with Kira, and with an eye on a positive outcome, we managed to survive. More on that a bit later – for now, the typical Monday morning quarterbacking in this week-in-review.

Technicolor glow.

Shirtless mens and one nude dude.

Sexual activity my ass.

Irate Irene.

People ahead.

Holiday shopping season.

Shades of brotherhood.

The man in your office.

A little ghost.

Shades of uncle-hood.

Fairy tale nursery rhyme.

Dee and the geese.

Shades of magic.

When the roses bloom…

Leading up to gratitude.

A magical flower from a magical man.

A visitor cloaked in red.

Fall light, elusive and dwindling.

Not the sun.

Faded beauties among the fallen.

More fallen beauty.

Shades of music.

Our lone Dazzler of the Day was Sexiest Man of the Year John Krasinski.

Piggybacking on last night’s fallen post, here are a few more victims of the wind and cold we’ve had over the last week. There is still some color on the ground, though it’s fading quickly. With our relatively dry fall, the leaves have been crisp and brittle of late, crackling beneath the feet in satisfying fashion. It makes quietly padding through the forest impossible; there would be no way to hide with so many audible clues and hints. Mother Nature only disguises her own trails, never yours; she owes no allegiance or cover to you. 

It was supposed to be a stunning year for fall foliage, but I wouldn’t really know, having willingly missed much of it in the daze into which I’ve intentionally sunk. It’s difficult to be mindful when there are so many things to be worried and concerned about – and then I remind myself it is precisely at such times that is is so imperative to practice mindfulness. And I try again, walking amid the leaves, pausing to bend down and study any that call out with their color or design. 

From here on out, strong and saturated color will largely be drained from the outside world. Browns and grays and faded greens will be all that is left. For now, finding solace in the fallen leaves will have to be enough. 

Careening toward the shortest day of the year, light will be fleeting and elusive for most of our waking hours now. When it’s out and about, I try to take advantage of it, at least once a day. It’s easy to get bogged down in a work day, or any day for that matter, when we sink into familiar ruts and dim passageways, finding our way in the dark because was are so accustomed to it. That’s how I usually pass through winter. But to find or make the time for a little light appreciation is important. 

I find myself very affected by the dwindling light, and so I compensate in other ways – with lots of candles and electric lights thrown on at all times of the day. A little utility splurge for mental health is warranted these days, and if it eases the pain of winter to come, let us have the indulgence. 

Soon all these leaves will be gone, even the last few tenacious stragglers on the mighty oak, always the last to leave, and then all will be barren until the spring. There will be beauty then too, stark and bare, but beautiful still. 

Andy’s been hearing and seeing the cardinals around the backyard the past couple of weeks, but I have been missing them. The other day, however, I was sitting at the dining room table working when a small spot of red appeared in my peripheral vision, and I found this cardinal sitting in the dogwood tree outside our front window. It stayed there, perched quietly on its branch, looking around and surveying the surround area. There was a strong wind that day, but it stayed stoically there, its feathers slightly ruffled in the moving air, but otherwise entirely unbothered. 

It was such a happy scene, and I immediately thought of Dad, who hasn’t been on my mind as much lately, but whose presence seems to be returning for the run-up to the holidays. Maybe he’s sensing my disconnect from family, and this is his way of saying he’s still here. Watching the cardinal, I feel a sense of peace in this discontented world. The cardinal turns and looks at me for a moment, then is gone. 

This weekend marks a planned Friendsgiving celebration with Kira, kicking off our holiday festivities with one of my favorite events. We started this little tradition a few years ago, on a whim, the way we start our best traditions. Back then, as now, we convene in Boston and do one night at home, then one night out for a fancy dinner. It’s usually a toss-up as to which I like better. Here’s a look back at some previous outings of thanks.

Friendsgiving 2023: 

   – Part One

    – Part Two

       – Part Three

          – Part Four

             – Part Five

                 – Part Six

                     – Part Seven

Friendsgiving 2021:

– Part One

   – Part Two

Friendsgiving 2019:

    – Just One Part

Mentally preparing for the holidays is a marathon of sorts for anyone with social anxiety. I’m much better at defining boundaries, opting out when necessary, and maintaining a calm composure when faced with people at their worst and best. This year especially, I’m good with simply saying no and spending a quiet evening with Andy. 

That said, I know there are a lot of people encounters ahead, and I’m girding the loins for barreling through the next two months. Practicing patience and compassion is but a branch off of mindfulness, and though it’s not my comfort zone, it will be good to embrace a challenge. I won’t wholly isolate; I will work to share moments with loved ones. Joining in humanity for all of its workings is part of the ‘shades of gray’ project from twenty years ago (and currently being posted in bits and pieces) – it’s filled with observations of others rather than an interior introspection that often characterizes my writing.

I still feel a love for people, even when they make it especially difficult. 

My naked ass was definitely going to cause a commotion if I posted it on Facebook, so I preemptively censored it as seen below. A big ‘Bleeped’ sticker hides my bare butt in practically its entirety, so I thought it would be ok as there are much more revealing items on social media, especially Facebook. I’ve been down this road before, and while it’s always fun to get a few more clicks (that’s what censorship does for nude posts) it’s still a pain in the, well, you know. 

So I censored it with the sticker as seen below:

A minute after it went up, the FB bots took it down, putting restrictions on my account in some form (I don’t make any money from this site through FB, or any other way for that matter) – and it just annoyed me, so I submitted an appeal for review. Usually those appeals result in no change, and in this case I assumed they would stick to their original judgment that this sticker-clad shot violated the ‘no nudity or sexual activity‘ provision. I carried on with the morning, turning it into some clickbait for people to visit the original post to see what was censored again (thanks for the bump in traffic, FB!) About twenty minutes later, they changed their mind. 

Meanwhile, people can threaten my life, call me ‘faggot’, and tell me my time is limited here on earth. Now that the election has emboldened and empowered the hateful people again, this is just the beginning. There’s a difference the time around, though: the last time this goon got into office, I toned down my posts out of concern for the attacks. This time, I’m going in the opposite direction. 

As Gregory Maguire so presciently wrote: “When the times are a crucible, when the air is full of crisis… those who are most themselves are the victims.”

I’ve never been a victim, and I’m not about to begin. I’m going to be more myself than ever, and put it all up here on the daily. So when you see Facebook shut me down for good, and Instagram soon follows, you know where I’ll be – right here. The same place I was when Facebook and social media as we knew it were born. 

Do not be afraid.

Be yourself. 

Be yourself more than you have ever been before.