Category Archives: David Beckham

The Bulging Briefs of David Beckham

It may be blasphemy to say this, but is it really all that? Here is David Beckham in his tightey-whitey briefs – a product of his current Bodywear line for H&M. I managed to snag a few specimens last time I was at the mall (there wasn’t exactly a line or shortage for Mr. Beckham’s underwear in upstate New York), and my first impressions were not anything to blog about – at least not in any glowing-review sort of way.

The fit and design were flat, as if someone had simply taken two pieces of fabric shaped like briefs and trunks and simply sewed them together. There was no room for contours, no consideration for bulges or packages, and that’s the death-knell for a decent pair of underwear.

The trunks ride up on the thighs, which, if you don’t mind it, is not the worst thing in the world, but what’s the point of trunks if they’re just going to slide themselves into briefs? The briefs were better suited at staying put, but only because the fit was so tight.

Even the logo bothers me, with its Tom-Ford-wanna-be font, pierced through with an off-centered hole-punch to signify his football glory. It feels like a concept that fell slightly short of its goal, not quite abstract enough to arouse interest, but obscure to the point of annoyance.

If this is what I have to put up with to get into Beckham’s drawers, then I’m perfectly content with keeping them closed.

 

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The Gayest Superbowl Ever

This year’s Superbowl may be the gayest one ever, with its attendant line up of Madonna, Tom Brady, and even an underwear commercial by David Beckham. To commemorate the occasion, I will be Tebowing and squeezing into a jockstrap for your viewing pleasure. Stay tuned… we tee off in a few short hours.

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When Beckham’s Bulge Gets Boring

There will always be some sort of cheap thrill to be gleaned when David Beckham shimmies into his skivvies for a photo shoot, and especially when he releases a line of “bodywear” under his own name. Given that he’s done just that, and we are about to be deluged with an avalanche of moody black and white photos showcasing his shirtless physique and cloth-bound package, I thought it would once again be like those heady (and ballsy) days of that first Armani underwear campaign.

For someone of his stature to front the original promos with his prominent bulge bursting forth in a tight pair of white briefs was bold and brazen. Instantly iconic, the above pic solidified his gay-pin-up status then and there. In the ensuing ads, artfully styled and lit, he continued to go where no man of his fame-level had gone before.

Now, he has released his very own line of underwear, and the first set of ads has premiered. My reaction: one big yawn. In the same way that Mario Lopez played it safe with his debut underwear line, Mr. Beckham seems to have misplaced his balls (metaphorically at least, as they’re still very much front and center in these pics). 

Beckham simply opts for the ubiquitous gray backdrop, and himself front and center. This would be fine if there were something more exciting to sell. Dull color selections, and even duller styles, do not make for a splashy entrance into the design world. There is nothing very imaginative or exciting about these pieces. Given that they are being sold as bodywear, there may be more of a sense of function rather than fashion to them, but come on – the majority of buyers aren’t going to be soccer-playing DILFs – they’re going to be urban gay guys who expect a little more bang for their buck.

I’m not going to lie and pretend that I’ll never look at Mr. Beckham in his briefs again, but as far as getting excited over this latest batch of bulges, the thrill is gone.

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