Category Archives: General

Hello winter, we hear you loud and coldly. Message received. What to do when you can’t bear the thought of going out? Make a beef stew and a banana trifle and invite the people in. While I’m busy preparing those two things, be my guest, make yourself at home, and peruse the postings of the past week.

It began, as it often does, and ever should, with my naked ass. Follow that thing.

The return of ‘Downton Abbey’ – at least to our living room.

The return of ‘Sunset Boulevard’ to Broadway.

The return of Tom Daley in his underwear.

New Year’s Eve shenanigans

Family fun.

Moist, with nuts.

Oud Safir by Atelier.

A gratuitous Nyle DiMarco post.

A rainbow of eggs.

Wave it like you just don’t care.

Tablescape at morning.

Hunks on parade.

Tablescape at night.

The aptly-named Joss Mooney bared his bottom as the Hunk of the Day, followed by Daniel Lukakis, Patrick Henning, Dan Bevan and Daniel Newman.

It looks only slightly altered from how it looks during the day, but though subtle the differences matter. There is a warmer glow to the scene, a cozier aspect with the windows so dark.

Everything burns differently in the night, and in the winter.

The gardens went to sleep a long time ago, but some plants are still putting on a show. This sort of thing is too often discounted when most people plan their gardens. The winter scenery doesn’t disappear outside the window when you’re doing your dishes or sipping your morning coffee. On the contrary, winter reveals things that spring and summer and fall tend to hide.

Mostly it illuminates the structure of the place. The way that the branches of a dogwood cross and hold themselves in almost horizontal form, or the stalwart reeds of the fountain grass. The latter has held onto its fluffy seed plumes, and even in the roughest of storms it will hold onto such prettiness, usually all the way through to spring.

At first glance, it may look like just a stand of dead grass, but as seen here in the afternoon sunlight, it has the potential to turn into something majestic and wonderful. When given the proper lighting, a glorious azure background, and the unifying motion of the wind, it produces a spectacular show – one of the many secrets of a Northeastern winter.

They arrived on our front porch like some perfectly-hatched surprise Christmas gift – a dozen gorgeous eggs in a rainbow of shades. Our friend Scott recently posted a photo of his chickens on FaceBook, and I was so entranced I’m afraid I may have demanded delivery of their eggs, not expecting anyone to so graciously abide. Well, Scott’s a good egg, and oblige he did.

I brought them in out of the cold and promptly nestled them into a cloth-lined bowl for their portrait. Beautiful hues of brown and ivory and the palest blue played gorgeously against one another and with their earthenware vessel.

Newly-hatched farm-fresh eggs, he advised, didn’t always work best for hard boiling, so I’ve only been frying these up – and they have been heaven. I leave the yolk in decadently runny form, ready for that fork-piercing moment just before I run a piece of toast or kimchi fried rice through it. It’s a natural, sunny sauce that rivals any Hollandaise or Bearnaise. Many thanks to Scott for brightening our winter days.

And it was my fault for asking Suzie to bring the hats and party favors. Luckily she brought some fun boys too, and somewhere between the fondue and pistachio cake a good time was had by all. Our traditionally-eclectic New Year’s Eve menu consisted of the aforementioned Savoyarde fondue, and then a joint-main course of kimchi fried rice (topped by a perfectly-fried egg, courtesy of Suzie’s special pan) and a bowl of home-made pho (courtesy of eight hours of simmering).

This is the third year in a row that we’ve spent in such quiet, pre-midnight fashion, and I find myself enjoying this sort of evening much more than a wild and crazy party that would have us out until 1 AM. Old(er) age does that I guess, and I’m not sorry that it’s so.

Besides, I can’t wear this hat out in public. The balloon makes it too unwieldly.

Plus I’d be afraid a strong gust would blow me away Mary Poppins-style.

Though the first post of the year is traditionally a quiet one, this one goes big on bombast. When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams, that’s when you’ve got to be more yourself than ever before. And that I can do. I’m pulling on my big-boy sequin boots and shining for all the world to see. My delusions remain grand, my vision remains forward, and I’m inviting you to come along for this joyride through 2017. No matter what may happen, we’re in this together.

The first big news of the year: The Delusional Grandeur Tour has been extended! Originally I planned to end the thing in the fall of 2016, but there always seemed to be somewhere new to go. Then the news came that ‘Sunset Boulevard’ was returning to Broadway, and since that informed this recent tour it was only right that seeing the revival, with the original star who started it all, was part of it.

There are also some exciting new locations on the agenda – including my first jaunt to the Southwest, as well as Detroit (Rock City!) to see some newly-relocated friends. It will culminate with our annual Broadway visit, including the aforementioned ‘Sunset Boulevard’ stop and the dynamic-diva-duel between Patti LuPone and Christine Ebersole that is ‘War Paint’.

Merrily we roll along…

I’m a sucker for panda videos. I don’t know why I haven’t posted more of them. It all started with that sneeze surprise, and I’ve been hooked ever since. How can you fight such cuteness? You can’t. You let it wash over you and make everything a little bit better.

In the aftermath of the holiday season and all of its accompanying madness and mayhem, I resort to quieter practices and habits. There is no better way to do that than to indulge in a binge of ‘Downtown Abbey’ DVDs, courtesy of a fancy Collector’s Edition of the entire series, a Christmas gift from Andy. We’ve made it through the first two seasons already, and despite the World War that runs through its timeframe, it’s still so much more peaceful than whats on the news today. There is a meditative quality to the period aspect of the production, with its tranquil soundtrack and focus on manners and tradition over coarse realism.

Everyone has their favorite ‘Abbey’ character, and it should come as no surprise that the Dowager Countess, cunningly portrayed by Dame Maggie Smith, is mine. That said, I find myself relating more to Lady Mary, for other obvious reasons. As the oldest child of the Crawley family, she has a love-hate relationship with herself that is mirrored in all her interactions. Some love her unreservedly (Carson and Anna) – others think she is the devil incarnate (Edith and Mrs. Hughes). The truth is she’s a little of both. We all are.

With the drama of FaceBook and the Trump Trolls of Twitter, my interest and allegiance is slowly but deliberately shifting to Instagram for a social media fix. It’s a relatively drama-free space, and I’ve kept it as such by limiting those I follow to the ones who bring me joy and happiness in what they post. (If I wasn’t me, I’d probably not be following my account because I’m annoying as fuck. But, sigh, I am me and there’s no way out of it now.) As you can see from the “Best Nine” compilations from the last two years, my most popular posts are when I turn around and expose my naked ass. Hey, give ’em what they want. And then in between my ass I sneak in food and flower shots. (Well, not literally as that would get too messy, butt I digress…)

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions for the most part, and certainly nothing very concrete, but I do hope to spend less time on FaceBook and Twitter, and more on Instagram in 2017. You should too. It’s just more fun, and we need more fun this year.

@alanilagan ~ Instagram

It seems like lately the only thing we’ve done around here is recap the end of the world. Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four to be exact. Putting 2016 to bed was like getting my nephew to go to bed before 11 PM, but it’s finally been done, and we are free to move on… just as soon as we look back at the last week of the year. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

A union suit to stave off the chill.

Art Sex Life.

A dead ape dumped on a shelf.

Christmas Eve.

Christmas Day.

Everything’s as if we never said good-bye.

Chris Pratt got naked.

We begin in stillness and silence.

My stats.

The only thing I remember about a summer Statistics course that Suzie and I took at the local community college was the night I wore underwear to class (a tank top and boxers) and the time she kicked over a can of soda. I giggled because of the first, and nearly got kicked out of class for laughing so hard over the second. These are a different sort of stats – the traffic of my little website.

I don’t get a huge number of visits or hits like some major sites, but I like my visitors a little better. (Yes, I’m talking to you.) Anyway, in the age of transparency, I offer this glimpse behind the scenes of ALANILAGAN.com – and I thank you for being part of this motley crew.

We begin again in a moment of peace.

A candle sends its flickering light over the dim early morning of a brand new calendar year.

It moves in silence, now and then bending and emitting a little plume of dark smoke.

The house wakes slowly, in shades of gray and black.

Gradually, colors begin to discern themselves, starting with the plants by the window – the unwieldy straps of paperwhite narcissus, the delicate fronds of a squirrel’s foot fern, and bulbous stalks of an oncidium orchid – each carrying a different shade of green.

The difference between two calendar years is but a day.

There is no reason to believe that 2017 will be any less dark than 2016, and in some ways it begins in much dimmer fashion. To counter that, and to bring my own peace of mind and creative contentment about, I will attempt to keep this a place of tranquility and beauty, an oasis of calm in a world of discontent. It won’t be easy, and there will surely be fiery posts and angry diatribes to accent it all, but I’m hopeful this will remain a cozy nook of the internet untouched by fake news and silly trolls.

We have finally reached the very end of the Year that was 2016. It took David Bowie. It took Prince. It took Alan Fucking Thicke. More disturbingly, it put Donald Fucking Trump in charge. How much more can we take? Let’s look back, for the last time, and see what was have seen. If I rush a bit and make this one a little leaner, you’ll understand why. And if you want more, check out Part One, Part Two and Part Three. There’s more than enough 2016 in there.

October 2016:

The Delusional Grandeur Tour was almost done, when circumstances and excitement beyond my control stepped in and extended it for a few more months. That didn’t stop the final section of the Tour Book from being revealed: Flower Bomb Balm ~ Part One and Part Two.

November 2016:

What can be said of November? The less the better. Ever one of the more wretched maths of the year, when the last of the leaves are torn from their branches, the earth is left brown and gray, and no good ever came of such a month.

December 2016:

We have arrived at last – the last month of this annus horribilis – and let’s just throw the baby out with the bath water and be done with it.

So… who wants to go back to 2015? Let’s do it! Part One, Part Two and Part Three.

Summer bloomed, and the sunny, steamy stretch of months that stretched out allowed for some tranquility and peace: the relaxed hazy state of heat and poolside fun. This summer was a state of suspended emotion, some good and some bad, all of it portending the fall that would inevitably follow. We embraced the sunshine as much as we could.

July 2016:

The Samsara Healing Water portion of The Delusional Grandeur Tour Book continued with Part Three, Part Four and Part Five.

Summer has always meant family gatherings by the pool, and the Ilagan twins continued that time-honored tradition.

The Delusional Grandeur Tour headed into its final (or so we thought) stretch, with the posting of the Spring Thaw Salvation segment ~ Part One and Part Two.

August 2016:

By far the biggest month this little website has ever had, August brought us an Olympic-sized bump (thanks to the Summer Olympic Games) resulting in 20 million hits for that month alone. This sort of thing only happens once every four years (but we’ll try to cut it down to two with the Winter Olympics). At any rate, there were a ton of shirtless and naked Olympians on display, so enjoy.

The Delusional Grandeur Tour continued the Spring Thaw Salvation ~ Part Three, Part Four and Part Five.

In honor of the Summer Olympics, the Olympic Spotlight was a new feature, showing off the talents of Adam Peaty, Race Imboden, Marcel Nguyen, Marcelo Chierighini, Chad Le Clos, Ryan Held, Zac Efron look-alike Michael Hixon, Brinn Bevan, Amini Fonua, Matt Anderson, Joseph Schooling, Christoph Harding, Anthony Ervin, Diego Hypolito, Eleftherios Petrounias, Kristian Ipsen, Marc Minguell, Kevin Mayer, Philippe Gagne,

September 2016:

The month that summer officially retired, September carried its own beauty, as vestiges of the heat and sun remained. Too many people throw away this month away too soon, forgetting that there is more than back-to-school specials going on. There are pool days, beach days, sunny days, and summer days still to be had. We had them, and then some.

{One more post to come, and it’s one that closes out the year in dim winter fashion. Fall most definitely fell, and winter was not far behind. Summer always went too soon…}