Category Archives: General

This is usually the very first thing I see when I wake up in the morning.

Before even walking to the bathroom to take a leak, I reach over to the bedside table and pick up the glass of water that Andy has delivered in the night, like magic. I gulp most of it down to start the day, and as my eyes adjust to whatever light might be available at the early hour, I begin to discern the bottom of the glass. Taking on kaleidoscopic properties, it offers a jumpstart to my imagination for that day. Sometimes it unfurls grandly, spooling off into all sorts of possible directions – and it’s the possibility that is so intoxicating. Some days it stays put, barely lit by the darkness of a winter morning, and hardly able to make itself into anything more than a simple glass of water. 

Even on the unimaginative days, it offers stability and sustenance, a stalwart embrace of reality first thing in the morning – a necessary reminder to remain grounded, to nourish the basic needs of the body, to heed the basic needs of the mind. 

Seeing all these people who voted for Trump now realizing that Obamacare is actually the Affordable Care Act that they’re now in jeopardy of losing…

Seeing all these people who voted for Trump (or refused to vote for Harris) now realizing that the children dying in Gaza will likely increase once Trump takes office…

Seeing all these people who voted for Trump now realizing that the cost of their groceries will go up because of his tariff plan…

Seeing all these people who voted for Trump now realizing that people they know and love may get deported… 

Bless their hearts, and congrats on this award.

No shame in my schadenfreude game.

#FAFO

We are speeding through this holiday season, because it doesn’t even feel like it’s December but here we already are on its second week, which will bring us to the mid-way point of the final month of this year. Mercury is still in retrograde motion, and I’m embracing its chaotic energy because it gives us all an excuse to lose every last fuck we ever had. Bye fucks! On that decidedly Christmas-like vibe, here is the weekly blog recap:

The official fragrance of this holiday season: Promise. (See also ‘a lot’.)

Everything is fine, even if just two people noticed the shirt.

A lunch made from leftovers.

Ghosts of Christmas parties past.

Finding moments of quiet amid the holiday bombast.

The blue hole.

Snap out of it!

No rest for the unmerry gentlemen.

Naked and gray, then and then.

The holiday card 2024: Shitter’s Full!

Modern humanity. (20 years later…)

Sanctuary.

Not quite the end.

The afterward.

‘Shades of Gray’: the complete project from 2004.

Harry Styles in well-hung form.

Our holiday Dazzler of the Day was Peter Billingsley.

This Christmas ornament popped up on one of my social media feeds, courtesy of Macy’s. I laughed, almost out loud, at the ridiculousness of it – it’s supposed to be Harry Styles, and if I were him I’d have a little discussion with a favorite lawyer to see what could be done about the matter. Personal, I prefer Styles in actual photographs, wearing striking outfits that get tongues wagging and critical ridicule flying. Or on stage, where his showmanship and star quality are brash and undeniable. Others prefer him in his underwear or fishnets. And some just want to see him buck naked. All are options here. For those who want him hanging on their Christmas tree, go for it. All gratitude to Mr. Macy. 

The two pictures posted here were taken approximately ten and twenty years ago respectively. The featured one is from 2014, and the one below, taken on some New York work trip, is from all the way back in 2004. Yes, this blog was around way back then, but thankfully posts that old have been excised long-ago. Unfortunately for 2014, most of those posts are still here – check the archives for reference (or don’t, please). No one likes looking back at their previous selves. 

This is merely a clickbait post for the upcoming finale of the ‘Shades of Gray’ project, also from 2004 and celebrating its 20th anniversary this year. In many ways it feels like another lifetime, but in some of the writing I see that hardy anything has changed. Humanity wavers, people change, but the real changes are subtle and largely undetectable until the perspective of decades builds. 

‘Shades of Gray‘ was one of those works where I got totally emotionally naked behind the guise of other people’s stories, and I’d forgotten about the freedom and joy in that. Maybe it will spark a sequel of sorts, even though I abhor a sequel… 

Lest anyone forget, it’s still technically fall, so while the holiday season is in full effect, the true season remains autumn. To that end, there is still avenging to be done, and with Mercury in retrograde providing the necessary mayhem to throw a tantrum and go giddily unnoticed, now may be the time to release some truth bombs that are too heavy to carry. 

This Fade-To-Black Fall has been like turning the lights off our Coquette Summer with the flip of a switch. It was night and day, white and black, or at least pink and green. I am realizing that it will ultimately prove helpful to acknowledge and experience sadness, regret, anger, and vengeance. All are valid experiences, and all serve a certain purpose. In the past, I’ve held a lot of that in, to my own detriment, and in the end it all came out in various convoluted and mistaken efforts. 

The stress of the holidays can trigger all of that ickiness, stirring up the muck and murky depths of past transgressions and grievances, and deciding to face some of it now is tricky and risky business, perhaps quite foolish business. But the hurt of what haunts us doesn’t retreat for some arbitrary human holiday. Cue the dramatic music, and the unrest of the unmerry gentleman. 

Christmas is, contrary to its reputed lore, not kind to the sad and lonely. If this is the spirit that’s supposed to lift us and cheer us up, God may not be helping us as much as we want to believe. Sensing this, I’ve always found sorrow running through the holidays – in a song, in a mood, and culminating in the shortest day of the year.

Night expands.

Darkness envelops. 

All is black.

All is eloquent loneliness.

A fan.

For a stretch of difficult days. 

For the memory of when the days used to be fabulous. 

For a moment of delusion to save myself from weeping.

For real.

Snapped out of anger.

Snapped out of viciousness.

Snapped out of the fiercest fucker any Christmas has ever seen.

Snapped out of the exasperation and exhilaration of having no more fucks to give.

The yard has suddenly turned stark and barren, brown and lifeless. This will be its wardrobe until spring comes again. There may be snow and ice to cover things from time to time, but things slow and still now, and this will largely be how things look. The stagnation tends to spark a creative flurry, though it’s been a while since inspiration has moved me to do that much. My last official project, ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ was over five years ago. Simply surviving the age of COVID and all that followed seems to have been a project unto itself. And then there’s this blog. Daily posts and photos don’t just happen without work – and a week’s worth of posts here once populated an entire one of my projects – so I’m basically cranking out a project a week – 52 per year – just think about that. 

I’m fucking tired out. 

But when I step outside and feel the chill, knowing that winter hasn’t even begun yet, I look to the sky for something to inspire me, and a little hole of blue appears in an otherwise-gray firmament. And I feel it… 

If you ever hear me saying any of the things printed on this t-shirt, get to a safer location immediately. (I found this shirt in Maine and got it because I’ve reached the point where I have to laugh at such things or I’ll totally lose my shit.) A few more phrases and their actual translations may be found in this post. It’s helpful to have a pocket translator sometimes, as no one seems to understand tone or context or basic communication.

Anyway, this classy ensemble was what I wore for a quick promo video heralding the low-key arrival of this year’s holiday card, which hits mailboxes starting today. It will be posted here in a few days, without much fanfare, and the only hint I’ll give is that it’s slightly uncharacteristic as far as my typical themes go. It also has the potential to be a complete miss if you haven’t seen the pop culture scene it references, but such is the risk of niche holiday fare. Next year will be the 30th anniversary of my very first holiday card, so this is just a quiet non-event year, the promo of which may make bigger waves than the actual card itself. I like how messed up that is, and it’s fine. Everything is fine. 

A new moon and a new month all in one. This is the time to set some intentions to see us through the end of the year. Mercury is in retrograde until the 15th, so my plan is to lay relatively low – a good guide in general for the holidays of late. I lit the green fir candle that my friend Marline had given to me a while back (she is kind enough to stick to the wish list), wrapped a few presents, baked a few cookies, and played a few Christmas songs. ‘Tis the damn season – on with the weekly recap.

Unapologetically obsessed.

The broken tea bag.

The glass is half-empty and the glasses are gone from view.

Wicked dazzling.

Friendsgiving for two.

A magical dinner after a full moon.

Our day of thanks.

The wrinkled rose leaf.

Mercury amid holiday mayhem.

A basic Christmas wish list.

Hot chocolate heals all ails.

When all else fails, especially during the holiday season, strike a pose.

Shades of family.

Ulta unhelpful.

A lost art.

Pictures in shades of gray.

Once upon a time I worked in a psychiatric center. Well, the building. Andy was always afraid that one day they wouldn’t let me leave.

Book signing with a real-life hero.

Diane.

~ from OCTOBER 2004 ~

A man screams in the hallway. His voice echoes through the long corridor. He cannot escape.

I only work here.

~SHADES OF GRAY~

Midway Through Life

Gray Ghost 1

A Bagel in Boston

At the Mall

Gray Ghost 2

Squirrelly

Brother 1

Andy’s Mom

Gray Ghost 3

Change

Idle

Brother 2

Mental Replies

Brother 3

The Man in Your Office

Gray Ghost 4

Uncle Roberto 1

Fairy Nursery Tale Rhyme

Dee and the Geese

Uncle Roberto 2

When the Roses Bloom…

Summer Storm 2

Gray Ghost 5

Grand Child

Uncle Roberto 3

Crossroads of the World

Gray Ghost 6

Brother 4

Uncle Roberto 4

The Process

Uncle Roberto 5

A Lost Art

Pictures

This is the most difficult time of the year for retailers and retail workers. I speak from direct experience, having been in the retail trenches for several Christmas seasons, and knowing how impossible the customers, the craziness, and the business can be. I have a lot of patience and understanding when it comes to standing behind the cash register and ringing people out. People are awful, so I try to be the person who is kind and patient when trying to get out of the store with my purchase.

On the hunt at Ulta for some perfume for a gift, I ended up not finding anything (all the Tom Ford stock was gone from the floor, and no one was available to answer questions on whether there was more in the back) so I settled for some nail polish as a consolation prize. I had arrived at Ulta early to avoid the crowd, and by the time I got to the register with the nail polish the store had only been open about fifteen minutes. Surely not enough time to frazzle the cashier, but there she was, telling me to input my phone number and not taking kindly to my response. I said I didn’t have an account (I step into Ulta maybe twice a year tops) and didn’t want to open one. I asked what the sale price on the polish was and she sighed, looked annoyed, and said she couldn’t scan it without me entering my phone number. 

In my head, and from my retail days, I didn’t think that’s how it worked. 

“You can’t scan it to get the price?” I asked. 

“Not if you don’t enter your phone number,” and she brusquely moved off to the other register. 

“Retail is so different now from when I worked in it!” I said with a passive-aggressive laugh because I wasn’t having the attitude or the mood or the pressure to enter my phone number. 

She scanned it at another register mumbling that the scanner on the floor was broken, then returned to my register to ring me out. 

“Just so you know,” she began with the slightest snootiness to her tone (believe me, I know snooty), “we don’t call you if you enter your phone number. I just want you to know that.”

“And yet I get a dozen calls a day from telemarketers who just happen to have my number somehow, so I’m not giving it out to anyone else.”

I did not mirror her tone, because it would be too easy. 

Besides, I needed a fresh blog post, and the unhelpful staff at Ulta Beauty provided this one, so all’s well that ends well. (And I probably won’t be going back to that store anytime ever.)

PS – After I posted this story on social media, Ulta reached out and did the usual public apology then DM’d me asking if I wanted the store to get in touch with me. All they needed was… wait for it… my phone number. And people say irony is dead.

We have arrived at Black Friday, that infamous day of holiday shopping, and one in which I never take part. This is absolutely the very best day of the year to be at the office. It’s quiet, it’s calm, and you can catch up on things without much interruption. As for the shopping mayhem, it’s amateur hour at the malls and stores, kind of like how Halloween is for me and costumes. Every other day of the year it a shopping day for me, so we’ll let the masses go about their buying frenzy. 

In the event that anyone wants to shop for me this holiday season, my Amazon wish list has recently been brought up to date here. For bigger list items, contact Andy, as he has the list of extra-special requests, which includes the feature photo. Currently my fragrance obsession is the line of perfumes from The Harmonist, discovered on this magical trip to New York City a few weeks ago. ‘Magnetic Woods’ and ‘Hypnotizing Fire’ both captured my fancy, and it takes a lot to capture my fancy these days. Their hefty price tag puts them out of range mostly, much like Tom Ford’s latest Private Blend ‘Black Lacquer’, which totally works with our Fade-to-Back theme of fall, but doesn’t merit it’s exorbitant cost. 

All of this seems rather silly, doesn’t it? The state of the world being what it is, and the state of my own mid-life – if I should be so presumptuous to think I’ll live almost to a hundred – makes this whole gift requesting feel foolish and frivolous. Those are my stocks in trade, however, and if it’s the only way to feel love these days I might as well reach for the stars. Or at the very least a lovely fragrance… 

Never let it be said that I’m ungrateful. I’ve always been exceptionally thankful for all the charms of my mad existence – and most especially for the family and friends who have been there for me all my life. That’s all that matters in the end – the rest of the stuff is merely filler, objects to pass the time and entertain the troops. Lately, I’ve come to incorporate gratitude into every day – finding something for which to be thankful, because there is always something. It’s never hard to find. On a recent morning it was the way the dead fountain grass stalks looked in the afternoon sunlight against a blue sky. 

I’ve always been grateful for beauty, and I always will be. 

Perhaps I should write something more profound on this day set aside for thanks. 

Perhaps being grateful is enough. 

Happy Thanksgiving to you. 

Yes, I’m seeing ‘Wicked’ again already, because it is that good. That Ozdust ballroom scene has changed me… for good.

In honor of that quick return to Oz, here is a list of those cast members who have already been named Dazzler of the Day here (SPOILER ALERT: read no further if you want to be surprised by one part of the movie). Turns out many of these actors have been dazzling for years… click on the name to access their turn as Dazzler.

Cynthia Erivo

Ariana Grande

Jonathan Bailey

Michelle Yeoh

Jeff Goldblum

Bowen Yang

Kristin Chenoweth

Idina Menzel

Jon M. Chu