Category Archives: General

If you’ve waded through Part One of this wretched exercise in looking back, bless your patient heart. Here we have Part Two of the Year in Review, when things turn to spring and ripen into summer. This was probably the best part of the year, as we all know how dark things got soon-after. In other words, enjoy this section while it lasts.

April 2016:

It begins, as tradition decrees, with full-frontal male nudity. Soon, we segue into The Delusional Grandeur Tour with the return of the warrior. Specifically, the Warrior Retribution section ~ Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven and Part Eight.

May 2016:

It is probably my favorite month of the year for many reasons, some of which will be seen here. The Delusional Grandeur Tour made a final twist into a prettier moment, which should see us through the end. It started with the Cologne Glamour Fashion segment, Part One, Part Two and Part Three.

June 2016:

Summer arrived with a happy flourish, as the remnants of May shone in all their pretty form. There were also some of my most beloved traditions that lined up for the glorious beginning of the month, including this Boston treat and my Broadway trip with Mom, documented in Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3. The Delusional Grandeur Tour got gussied up and continued on its merry way with the spiritual awakening of the Samsara Healing Water section ~ Part One and Part Two.

{The biggest month ALANILAGAN.com had ever seen was still to come… To Be Continued…}

Without fanfare or hype, without further ado or anticipation, let’s get this fucking year over. Mercury is still in retrograde, and we’ll enter the New Year with the same insanity with which we are leaving this one. I want to fast-forward, but first we have to put this ugly baby to bed. The annual look-back begins now…

January 2016:

It began with the purity and innocence of the paper white narcissus.

The Delusional Grandeur Tour continued, with the Steampunk Birdcage section: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and this bonus hat post.

February 2016:

The month of V-Day madness began with this delicious, relatively easy (not counting cooking time) version of Vietnamese pho. Such is the stuff of winter recipes and brewing soups.

My favorite section of The Delusional Grandeur Tour Book was posted: Red Riding Wood ~ Part One, Part Two, & Part Three.

Love Mix #2.

Sexy artist.

A hint of muscle to come.

Boston beauty.

What remains.

Hunky do-gooder Ronnie Kroell.

Summer dreaming by Tom Ford.

What Madonna smells like.

My baby bro.

All grown up.

Fallen beauty.

March 2016:

It traditionally comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb, but climate change has fucked that up so it’s nothing but a crap-shoot now. The Delusional Grandeur Tour continued its Red Riding Wood segment, with Part Four and Part Five.

This first segment of the year in review closes with The Delusional Grandeur Tour‘s snowy section: Winter Top Hat ~ Part One and Part Two.

Stay tuned for Part Two… of freaking four!

Tomorrow, and for the remainder of the year, we’ll be looking back at all that happened here in 2016. Personally, most of the people I know are quite ready to be done with the damn thing, and I’m in complete agreement. So many other years have been so much better, for so many reasons. Let’s look back over the last few year-end reviews that I’ve managed to recap previously, and see if you agree:

• The Year in Review 2015: Part One, Part Two, Part Three
• The Year in Review 2014: Part One, Part Two, Part Three
• The Year in Review 2013: Part One, Part Two, Part Three
• The Year in Review 2012: Part One, Part Two

“If you need any help with the coffin, call me.”

Thus spoke the scary butler guy in white gloves as the gloomy mansion spread its dark wings around Joe Gillis for the first time. He had just entered the dim expanse of Norma Desmond’s lair, the surroundings that had haunted and imprisoned her since losing her stardom and fame a couple of decades ago. Shades of Miss Havisham inhabited the place, and a dusty dryness left everything feeling a bit brittle and broken. He expected to find doll limbs or the remnants of tattered crinoline on the closet floors. Instead, a newly-dead monkey lay on macabre display – a monkey that the doyenne of the establishment was clearly upset about.

She set about planning its funeral, plotting what color the coffin lining should be: “Bright flaming red, let’s make it gay!” but her grief, even over a monkey, was palpable. Gillis sensed it had been her only friend. There was an unspeakable tragedy in that, a loneliness that public adoration, especially in its fleeting, temporal form, could never combat.

“Any laws against burying him in the garden?” ~ Norma Desmond

In the movie version of ‘Sunset Boulevard’, the scene is harsher, less sympathetic. Billy Wilder’s acerbic cynicism overrode any vulnerability, the comic relief played in uncomfortable silence. The musical gives Norma a bit more heart. She weeps openly over her lost friend. She sings a song of Surrender. She uses her sunglasses, even in the darkness of the mansion, to hide swollen, wet eyes. It is but a moment.

The survivors – and despite some of her efforts Norma Desmond is a survivor – always get over their pain. Whether they bury it or display it, crumble under it or rally around it, they take their pain and transform it into something that serves their purposes. Sometimes the goal is merely to live for another day.

Though she may have survived, she never thrived. The declining years of fading celebrity must feel like a ghostly winter that never ends. Still, the heart beats, and the heart wants, and the heart carries the only thing that can truly hurt itself: hope.

“And then there was something else: the chimp’s last rites, as if she were laying a child to rest. Was her life really as empty as that?” ~ Joe Gillis

Another Christmas has come and gone, and with it George Michael. Another great musician is taken by 2016. Please watch over Madonna because that will just be too much. On with the recap, because I want this year to be over and done ASAP.

Mercury is in retrograde until after the New Year. Good luck to us all.

Zac Efron took his shirt off, so some things are still sacred.

Shades of gray.

Florida recall.

A glorious pair.

Flashing my booty in a red union suit.

River.

Kids are stupid.

Holiday hunks: Simon & Jake.

The Madonna Holiday Effect.

The 2nd Annual Children’s Holiday Hour in Boston.

Get merry.

Cute.

All anyone saw was my bulge.

And my ball. (Perverts.)

Now let’s shoot this awful year out of the water.

As much as I enjoy the anticipation and build-up to Christmas, I find an equal sense of enjoyment from the peace and let-down that follows. Much as I was in my childhood, I’d rather be left alone to play with my toys. Part of it is due to my social anxiety – the holidays are one party or gathering after another, and that can get extremely draining for those of us who, in our heart of hearts, shy away from such interactions. There’s still New Year’s Eve and Day ahead, but once you’ve run the gauntlet of Thanksgiving to Christmas, the hardest parts are done.

Now it’s time to relax, to refocus and get back to basics. One more week to the wretchedness of 2016. We will ride into 2017 on the wings of Mercury in retrograde, but rather than allow it to wreak havoc, I will work to harness its energy and use it to glide higher. Are you with me?

It invariably happens that our Christmas wad gets blown way too soon, and everything from this point on, rather than being the start of something miraculous, is just the let-down at the end of it all. Seems at odds with what Jesus reportedly did with His life in the years after he was actually born.

For the rest of us mere mortals, we snuggle into our robes and long underwear, we hunker down and enjoy a day or two off from work, but mostly we just exist in a sort of holding pattern until life begins again, until work or school resumes, until we can pretend we’re not alive by doing all the things that deaden us to what really matters.

That got a bit too dark a bit too quickly.

But so do the nights at this time of the year.

Still, they are getting shorter. Hang on my friends, hang on.

A little over a year ago, I was basking in the Florida sun, on the Gulf Coast, scampering along the shore and marveling at the wildlife present and past. The birds especially, so exotic to me but commonplace to those who lived there, enthralled my steps. I could pause and watch them for hours. Empty carcasses of sea creatures were strewn about among strands of seaweed, and shells of all sorts undulated their curvaceous path along the incoming surf. It may seem at odds with the fanciful visage some associate with me, but nowhere am I happier than ambling along a beach, discovering wildlife that is new and foreign to me.

{On this first day of winter, we now return to our regularly-scheduled polar vortex.}

It will become clearer at a later time, I think. Like the first groggy glimpse of the day, sometimes things slip out of focus for a second or two, demanding a second look when better rested. In that gray area between light and dark, when the day seems unsure whether it’s beginning or ending, I stand poised but indeterminate. Back and forth I waver, debating which way to go. This is a new thing. All my life I’ve been extremely good at being decisive, sometimes viciously so. Lately though, I find myself weighing options more than before, hesitating and second-guessing. There are times when such thoughtfulness has proven beneficial. It’s a sign of growing up.

There is nothing major on my mind. No life decisions that will impact anyone else around me. This is merely an internal debate over the plan for the day, or the next day if I happen to have awakened in the middle of the night. It’s so tricky to tell in the dark early hours of winter.

The question is how to start. What, and where, to eat? Sweet or savory? The eternal breakfast conundrum. How best to get there? By foot or mass transit? Boston is small enough for either when the weather is fair. On this morning it is anything but. And there’s that wavering again. Commit and execute. I used to be so good at it.

I decide on a plan and finally look at a working clock. There is an hour or so before I need to leave. A few more moments in a cozy bed, while the snow falls outside. With a basic itinerary in mind, I can relax at last.

As hinted at in the previous post, we are due for some choppy seas ahead. Namely, the return of Mercury to Retrograde motion, which is due to last from December 19 all the way through the 31^st – a nifty little end-of-the-year roller-coaster for which none of us can fully prepare. Usually the moon messes with my emotions, but Mercury isn’t much better. We can, however, harness this crazy energy and ride it out if we so desire, and I intend to do just that. The trick is in being flexible, open to change, and available for last-minute adjustments. It’s the challenging stuff for a Virgo, but this is the time to just go with the flow.

You

know

you

can do it.

Stay tuned for the midday post which will explain why it’s going to be a bumpy ride through the end of the year, and none of it my doing. We will be in this together. But before we move through this rocky, poorly-timed patch, let’s have our usual Monday morning look-back.

Milo Ventimiglia earned his second crowning as Hunk of the Day, and is gunning for a rare three-time win with just one more naked booty scene.

Walking in a winter wonderland.

A Thanksgiving recap.

Manhattan time.

Battle of Brotherhood: Nick Jonas vs. Joe Jonas.

The peace beyond a party.

I gave birth to this year’s Holiday Card, and it was a bloody mess.

A review of Tom Ford’s latest masterpiece ‘Nocturnal Animals’.

All of us just want to carpool with James Corden.

One of the greatest speeches Madonna has ever made.

Rocking around the Christmas tree.

Carp in the cold.

Those Goddamn Christmas carolers.

Do you see what I see?

Doing their best to keep things warm and toasty, these Hunks disrobed for our viewing pleasure: Charles-Laurent Marchand, Kupono Aweau, Daniel Peyer & Tyler Seguin.

Procured from the sea halfway across the world, they stand assembled and stuck in floral form. Both the flower and the seashell aspect feel far from such a cold almost-winter day, but they’re all we have as the wind and snow rages. Winter is the time for inhabiting the imagination.

In the whorls of these designs, I see swirling snow.

In the waves and ripples of this architecture, I see a spinning sea.

Do you see what I see?

They swarm the spot where warmer water splashes into their little pond, huddling together as a December snow falls. Their moves minimal, they manage to expertly float in the tumultuous patch of water. Ice encroaches from the still corners where the water is colder. They are telling us, in their own way, that the world is about to slow down for the winter.

I feel sad to see them like that, even if they are unbothered by the change. Sad to see the winter so close, sad to see innocent animals at the mercy of the weather and the world. Sad at the simple beauty of a snowfall.

Over it all, the Buddha watches.

Stoic, calm, at peace.

The Buddha has seen it all before.